CHAPTER 22.
"Young blighted Albert," said Keggs the butler, shifting his weightso that it distributed itself more comfortably over the creakingchair in which he reclined, "let this be a lesson to you, youngfeller me lad."
The day was a week after Lord Marshmoreton's visit to London, thehour six o'clock. The housekeeper's room, in which the upperservants took their meals, had emptied. Of the gay company whichhad just finished dinner only Keggs remained, placidly digesting.Albert, whose duty it was to wait on the upper servants, was movingto and fro, morosely collecting the plates and glasses. The boy wasin no happy frame of mind. Throughout dinner the conversation attable had dealt almost exclusively with the now celebratedelopement of Reggie Byng and his bride, and few subjects could havemade more painful listening to Albert.
"What's been the result and what I might call the upshot," saidKeggs, continuing his homily, "of all your making yourself so busyand thrusting of yourself forward and meddling in the affairs ofyour elders and betters? The upshot and issue of it 'as been thatyou are out five shillings and nothing to show for it. Fiveshillings what you might have spent on some good book and improvedyour mind! And goodness knows it wants all the improving it canget, for of all the worthless, idle little messers it's ever beenmy misfortune to have dealings with, you are the champion. Becareful of them plates, young man, and don't breathe so hard. You'aven't got hasthma or something, 'ave you?"
"I can't breathe now!" complained the stricken child.
"Not like a grampus you can't, and don't you forget it." Keggswagged his head reprovingly. "Well, so your Reggie Byng's gone andeloped, has he! That ought to teach you to be more careful anothertime 'ow you go gambling and plunging into sweepstakes. The idea ofa child of your age 'aving the audacity to thrust 'isself forwardlike that!"
"Don't call him my Reggie Byng! I didn't draw 'im!"
"There's no need to go into all that again, young feller. Youaccepted 'im freely and without prejudice when the fair exchangewas suggested, so for all practical intents and purposes he is yourReggie Byng. I 'ope you're going to send him a wedding-present."
"Well, you ain't any better off than me, with all your 'ighwayrobbery!"
"My what!"
"You 'eard what I said."
"Well, don't let me 'ear it again. The idea! If you 'ad anyobjections to parting with that ticket, you should have stated themclearly at the time. And what do you mean by saying I ain't anybetter off than you are?"
"I 'ave my reasons."
"You think you 'ave, which is a very different thing. I suppose youimagine that you've put a stopper on a certain little affair bysurreptitiously destroying letters entrusted to you."
"I never!" exclaimed Albert with a convulsive start that nearlysent eleven plates dashing to destruction.
"'Ow many times have I got to tell you to be careful of themplates?" said Keggs sternly. "Who do you think you are--a juggleron the 'Alls, 'urling them about like that? Yes, I know all aboutthat letter. You thought you was very clever, I've no doubt. Butlet me tell you, young blighted Albert, that only the other evening'er ladyship and Mr. Bevan 'ad a long and extended interview inspite of all your hefforts. I saw through your little game, and Iproceeded and went and arranged the meeting."
In spite of himself Albert was awed. He was oppressed by the senseof struggling with a superior intellect.
"Yes, you did!" he managed to say with the proper note ofincredulity, but in his heart he was not incredulous. Dimly, Alberthad begun to perceive that years must elapse before he could becomecapable of matching himself in battles of wits with thismaster-strategist.
"Yes, I certainly did!" said Keggs. "I don't know what 'appened atthe interview--not being present in person. But I've no doubt thateverything proceeded satisfactorily."
"And a fat lot of good that's going to do you, when 'e ain'tallowed to come inside the 'ouse!"
A bland smile irradiated the butler's moon-like face.
"If by 'e you're alloodin' to Mr. Bevan, young blighted Albert, letme tell you that it won't be long before 'e becomes a regular dulyinvited guest at the castle!"
"A lot of chance!"
"Would you care to 'ave another five shillings even money on it?"
Albert recoiled. He had had enough of speculation where the butlerwas concerned. Where that schemer was allowed to get within reachof it, hard cash melted away.
"What are you going to do?"
"Never you mind what I'm going to do. I 'ave my methods. All I'ave to say to you is that tomorrow or the day after Mr. Bevanwill be seated in our dining-'all with 'is feet under our table,replying according to his personal taste and preference, when I ask'im if 'e'll 'ave 'ock or sherry. Brush all them crumbs carefullyoff the tablecloth, young blighted Albert--don't shuffle yourfeet--breathe softly through your nose--and close the door be'indyou when you've finished!"
"Oh, go and eat cake!" said Albert bitterly. But he saidit to his immortal soul, not aloud. The lad's spirit was broken.
Keggs, the processes of digestion completed, presented himselfbefore Lord Belpher in the billiard-room. Percy was alone. Thehouse-party, so numerous on the night of the ball and on hisbirthday, had melted down now to reasonable proportions. Thesecond and third cousins had retired, flushed and gratified, toobscure dens from which they had emerged, and the castle housedonly the more prominent members of the family, always harder todislodge than the small fry. The Bishop still remained, and theColonel. Besides these, there were perhaps half a dozen more of thecloser relations: to Lord Belpher's way of thinking, half a dozentoo many. He was not fond of his family.
"Might I have a word with your lordship?"
"What is it, Keggs?"
Keggs was a self-possessed man, but he found it a little hard tobegin. Then he remembered that once in the misty past he had seenLord Belpher spanked for stealing jam, he himself having acted onthat occasion as prosecuting attorney; and the memory nerved him.
"I earnestly 'ope that your lordship will not think that I amtaking a liberty. I 'ave been in his lordship your father's servicemany years now, and the family honour is, if I may be pardoned forsaying so, extremely near my 'eart. I 'ave known your lordshipsince you were a mere boy, and . . ."
Lord Belpher had listened with growing impatience to this preamble.His temper was seldom at its best these days, and the rollingperiods annoyed him.
"Yes, yes, of course," he said. "What is it?"
Keggs was himself now. In his opening remarks he had simply been,as it were, winding up. He was now prepared to begin.
"Your lordship will recall inquiring of me on the night of the ballas to the bona fides of one of the temporary waiters? The one thatstated that 'e was the cousin of young bli--of the boy Albert, thepage? I have been making inquiries, your lordship, and I regret tosay I find that the man was a impostor. He informed me that 'e wasAlbert's cousin, but Albert now informs me that 'e 'as no cousin inAmerica. I am extremely sorry this should have occurred, yourlordship, and I 'ope you will attribute it to the bustle and hasteinseparable from duties as mine on such a occasion."
"I know the fellow was an impostor. He was probably after thespoons!"
Keggs coughed.
"If I might be allowed to take a further liberty, your lordship,might I suggest that I am aware of the man's identity and of hismotive for visiting the castle."
He waited a little apprehensively. This was the crucial point inthe interview. If Lord Belpher did not now freeze him with a glanceand order him from the room, the danger would be past, and he couldspeak freely. His light blue eyes were expressionless as they metPercy's, but inwardly he was feeling much the same sensation as hewas wont to experience when the family was in town and he hadmanaged to slip off to Kempton Park or some other race-course andput some of his savings on a horse. As he felt when the racingsteeds thundered down the straight, so did he feel now.
Astonishment showed in Lord Belpher's round face. Just as it wasabout to be succeeded by indignation, the butler spoke again.
"I am aware, your lordship, that it is not my place to offersuggestions as to the private and intimate affairs of the family I'ave the honour to serve, but, if your lordship would consent tooverlook the liberty, I think I could be of 'elp and assistance ina matter which is causing annoyance and unpleasantness to all."
He invigorated himself with another dip into the waters of memory.Yes. The young man before him might be Lord Belpher, son of hisemployer and heir to all these great estates, but once he had seenhim spanked.
Perhaps Percy also remembered this. Perhaps he merely felt thatKeggs was a faithful old servant and, as such, entitled to thrusthimself into the family affairs. Whatever his reasons, he nowdefinitely lowered the barrier.
"Well," he said, with a glance at the door to make sure that therewere no witnesses to an act of which the aristocrat in himdisapproved, "go on!"
Keggs breathed freely. The danger-point was past.
"'Aving a natural interest, your lordship," he said, "we of theServants' 'All generally manage to become respectfully aware ofwhatever 'appens to be transpirin' above stairs. May I say that Ibecame acquainted at an early stage with the trouble which yourlordship is unfortunately 'aving with a certain party?"
Lord Belpher, although his whole being revolted against whatpractically amounted to hobnobbing with a butler, perceived that hehad committed himself to the discussion. It revolted him to thinkthat these delicate family secrets were the subject of conversationin menial circles, but it was too late to do anything now. Andsuch was the whole-heartedness with which he had declared war uponGeorge Bevan that, at this stage in the proceedings, his chiefemotion was a hope that Keggs might have something sensible tosuggest.
"I think, begging your lordship's pardon for making the remark,that you are acting injudicious. I 'ave been in service a greatnumber of years, startin' as steward's room boy and rising to mypresent position, and I may say I 'ave 'ad experience during thoseyears of several cases where the daughter or son of the 'ousecontemplated a misalliance, and all but one of the cases endeddisastrously, your lordship, on account of the family tryingopposition. It is my experience that opposition in matters of the'eart is useless, feedin', as it, so to speak, does the flame.Young people, your lordship, if I may be pardoned for employing theexpression in the present case, are naturally romantic and if youkeep 'em away from a thing they sit and pity themselves and want itall the more. And in the end you may be sure they get it. There'sno way of stoppin' them. I was not on sufficiently easy terms withthe late Lord Worlingham to give 'im the benefit of my experienceon the occasion when the Honourable Aubrey Pershore fell in lovewith the young person at the Gaiety Theatre. Otherwise I could'ave told 'im he was not acting judicious. His lordship opposedthe match in every way, and the young couple ran off and gotmarried at a registrar's. It was the same when a young man who wastutor to 'er ladyship's brother attracted Lady Evelyn Walls, theonly daughter of the Earl of Ackleton. In fact, your lordship, theonly entanglement of the kind that came to a satisfactoryconclusion in the whole of my personal experience was the affair ofLady Catherine Duseby, Lord Bridgefield's daughter, whoinjudiciously became infatuated with a roller-skating instructor."
Lord Belpher had ceased to feel distantly superior to his companion.The butler's powerful personality hypnotized him. Long ere theharangue was ended, he was as a little child drinking in theutterances of a master. He bent forward eagerly. Keggs had brokenoff his remarks at the most interesting point.
"What happened?" inquired Percy.
"The young man," proceeded Keggs, "was a young man of considerablepersonal attractions, 'aving large brown eyes and a athleticlissome figure, brought about by roller-skating. It was no wonder,in the opinion of the Servants' 'All, that 'er ladyship should havefound 'erself fascinated by him, particularly as I myself 'ad 'eardher observe at a full luncheon-table that roller-skating was inher opinion the only thing except her toy Pomeranian that made lifeworth living. But when she announced that she had become engaged tothis young man, there was the greatest consternation. I was not, ofcourse, privileged to be a participant at the many councils anddiscussions that ensued and took place, but I was aware that suchtranspired with great frequency. Eventually 'is lordship took theshrewd step of assuming acquiescence and inviting the young man tovisit us in Scotland. And within ten days of his arrival, yourlordship, the match was broken off. He went back to 'isroller-skating, and 'er ladyship took up visiting the poor andeventually contracted an altogether suitable alliance by marryingLord Ronald Spofforth, the second son of his Grace the Duke ofGorbals and Strathbungo."
"How did it happen?"
"Seein' the young man in the surroundings of 'er own 'ome, 'erladyship soon began to see that she had taken too romantic a viewof 'im previous, your lordship. 'E was one of the lower middleclass, what is sometimes termed the bourjoisy, and 'is 'abits werenot the 'abits of the class to which 'er ladyship belonged. 'E 'adnothing in common with the rest of the 'ouse-party, and wasinjudicious in 'is choice of forks. The very first night at dinner'e took a steel knife to the ontray, and I see 'er ladyship look athim very sharp, as much as to say that scales had fallen from 'ereyes. It didn't take 'er long after that to become convinced that'er 'eart 'ad led 'er astray."
"Then you think--?"
"It is not for me to presume to offer anything but the mostrespectful advice, your lordship, but I should most certainlyadvocate a similar procedure in the present instance."
Lord Belpher reflected. Recent events had brought home to him themagnitude of the task he had assumed when he had appointed himselfthe watcher of his sister's movements. The affair of the curate andthe village blacksmith had shaken him both physically andspiritually. His feet were still sore, and his confidence inhimself had waned considerably. The thought of having to continuehis espionage indefinitely was not a pleasant one. How much simplerand more effective it would be to adopt the suggestion which hadbeen offered to him.
"--I'm not sure you aren't right, Keggs."
"Thank you, your lordship. I feel convinced of it."
"I will speak to my father tonight."
"Very good, your lordship. I am glad to have been of service."
"Young blighted Albert," said Keggs crisply, shortly afterbreakfast on the following morning, "you're to take this note toMr. Bevan at the cottage down by Platt's farm, and you're todeliver it without playing any of your monkey-tricks, and you're towait for an answer, and you're to bring that answer back to me,too, and to Lord Marshmoreton. And I may tell you, to save you thetrouble of opening it with steam from the kitchen kettle, that I'ave already done so. It's an invitation to dine with us tonight.So now you know. Look slippy!"
Albert capitulated. For the first time in his life he felt humble.He perceived how misguided he had been ever to suppose that hecould pit his pigmy wits against this smooth-faced worker ofwonders.
"Crikey!" he ejaculated.
It was all that he could say.
"And there's one more thing, young feller me lad," added Keggsearnestly, "don't you ever grow up to be such a fat'ead as ourfriend Percy. Don't forget I warned you."