All the nameless faces of past conquests flashed through his mind. All the women, all the sex, all the partying… Every last female had wanted something from him, whether it was his money, his status, his bed. And Char? She’d turned out to be the worst of them all, because she’d pretended to be his friend. She’d maneuvered herself into his life so fully that the idea of purging her out was so repulsive he felt like he was going be sick. So this was what betrayal felt like? Like knives stabbing into your front and your back, an absolute loss of control over your own emotions? Right. Well, he hated it. He hated that Char had been the one to make him feel that way. He’d never expected more out of those other women because he’d known what those relationships were. They’d wanted something from him and he’d wanted something from them. All parties left satisfied. But now? He was left feeling empty, as if he’d just offered Char all of his possessions in hopes that she’d at least give him a damn hug and say “thank you” rather than run him over with the moving truck and drive off.
He hated putting her with those other women. He hated allowing her name to even be next to their names. But…
She’d ended up being just like them.
A wave of nausea overtook him as he set the phone down. With shaking hands, he ran his fingers through his hair. Char had just wanted a piece of the Jake Titus joke.
Which meant only one thing: He was getting ready to jump off the commitment cliff without a parachute.
Well, if she wanted a story, she was going to get one. No way was he going to let her blame him for losing her job.
* * *
An hour later, Char walked back into the room. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was wind-blown.
“Where’ve you been?” Jake asked. Char rolled her eyes and tried to walk back out, but Jake caught her arm and dragged her back inside. “I was worried.”
“Oh, spare me. You looked really worried in Amy’s arms.”
Jake muttered an oath and walked away from her. “I didn’t want her then and I don’t want her now, but then again, you trusting my word means you actually have to trust me as a person. It means I have to trust you, too. And I don’t.”
Char threw down her purse and charged toward him. “How dare you! I’ve done nothing to—”
He held up her cell phone. “Mike called.”
“You’re such an ass!” Char jerked the phone away from him. “You answered my phone? That’s private.”
“You’re lucky I’m a good guy.”
She snorted.
“So ask me.”
“What?” Char scrolled through her messages. “What the hell do you want me to ask you?”
“About the wedding. You know, details, who the caterers are, what celebrities are going to be stopping by… you know, the nitty gritty details. Interview me.”
Char’s face fell as she stared into his cold, unresponsive eyes. “Jake, I was never going to go through with the interview.”
“I don’t care.” He did care but he didn’t want her to know he did, because it just made him look pathetic. “Ask me the questions.” He threw a piece of paper and a pen onto the bed. “Come on. Do you want to get fired?”
“No, but—”
“I’m pissed as hell right now,” Jake said honestly. “But I’m not going to be the reason you lose your job.”
“Well, aren’t you just a regular Mother Theresa.” Char snorted. “Don’t you know me better than this, Jake? Do you really think I’d betray my friends to get ahead in the world? I’m not you!”
“You’re being a bitch.”
“You’re an ass if you think so little of me,” she yelled.
“Yeah, well, you’re a shitty friend.” Jake’s nostrils flared as his voice rose. “I thought you were different. That’s why I—”
“Jake?” Travis’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door. “The party’s breaking up, man. Have you paid that crazy lady with the sex toys yet?”
“So many things wrong with that sentence.” Jake rolled his eyes. “Coming.” He walked toward the door. “You.” He pointed at Char. “Not a word to Travis and Kacey. Don’t even tell them you were thinking about taking your boss up on the offer. It will break their hearts, and they have enough going on. I’ll give you a damn story. I’ll run down the street naked if I have to; just leave them alone.”
Disgusted, Jake walked out the door, all the while wondering if his heart would ever be able to trust anyone.
Chapter Forty-two
Char stared in shock at the closed door. What had just happened? Was Jake actually giving her advice on how to be a good friend? After he’d led her on and then took Amy into a room and made out with her? The man was a mess! And he had the audacity to say that what Char was supposed to be doing was low? She wasn’t even going to do the interviews! She’d decided to sacrifice her job, a job she needed in order to eat, because she didn’t want to betray her friends.
The jackass hadn’t even given her a chance to explain! Once again, his cocky know–it-all attitude had surfaced, leaving her heartbroken and confused. She’d seen him in a searing lip lock with enemy number one and he was lecturing her as if she was the one who’d broken his heart!
Jake would never understand her hesitation about what she did because he’d always had money. He didn’t realize how tempting it was—to be able to pay rent, to eat, to not let your parents down again and again!
With a cry she threw herself onto the bed and cursed Jake Titus to hell. It was becoming a habit. Maybe if she cursed him enough times her heart would stop breaking. So close, yet so far away.
* * *
Jake said almost nothing to Char all day Saturday. In fact, the only time he did speak to her was when he’d asked to use her floss that morning. She’d dangled it in front of his face and waited for him to make some sort of joke.
Instead, he took it, flossed his teeth, and left the room.
Adding insult to injury, she was fired that morning.
She’d missed her deadline. It was entirely possible her life as a reporter was completely over.
Char checked her watch. It was already five and Kacey and Travis still weren’t back from town. They’d run some sort of last minute errand.
She tried Kacey’s’ phone again, but there was no answer.
Everyone was getting restless. Char began to pace in front of the gazebo. Thirty minutes later Grandma burst through the door.
“They won’t be making it to the rehearsal,” Grandma said. “Flat tires.”
“Tires? As in more than one?” Jake asked, rising from the pew.
“I’m afraid so. It was as if someone slashed them.”
Petunia shook her head. “Portland’s full of gangsters. Probably one of them boys.”
“Right.” Jake smirked. “Because we know lots of gangsters that want to off us.”
Petunia stiffened.
“We’ll just have to carry on without them.” Grandma rubbed her hands together. “Char, you’re the maid of honor, you’ll stand in for Kacey; and Jake, as the best man, you’ll be standing in for Travis.”
Char’s stomach plummeted. God was cruel. The one man she had been in love with since junior high was now standing in the groom’s, only it wasn’t real. And again, so close. Her heart constricted as she looked into his eyes because she knew this would never be her reality. It was all some sort of sick joke from the universe. She’d hold his hands; he’d pretend to put a ring on her finger.
And at the end he’d walk away.
Char jumped when Grandma blew her whistle. “Order, everyone!”
“We aren’t in a court,” Jake grumbled.
“I need order!” Grandma blew the whistle again, this time right in the pastor’s ear. He winced and looked away, poor soul. “Now, let’s have the girls fan out under the gazebo. Yes, perfect!” She pointed to the guys. “And the men: let’s have you line up on the other side. Oh, that looks lovely.”
It looked horrible, but nobody asked Char so she k
ept quiet. Then again, it could just be her crappy attitude.
“Pastor?” Grandma raised her hand instead of blowing the whistle, praise God.
“Yes, Nadine?”
“Will you please go through the entire ceremony? I want to be sure that the microphones are working and we’ll be able to hear the bride and groom.”
“Of course.” The pastor smiled and held out his hand to Jake. “I’m Jim.”
Jake shook his hand.
Pastor Jim turned to Char. “And you must be the maid of honor.”
Her smile was tight as she took his hand.
“Both of you stand just here.” He pushed them together.
Char almost stumbled into Jake’s hard chest. His eyes were distant, as if he was shutting her out from his world. She could almost see his abs through his tight black t-shirt. Lowering her gaze didn’t help because then she had a full view of his distressed designer jeans, and his Marc Nason boots that had probably cost more than her car.
“Dearly beloved…” Jim began reciting the welcome and the prayer. “Now we are going to move on to the vows. Take each other’s hands and repeat after me.”
“I, Jake Titus…” Jim started.
Jake cleared his throat. His hands were so warm as they held Char’s. “I, Jake Titus.” his voice had a husky drawl to it as he continued to talk. “Take you, Char Lynn, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” His voice caught in his throat as his eyes burned into hers. “To love and to cherish, to treasure, to be my best friend, from this day forth until my last breath leaves my body—I will be yours, as long as we both shall live.”
Char had to bite her lip to keep from crying. It was everything she’d always wanted to hear him say.
Jake closed his eyes when he was finished.
“Now, Char.” Jim cleared his throat. “Repeat after me. I, Char Lynn…” Char repeated the same vow. Halfway through her hands started shaking. Jake opened his eyes and mouthed It’s okay, so she kept going.
By the time she was finished, her heart was pounding so hard she would swear Jake could hear it. He smiled sadly when they had to release each other’s hands.
Jim addressed the nonexistent guests. “Travis and Kacey, or in this case Jake and Char, both expressed interest in writing personal vows to each other. We will hear them now.”
He handed the microphone to Jake. Clueless, Jake handed it back. Jim shook his head. “No, no, Nadine needs to hear your voice. I doubt you’ll have trouble talking about a pretty girl like Char.”
Holy crap. He was going to humiliate her in front of everyone.
“I’ve always liked pretty girls.” Jake laughed into the microphone, ruining Char’s brief moment of happiness. “And I can honestly say, Char’s the prettiest I’ve ever come across.”
The bridesmaids sighed behind him.
“Too bad she’s crazy.” He winked. “I mean really crazy. She’s threatened me more times than I care to admit. Don’t even get me started on wedding gifts and drug stores. Some of my happiest moments have been with her, some of my worst moments, too.” He paused. “Maybe that’s what love’s all about. You share the good and the bad, and hope to God that in the end the person will still be waiting for you on the other side. Marriage is a complete and total leap of faith—I’ve always thought of myself as a risk taker. The greatest risk of all is pursuing someone with your entire heart, knowing that it’s completely possible they won’t want you back.”
Char wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry.
Everyone was silent.
A car turned into the driveway. It was Kacey and Travis.
Grandma blew her whistle. “Finish the ceremony, Jim.”
Char shook her head. “But—”
“Finish it!” Grandma yelled as she made her way down the driveway.
“Do you take her?” Jim asked Jake.
“Uh, yes?”
“Do you take him?”
Char felt her eyes narrow as she gave a jerky nod.
“You have to say it.” Jim laughed nervously.
“Fine. Yes. I take him.”
“Then with the power vested in me by the state of Oregon, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”
Everyone clapped lamely, until Jake stepped forward and pulled Char in for a mind-altering kiss that melted every defense she had erected that morning.
“Looks like I married the shrew.” He winked.
“Better than marrying the harem-possessing whore!” Char fumed, pushing against his chest.
Pastor Jim tried to separate them but they were already nose to nose.
“Is that jealousy I hear?” Jake snorted.
“Jealousy?” Char repeated, then threw back her head and laughed. “Yes, I’m so jealous of all the women who’ve shared your bed! At least I’m only one notch on your bedpost.”
“Two.” Jake smirked. “You’re two; you know why.”
Char lunged for his throat but Jim stood in the way.
“Smile and laugh all you want, Jake, but ten years from now, when I’m married with kids and living a happy life, you’re going to be nothing but a lonely bachelor.”
She couldn’t stop the words from coming. It was as if all the hurt inside her bubbled up and finally forced their way out into the open. Jake’s rejection had re-opened so many old wounds, wounds she’d kept packed away for so long.
His smile fell. “Better a bachelor than a bitch.”
The entire wedding party fell silent.
Travis walked up, shoving his hands into his pockets. “So what did we miss?”
Pastor Jim still stood between Char and Jake, his face a deep shade of red. “A blessed union.”
Jake swore and walked off.
Kacey came up alongside Travis; her gaze followed Jake’s disappearing form. “What happened?”
“What always happens with Jake?” Char shrugged. “He’s walking away.”
Chapter Forty-three
He couldn’t drink away his problems, he couldn’t whore them away. It was as if every step he took toward Char, he had to take a step back. Yes, he was still pissed about the fact that she had planned to sell out his family for her job, but the more he thought about it the more he respected her for saying no to her boss.
She needed a job.
Unlike him.
He could waste away the rest of his life and still have more money than he knew what to do with. Char, however, didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on; she didn’t have a multi-million-dollar house she could sell, or her pick of at least ten foreign cars.
The girl had to eat and pay bills, things Jake had never worried about, ever.
He’d had it all planned in his head. He’d joke around with her a bit to break the ice, and then he would apologize for snapping at her the night before.
Except then they’d had to stand in for the damn wedding ceremony and things had become so unbelievably real that he’d started to shake when he held Char’s hands. When he’d said those vows, he wanted to mean them. For the first time in his life he’d wanted the commitment to be real. Damn, but he wanted her to see past the façade he put on and just accept him.
In that moment, when he’d held her hands, when he’d looked into her blue eyes, his heart begged for her to see more than everyone else before. He though if anyone could see past his insecurities, it was Char.
But instead of seeing past it…
She’d exposed him, like a live wire, for the world to see. And for the first time in his life he had nothing he could say to make it better. He’d called her a bitch and walked away; again, he’d walked away. Was that how he was dealing with things now? Walking away and sulking? He didn’t want to be that guy anymore, the one that ignored all of his emotions, stuffed them into the farthest part of his brain and got drunk in order to forget he had them in the first place.
The problem with finally dealing with his pa
st demons was that they’d been a part of him for so long that they’d almost become a comfort, or to him, a crutch.
He still had issues with Kacey’s parents’ deaths—never getting over the fact that they were taken from both him and Kacey. And then never feeling like he could live up to his dad’s strict standards of what a Titus should be. Then finally, his own belief that in the end, he wasn’t capable of loving someone the way they deserved to be loved.
His whole life he’d been afraid of commitment, yet it was only now that he realized he’d been in a relationship for twenty-three years. He was shackled to himself, in a relationship with his own demons. The most important thing in his life had always been to live for the moment, to live for himself. Parents always warned their kids about the dangers of unhealthy relationships with others—so why didn’t they ever warn kids about the dangers of an unhealthy relationship with yourself? With your own damn heart?
Jake walked to the back of the house and out onto the dock that overlooked the river. With a sigh he sat at the edge and watched one of the dinner cruise boats slowly go by.
Life had been so much easier when he was a little kid, when his only worries had been whether his mom was going to wash his basketball uniform on time or if the kids at school would want to play kickball.
Being an adult sucked.
Finally realizing you were a selfish jackass didn’t help either.
“Can I sit down?” Travis asked behind him.
“Sure,” Jake said.
“It’s a nice evening.” Travis’s knees cracked as he took a seat on the dock.
Jake nodded and kept looking out at the water. If he looked his brother in the eyes he’d probably snap—he was that on edge.
“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Travis asked.
With a sigh, Jake leaned back on his hands and shook his head. “Not particularly, no.”
A movement caught Jake’s eye. He watched as Travis pulled a small envelope from his pocket. “Here’s the thing. I never wanted to give this to you.”
“Are we divorcing?” Jake tried to sound lighthearted but he was a bit freaked out. What the hell could be in that envelope?