“Okay,” said Fred.
“Do your bird calls for Angeline. She’ll know if you were just making them up.”
Fred smiled.
Mrs. Carlisle, Gary’s English teacher, firmly shook Gary’s hand. “Congratulations,” she said. She had a surprisingly strong grip.
“Thanks.”
“You put a lot of work into it, didn’t you?” she asked.
He nodded.
“It showed,” she said. “Now if only you’d put that same creativity and effort into your classwork …” She smiled at him.
Gary shrugged. “I’ll try,” he said, although he knew he wouldn’t. Why would he ever want to work that hard for school?
“Very professional,” Mrs. Carlisle continued. “Have you ever thought about being a stand-up comic?”
“Not really,” said Gary.
“Hey, Goon. Football tomorrow?” asked Joe Reed.
Gary turned. “Can’t. I’m playing croquet.”
“Croquet?” asked Joe. “You crack me up, Goon.” He reached toward Gary as if he was going to rub his head, but then he brought his hand back—afraid to touch it.
“You want to play?” asked Gary.
“Croquet? You sure you didn’t shave off part of your brain?”
“Mr. Bone will be there. Remember, our fifth-grade teacher? And Angeline Persopolis.”
“You’re sandbagging me, right?” asked Joe.
Gary still didn’t know what he meant by that.
Zack joined them. “So, is he going to play?”
“He can’t,” Joe said somewhat snidely. “He’s playing croquet with his fifth-grade teacher.”
Someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around.
“Congratulations, Gary,” said Leslie Ann Cummings.
“Thanks. I thought you should have won too. You sang better than Brenda Thompson. I would have voted for you.”
She smiled. “Oh, I don’t care. You know how it is. The popular kids always win. I mean, unless you’re supertalented.”
Gary blushed.
“So, when will it grow back?” she asked.
It took Gary a second to figure out what she meant. “Oh, I don’t know. Probably about four months.”
“Oh, that’s perfect!” said Leslie Ann. “I get my braces off in four months.”
She hurried away.
Gary watched her for a moment. Did she just say what he thought she said?
He’d left his bag of props under the bench on stage. He went back up to get it, then sat down for a moment and rested on the bench. He suddenly felt very tired.
He took a long deep breath as he held his chin in his hands, propped up by his elbows. The buzz of the auditorium seemed to surround him, or maybe it was his own brain that was buzzing.
He took another long deep breath.
He looked at the back of the purple curtain. It had worn thin in a number of places and was tattered around the edges. It really was quite dingy.
He would have thought the school would take better care of its curtain. At least clean it once in a while!
He took out his big towel and wiped a tear from his eye.
He was still crying fifteen minutes later when his mother came up on stage to see what had happened to him.
THE CRITICS RAVED:
“Hilarious! Stupendous! Amorphous!”
—Fred Furst
“I never stopped laughing. Funny? He redefined the word. Tunny’ doesn’t mean what it meant yesterday.”
—Angeline Persopolis
“He deserved to win. He was quite funny, in an amazing sort of way.”
—Nancy Langley
“Well, sure. I could have won too if I had shaved my head.”
—Matt Hughes
“The world’s greatest sandbagger!”
—Joe Reed
“He’s going to be famous someday.”
—Abel Persopolis
“That’s my son. I used to be known as quite a wit myself. Or was that a half-wit? Ha. Ha. He even looks like me. And who knows, maybe in a few years, after I lose a little more hair, he’ll look more like me.”
—Spencer Boone
“Brilliant! Just don’t look at him.”
—Prentice Boone
“I laughed. I don’t know why I laughed. But I laughed.”
—Mrs. Walls
“Yeah, he’s hilarious. Now, are we going to play football, or are we just going to stand around talking about Goon?”
—Zack
“I’ve known Gary since he was in my fifth-grade class. I always knew he had it in him. I was glad to see him finally reach his potential. Yuck, I sound just like a teacher, don’t I?”
—Melissa Turbone
“Way to go, Buster! Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my mud bath.”
—Gladys Pigbubble Snitzberry
“I don’t get it.”
—Ira Feldman
“He’s the tops. He’s the Tower of Pisa. He’s the smile on the Mona Lisa.”
—Leslie Ann Cummings
“He’s still a you-know-what.”
—Ryan Utt
“Strange, but funny. Still, I don’t think he should have won first prize.”
—Brenda Thompson
“I didn’t think all the jokes about nudity were appropriate. This is a school, not a Las Vegas nightclub.”
—Mrs. Ward
“Like I’m really going to imagine Gary Boone naked. Gross!”
—Julie Rose
“You have to admire the Goon.”
—Paul Wattenburg
“How could flushing a toilet cause a garage door to open? That’s impossible.”
—Michael Higgins
“Don’t ask me. I don’t know who shaved his head.”
—Gus
“He’s got something inside him that I don’t think any of us realized before. There’s a spark.”
—Mrs. Carlisle
“So what? It was just a rinky-dink junior high school talent show.”
—Philip Korbin
“I swear I don’t know Gary Boone, but my teacher read this stupid book to our class and now everyone is picking on me. Thanks a lot, Goon!”
—Phil Hart (Foxbury, North Dakota)
Winner of the Newbery Medal
Stanley Yelnats is under a curse. A curse that began with his no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing great-great-grandfather and has since followed generations of Yelnatses. Now Stanley has been unjustly sent to a boys’ detention center, Camp Green Lake, where the boys build character by spending all day, every day, digging holes exactly five feet wide and five feet deep. There is no lake at Camp Green Lake. But there are an awful lot of holes.
It doesn’t take long for Stanley to realize there’s more than character improvement going on at Camp Green Lake. The boys are digging holes because the warden is looking for something. But what could be buried under a dried-up lake? Stanley tries to dig up the truth in this inventive and darkly humorous tale of crime and punishment—and redemption.
“A smart jigsaw puzzle of a novel.”—The New York Times Book Review
“[A] rugged, engrossing adventure.”—School Library Journal
“Larger-than-life.”—Publishers Weekly
“Imaginative plotting and memorable characters make this novel a winner.”—Book Magazine
AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS
Cursed!
David is only trying to be cool when he helps some of the popular kids steal Old Lady Bayfield’s cane. But when the plan backfires, he’s the one the “old witch” curses. Now David can’t seem to do anything right. The cool kids taunt him, and his only friends are weirdos. He even walks into Spanish class with his fly unzipped! And when he finally gets up the nerve to ask out a cute girl, his pants fall down in midsentence. Is it the Bayfield curse at work? Or is David simply turning into a total loser?
“Readers will empathize with David’s troubles and cheer his triumph in this delightful,
funny book.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Plenty of wildly funny moments.”—Kirkus Reviews
AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS
“Give me a dollar or
I’ll spit on you.”
That’s Bradley Chalkers for you. He’s the oldest kid in the fifth grade. He tells enormous lies. He picks fights with girls. And the teachers say he has “serious behavior problems.” No one likes him—except Carla, the new school counselor. She thinks Bradley is sensitive and generous, and she even enjoys his farfetched stories. Carla knows that Bradley could change, if only he weren’t afraid to try.
Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is believing in yourself.…
“A humorous and immensely appealing story.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Infused with humor and insight.”—Publishers Weekly
Winner of 19 Children’s Choice Awards, including:
IRA-CBC Children’s Choice
Texas Bluebonnet Award
Pacific Northwest Young Reader’s Choice Award
AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS
Louis Sachar writes great,
funny books for everyone!
Louis Sachar, Dogs Don't Tell Jokes
(Series: Someday Angeline # 2)
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