“Luke, Alex…come on, y’all. Let’s go into Luke’s room and play!” I said, trying to be all cheery and shit.
Luke and Alex took off for the playroom, and I followed behind them. As I looked back, I saw Sharon turn toward Jeff and Ellie.
“Kids, your father and I need to tell you something.”
Holy shit. Sharon wasn’t at all surprised to see Jeff’s dad. Shit! Why can’t it be nap time?
I stood there and just stared at my mother. Why is she not surprised to see my father?
I glanced over at him, and he looked exactly like I remembered…but older…and sadder. His eyes were filled with sadness.
Good, I hope his life has been miserable—that bastard!
“Mom…why are you not surprised to see him?” Jeff asked.
My mother walked over and stood next to our father.
Oh god…she’s not leaving Philip for our father, is she?
“Ellie, sweetheart, calm the thoughts in your head. I see you thinking a mile a minute.”
I shook my head. “Mom…are you leaving Philip for…for him?” I pointed to the man standing in front of me.
I didn’t even want to call him my father. It was his fault that my mother had treated us so badly all those years. He had been the reason for her sadness and bitterness.
“What? No! My god, no, Ellie. Jeff…Ellie, baby…please sit down,” my mother said with a weak smile. She turned and looked at my father. “You couldn’t wait for a few days longer until I talked to them?” she asked in a soft…almost caring voice.
He shook his head as he sat down. My mother took a seat next to him.
“Okay…can I just say that this is fucking weird?” Jefferson said as we both sat down.
They both gave us a slight smile, and then I almost fell out of my chair when my mother reached for my father’s hand.
I stood up quickly. “What is going on?” I practically shouted.
Jefferson reached up and pulled me back down. “Calm down, Ells…let Mom talk.”
My head was spinning. This is not happening. Are they friends now? Did he get in touch with her? Or did she get in touch with him?
“About three months ago, your father contacted me. I agreed to meet him—with Philip.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I put my hand on my swollen stomach, and right at that moment, the baby moved. I’d felt her move this morning, and I thought Gunner would have come out of his skin because he’d wanted to feel it so bad.
“Mom, why would you open up that hurt again?” Jefferson asked.
I watched as my father looked down and then up at my mom. She looked at him and smiled.
“Jefferson, Ellie, I will always love your father. He was my first love. He was probably the love of my life.”
My father reached up and wiped a tear away from his cheek. My heart jumped a beat, and I grabbed Jefferson’s hand.
“But I am also deeply in love with Philip, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. He gives me unconditional love, and I can’t imagine my life without him.”
I was finally able to open my mouth and say something. “Are you still with Angie?”
My father snapped his eyes up at me, and the moment his blue eyes caught mine, I wanted to cry. I remembered those eyes looking into mine while he’d told me stories. I used to dream I would marry someone like him.
“No. We divorced a few years ago. She left me and said she couldn’t live in the shadow of another woman.”
I shook my head, the anger building. “What in the hell does that mean?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ellie…your mother was my first love. She’s probably the only woman I’ve ever truly loved in my life.”
I went to say something, but Jefferson squeezed my hand.
“I had all these plans for us…and when we went to college, I sort of freaked out. I was leaving town for games, and all I could do was think about her. What was she doing? Who was she with? Did she miss me? My mind was consumed with thoughts of your mother.”
I began shaking. “Why did you cheat on her then?” I spat out with as much hate as I could.
My mother looked down and away.
Oh god…hearing him say this must be tearing her apart inside!
“I wish I could answer that, but there really is no answer. I was scared…scared of the feelings I had for her. A part of me wanted to push her away, so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I just wanted to worry about football and taking over my father’s business. The other part of me wanted her so much that I could hardly stand it.”
He looked over at my mom, who just gave him a weak smile.
“One day, your mother saw me kissing Angie at a game. I ran after your mom, and I promised myself that I would never see that look in her eyes again. I would never hurt her again.”
“But you didn’t keep that promise,” I said, my voice cracking.
My mother gave me a weak smile.
“Mom…are you okay?” I asked.
She smiled bigger as she tilted her head and slowly shook it. “Ellie, darling, your heart is so pure and sweet. Yes, sweetheart, I’m okay. Your father and I have been talking during the last few months about a lot of things. I think I have come to a place where I am able to forgive him. I needed this to happen, so I could have closure and move on with my life. So do you kids.”
I sat there, stunned. “Why didn’t you tell us you were talking to him?” I looked at my father. “Why didn’t you try to contact us? Why did you leave when we all needed you?” I finally lost it and broke down, crying.
Jefferson took me in his arms and held me while I cried uncontrollably from all the emotions surfacing all at once. The next thing I knew, I felt a hand on my knee. I pulled my face away from Jefferson to see my father kneeling down on the floor with tears streaming down his face. One quick look at my mother revealed that she was also crying.
“I’m so sorry, pumpkin eater,” he whispered.
“What did you call me?” I asked in a whispered voice.
“Pumpkin eater—it’s what I called you the first time I ever saw you.” He smiled.
I slowly shook my head. “But you didn’t want me. I was a mistake.”
His mouth dropped open, and he pulled back slightly. “Don’t ever say that Ellie. Ever. I did want you. I loved you and still do. I love you very much. You did nothing wrong.”
He looked up at Jefferson. “And neither did you, son. This is entirely my fault. All the pain and hurt I’d put the three of you through was all my fault. I have no excuse for what I did. I walked away from three of the most important people of my life because I was a scared, selfish bastard. I wanted that free life of partying and traveling that I didn’t get to have. If I had a wife and family, I couldn’t do that.” He dropped his head and began sobbing. “I was a stupid fool, such a stupid fool.”
I slowly looked at my mother, who was wiping away her tears. I was so confused, and my head was spinning.
“Why Angie though? You kissed her before you even knew Mom was pregnant with Jeff.” I said.
He looked up at me, and his eyes caught mine. “Because I was an asshole, Ellie. I don’t have any other reason than that. I was a cheating bastard. I loved your mother more than anything, but there was a side of me that just wanted to…I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Angie gave me attention like I’d never had before, and I…I liked it.”
I peeked over at my mother as she sat there so calmly while she dabbed her eyes. She’d come so far, and I just prayed that this wouldn’t have a negative effect on her.
“Were you happy with Angie?” I asked.
He looked away and then back into my eyes. “No.”
“Why didn’t you come back to us then?” I asked as the anger continued building inside me.
“I tried a few times. I’d go and visit your mom, and I would just end up…well, I would—”
“You’d fuck her and leave,” Jefferson said.
“Jefferson Johnson!” my mother said.
Jefferson looked at Mom. “Sorry, Mom. It just…it makes me so angry. Dad, you have no idea how angry I am.”
My father put his hand on Jefferson’s knee and nodded his head. “Yes, I do. I do know how angry you are because I’ve been angry for the last twenty-something years. I’m angry at myself, at Angie, at my father, who encouraged me to leave your mother.”
I sucked in a breath of air. “What? Why?”
He took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. “Your grandfather didn’t like your mom very much.”
He looked over and winked at her, and she smiled.
“He always thought I should have married someone who came from money. He threatened me when he found out that your mother was pregnant with you, Ellie. He told me he was going to take everything away from me. He was going to disown me for getting her pregnant again. He said I’d never run the family business. My mother though…she loved Sharon and you kids, and it broke her heart when I left. My father wouldn’t allow her to talk or even see Sharon or you two.”
“Oh my god. How could someone have so much hate in his heart?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but I let his hate guide my life. I can’t do anything about it now, but the last few years, I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell your mother and you kids how sorry I am. I never had children with Angie. The idea of having kids with her turned my stomach, so I ended up having a vasectomy right after I left your mother.”
My mouth dropped open, and at first, I couldn’t speak. “So, you spent all those years with a woman you didn’t love, away from the love of your life and your kids…to please your father?”
His eyes looked so sad, and my heart actually began to hurt for him. I no longer felt anger toward him…only sadness.
“Yes,” he barely said.
My mother stood up and walked over to us. She held out her hand, and my father took it as he slowly stood. They walked back over to the sofa and sat down together.
My mom took a deep breath. “When your father contacted me a few months back, I wasn’t sure how to feel. When he told me how he felt…I won’t lie…a part of me wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and pick up where we’d left off all those years ago.” She looked at him and smiled, and then she looked back at Jefferson and me. “But I love Philip with all my heart, and your father and I have talked about this. He certainly didn’t expect me to just fall back into his arms.”
“I wished it though,” he said with a weak smile.
I couldn’t help but smile at their easy banter with each other, and I looked at Jefferson, who was also smiling.
“We talked about him coming and talking to you kids—when we both thought it was time.” She quickly glanced at him and then back at us.
My father cleared his throat and nodded his head. “I wanted to see you both…to tell you how sorry I am for what I did…for leaving you and causing your mother to fall into such a deep depression. I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I certainly would love it,” he said with a small smile. “I want you each to know that the days you were born were the happiest days of my life. And to see how you’ve each turned out to be such caring, loving, and successful…” He stopped talking as his voice cracked. “I’m so very proud of each of you. So very proud.” He smiled at Jefferson and then me. “Your mother and I decided to wait until after the New Year, but I don’t think I have…I don’t…I…” His voice trailed off as he looked down at the floor.
My mother grabbed his hand and held on to it as she wiped a tear away with her free hand. “Jeff, Ellie…your father has stage two lung cancer. It has spread to his lymph nodes. He has had surgery, and he is about to start a combined chemotherapy and radiation treatment. The doctors are very optimistic though.”
I put my hand up to my mouth. Just when I thought I was getting my father back, it felt like he was leaving again. I slowly shook my head. “No…you just came back to us.”
My father’s eyes captured mine, and I felt like I was looking into my own soul.
“Pumpkin eater…” he whispered.
I stood up as he did the same, and I walked into his arms. I began crying, and then Jeff took us both into his embrace.
“I love you both so much. Please know that I’ve always loved you both,” our father said in between sobs.
“Daddy…you just came back to us. Please don’t leave us again,” I said.
Jeff hugged us both harder.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there…wrapped up in our embrace. My heart was slowly feeling whole, but at the same time, it was breaking in two.
As we all sat back down, our father began telling us how he used to come to our school events and how he almost approached us each time.
“Did you see any of my games at UT, Dad?” Jefferson asked with a cracked voice.
My father smiled so big that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Hell yes, I did. You were an amazing football player. That you did get from your old man,” he said with a wink.
I heard Ari clear her throat behind us, and we all turned and looked at her. She was holding Grace while Alex and Luke were holding hands as they stood next to her. I got up and walked over. I took both their hands and led them to my father.
I sat down on the floor and looked at Alex and Luke. “Alex, Luke…this is my daddy, your grandfather.”
Jefferson sat on the floor and pulled Luke onto his lap. Luke immediately started laughing.
Jefferson glanced up at our dad and asked, “What would you like them to call you, Dad?”
My father quickly wiped away the tear from his cheek. He looked at my mom before turning back to Jefferson. “Grandpa would be a dream come true.”
Jefferson smiled and said to Luke, “Can you go say hi to your grandpa? He’s my daddy.”
Luke turned to Jefferson. “Daddy’s daddy?”
Everyone laughed.
Jefferson said, “Yeah, buddy, my daddy.”
Luke jumped up and went right up to my father. “Bandpa.”
My father smiled and reached out his arms, and Luke fell right into them.
“Bandpa, it is,” he whispered.
Alex giggled and yelled out, “Bandpa!”
He took them both in his arms, and before I knew it, they were all over both my mother and father. I sat there and watched the whole thing play out as tears slid down my face. I felt Jefferson reach over and wipe them off my face. I looked over at him, and we both smiled.
“I love you, Ells,” he said.
I threw myself into his arms. I tried so hard not to choke up on my words. I managed to whisper in his ear, “I love you, too, Jefferson. I love you, too.”
I stumbled out of my bedroom and followed the heavenly smells of coffee and breakfast. Azurdee must be cooking.
I walked into the kitchen and saw Azurdee at the stove, Jessie sitting at the table, and Lark sitting across from her. I glanced at Jessie, and her smile instantly made my head feel better. One look at Lark, and I felt like shit again. He gave me that smile and looked down at his coffee.
“Motherfucker,” I whispered.
Jessie and Azurdee giggled as I barely walked over to the coffee pot and poured a cup of coffee. I turned and sat down next to Jessie, but not before I leaned down and gave her a kiss.
“I swear I didn’t have that much to drink last night, but I feel like total shit.” I took a quick look at Lark.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Dude, you weren’t even drunk. You just took two shots, and I think if I remember right, you can’t handle shots—at all.”
I took a drink of my coffee and then nodded my head. The last time I’d felt this bad was the morning I’d woken up to find Jessie had left. I thought back to that party. Did I have any shots? Yep. Jeff and I did a few shots—a few as in, like, ten of them.
“I think I’m going to give up drinking for a while.” I winked at Jessie.
We had all gone out last night since Azurdee
and Lark were both leaving today.
Between Gunner’s New Year’s Eve party and then last night…I am done with alcohol. Done.
“It’s not like college anymore, old man. Your impending fatherhood has made you a lightweight,” Lark said as he let out laugh.
“Fuck you, Lark,” I said.
Azurdee began setting plates in front of us. I looked down at the plate, and I almost didn’t want to touch it. There were two crepes filled with cinnamon apples on the plate. The top of the crepes had a scoop of vanilla yogurt with a strawberry and a mint leaf. Dulce de leche sauce was drizzled all over it. It looked heavenly.
Lark looked up at me as I peeked over at him. We both turned and watched as Azurdee sat down and started eating.
She glanced up and stopped. “What? What’s wrong? Do you not like crepes?” she asked.
I looked at Jessie, and she was digging in.
“Oh…oh my god! Oh, Azurdee. These are so good. My god, I’ve missed your cooking. How I didn’t gain a ton of weight in college is beyond me. Hmm…oh…yes…”
“My god, Jessie. Make love to the damn thing, why don’t you?” I said.
Jessie snapped her head up and looked at me. “I’ve been craving these so much. They. Are. Heaven.”
Lark laughed, and then he took a bite. “Holy shit. These are delicious.”
Azurdee smiled and started eating again.
The moment I took a bite, I wanted to say how good they were, but I held back. Instead, I simply said, “Azurdee, these are the best crepes I’ve ever had.”
“Thank you. I make them for the coffee shop all the time. If we run out, our regulars get so mad,” she said with a giggle.
I peeked over and saw Lark staring at Azurdee. He could deny it all he wanted, but he liked her. Last night, he’d done everything in his power not to dance with her until he’d broken down and finally asked her to dance. The moment Keith Urban’s “We Were Us” had come on, they had both taken off dancing. I hadn’t seen Lark smile and laugh like that in a long time. The song had ended, and then they’d danced to “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely” by The Band Perry. Jessie had mentioned how sad Lark had looked. I’d been sure he had been thinking of Nikki.