“Tykir had no right to interfere in my life, and I will tell him so. And the last thing I want from you is understanding.”
“What do you want from me then?”
He lifted his chin and stared at her impassively. “Not a blessed thing.”
Rain’s face colored, but she persisted. “I’ve had a lot of time to think while you were gone, and I realize now that there is good in every man.”
“And who named you God, to be my judge or any man’s?”
Rain cringed under his punishing assessment of her failings, but still she went on doggedly. “I need to remember that whatever evil things you do must be balanced by the crimes against you in your past.”
“And did Tykir’s blathering tongue reveal those events, as well?” he asked icily.
“No, he told me to ask you.”
Selik leaned against a support beam and eyed Rain contemptuously. The witless wench prodded him and did not recognize the danger of his churning anger. “I took no scalps this time. I know you checked.”
She nodded reluctantly, no doubt recognizing the silky menace in his voice.
“And didst thou think I had suddenly turned pacifist?”
“Of course not. But it has to be a sign—”
“Sign? Looking for signs, are you? Lord, you are dangerous in your lackwittedness!” He grabbed her by the forearms and shook her, as if that motion could knock some sense into her thick head. “How many men do you think I killed these past sennights? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? A hundred?”
With each increasing number, her eyes widened larger and larger with dismay. Tears welled in her honey eyes and spilled over, some dripping onto his bare hands like liquid fire.
“Selik, I think I love you,” she cried out. “God help me, but I love you.”
Selik’s heart lurched at her totally unexpected declaration. It took all his willpower not to pull her into his arms and relish the moment—and the precious, precious words.
I love you. Nay, it could not be true.
I love you. Why was she teasing him so? Why did God torment him thus? His senses reeled with rage. He had not felt so strongly since he had found his wife’s body, ravaged and mutilated. Or when he got his first glimpse of his infant son’s skull carried on the pike of a Saxon soldier.
I love you. Selik pushed her away roughly and banged his fist against the wood partition separating the horse stalls. The rotting wood crumbled on impact, and he kicked it aside angrily. With a growl of frustration, he spun on his heel.
I love you. Nay, Selik screamed silently. He did not want her love. He could not bear so much pain again.
Holding his hands to his pounding head, Selik rushed through the courtyard, ignoring the calls of concern from Ubbi and Tykir. Without direction, he headed around the keep and off toward the woods and a nearby pond that the Ravenshire inhabitants used for bathing. In a daze, he dropped his garments to the ground and waded into the icy water, continuing past the ledge which led to a steep drop. Seeking the balm of hard exercise, he began to swim back and forth, back and forth across the still waters.
But he could not forget. Not the past. Not the present, with Rain’s unintentionally cruel, heart-stopping words. And, most of all, not his empty, hopeless future.
It had been ten years ago, ten long agonizing years, and yet the images remained frozen in his head as if they had happened only yesterday.
Selik shook his head angrily as he continued his grueling swim, trying to erase the horrendous memories. But the memories of Astrid and his young son haunted him every moment of his life.
Those events ten years ago marked the beginning of Selik’s vendetta against all the Saxons, and he had waged it bloodily. The elusive Gravely still escaped his stalking, but Selik had taken hundreds of Saxon lives on the way to his ultimate goal of destroying the demonic Earl of Gravely.
He could not be detracted from his single-minded goal of vengeance by a peace-loving angel from the future. Nay, Selik could not be moved from his chosen path.
But still Rain’s words hummed in his head. I love you. I love you. I love you…
Still in the stable, Rain stared, stunned, at the doorway through which Selik had departed, his softly muttered words echoing like cymbals in her brain. She doubted that he even knew he had spoken aloud.
His wife’s body ravaged and mutilated. His infant son’s skull carried on a Saxon pike.
All the pieces of the puzzle that constituted Selik’s torment came together with bloodcurdling understanding in Rain’s numbed brain. No wonder he had turned vicious, hellbent on revenge.
And she, who had always prided herself on her sensitivity as a doctor and a human being, had dared to judge him and find him wanting. How self-righteous of her! For a blinding moment, she questioned who was the beast in the scenario, and the answer was not Selik.
Ubbi walked into the primitive stable then, leading one of the soldier’s horses. He immediately started to turn away when he saw the look on her face.
“Don’t you dare leave,” she ordered, coming up and backing the little man against the wall of the building with a finger pressed against his chest. Nervously, Ubbi dropped the reins and the horse ambled back outside.
“M’lady, I have chores—”
“I know, Ubbi. I know about Selik.”
“Wha…what do ye mean?”
“I know about his wife and his baby. Now you are going to tell me the rest of the details.”
“The master told ye how Astrid died, and the babe…oh, Lord…he spoke of Thorkel, too?”
Rain nodded grimly.
“Oh, mistress, what did ye do to provoke him into revealing so much?” Ubbi sank down to the dirt floor and put his face in his knobby hands. When he finally looked back to her, his cloudy eyes had an additional misting of tears. He shook his head wearily. “’Tis not good news. Nay, it can only mean trouble if he be talkin’ ’bout the horrors in his past.”
Rain sank down next to Ubbi and took one of his deformed hands in her own. “Tell me.”
Ubbi swallowed visibly, “’Twas more than ten years past. Selik was no longer a Jomsviking knight, and he had been married to Astrid for two years. Ah, a sweet maid she was. Pretty as larkspur in the spring. And young—having seen no more than eighteen winters.”
Rain felt macabre jealousy shoot through her veins over the dead woman and her link with Selik.
“The two were inseparable. Always touchin’ each other. Wantin’ ter go off and be alone. Even when she was big with child, and then after the babe was born. You see, Selik never had a home or family ter speak of. So he cherished Astrid and their child all the more. But Selik finally had ter go on a tradin’ voyage to Hedeby. He left Astrid and Thorkel in the fine home he built fer them in Jorvik, thinkin’ them safe, but—”
“The Saxons came,” Rain finished for him.
Ubbi nodded, his kind face turning ugly with anger over the memories that seemed to hold him in thrall.
“Were you with Selik?” Rain asked softly as she caressed his tensely fisted hand.
“Yea.” The one horror-filled word said it all. He swallowed with great difficulty several times, then went on. “The house was burned to the ground, but we found Astrid’s body off beyond the orchard. Nekkid, she was, and her legs wuz covered with blood from the top of her thighs to her ankles. Blood and the seed of all the men who had raped her.”
Rain jammed a fist against her mouth to stifle her sobs.
“I will ne’er forget, to the day I die, the sight of me master drawing Astrid into his arms, brushing the blood-soaked strands from her face, crooning her name over and over. For a certainty, ’tis the last time I saw him give in to tears.”
Ubbi’s face darkened with a fierce anger as he seemed to remember something else. “When he laid Astrid’s body back down, then I saw—” Ubbi’s words trailed off as he tried to get his emotions under control. Finally, he added, “And the head of the Saxon band—Steven, Earl of Gravely—had carved his initials, on
e on each breast, S and G.”
Rain didn’t want to hear any more. She couldn’t comprehend a human being who would deliberately torture another person in such a manner. Then some of the other things Ubbi had said began to sink in. “Steven of Gravely? Wasn’t he the brother of Elwinus, the nobleman Selik killed at Brunanburh?”
Ubbi nodded. “And so the vendetta betwixt the two goes on and on.”
“How did it all start in the first place?”
“Steven of Gravely needs no excuse to practice his misdeeds. He truly is an evil man. But he blames Selik for the death of his father, the old lord.”
“And did Selik kill his father?”
“Mayhap. There was a battle. Many Saxons and Norsemen died that day. It could have been Selik, or any other, but Steven needed a target for his hatred, and he chose Selik.”
“But what he did to Selik’s wife—Oh, Ubbi! No wonder Selik is so bitter!”
The little man turned on her then and stabbed her with his defiant eyes. “Yea, he is bitter and with good reason. For that is not all the bloody demon did that day. He left the crushed, headless body of the babe on the ground near his mother’s body. It took Selik weeks to discover where the head was.”
Rain remembered Selik’s words then. “This Earl of Gravely carried Thorkel’s skull on his pike, didn’t he?”
“Yea, he hoped ter lure Selik into the open, ter his death. We finally recovered the poor babe’s rotting head and buried it with the body, but Selik still tries to capture the elusive Steven—and any other bloody Saxon who crosses his path.”
Rain looked down and saw a dark patch on the front of her tunic—Selik’s tunic—and realized that she’d been crying and her tears made a steady, hot stream down to her breasts. Like blood, she thought.
Oh, sweet God. Now I understand why you have sent me here.
“So now you know,” Ubbi said with finality as he stood and tried to straighten his back in challenge. “Will you be able to help the lad?”
“I don’t know, Ubbi. I just don’t know, but I’m going to try.”
He smiled then, a smile that didn’t reach his sad eyes. “You will, if anyone can, I warrant.” He watched as she stood and brushed the dirt off her clothing. “The master has gone to the pond. Find him, lass. Methinks he needs you.”
Chapter Nine
Selik was doing energetic laps from one end of the pond to the other—over and over and over. His face buried in the icy water, he moved his powerful arms expertly in a neat breast stroke, slicing through the calm surface with precision.
Rain sank to the ground near the edge of the pond and drew her legs up, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knees. She waited patiently for him to vent his rage through the brutal exercise.
Rain’s heart went out to Selik, knowing that her words of love had somehow triggered painful memories of his horrid tragedy. She now understood fully the daily torment he suffered and how he’d been caught in a bloody spiral of violence. When the voice in her head referred to saving Selik, this must be what it referred to.
Finally, Selik sprang upward like a beautiful dolphin. He spat out a spray of water, then shook his long hair back off his face. After he swam to lower water, he stood and his legs, weakened by the strenuous swim, almost buckled. Rain wanted to go forward to help him but bided her time, not wanting to startle her outlaw Viking. Her sweet, fierce soulmate.
He stumbled forward through the shallow depths, not yet seeing Rain. Wide shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist and hips, providing a perfect framework for finely formed genitals and long, sinewy thighs and calves.
Inner torment hazed his eyes, and his lips thinned into a hard line of determination. He was fighting his demons in his usual fashion. Alone.
This is the man I love, Rain thought with a sense of certainty. Awe and pride filled her almost to overflowing as her eyes swept over him caressingly.
Selik stopped suddenly when he saw her, then leaned down to pick up his garments from the ground. Brazen and unashamed of his nudity, he dressed slowly in leggings and tunic. After he cinched his waist with a wide leather belt, he asked in a flat voice, “Why do you follow me?”
Rain just stared up at him, unsure how much to disclose, but sympathy must have shown in her face.
Selik exhaled sharply with disgust. “Who told you?”
“You did.”
Selik frowned, then seemed to realize that, in his furor, he’d spoken his thoughts aloud.
“And Ubbi filled in all the spaces.”
“I should cut out the man’s tongue,” Selik commented wearily as he dropped down to the ground next to her and began drying his hair with a shoulder mantle. Then he declared firmly, “I will not discuss my past with you, Rain. So for once, put a lock on your tongue.”
Rain started to speak, then decided he was right. Now was not the time. Selik had suffered enough that day. Later. For now, though, she wanted to brighten his life, not add to his misery. To help him forget some of the agony that must pound incessantly in his brain.
She began to tell him about all the mundane happenings at Ravenshire in his absence. When she finally got to Gorm and his pursuit of Blanche, she saw the muscles in his face begin to relax. He actually smiled when she told him of Bertha’s lovelorn advice to her and Blanche. He even laughed, his gray eyes glittering with amusement, when she related how Bertha likened him to a stallion and her a mare in heat.
“Are you in heat?” Selik asked finally, seemingly pleased with the blush his teasing words brought to her face.
“Hardly.”
“Ah, you persist in these claims of distaste for the bed sport, for a man’s touch? Nay, do not think to lift your haughty chin in defense of that lie. I have witnessed proof of your true lustiness.”
“I didn’t lie,” Rain protested. “And I never said I disliked sex. I just said I could take it or leave it.” At least, I could in my other life.
“’Twas not the impression I got when…” Selik let his words trail off, shrugging.
“It’s different with you, Selik.”
“Now who is throwing out lines?”
Rain smiled at his remembering her modern expression. “It is different with you. Oh, don’t go preening like a randy rooster,” she added, causing him to let out a hoot of laughter. “It’s not that you have such marvelous technique. It’s just that, well, it’s just because it’s you. There’s this sort of celestial rightness to us as a pair.”
“Was that a compliment or an insult?” he asked dryly.
Thankfully, Selik’s dark mood had passed. Her mother had always said that the way to a man’s heart—to a lover’s heart, actually—was a woman’s ability to make him smile. And Selik didn’t smile nearly enough. She thought for a second, then brightened. She knew how to jar this arrogant male’s complacent ego and make him laugh in the process. Oh, yes, she did!
“You know, Selik…” she said in a voice of exaggerated sweetness, causing his face to tilt with alert suspicion. Oh, yes, honey, you have every right to be suspicious.
“…you know, if we ever made love…”
A grin twitched at his thinned lips.
That’s right, sweetheart. Smile. Relax your defenses.
“…if we ever made love, I’ll bet I would finally find my G-spot.” There! Put that in your macho pipe and smoke it!
“I know I will regret asking this, but I cannot resist. Pray tell, what in bloody hell is a G-spot?”
I thought you’d never ask. “Well, there is some controversy over this in my time, but many sexual authorities—”
“Sexual authorities? Surely, there are not frauds who claim to be experts on such matters?”
Rain nodded with a smile.
“No doubt they are Franks,” he proclaimed with derision. “The men of Frankland have forever believed themselves to be the world’s best lovers. I wager they have written some of those books you keep quoting endlessly.”
“Hundreds.”
&nbs
p; “Hah! I know as much as any of those self-proclaimed authorities, I warrant.”
No doubt, you do, babe. “In any case, before you interrupted me, I was telling you that many sexual authorities disagree on the subject of whether a woman’s G-spot actually exists. Many women claim to have them, though.” Rain went on to give Selik a very detailed lesson in female anatomy and a graphic description of a G-Spot and what it could do to enhance a woman’s pleasure.
At first, he just stared at her, stunned at the explicitness of her words. Then he burst out laughing.
“Truly, I have never met a woman like you afore. You know so many details about the mating betwixt the male and female. Like a damn book, you are. But methinks you know naught. Yea, you are as innocent as a virgin when it comes to the mating, I daresay.”
“I am not!”
He burst out laughing once again as he pulled her to her feet and drew her away from the pond, pinching her bottom once when she didn’t move quickly enough. As they walked back to the keep, he muttered over and over, between bursts of laughter, “G-Spot! Bloody hell! G-Spot!”
When Rain saw Ubbi watching anxiously for their return, the faithful servant looked from Selik’s laughing face to her annoyed one as she rubbed her sore bottom, and back again to Selik’s. Then he smiled widely and tipped his head in congratulations to her.
To Ubbi’s mind, Rain had, no doubt, performed another angelic miracle.
And Selik surprised her by turning her face toward him and whispering softly, “Thank you.” Apparently, he had understood her motives entirely in trying to lighten his mood.
Several days later, Selik threw his saddlebag over Fury’s back and vaulted into the saddle, preparing to leave Ravenshire.
Rain pulled up beside him on her ill-named horse, Godsend. He groaned inwardly, wondering what misdeed she wished to berate him for now.
“Thank you, Selik, for agreeing to take me with you to Jorvik.”