I don’t even know what I was thinking by going there to meet him, anyway.
Denny was all kinds of trouble and he’d scratched that itch in me to be a rebel, I suppose. He was a young man with a dad who had a bit of brass. Enough to keep him flush with money and a flashy motorbike, and all things superficial that didn’t really matter at all.
Things that made Denny the polar opposite of Neil in terms of character.
He hung with a cycle gang of sorts that dabbled in the illicit and illegal. I’d simply pretended to be unaware, but I was pretty sure Denny was dealing drugs as a side business of his main one—that of being a spoilt prick. If my father were still alive, I wouldn’t have ever hooked up with Denny, or probably with any guy for that matter.
I’d most likely still be a virgin. An innocent. A pang of guilt and sadness washed over me at the thought of my dad. I missed him still…so very much, and knew he would be sorely disappointed in me if he could see where I was, and what I had been doing.
If I was honest, Denny’s betrayal didn’t really hurt me as much as I let on with him. I hoped to have a place in Italy by summer’s end, and if everything worked out, Denny Tompkins would be just another memory from my rebellious past, that could fade away with very little bother to me.
I wanted out of England and to forget about all of the things I couldn’t have, and all of the things I’d done.
I had Neil sitting on the barstool just beside me but nowhere close enough for what I desired. Not fair. I took a huge gulp from my glass.
“Don’t you think you need to slow it down, Cherry?” he asked in his quiet way, managing to sound direct even though he spoke softly.
“Why should I? I’m not bothering anybody.” I gave him a thorough look and inhaled, catching a whiff of his manly scent that did more to hasten my drunkenness than the wine I kept pouring down my throat.
“That’s not true.”
“Why, whatever do you mean, Neil?” I stared and watched him for a reaction, my curiosity piqued.
“It bothers me seeing you unhappy and getting drunk at the bar. It bothers me a lot.” He narrowed his eyes a little and dragged those nearly black beauties back and forth in an effort to read me.
“What makes you think I’m unhappy?”
He swept a hand in front of me. “This is supposed to look like happiness?” He gave his head a shake and took a pull off his beer. “I don’t think so, Cherry.”
“I was waiting for Denny to show up and apologize,” I confessed, mimicking his hand gesture toward my own body, “but he’s probably off shagging the same twit from last time behind my back. Who am I kidding? These things happen.” I shrugged at Neil, hoping he was getting my veiled reference to his totally unsuitable girlfriend, Cora, loud and clear.
“You need to lose that fool. I don’t like him. Why even let him near you? You’re better than that piece of news, Cherry.”
“Don’t call me that anymore.” I pegged him with a hard look. “Why do you allow your piece of news near you?”
“Cora?” He looked surprised at my question, a slight smile reaching his mouth.
My stomach in knots, I grew reckless with my tongue and let it all out. “I can’t have the one I want, so I guess I settle for sloppy seconds and get pissed in the pub when even that doesn’t work out.” I let my ugly words sink in for a moment and then delivered the sucker punch. “Your turn, Neil.”
He stared at me then. His eyes moving slow and purposeful, like a caress. It was as if he was trying to bring more confessions out of me by force of will. It nearly worked too. His beautiful dark eyes held the power to make it happen when he looked at me like he was at that moment. Does he know how I feel about him? Has he always known? How could he not know?
Those soulful eyes just about managed to pull the dreaded trifecta of emotion from my lips—just, but not quite. I only thought the words in my head. I love you. I was drunk and he was right there with me, acting as if he really cared. I love you. And then, I was left with the unbelievable idea that Neil didn’t know. How could he be that unaware? How could he not know how I felt about him? I love YOU, you idiot man.
I’m guessing he truly didn’t know after all, because he didn’t take my bait.
“Cherry, I know all about what Cora’s been up—”
“—I said, don’t call me that anymore. I hate it now!” I spat angrily, signaling the bartender for a refill. I felt immediately guilty for lashing out at him, but it hurt too much to want him to see me as a woman instead of merely as a little sister who needed protecting.
Neil stood up and waved the bartender off, tossing down some notes to pay. “You’re done here. I’m taking you home.”
“Oh, you think so, do you?” I crossed my arms beneath my breasts and stared him down as best I could. I suddenly felt hot and more than a little dizzy.
His mouth quirked up at the side and then branched out into a cocky grin. “I know I’m taking you out of here, sweetheart.” He took me by the hand and pulled.
“No, Neil!” I dug my feet in and balked against the force of him. It wasn’t easy resisting his size and strength. I think inappropriate things at terrible times and was suddenly desperate to know what he would feel like on top of me. He was huge and I was on the small side. Would he swallow me up with his big body? I’d be very willing to find out, of that I was certain.
His eyes flared at me when he turned back to stare. If I wasn’t mistaken, Neil was really looking at me for once. He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple slide along his throat. I wished I could put my lips on his throat and keep them there. I was annoyed with him and secretly intrigued by his attentions at the same time. Hell, he was so damned gorgeous.
“You’re so beautiful when you’re spitting mad, Cherry.” He emphasized his nickname for me with a confident smirk, his eyes owning me. “Beautiful and utterly perfect.”
You’re utterly perfect…
I’d heard him say those words about me before. I wondered…was it even possible for him to believe such a thing? No way, right?
“You’re beautiful too, but you’re being an immensely arrogant arsehole right now.”
“Is that so?” He leaned forward just a bit, putting himself into my space.
I hiccupped and nodded, feeling dizzier than I had moments before, instantly intimidated.
“You’re out in the pub at night pissing drunk.” His jaw ticked. “I’m not leaving you here, Cherry.”
God damn, he said it again, and I just lost it. “And, I told you not to call me that anymore!” I took a step, stumbled on the chair rail, right into his hard chest. He steadied me against him and I had to resist the urge to bury my face in his shirt. It was damn hard not to. I really needed my nose buried in his shirt so I could memorize his scent.
“Okay, okay, settle down, girl. I won’t call you Cherry anymore if you hate it so much, but only if you let me take you home. You need your bed.”
He brought a hand up to the back of my head and stroked down my hair. And he could’ve called me by the name of any fruit in the world right now…apple, grape, kumquat, banana…and I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t have even noticed, because he was touching me. Neil had his hands on me.
No, I need your bed. I lifted my eyes to his, my palms were flat on his chest, and I felt his heart thumping under my fingers. He focused on my mouth, and for a moment I got the feeling he was thinking about kissing me. My heart pounded so hard I’m sure my body must be moving from the force of it.
“Who do you want that you cannot have?” he whispered carefully, his eyes searing and dark, begging me to say. If I wasn’t so stubborn I might have spilled my guts right then and there, telling him every single detail of every nice thing he’d ever done for me growing up, and how I didn’t remember a time when I didn’t love him.
I shook my head at him, feeling tears beginning to wet my eyes.
“Tell me—”
I inhaled quickly and turned my head away, just in time to see Denny
step into the pub and lock eyes on me. “Oh God,” I moaned.
“Baby, you came,” he said, rushing over and trying to pull me into his arms. Denny’s relief at seeing me waiting at the bar for him, was clearly apparent on his arrogant face.
“No, Denny, don’t.” I had just put my hand out to keep him off me when Neil stepped up.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, Tompkins. Leave off her.” Neil glowered down at my ex with a look of such loathing that Denny wasn’t the only one surprised by the open hostility. Neil looked like he could make Denny bleed and would enjoy the hell out of ensuring that there was a big puddle of the stuff once he was done. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Neil was behaving as if he were jealous of Denny.
I had to be incredibly drunk and my thought processes impaired. Why would Neil act like that over me and some bloke I’d already dumped?
“Elaina? Please baby, just listen. That tart meant nothing to me—” Denny ignored Neil’s directive and tried to reach for me again.
I realized then, that my former boyfriend was as incredibly stupid as I was drunk.
“Obviously your life doesn’t either, you ignorant prick.” Neil blocked Denny’s attempted grab for me, stopping him cold. “You’re not a very good listener, Tompkins. I told you she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Get. Lost.”
As Denny and Neil squared off, a wave of nausea so overpowering took hold of me, and I knew I’d be hideously sick. I clamped a hand over my mouth and slammed myself toward the loo, so incredibly grateful the door wasn’t very far away from the bar. Both men let me go.
Thank God for the little blessings.
Chapter 4
AS I heaved over the toilet, expelling all the wine and happy-hour veggies I’d consumed while drowning my sorrows, I pined over my pathetic love life. How utterly revolting, wretched, and pitiful was I. A guy who cheated, and one who saw me only as a little sister. Fuck my life.
Once I was done puking, I made my way to the sink, where I leaned on it with both hands, panting into the mirror, and gathering the strength to splash some water on my face. Neil beat on the door, and barged in a second later looking fairly dangerous. In contrast to me, looking like shit.
The scowl on his face told me he was not in the least bit happy with me. But despite his opinions, he didn’t lecture or fuss, he just pulled out some towels, wet them, and pressed the wad to my face. “Hold that to your head. I’ll be right back.”
“Denny?” I asked weakly from behind the towel.
“Gone. That fuckin’ twat won’t be bothering you again.” I heard his heavy footsteps retreat and then the door of the loo shut with a click.
I groaned in my misery and tried to breathe, thinking if I could just crawl into a corner somewhere private, I could lick my wounds in peace. Tearing the wet towel off my face, I looked around the small room for the best covert access. I seriously considered hopping out the window as a means of escape. How could I ever face Neil again after this debacle? Embarrassed didn’t even begin to cover what I was feeling.
“You’ll be leaving out the front door tonight, darlin’, and not the fuckin’ window.” I whipped my head around to see he’d returned with a glass of water for me. He was still wearing that frown too.
“I wasn’t going to,” I said meekly, mortified he’d read my shame as if it were a newspaper headline.
“You were thinking about it, though.” He brought the glass to my lips. “Here you go. Little sips.” His kind attentions overwhelmed me to the point I had to close my eyes. I just couldn’t look at him anymore and keep myself together. I sipped the water instead and let him tend to me.
Selfish of me, I know.
“Better now?” he asked hopefully, in that low tone I recognized since as long as I could remember. I loved the sound of Neil’s voice and I always had. Listening to him talk was a beautiful sound to me. Strong, but gentle. Soft, yet firmly convincing.
I nodded weakly, wishing I could slip through a crack in the floorboards so he couldn’t see me in such a pitiable state. Why was he hovering? Shouldn’t he be busy with Cora grinding his soldier’s edge off?
“Why are you doing this, Neil?”
He ignored my question and frowned at me instead. “Let’s get you out. You’re so finished here for the night.”
Then he put his hand at my lower back with a firm touch, and steered me out of the pub, completely taking charge of the situation.
I was far too weak to put up any sort of fight and I loved the feel of his hands on me, anyway.
Even if he were just being the concerned big brother tonight, I’d take what I could get. Any little bit of Neil was better than no Neil at all. I am not stupid.
While leaning against the window of his car, I welcomed the cold glass pressing into my temple, hoping it might cure my scrambled head. Not very effective though, when I could smell his deliciousness right beside me.
Neil just drove and stayed quiet. He wasn’t a talker anyway. He spoke if he had something to say, and I got the feeling he really wanted to say something to me, but I’d forced things to become so awkward between us, he probably didn’t know how to begin. Nor want to. I felt like a complete and utter mess. Scratch that. I was most definitely a complete and utter mess.
I offered the first olive branch.
“I’m—I’m so—sorry for ruining your night with…Cora—”
He snorted at me. “I wasn’t there for Cora tonight,” he said, shaking his head.
He wasn’t? This was news to me. As much as I wanted to hope, I forced my fluttering heart to calm. “You weren’t there for Cora tonight.” I said the words slowly and deliberately, an edge of questioning sarcasm in my tone that asked the burning but unspoken, then why in the hell were you there tonight, Neil?
“Nah, I wasn’t.” He looked over at me, his expression giving nothing away.
It was apparent he wasn’t going to tell me why he was there either and the realization annoyed me greatly. “So, if you know about Cora, then why do you stay with her? She’s running around on you as soon as you go away. She’s a cheater. Every time, Neil. She doesn’t love you like I—like—like she should do!”
Oops.
The silence in the car screamed in the small space between us.
“I’m not with Cora anymore.”
“You were when you first got back. I saw you with her more than once.”
He narrowed his eyes. “But, I’m not with her anymore, Elaina,” he said with a bite.
“Really.” I couldn’t say much more, I was so surprised at his declaration. Neil and Cora were finished? If I wasn’t sitting in a car and felt better, I might just jump up and do a jig in celebration, but my head continued to pound, and my stomach continued to storm.
“Really, there’s nothing there,” he sailed right back. “I’ve known for a long time what she gets up to and it doesn’t matter anymore what she does when I’m away.” He turned his head slowly to me, taking his eyes off the road. “We were just using each other from the get go…”
We were just using each other? Lovely. Picturing that twat getting even five minutes of Neil’s attentions made me insane with jealousy. Images of him and Cora making love, touching each other, kissing passionately, flashed through my head until I couldn’t help but groan against the cool window of his car. “Oh…I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
Insane jealousy wasn’t the only thing I felt either. There was also the violent urge to be sick again.
“Pull over!” I managed to sputter.
The second round was mostly just a lot of mortifying gagging and retching. There was nothing in me now except for the water I’d sipped. Neil didn’t say anything once it was over. He kept quiet, bundled me back into his car, and drove us away. I closed my eyes and let him take care of me sure this was all a nightmare I would eventually wake from.
In the morning, I would deal with facing up to the spectacle I’d made of myself in front of Neil t
onight.
I would pretend it had all been just a dream…because that was the most my poor heart could manage to do.
~ end of sample ~
CHERRY GIRL
RAINE MILLER
RAINE has been reading romance novels since she picked up that first Barbara Cartland paperback at the tender age of thirteen. She thinks it was The Flame is Love from 1975. And it's a safe bet she'll never stop reading romance novels because now she writes them too. Granted, Raine's stories are edgy enough to turn Ms. Cartland in her grave, but to her way of thinking, a tall, dark and handsome hero never goes out of fashion. Never! A former teacher turned full- time writer of sexy romance stories, is how she fills her days. Raine has a prince of a husband, and two brilliant sons to pull her back into the real world if the writing takes her too far away. Her sons know she likes to write stories, but have never asked to read any. (Raine is so very grateful about this.) She loves to hear from readers and chat about the characters in her books. You can connect with Raine on Facebook at the Blackstone Affair Fan Page or visit her at www.RaineMiller.com to sign up for updates and see what she's working on now.
BOOKS BY RAINE MILLER
The Blackstone Affair
NAKED, BOOK 1
ALL IN, BOOK 2
EYES WIDE OPEN, BOOK 3
CHERRY GIRL, BOOK 3.5
RARE AND PRECIOUS THINGS, BOOK 4
Historical Romance Prequels
The PASSION of DARIUS
The UNDOING of a LIBERTINE
Raine Miller, Rare and Precious Things
(Series: # )
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