“But you didn’t find me, Owen. You found five innocent people.”
Owen frowns. “Five people who crossed paths with you. There’s a saying in the Archive: ‘Strange things shine brighter.’ You notice it when you read the memories in objects. But the same thing happens to the memories up here.” He taps his temple. “We stand out in the minds of others more than in our own. Whoever they were, you must have made an impression. Left a mark.”
My stomach turns. Behind my eyes I see them:
Judge Phillip on the verge of tears when he smelled the cookies in the oven.
Bethany clutching the silver necklace I returned.
A dazed Jason flirting to get my name and number.
Coach Metz with his gruff good, good when I agreed to try out for track.
And Cash? I wasn’t paying attention, he said, because I was thinking about you. Truth be told, I can’t stop thinking about you.
I wrap my arms around my ribs, feeling sick. He could have been taken, dragged through into the dark. Others were.
“Is there any way,” I say, “to get them back?”
Owen shakes his head. “The void isn’t meant for the living. It’s not meant for the dead, either.” Even in the dim light, I can see the way it wore on him. He looks strangely fragile. But I know better than to trust appearances.
Four people dead, for thinking about me. For caring. And how many others could have been taken? My parents? Wesley? All because of Owen. All because of me.
“What are you doing here?” I say through clenched teeth.
“I told you, I came to talk.” Owen turns, considering the rest of the room. “I hate this place,” he whispers, the words almost swallowed by the melody still leaking from the radio.
And then I remember this wasn’t always my room. It was hers; Regina’s. Owen’s sister lived in here. She died in the hallway just outside. Owen looks down at the floor, where faint bloodstains still linger, worn to shadows by time. “Funny how the memory doesn’t fade.”
His hands, hanging loose and open at his sides, curl into fists. He should slip. If he were an ordinary History, the sight of this room and the memory of what happened here would be enough. The black of his pupils would waver and spread, engulfing the icy blue of his eyes. And as it did, he would go mad with fear and anger and guilt.
But Owen has never been an ordinary History. A prodigy turned prodigal son of the Archive. A brilliant but cunning member of Crew. A manipulator. A boy willing to jump off a roof just to die whole so he could return to punish the system he blamed.
I watch him step around the mark on the floor the way one would a body. “How long was I gone?” he asks, crouching to fetch his knife from the corner.
“Three weeks, six days, twenty hours,” I say, wishing the answer didn’t come so easily.
“What happened to Carmen?” he asks, straightening.
“She was reshelved,” I say, “after she tried to strangle me on your behalf.”
Owen turns back toward me, sliding the knife into the holster at his back. “Did she do anything else?”
“Besides waking up half the branch? No.”
A grim smile flickers across his face. “And the Archive just let you walk away?”
I say nothing, and he closes the gap between us. “No,” he answers for me. “They didn’t. Something is different about you, Miss Bishop. Something is wrong. They may have let you keep your memories, but they haven’t given you back your life.”
“At least I’m alive,” I challenge.
“But your head is full of splinters,” he says, his fingers tangling in my hair, his cheek coming to rest against mine. “Broken pieces and bad dreams and terror and doubt,” he whispers in my ear. “So jumbled up you can’t even tell real from not. Tell me, did the Archive do that to you?”
“No,” I say. “You did.”
His hand falls away as he pulls back to look at me. “I opened your eyes,” he says with strange sincerity. “I told you the truth. It’s not my fault you couldn’t handle it.”
“You lied to me, used me, and tried to kill me.”
“And you threw me into the void,” he says matter-of-factly. “The way I see it, we both did what we had to do. I didn’t enjoy deceiving you, and I didn’t want to kill you—I told you that then—but you were in my way. I’m here to find out if you still are.”
“I will always be in your way, Owen.”
A pale brow arches. “If only your thoughts were as sure as your words, Miss Bishop. But they don’t lie as easily. Do you know what’s written all over your mind? Doubt. You used to be so certain about your ideals—the Archive is law, is good, is god, trust in them, trust in Da—but your ideals are crumbling. The Archive is broken. Da knew—he had to know—and he still let them have you. Your head is full of questions, full of fears, and they are so loud I can barely hear the rest of you. And when Agatha hears them, she’s going to treat you like rot in her precious Archive. She’ll see you as something to be cut out before it spreads. And not even your beloved Roland will be able to stop her.” He brings his hands up to the wall on either side of me, caging me in. “You want to know why I’m here? Why I haven’t just slit your throat? Because unlike the Archive, I believe in salvaging what can be saved. And you, Mackenzie… Well, it would be a crime to let you go to waste. I want you to help me.”
“Help you do what?”
The ghost of a smile touches his lips. “Finish what I started.”
TWENTY-FIVE
I ALMOST LAUGH. And then I realize that Owen is serious.
“Why would I ever help you?”
“Other than self-preservation?” says Owen, pushing off the wall. “I can give you what you want.” He wanders around the bed to the bedside table. “I can give you back your grandfather.” His fingers trail along the edge of a photo before reaching for the blue bear beside the lamp. “And your brother, Ben.”
Owen’s fingers close around the bear just before I slam him back against the wall. Ben’s stuffed animal tumbles from his grasp.
“How dare you?” I hiss, pinning him there. “Do you think I would actually fall for that a second time? You’ve played this hand, Owen. It’s tired. And Ben is gone. I have no desire to drag him out of sleep again. The only thing I want is to see you on a shelf.”
Owen doesn’t fight back. Instead he levels his infuriatingly calm gaze on me. “That won’t solve your problems. Not anymore.”
“It’s a start.”
Owen’s hand flies up and wraps around my bad wrist. “So much misdirected anger,” he says, tightening his grip. I gasp at the pain, but the room holds steady around me as I pull back—and to my surprise, he lets go. I cradle my wrist, and Owen crosses his arms.
“Fine,” he says. “Let your dead rest. I can give you something else.”
“What’s that?” I snap. “Freedom? Purpose?”
Owen’s blue eyes narrow. “A life.”
I frown. “What?”
“A life, Mackenzie. One where you don’t have to hide what you are or what you do. No more secrets you don’t want to keep. No more lies you don’t want to tell. One life.”
“You can’t give me that.”
“You’re right. I can’t give it to you. But I can help you take it.”
One life? Does he mean a chance to walk away? To be normal? No more lying to my family, no more holding back from Wes? But there wouldn’t be a Wes, because Wes belongs to the Archive, Wes believes in the Archive. Even if I could walk away, he wouldn’t. I would never ask him to, and it doesn’t matter because it’s not possible. The Archive never lets you go. Not intact, anyway.
“What you’re promising doesn’t exist.”
“Not yet,” says Owen. “But by the time I’m done it will.”
“You mean once you’ve torn the Archive down—how did you put it, Owen? Branch by branch and shelf by shelf? You know I won’t let you.”
“What if I told you I didn’t have to? That the Archive would stay, a
nd you would stay with it if you wanted to? Only no more secrets. Would that be worth fighting for?”
“You’re lying,” I whisper. “You’re just telling me what I want to hear.”
Owen sighs. “I’m telling you the truth. The fact that you want to hear it means you should listen.”
But how can I listen? What he’s saying is madness. A dream, and a poisonous one at that. I watch as Owen crosses to the radio and switches it off.
“It’s late,” he says. “Think about what I’ve said. Sleep on it. If you’re still determined to fight me, you can do so in the morning. And if at that point I’m feeling merciful, I’ll kill you whole before the Archive can destroy you bit by bit.”
The Owen in my nightmares does not walk away, but this one does. He gets halfway to the bedroom door, then pauses and turns back, tugging Da’s key back out from under his collar. He offers it to me, and it hangs between us like a promise. Or a trap.
“As proof,” he says, “that I’m real.”
Everything in me tenses when the metal hits my palm. The cool weight of Da’s key—my key—sends a shiver through me. I loop it over my head, the weight settling against my chest. It feels like a small piece of the world has been made right. Then Owen turns, opens the door, and strides silently away.
I follow, watching light spill into the dim living room as he slips out of the apartment and into the yellow hall. Something thuds behind me, and I spin to find Dad asleep in a corner chair, a book now on the floor beside him. Even in sleep, his face is creased with worry; as I kneel to retrieve the book, I wonder what it would be like to tell my parents why I have nightmares. Why I have scars. Where I vanish to. Why I cringe from their touch.
I hate Owen all the more for planting the thought in my head, because it’s not possible. A world without these secrets and lies could never exist.
But as I set Dad’s book on the table and tug a blanket up over his shoulders, a question whispers in my head.
What if?
I don’t remember drifting off, but one minute I’m staring at the door and the next my alarm is sounding. I should be relieved that I didn’t dream, and there is a small, rebellious flicker of happiness in my chest, but it dies as soon as I remember Owen: my own living nightmare. Except I’m beginning to suspect he’s not a dream.
Da’s key is still pressed against my skin, and I force myself to take it off and bury it in the top drawer of my bedside table. My ring is still sitting on the windowsill, but I don’t dare put it on if it’ll blind me to Owen’s presence. Instead I find a necklace chain and loop the band through it, sliding the silver piece over my head and tucking it beneath the collar of my uniform shirt.
It’s going to be a long day without a buffer.
My list is holding steady at three names, but I can’t push my luck, especially now that I know Agatha’s search for Crew will come up empty. Mom’s in the kitchen swearing about how she can’t find her keys while the news plays out on the TV. I watch, expecting the crime scene at Hyde to be the top story, but it’s never mentioned, and all I can think is that the storage room hasn’t been discovered yet.
Mom, meanwhile, is still searching under papers, through her purse, in the drawers for her keys. She won’t find them because they’re stashed in the freezer under a bag of peas.
“I don’t need you to drive me,” I say. “Really. Just let me go myself.”
“This isn’t up for negotiation,” she says, nearly upsetting a cup of coffee as she scours the mess on the kitchen table.
“I know you don’t trust me—”
“It’s not that,” she says. “I just don’t want you riding your bike until your arm’s healed.”
And just like that, I’ve got her. Hook. Line. Sinker. “You’re right. I’ll take the bus.”
Mom stops searching and straightens. “You hate the bus,” she says. “You called it a tiny box filled with germs and dirt.”
“Well,” I say, shouldering my bag, “life is messy. And there’s a stop a block from school.” I don’t actually know if this is true. Luckily, neither does Mom.
Her phone goes off from somewhere under the papers she’s been searching through. “Fine,” she says. “Fine, okay, just please be careful.”
“Always,” I say, ducking out.
I’d never take the bus. Especially not with my ring hanging uselessly around my neck. The lie does save time, though, since I don’t have to worry about stashing my bike before cutting into the Narrows.
Two of the three Histories go without a fight, and the third isn’t a match for me, even in my current condition. I approach the boundary between Wesley’s territory and mine and slide my key into the lock, hoping it turns. It does. The door bleeds into light and shape before it opens.
I’m in such a hurry that I don’t think about the fact that this isn’t my territory until I round a corner and nearly run straight into Wesley. I stagger back in time to avoid a collision, and he pulls up short in time to avoid dropping a coffee carrier.
“Jesus, Mac,” he says, clutching his chest with his free hand.
“Sorry!” I say, holding up mine in surrender.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hunting,” I say as we set off toward Hyde’s door.
“I kind of got that,” says Wes. “I meant, what are you doing in my territory?”
“Oh. Roland granted me access so I could clear my list from school.”
Wes nods. “I’m glad they finally cut you some slack. Not that scaling walls isn’t fun, but this seems a little less dangerous.”
“Only because you don’t have your stick out.”
“Bō staff,” corrects Wes. “And it’s in my bag. But my list is clear, and my hands were full.”
“What’s with the coffee?” I ask.
He holds up the carrier. “It’s for you.”
“You do know my parents own a coffee shop,” I say.
“That’s never stopped you from taking Cash’s,” he says with a pout. “And I figured after yesterday’s incident, you might be looking for a new supplier.” It takes me a second to realize that by “incident” he means Cash’s coffee making me sick, and not Cash’s kiss. If he’s heard about the latter, he doesn’t let on, and I don’t broach the subject, since it’s the least of my problems right now.
He offers me a cup and I take it, careful not to let our fingers touch. The last thing I need is for Wesley to see Owen written all over my mind.
“Any word from Agatha?” he asks. “About the voids?”
The coffee turns to lead in my mouth. I try to swallow. “Not yet.”
“Don’t worry,” he says, misreading my concern. “She’ll find whoever’s doing this.” We reach a door with a green check mark. “How did you sleep?” he adds. “I missed your bed.”
“It missed you, too,” I say as he opens the door. Unlike the doors that no longer exist in the Outer—the ones tucked in cracks and folds—the Hyde School door opens not onto darkness, but onto the campus. The school is visible even from the Narrows side. I look out, scanning the green for signs of Owen’s silver-blond hair. I don’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he’s not there—and I can’t afford to lead Wesley to him.
“You coming?” asks Wes.
I reach for the list in my skirt pocket as if I can feel letters writing themselves on the page.
“One more,” I say with a sigh and a glance back over my shoulder. “You go on ahead.”
Wes hesitates, but nods and steps out onto Hyde’s grass. I close the door between us and count to ten, twenty, thirty…and then I unlock it with my own key and step through, beelining for the Wellness Center. I half expect to see yellow crime scene tape, but the building is quiet. The trophy hall is empty and perfectly still, and I hold my breath as I make my way toward the storage room door, bracing myself for the scene beyond the glass insert. But when I look through, the air catches in my throat. I push the door open and hit all three switches, showering the room with light.
r /> It’s untouched. Immaculate. No toppled shelves, no scattered equipment, no blood on the floor. Nothing except the void, the remnants of which still hover in the middle of the room, snagging and repelling my gaze at the same time, the only proof that anything happened here.
“I thought it would be best to clean up.”
I spin to see Owen leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. “Good morning.”
My fingers curl into fists at my sides. I hate that I’m relieved to see him. I’ve been dreading this moment since last night, and yet the thought of his not being here was in a way more frightening. But now that he’s here, I need to figure out what to do. I have to dispatch him, and soon, but the questions that have been filling up my head all night are now trying to climb my throat.
Owen slides the knife out of the holster at his back. “Still determined to fight me?” I hesitate, my eyes flicking from the glinting knife to his face and back. This is not the way to beat him. I force my hands to unclench. “Ready to listen, then?” He arches an eyebrow, feigning surprise.
“You claim there’s a way to live without lies,” I start. “How?”
Owen smiles, returning the knife to its hidden sheath. “Isn’t it obvious?” he says. “Your life is only made of secrets and lies because the Archive is. You exist in the shadows because the Archive does.” His blue eyes glitter with excitement. “I am going to drag the Archive out of the dust-covered dark and into the light of day. I’m going to give it back to the world it claims to serve.”
“How?”
“By opening the doors,” he says, spreading his arms. “By letting the Archive out and the world in.”
“The world can’t even see the doors, Owen.”
“Only because it’s forgotten how. The whole world is wearing blinders. But if we take them off, eyes will adjust. Lives will adjust. They’ll have to.” I shake my head. “It’s time for change, Mackenzie. It’s messy, but the era of secrets must end. The world will adapt, and so will the Archive. It must.” His brow furrows, darkening his eyes. “Think about what the Archive’s secrets have cost us. Histories only slip because they wake into a world they do not know. They succumb to panic. Confusion. Fear. But if the Archive weren’t a secret—if everyone knew what came next—they wouldn’t be afraid. And if they let go of their fear and began to understand, then if and when they woke, they wouldn’t slip. Ben wouldn’t have slipped. Regina wouldn’t have slipped. No one would slip.”