“You cooked?”
“Yes,” Penny says tentatively. She’s too smart to be lured in by what might sound, to a less astute person, like the start of a compliment. She knows better.
“With all Dalton’s money could you not afford a chef?” She folds her hands neatly together as though she doesn’t want to touch anything in the apartment by accident.
I see my first opening to do my job. “You’ll love it, Mom. Penny is a great cook. How did that meeting with the board go? Did they budge on the new employee health benefit initiative?”
“They did.” My mother lights with pride. “I had to twist some arms and make some threats, but they couldn’t argue with math. You bring them the numbers, and they have no choice but to listen.”
“Good to see you again, Elizabeth,” Ben chimes in.
“We’ve met?” A fun game my mother likes to play. Amnesia for the sake of keeping people humble.
“The other day outside Kylie’s office.” Ben flashes her his signature smile. I used to wonder if it could possibly be sincere, but I now know it is. He genuinely likes people and continues to like them until they give him a reason not to. Sometimes past that point as well.
“Right.” She eyes him and squints as she appraises him. “I didn’t recognize you with decent clothes on.”
I did notice Ben dressed sharply tonight. My mother and her feedback has that effect on people. No. Ben looks unaffected by her perusal of him. He chose his attire—for me? Because he knows tonight is important to me.
I want to tell him not to change a single thing about himself for her sake. Ben looks great in jeans, and he’s successful without the flash. He has every right to hold his head up and be proud of who he is.
I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze. It doesn’t convey all I’m thinking, but from the smile he shines down at me, it gets some of it across.
“Can I get you a drink, Mom?” Penny asks dutifully.
“I’m actually not able to stay for dinner. I’ll have a glass of champagne, but I have a conference call with Taiwan in forty-five minutes.” She looks at me and rolls her eyes. “Oh, stop. It was last minute. If I could have chosen a better time I would have. If anyone should understand, I’d think it would be you, Kylie. You’ve always been smart enough to put your business first.”
There was a time when I agreed with her. Penny’s feelings, the men with us, even how I felt would all have come second in my mind to a business opportunity. Business is the rock a person builds their life upon. Everything else is layered on top of it. That’s what I used to think, anyway.
I look at Ben. He works, but his work isn’t who he is. If he stopped writing programs today, he would probably have the same friends and be the center of his sisters’ attention.
Who would I be without my business? Before this year I would have said nothing. I’m not so sure that’s true anymore. I’d still have Ben, Penny, and Dalton.
“Actually, Mom, I think you should postpone the call. Penny went to a lot of trouble to make a meal for us.”
Our mother turns to Penny. “If I leave you’re going to make a big deal out of this?”
“Of course not,” Penny assures her.
This is why I’m here. “Which doesn’t mean it won’t be a big deal, Mom; it means she will be too nice to say anything.”
“Well, thank you for translating my own daughter to me,” our mother says in a cold voice.
“Why are you here, Mom? You said you want to see Penny. I know you love her. She needs to see proof of it, though. She needs you to say it, to show it, or at least to stay long enough to eat the meal she cooked for you.”
My declaration is followed by a long silence.
Our mother looks from me to Penny. Her eyes narrow. “When I accepted your invitation, I had no idea our entire relationship hinged on this one meal. So glad to hear that nothing I’ve done for you up to this point has proven that I love you. What a nice kick in the ass that is.”
“Mom,” Penny rushes to reassure her, then meets my gaze. She looks torn between appeasing our mother and sticking up for me. “I love you. That’s it. You don’t have to stay for dinner. I get that you’re busy.”
“Thank you.” Our mother walks over to the counter, downs a flute of champagne. “I’ll call you both next week.” She stops in front of me. “I don’t know what is going on with you, Kylie, but you have me worried.” She strolls out of the apartment like she’s just brokered peace in the Middle East. Her head is high. Her back arrow straight.
Dalton closes the door and the room falls completely silent. We look around at each other as though we’re waiting for some kind of sign. It comes in the way of the blaring smoke alarm.
“The food.” Penny darts to the kitchen and screams. “Fire. It’s the bacon grease.”
“Shit.” Dalton scrambles to the kitchen and pushes Penny back.
“I have an extinguisher in my apartment!” I pull out my key and rush to my kitchen, Ben close on my heels. I forget about the large, ridiculous looking wall that is filled with pictures and notes about the men I intend to destroy. There’s no time to think about it.
I pull the extinguisher down from the top of the fridge and throw it to Ben. He darts out of my apartment and back to Dalton and Penny. A moment later the commotion settles, and Ben is back in my doorway. “Can I come in?”
“I should probably go back. Check on Penny.” I keep the door mostly closed. There’s a chance he didn’t notice anything. Really, I should have taken my vision board down. Probably never should have put it up in the first place. First rule of never getting caught—don’t fucking map out what you’re doing. Shit.
Ben puts his hand on the door. “The fire is out. Not too much damage. Just the stove really.” He pushes the door open an inch more. “We need to talk.”
Fuck.
I take a step forward with every intention of closing the door behind me. “Okay.”
He pushes on the door more firmly. “Kylie, I saw something on your wall that I need to see again.”
My hand clenches on the door. “No. No, you don’t.”
“What are you doing, Kylie? What are we doing?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I thought we had something good going—something important. How important can I be to you if you won’t let me in your apartment?”
I don’t consider myself a nervous person, but I’m shaking in my shoes. I’m cursing myself for letting him get so close that I’m afraid of losing him. Once he sees the board, really sees it, he’ll see how very different we really are.
And then he’ll leave me.
He’ll leave because the truth is I am too much like my mother for anyone to love. It’s going to hurt like a bitch to lose him, but maybe it’s best if it happens like this.
I let the door swing open. He walks past me to the wall and spends a few minutes studying it.
“I can explain.” I can’t but that seems like the right thing to say.
“What is this, Kylie?”
I could lie. I should lie. He wants to know me? Really know me? Well, here I am. “It’s my vision board.”
“For?”
“For people in the building who may be a threat.”
He studies it again. “There are pinholes over there. Who did you take down?”
“Judge Snyder.”
“What did he do to deserve his place on your wall?”
“He wanted me out,” I say hoarsely. Once I might have said it proudly, but I can’t—not while looking into the eyes of a man who would never have done the same. Not since I was a child have I allowed myself to wish my life had been different, that I was different.
Part of me wants to go back to being blissfully unaware of how low I’ve sunk. Part of me wants to beg Ben to show me how to come back from this.
His attention is back on the wall. “All those women who came forward, did you make that happen?”
“They were telling the truth. I d
idn’t ask anyone to lie. I just put the wheels in motion. He’s a bad man who deserves whatever he has coming.”
“And all this other information? What will you do with it?” He gestures to notes beside some of the names.
“It’s not over with here. I know it seems like it settled down but I have reason to believe some of these people are targeting Dalton. I won’t let them hurt my sister or the man she loves.”
“At what cost?”
“Any cost necessary.”
He runs a hand through his dark hair. I’ve said the one thing he was hoping I wouldn’t. I’ve admitted that not even losing him would stop me. That used to be true. Now? Now I don’t know.
“You’re doing this all by yourself? All the time we’ve spent together you never thought to loop me in or ask my opinion.”
“I didn’t want you to have to get involved.”
“So you were protecting me?”
I lower my eyes. Lying would make all of this easier, but he deserves the truth. “No, myself. I didn’t want you to see this side of me.”
He pockets his hands and rocks back on his heels, staring at the wall like something new will appear there. “Who’s next?”
I swallow hard. “Luther is still screwing with Dalton, or at least I think so. I found a link to an account of his that’s been funneling money to the Caribbean. Not for tax evasion. It’s some kind of payment for someone. Someone he’s trying to keep quiet I’m sure.”
“I don’t know what Luther is or isn’t up to, but this is wrong, Kylie. Luther Green is a jerk, and maybe he’s the one trying to disrupt Dalton’s work, but Dalton can handle it. Luther has thousands of people in his company. What if you’re wrong?”
“I’m not.”
He shakes his head. “This is—intense.”
He’s pulling away from me. It’s there in his eyes. This is too much for him. I’m too much. I’ve seen the same look in my father’s eyes whenever he spoke of my mother. No matter what Ben might feel for me—it’s not enough.
My pride kicks in. “I’m intense.”
Sarcasm is the wrong move now, but I’ve reached into my bag of tricks reserved for when I’m most afraid. Right now, I’m terrified. I can see the look in Ben’s eyes, and I know what he wants from me. He wants some kind of explanation that makes this look less psycho scary and dark than it is. I wish there were one.
“What happens when someone realizes you’ve been targeting the tenants here? You’re crossing people who have endless resources to come back at you.”
“I have it under control.”
“Is this because you’re afraid? You’re not alone. I can protect you. I have friends—resources.”
“I know. I don’t want you involved in this.
“That’s not why you kept this to yourself.”
“No?”
“You didn’t tell me because you knew I’d be worried. I’d tell you all this energy you’re putting into a vendetta or whatever this is, won’t work. It’s dangerous and distracting. You’re isolating yourself and maybe putting yourself in harm’s way. For what?”
My head drops slightly and my long hair falls like a curtain around my face. “It started because I was worried about Penny.”
He gives me a long steady look.
“And I was angry. I wanted to prove to them they are not untouchable,” I admit.
He walks closer to another section of the wall and takes a better look. “What about all these other people? There are multiple men here I know didn’t do anything. They don’t care that you live here and they won’t hurt Penny or anyone else for that matter. You have all sorts of dirt on them.”
“I’m proactive. You never know when you’ll need something to protect yourself with.”
“So what do you have on me? Dalton? Am I one screw-up away from getting on the wall?”
“It’s not like that.”
“How do you even get all this information?”
I’m honest because I want him—no I need him—to see this side of me now. “There’s someone in the building who provides information when I need it.”
“So you do trust someone, just not me.”
“I don’t trust him.” It’s an insult to even imply that the mole I have working in this building deserves any trust. “I pay him enough that I’m reasonably sure he’ll keep his mouth shut.”
“And what happens to him when this all blows up? Is he just collateral damage?”
“It won’t blow up.” Looking at all of this through his eyes shakes me to the core.
I step closer to him and for the first time he doesn’t reach for me. He searches my face, and although I’m not a crier, my eyes fill with tears. I know goodbye when I see it.
I almost say I’m sorry, but what would I apologize for? For feeling I have to defend myself? For being me?
He turns back to look at the wall. “This is wrong, Kylie. It’s not healthy.”
I shrug. I would say something if I knew what could possibly make either one of us feel better.
“I need to think about this.”
I reach out for his arm. He pulls back before I touch him. “I wish you hadn’t come in here.” That at least is the truth.
“Me, too. You need help, Kylie.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’m not saying it to be mean. I think talking to someone might actually be what you need.” He looks at me so sadly I’d hug him if I weren’t also the person who had put that look in his eyes.
“Get out.” There’s a finality to my words, and I can see it in his face. It’s done. It’s over. He has seen the real me and, like any sane person, has decided loving me is . . . impossible.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Ben
I go to Kylie’s gym mid-morning because I know that’s the time I’m least likely to run into her. This is her space, and I’m invading it. But something is gnawing at me. There are answers just out of my reach, and I’m compelled to try to get at them. Maybe that’s Kylie’s effect on me. One of many.
“Hey, I remember you.” Jonny is standing in the boxing ring waiting for me to join him. I paid for the hour and requested to spar with him. “That software update you did was amazing. My system has been running so smooth.”
“Good.”
“You’re here without Kylie?” He looks instantly guarded as he bumps his two gloved hands together and waves for me to come in the ring.
“I wanted a chance to talk to you about Kylie.” He points over to my gear, and a guy in the corner of the ring gets me squared away. Jonny and I stand toe to toe a moment later.
“I don’t share my clients’ deep dark secrets.” Jonny squares himself to me and gets into a solid boxing stance.
“So you’re saying she has secrets?”
“Nice try.” He gestures for me to raise my hands and I do. I don’t intend to take a beating here. I can give it as good as I can take it. But Jonny is a pro. I’m taking a big risk, but I need to know more.
“I care about her, but I don’t understand her.”
“That’s women for you.” He takes a pretty light swipe at my head, and I block it. We’re just warming up, and I dodge a few more pumps of his arm as I agree.
“I’m not talking about that and you know it. She’s very—angry.”
“Right. She’s angry. You looking for a medal for figuring that out?”
“I’m here because I care about her. I don’t understand that kind of anger.” I throw a couple light jabs, and I’m pretty sure this dude is leaning in so my hits connect even harder than I intend.
“Then you’ve never been hit hard enough.” His next punch sends me to my knees. I catch my breath and rise back to my feet.
“Point made.”
“Kylie came to me after a really tough time. She was in a dark place, and she thought she could channel some of what she was feeling.”
“Did she?”
“She demolished most people who were willing to get in the ring with her. Ev
en students I’d been training for years.” Jonny connects a hit to my ribs and I realize I’ve left that too open. We’re bouncing around the ring now, footwork becoming more important as he amps up his attack. “Hey, you’ve got some skill kid. Give me a couple of right hooks.” I comply because what the hell else do you do in a moment like this. My punches connect and Jonny looks impressed. I’ve earned another question.
“This dark period she was in . . . was it Michael?”
“She’s told you a lot pretty quick. You’re also the first guy she’s ever brought here. I guessed you’d be the one to fight with her.”
“You wanted her to have someone to fight?”
“Not fight against, and not literally here in the ring. Kylie needs someone standing next to her throwing punches too. She might never find complete peace, but at least if she has a partner she can trust to block for her now and then she can relax.”
We get into some real sparring, and the conversation stalls. We’re too busy nearly knocking each other’s heads off. “Damn kid, I respect that you’re still here. I’m giving it to you, and you’re still standing.” I’ve worked up a sweat, but there’s definitely something to this. My blood is pumping and my head feels clear for the first time since seeing that wall in Kylie’s apartment. I can see why she does this.
“You’re going easy on me.” I bob and weave as I catch one shot to the ribs but counter to his open left side.
“Maybe,” he smiles and sends me crashing onto my ass. I push up onto my feet and raise my hands. “But you’re tough. I like that. I bet that’s what Kylie likes too. Now maybe channel that shit into finding a way to fight with Kylie instead of against her.”
“She’s still in a dark place, Jonny. Darker than you know.”
“You’re a smart guy. Fucking help her out of it. That is, if you really do care about her.”
Someone rings the bell and we break apart. Jonny slaps his gloved hand to my shoulder. “Good luck, kid.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I’ve spent a lifetime around good women. Strong-willed, capable women are everywhere in my life. I thought Kylie was strong, but what she revealed implies she is actually in need. I meant it when I said she needs to talk to a professional. I don’t think she’s crazy, but I do think she’s headed down a dangerous path.