“Because I’m a dog person?” I laugh to ease the tension I’m creating with my interrogation.
“Yeah, maybe that. And maybe it’s . . . I don’t know.”
My heart starts beating more rapidly. There’s a connection between us, even though we’re not touching, and I don’t want to ruin it by pushing him into a place he doesn’t want to be. “I think you’re easy to talk to, too. And it definitely helps that you have a tiny dog named Tinkerbell.”
“Did I tell you the story of how I got her?”
“No. Not yet.” I zip up my jacket, trying to maintain whatever heat I have left.
“One of my colleagues at the office received her as a gift from a client. But he’s allergic to dogs, so he was going to bring her to a shelter.”
“Are you kidding me? She’s a purebred Yorkie, right?”
“Yeah, and I’m sure she wasn’t cheap. She was really tiny, barking a lot . . . I don’t know if he actually is allergic, but he’s definitely not a dog person. It would have been a mistake to let him take her home.”
“So, you stepped in and scooped her up? Animal rescue 9-1-1?”
“Not exactly. She escaped his office, and everybody was looking all over the place for her. I wouldn’t let anybody look in my office, though, because I was busy working on some contracts.”
“Don’t tell me, let me guess . . . She was in your office the whole time.”
“Hey, don’t skip to the end.” He shakes a finger at me, and I hold up my hands in apology. “By the time I was ready to leave for the day, everybody else was gone; the offices were empty. I went to grab my running shoes to take to the gym, and there was this tiny ball of fur curled up inside one of them.”
“She went to sleep in your shoe? Aw, how adorable.” I can totally picture it.
“What can I say? The girl likes foot odor. She has very peculiar tastes.”
I laugh really hard at that. “She must be really special.”
“I decided right there that if she liked my feet that much, I probably should just take her home with me.”
“Who knows when you’ll find another girl who likes that, right?”
“Exactly.”
We’re both grinning from ear to ear. My face starts to cramp with happiness. “That’s a cute story. I guess she decided that you belonged to her.” I can see why she did it. Greg is pretty cute, and he does wear nice shoes. Knowing how fastidious he is, they probably don’t even stink.
“Yeah, she did. And I do. She’s got me wrapped around her tiny little paw.”
“I love that.” I sound like I’m dreaming out loud.
“What do you love?” He stops walking as he waits for my answer.
I turn and face him, taking a slow step back. “I love that you’re a big tough guy who adores his tiny little dog. It’s pretty stinking adorable, if you want to know the truth.”
He takes a step toward me, his hands coming out of his pockets. “I’m not really a tough guy. I just have to keep up a façade.”
I stop and tilt my head so I can look up into his steel-gray eyes. His hair has fallen onto his forehead, and I really want to slide my fingers through it and move it over to the side where it belongs. I fold my arms over my chest because I don’t trust myself not to reach for him. “Why the façade, Greg? Do you think clients won’t take you seriously if you show them any vulnerability?”
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s just not my style to be . . . open.”
We continue to stare into each other’s eyes as a chilly wind blows through the trees. I run my hands up and down my arms, trying to create some warm friction.
“Are you cold?” He reaches out and rubs my arms for me. The movement brings us closer; we’re almost within hugging distance. It’s intimate and nerve-racking, but in a good way.
“A little bit.” I look around, my teeth starting to chatter. “Where did those dogs get to?”
“They’re over there.” Greg gestures with his chin at a spot over my shoulder. His eyes never leave mine. “Listen, maybe this is none of my business, but I’d really like to help you with your legal problem.”
His hands are so warm on my arms, I don’t want him to let go. I shift my weight from one foot to the other. “Are you licensed in Maine?”
“No, but someone in my office is, and he owes me a favor.”
I’m almost afraid to hope. He’s offering me a lifeline, but what will it cost me in the end? “I wasn’t kidding when I said I can’t afford your fees.”
“Consider it a donation to your nonprofit. Our firm is always looking for pro bono work.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you because you work for my family members.”
He gets a funny expression on his face, but then it quickly disappears as he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. You won’t owe me a thing.”
“Well, I will owe you one huge favor, at least. I can’t agree that I won’t owe you anything.”
Half of his mouth lifts in a smile. It looks almost devilish. “A huge favor? Hmmm. I think I could work with that. I could get used to the idea of you owing me something.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, buddy.”
He tips his head back and laughs loud enough that it echoes out into the woods. “Love it.” He turns around, guiding me along with him as he rests his arm across my shoulders. “You make me laugh.” We walk back toward the clinic side by side.
I keep my arms folded across my chest because if I don’t, I may be tempted to wrap them around his waist. This thing he’s doing, putting his arm across my shoulders, it doesn’t mean anything. We’re just two adults who are getting along and having a nice afternoon together. I have to keep reminding myself of that with every step. It feels so nice to have the side of my body pressing into his. It’s both intimate and friendly, hot and cool. I could read so much into this, but I know I shouldn’t.
Oscar Mayer and Banana come running by, throwing up leaves in their wake. It helps to keep the mood light, to see them acting so goofy. Thank God for dogs. I giggle with happiness.
“Your house is full of laughter,” he says.
I nod. “That’s true, it is.”
“How do you feel about your mothers coming out here before you were born?”
I stop walking but he continues. His arm falls away and he turns around. We’re facing each other again, but the mood has changed. The bruising on my heart comes to the forefront, and I lose my smile and those happy feelings I had when we were touching. I don’t want to get into the decisions my mothers made way back then. I refuse to be angry with the women who raised me with nothing but love. They did what they thought they had to do, and I’m good with that. And the parts I’m not good with . . . well . . . we don’t need to get into those. Not now and not ever.
He’s waiting for an answer, and I don’t want to shut him out, so I do my best to come up with a bland response that doesn’t encourage further conversation on that topic. “I have mixed feelings about it.”
“Am I being too intrusive, asking you these questions about your family?”
I can’t look at him anymore, disappointed that he so easily ruined the mood. I guess he wasn’t feeling what I was. I stare at the ground and shrug again. “No, not really.” It’s not like my thoughts on the matter are a big secret. And he was willing to answer my questions, so maybe I should answer his. He shouldn’t be faulted for not having silly, touchy-feely emotions toward me like I have toward him.
“You can tell me to mind my own business if you want.”
I look up at him, catching a vulnerable expression on his face. It instantly makes me want to throw caution to the wind. What could be the harm in opening up a little? Now that Emerald seems to be on board with the men of Red Hot insinuating themselves into our lives more completely, I haven’t really talked about this stuff with anyone. Maybe it would be good to get some things off my chest. I take in and let out a deep breath before I start.
“I have a really great life here as a result of the decisions my mothers made, but there’s a big piece of me that’s angry about it, too.”
He nods slowly, his eyebrows pulling together. He doesn’t say anything as he waits for me to continue.
“When I found out that I had a father out there somewhere, and that he was able to find me so easily, I got really angry.”
“Why?”
“Because.” I can’t believe I have to explain this to him. “You have a father. Surely you could imagine what your life would’ve been like if he’d missed your whole childhood and then appeared out of nowhere when you turned twenty-five.”
Greg stares off into the distance for a little while and then slowly starts to nod. “I guess I might be a little bitter about it.”
“Bitter, yes. But also really disappointed. And sad. When I was a little girl growing up, I always wondered who my dad was . . . where he was. Our mothers never told us the story of their lives with the band. They always managed to change the subject or shift the focus away from the questions of our origins and their shared history prior to our births. They claimed their pasts weren’t important. And I understand why they made the decision they made, to leave without saying anything; they were young and they had a lot of people influencing them who had their own interests in mind. But still, I can’t help but be angry at Red and the rest of them for the role they played in everything.”
“What exactly are you angry at them for? What role did they play?”
I put my hands on my hips, a little upset that he doesn’t get it without me having to explain it in such painful detail. “I’m upset that they used our mothers for sex and companionship for years, and then did nothing when they disappeared. I mean, that sounds really selfish to me. Really self-centered. You’d think they would have at least wondered where our moms went. They should’ve tried to find them. It was the decent thing to do, and they didn’t do it.”
Greg steps closer and rubs my upper arms a few times before sliding his hands down to my wrists and pulling my hands off my hips. We’re standing face-to-face. My fingers curl around his, and it sparks the warmth between us again.
“Thank you for telling me that. I guess I never really thought of it that way, but I can see now why you’d be so upset with them. Is this why you’re not taking the settlement?”
The warmth turns instantly to chill and I yank my hands away from his, stepping back. “Please tell me that isn’t what this is about.”
He looks at me quizzically. “What what is about? I don’t understand.”
I throw my arms out to my sides, glancing around us. “This walk! You helping me with the kennels! Please tell me you’re not here doing all this because you’re still trying to talk to me about that damn settlement!” I’m halfway to blowing my top at him. One wrong word and it’s all over. I will verbally tear him a new butthole. It’s one thing to make me wonder about his personal feelings toward me, but it’s totally another to deliberately manipulate me just so he can get his business done.
He steps forward in a hurry and puts his hands on my shoulders. “No. No, no, no. Please don’t think that.” He looks up at the sky and then down at me, his expression more serious than I’ve ever seen it. “I’m glad you’re not taking the settlement. Believe me. I think you’re way better off walking away from it. Way better.”
Now I’m the one who’s confused. I tilt my head. “What?”
He releases me and turns around, gesturing for me to follow him back toward the clinic. “Listen, you’re not my client, so I can’t give you my opinion on this stuff. I’ve already said too much. Would you mind if we changed the subject?”
I let out a long sigh. “I would love to change the subject away from the settlement. That’s a great idea. Super. Super duper.”
He sighs too. I’m pretty sure it’s in relief. He puts his arm across my shoulders again, and we walk together once more, me taking one and a half steps for each of his. I glance over at him, but he’s staring down at the ground, deep in thought. I enjoy the last fifty yards of our stroll, the wind burning my cheeks and pulling bits of my hair from the clip it’s supposed to be in. It’s chilly out here, but I’m getting warmer by the second.
Every moment I spend in Greg’s presence brings us closer. Closer to what? I have no idea. Maybe a friendship. Maybe an affair. Would I sleep with him if he were interested? I might. I definitely might. The more I get to know him, the more I wonder what he’ll look like without all that L.L.Bean gear on. Naked. I wonder if he’ll be as good in bed as he is at work.
Oh, what a rumor mill we would start with that kind of relationship. I smile briefly at the thought but slowly let the fantasy go. There’s no way it’ll ever happen between us. He lives there, and I live here. He’s a lawyer, and I’m an animal caretaker/poo picker-upper. I’m never going to Manhattan, and he’s never coming into my bedroom at the farm. Not only are we living in two different worlds, the only privacy we could ever get is out here at the clinic.
I fear I’m doomed to a life of being single because I just don’t have the resources to set myself up in my own place where I could have my own adult life. Sure, I could hook up with a guy from time to time, but a real relationship? Not likely. For the first time ever, I’m regretting the fact that I said no to that stupid legal settlement, even though the lawyer standing next to me just told me that it would be a mistake to accept it.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ten minutes after Greg leaves to go back to the house, the door opens and Smitty walks through it. I grin at him as he approaches the desk.
Good old Smitty. He never fails to cheer me up with that smile of his. He’s been like a brother to Amber, Em, and me since we were small. I can still remember the first day he came to the farm on his tiny bike, covered in dirt. “My name is Jacob Hendersson Smith the third, but you can call me Smitty.” And so we did.
The roads weren’t paved back then, and he wanted to meet the girls he’d heard about from his mother, so he braved the dust and the potholes and the scary wildlife to get to our place five miles away. Since that day, he’s pretty much been a fixture here on the farm. First he was just a playmate, happy to let us dress him up in our clothes and play with his hair. Then he showed us the joys of horseback riding, hide-and-seek, tag, and all the other games country kids play. When he was big and strong enough, he started earning money by helping us with chores around the property. Now he’s as close to a farm manager as we’ll ever have, splitting his working hours between Glenhollow and his parents’ place. He has a younger brother named Brian, but he’s only seventeen and a total handful, often in trouble with the law for various things. We’ve only seen him a few times over the years. He told Smitty he hates our farm, and none of us has any idea why. Smitty says he’s jealous, but I have no idea what he’s jealous of.
“Hey there, you,” I say. “What are you doing out this way?”
He leans over the desk and reaches out to give me a fist bump, bringing the smell of cold outdoors, sweat, and motor oil with him. “Just coming over to check the hives. Making sure they don’t need any sugar water from me.”
“You’re still taking care of them even though Amber is here?”
“Yeah, I’m still helping out. I have a feeling she’s not gonna stay here for too much longer.”
“Did she tell you that?”
He shrugs. “Not in so many words.” He taps the counter with his thumbs, looking around.
“Is everything cool between you and Emerald?” She mentioned a while back that he seemed bummed she was with Sam. I wonder if he’s gotten over that.
He gives me a funny look. “Yeah. We’re cool. She’s got a boyfriend and her little girl now, so I guess that’s lights-out for me.”
“I heard you were dating somebody, though, right? That’s exciting.”
“It didn’t work out.” He turns around and twists the baseball hat on his head left and right a few times before he faces me again. “What’re you doing ton
ight?”
“Going to dinner at the house. You want to come?”
“Yeah, I might do that. What about after?”
I look around. “You know me. I’ll be back here.”
“And what about after that?” He’s looking at me funny again.
“I don’t know. Probably go back home like I always do.”
“You feel like going out and getting some beers?”
“Oh, I doubt it. I’m usually pretty tired by the time I leave here at night.”
“Aw, come on. I saw that guy in here with you. Wasn’t he helping you out? Maybe you won’t be as tired tonight after getting all that help.”
This strikes me as a very strange thing to say, coming from Smitty. He’s usually not at all interested in what I do. “What guy? When did you see him?”
“That guy who just left here. He was going out when I was coming in.”
Weird. I could have sworn a lot more time than that passed before Smitty came in. “You mean Greg?”
“Yeah, that lawyer guy.”
“Yeah, he did actually help a little bit.” I smile at the memory. My kennels have never been so clean.
“See? You’re not going to be too tired. You could have a beer.”
“Well, I’ll ask around and see if anybody’s up for it.”
“Or you could just come yourself.” He lifts his brows high and smiles a little too hard.
I sit back in my chair and stare at him. “Smitty, are you asking me out on a date?” I can’t believe I have to ask him this question, but he’s acting so strangely, and it sure seems like that’s what he’s suggesting.
He loses the smile. “Would that be such a crazy thing?”
I frown. “Uh, yes. You slept with my sister.”
“So? She’s dating that other guy now, and she’s really happy. She’s probably going to marry him. Isn’t she pregnant?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t sleep with her.”
“We slept together one time. And I’m pretty sure she regrets it because she’s avoided me completely ever since.”
I smile, feeling sorry for the guy. “She’s not avoiding you. You know she’s just shy.”