“I might be coming into some money,” I explained casually. “Maybe we should upgrade from the dorms to something we actually want to spend time in.”
“Where is this money coming from?” Her words were carefully spoken and I could see emotions shifting beneath her controlled mask. Any reminder of our old life sent her spiraling. I should have thought of that before I blurted out our change of plans.
“From my dad,” I said quickly. “My real one. Max. The lawyer just called to say that she’s working on getting the trust moved to my account. I should have access to it in the next couple weeks.”
Sloane’s shoulders relaxed and her shaking hand reached for her coffee. “Maybe it would be better for us to have some privacy.”
Both Thalia and Ava had lost almost all of their money in the wake of Nix’s death. My mom had enough to last her several months and she hoped she wouldn’t have to move now that she had a good job, but Thalia’s mom was slowly sliding into destitution.
I knew the second Mallory explained about the trust that I would eventually help Sloane’s family and Sloane go to college. Right now both of us had used student loans and meager scholarships to cover our first year. But this was much better.
Now we could go to college without worrying about money or how we would pay for living.
I couldn’t tell Sloane about my plans to be her sugar mama though, because she would think I pitied her and she would hate it. So I would have to be sneaky about it.
But she wouldn’t be able to argue with me about the apartment. Neither of us was cut out for communal living. The ghosts of our pasts were still too fresh. Both of us suffered from nightmares, sometimes night terrors; and then there were all those times we would just break down and start sobbing… Sometimes the depression would last an hour, sometimes it would last days.
College was a step in the right direction, but we needed time.
Sloane needed a lot of time.
Phoenix pulled Sloane into a conversation about good apartments near the downtown Lincoln campus. Phoenix’s hand gestures sometimes scared Sloane, but she was learning how to handle him.
He had been devastated about Exie. Nothing about her death or what I had shared with him about our lives made sense to him, but he was a good enough friend that none of it mattered. He supported Sloane and me in the way he did everything, with all of him. And even though he hadn’t loved Exie, he still mourned her with us, her death still cost him something.
He was the best kind of friend and I was so lucky to have him in my life.
Ryder’s hand rubbed my back and he leaned in again. “You okay?” he asked with a kiss to my temple.
I turned my head so he could drop a kiss on my lips. “I am,” I told him honestly. “I’m really okay.”
His answering smile caused a riot of butterflies in my stomach. Ryder was everything he had always been, attentive, loving, intuitive and… just him. I wouldn’t have gotten through any of this without him by my side.
He was always there to let me cry on him, to talk me through some of my darkest memories and to remind me that nothing that happened had been my fault.
I loved him more than ever… more than I had ever loved anything.
And I knew, without any doubts or fears, that he felt the same way about me.
His dad and uncle were thrilled when we came back and announced we would be staying. They were part of my family too these days. They loved and accepted me, they approved of my relationship with Ryder and they wanted the best for both of us.
I had never been loved like I was today. I had never had this kind of family or acceptance.
For the first time in my life, I had people I could trust and rely on. Once upon a time, I believed that I would be alone or lonely every single day of my life. And now I had this.
I didn’t always believe I was deserving of these gifts, but I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
“I love you,” I told Ryder just because, just because he was sitting here and I was close to him and because I couldn’t help it.
“I love you too, Red.” He wrapped me in his arms and held me against his chest where I felt the strong beat of his heart thump against my own… my heart that wasn’t broken… that wasn’t split or shattering or empty… my heart that was filled to the brim with love, that was whole and full and solid. His words wrapped around that same heart and his promises filled my lungs with the sweetest air.
I wasn’t just living anymore.
I was breathing too.
Thank you for reading The Heart and staying with me through the Siren Series. I truly hope you enjoyed Ivy’s journey. Ryder and Ivy are one of my favorite couples and I loved writing every minute of them.
Keep reading for a sneak peek of Rachel’s newest adult contemporary, Every Wrong Reason coming September 22nd, 2015 and the first chapter of Love and Decay, Episode One. There’s also a fabulous excerpt from The Fate Series by Heather Lyons.
Acknowledgments
The longer I write, the more I realize how desperately I need God in my life. He is with me always, helping me up this mountain, walking by my side, holding me in His hands.
My husband is the best man I know and without his support, I would not be the person I am today. For all of the late nights where I make you get me Five Hour Energy, for all of the fast food dinners you didn’t complain about and the piles of laundry that went unwashed. You are the reason I write love stories, the reason my heroes are heroic and my heroines are independent yet cherished. You are the love of my life and my very best friend. I pick you above everything else.
To my mom, thank you for supporting me, for encouraging me and for babysitting!!! You are the opposite of Ava. You have always been there for me. You have always proved how loved I am. You have been an example of a strong woman and a wonderful mother. And I thank you for that.
To Carolyn, thank you for working so hard to make this book come together. You’re editing and advice is invaluable to me. I so appreciate your patience and flexibility. Even more, I appreciate your belief in me. Thank you.
Caedus Design Co., once again, this is a phenomenal cover. Thank you for being more talented than me.
Rachel Marks, you are a godsend. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t stepped into my life and taken over! Thank you for your endless hours and patience with me. This book kept getting delayed and then delayed again and you stuck with me the whole time! You are truly gifted at what you do and how you do it. Thank you so much for believing in me and working with me. Even if I drive you a little crazy!
To my Rebel Panel and Reckless Rebels, thank you so very much for loving my characters as much as I do. You are the greatest girls and I am so blessed to call you friends. I cannot say enough of what you’re support and encouragement means to me. Thank you for always being there for me, for spreading the word to everyone you know and for loving Ryder and Ivy with your whole hearts.
A special thanks to my friend, the celebrity reader, Lenore. You are the most fabulous beta reader in the history of beta readers. I love you to pieces. May I never write “gravely” again.
To Georgia Cates, Samantha Young, Shelly Crane, Amy Bartol and Lila Felix, you girls are my soul sisters. You are the reason I can stay sane(sane-ish). I honestly don’t know where I would be without you. You give me advice when I’m lost, courage when I’m afraid and friendship when this job feels so lonely. Thank you for being so amazing and for letting me into your lives.
And finally, to the reader. Thank you so much for falling in love with Ivy and Ryder. Thank you for sticking with me while I struggled to finish. Thank you for being patient with me while you waited. Ivy took me on a journey that was difficult to write the entire way through and almost impossible at times because my heart was completely broken. The kind of abuse and mistreatment she and her friends suffered through is real in our world, even if her supernatural origins are not. It is not easy to write, nor is it easy to read. I thank you for diving into this wor
ld with me and taking on the hard feelings and emotions this story required in order to reach Ivy’s happily ever after. I hope by shedding some light on the ugliness that women in our world face, we can work together to eradicate the sex slave industry and give these victims the freedom and liberty they deserve.
About the Author
Rachel Higginson was born and raised in Nebraska, but spent her college years traveling the world. She fell in love with Eastern Europe, Paris, Indian Food and the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka, but came back home to marry her high school sweetheart. Now she spends her days raising their growing family. She is obsessed with bad reality TV and any and all Young Adult Fiction.
Look for more from Rachel in 2015.
Other books by Rachel to be released in 2015 are Every Wrong Reason, an Adult Contemporary Romance, Bet on Me, an NA Contemporary Romance and Love and Decay, Season Four, a Dystopian Novella Series about Zombies, the end of the world and finding someone to share it with.
Other Books out Now by Rachel Higginson:
Love and Decay, Season One
Love and Decay, Volume One (Episodes One-Six, Season One)
Love and Decay, Volume Two (Episodes Seven-Twelve, Season One)
Love and Decay, Season Two
Love and Decay, Volume Three (Episodes One-Four, Season Two)
Love and Decay, Volume Four (Episodes Five-Eight, Season Two)
Love and Decay, Volume Five (Episodes Nine-Twelve, Season Two)
Love and Decay, Season Three
Love and Decay, Volume Six (Episodes One-Four, Season Three)
Love and Decay, Volume Seven (Episodes Five-Eight, Season Three)
Love and Decay, Volume Eight (Episodes Nine-Twelve, Season Three)
Reckless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 1)
Hopeless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 2)
Fearless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 3)
Endless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 4)
The Reluctant King (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 5)
The Relentless Warrior (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 6)
Breathless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 6.5)
Fateful Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 6.75)
The Redeemable Prince (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 7)
Heir of Skies (The Starbright Series, Book 1)
Heir of Darkness (The Starbright Series, Book 2)
Heir of Secrets (The Starbright Series, Book 3)
The Rush (The Siren Series, Book 1)
The Fall (The Siren Series, Book 2)
The Heart (The Siren Series, Book 3)
Bet on Us (An NA Contemporary Romance)
Bet on Me (An NA Contemporary Romance) coming 2015
The Five Stages of Falling in Love, an Adult Contemporary Romance
Every Wrong Reason, an Adult Contemporary Romance
Follow Rachel on her blog at:
http://www.rachelhigginson.com/
Or on Twitter:
@mywritesdntbite
Or on her Facebook page:
Rachel Higginson
Or sign up for her newsletter:
Newsletter
Please enjoy an excerpt from Every Wrong Reason, available now!
Chapter One
My life will be better without him.
The bell rang and my stomach growled. I looked at my classroom, at the kids shoving papers and notebooks into their backpacks and the energetic chatter that warred with the high-pitched ringing of the fourth period bell, and wondered if I had some Pavlovian response to that sound.
I had been conditioned to know hunger, but I hadn’t felt it in months.
I smiled at my students as they filtered from the room and reminded some of them about homework they owed me, but I barely heard the words that fell from my lips or acknowledged the concise instructions I was notorious for.
Behind my smiling mouth and teacher responsibilities, I was made of brittle glass and emptiness. I was nothing but paper thin defenses and sifting sand.
I had never known this kind of depression before. I could hardly tolerate my soon to be ex-husband and yet his absence left me unexpectedly battered.
Once my tenth grade English class had left me behind, I let out a long sigh and turned back to my desk. I dropped into my rolling chair and dug out my lunch from the locked bottom drawer.
I set it on the cold metal and stared at the sad ham sandwich and bruised apple I’d thrown together last minute this morning. I couldn’t find the energy to take a bite, let alone finish the whole thing. I’d lost seven pounds over the last three months, one for each year of my disastrous marriage. And while I appreciated the smaller size I could fit into, I knew this was the wrong way to go about it.
My friend, Kara, called this the Divorce Diet. But I knew the truth. This wasn’t a diet. I’d lost my self somewhere in the wreckage of my marriage and now that my relationship was over, my body had started to systematically shut down. First my heart broke. Then my spirit fragmented. Now my appetite was in jeopardy and I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t know if I would ever feel hungry again.
I didn’t know if I would ever feel again.
I used to eat lunch in the teacher’s lounge, but lately I couldn’t bring myself in there to face other people, especially my nosey colleagues.
Everyone had heard about my failed marriage. They stopped me in the halls to offer their condolences or hitman services with empathetic expressions or playful smiles. They watched me with pitying eyes and sympathetic frowns. They whispered behind my back or asked invasive questions.
But none of them cared. Not really.
They liked having someone to talk about that wasn’t them and a topic that didn’t dive into their personal lives. I was the gossip martyr. As long as they could tear apart my bad decisions and argue whether it was my frigidness or Nick’s playboy tendencies that hammered the last nail in our coffin they shared a macabre sense of community.
They didn’t care that each callous comment shredded me apart just a little more or that I could hear them cackling from down the hall.
They didn’t take into account their own divorces or unhappy marriages or faults or hypocrisy or shortcomings. They only saw mine.
And now so did I.
The creaky door swung open and my best friend and fellow teacher, Kara Chase popped her pretty red head in the room. Her pert nose wrinkled at the sight of my untouched lunch and she smoothed down some of her wild frizz with a perfectly manicured hand. She had curls for days, but as the day went on and she dealt with more and more apathetic high school kids, her beautiful hair would expand with her impatience.
“That looks… yummy.” Her crystalline blue eyes lifted to meet mine and I couldn’t help but smile.
I stuck my tongue out at her. “Don’t judge! It’s all I had.”
She walked all the way in the room and leaned against the white-washed cement wall with her hands tucked against her back. “You used to be better at going to the grocery store.”
The small dig cut deeper than it should have. “I’ve been busy.”
Her lips turned down into a concerned frown that I mildly resented. “You can’t wallow forever, Kate. Your marriage ended, not the world.”
But he was my world. I kept that thought to myself. Now was not the time or the place to sift through my complicated feelings regarding Nick. I wanted this. I wanted this. I had no right to be this upset or depressed.
Deep breath. “You’re right,” I told her. “I just haven’t gotten the hang of cooking for one. Last time I went to the store, I ended up way over-shopping and then I had to throw half of it out when it went bad.”
As gently as she could, she said, “You’ll get the hang of it.”
I pushed off my toes until the back of my chair slammed against the white board behind me. “I hope that’s true.”
Because if it wasn’t…
Had I just made the most colossal mistake of my life?
> No. This was right.
But then why did it feel so… unbearably wrong?
Please enjoy an excerpt from Love and Decay, Season One, Episode One.
Chapter One
647 days after initial infection
Oh, god.
The smell was the worst. The absolute worst.
It wasn’t enough that I had to pick my way through dismembered and half-eaten bodies, or that at any moment one of them could spring up from the ground and make an afternoon snack out of me.
It wasn’t enough that I hadn’t had a shower in over a year and a half, hadn’t worn eye liner in even longer than that and my hair was somehow simultaneously disgustingly greasy while frizzing into a perpetual fluff ball.
Oh no, that would never be enough. My ugly tan work boots were a size and a half too small, I ripped my too big Grateful Dead t-shirt off a very, very dead man, and my jeans…. or what was left of my jeans was the last of my stash from my once excessive closet.
After all of that- and I mean, the shower alone should have been enough suffering for any living being to suffer through- it was the smell that got to me.
Putrid, rotting flesh from both the dead that littered the ground around me and the remnants of stench that lingered in the air when the Feeders were finished was what triggered my gag reflex and watered my eyes. There weren’t enough words in the English dictionary to describe my revulsion, or the way my empty stomach flipped with every breath.