It was a risk. Aria, after all, was an illusion. But I wondered if the musical alter ego was something she still kept tucked inside even when she was of clearer mind.
“Aria…” she simply whispered.
“Yes.”
She continued to stare down at the guitar. My face broke out in a sweat because I was starting to feel trapped. I couldn’t leave her in this state. I didn’t know what was going to happen next.
I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. The sound of a single strum of the guitar forced my eyes open, and my gaze landed on her fingers, which were positioned to start playing. They were shaking.
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I said, “Play something for me. Trembling hands can still play.”
Ivy’s bushy red ringlets fell over her forehead as she looked at me. Her half-covered eyes were still fixed on mine when she began to play a song. After a few seconds, I realized it was Let it Be by the Beatles.
When I started to hum along to the music to show her I recognized the melody, she smiled at me for the first time. That caught me off guard. A teardrop ran down my cheek. If someone had told me that this moment would be one that would make me cry, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Slightly bending her head back, she closed her eyes and continued to play.
It was hypnotic, haunting and beautiful. How fitting that she’d chosen a song about acceptance, leaving problems behind and moving on with life. Just as she had to accept her life as it was, I had to move on from my hang ups about her. Ivy was so much more than I ever imagined, a passionate and talented soul imprisoned by her own mind. And as for Jake, I’d always known I’d married a good man. But this whole experience made me realize I’d married a fucking saint.
You think you know something, but you have no idea.
When the song finished, I stood up, leaving her sitting on the bed.
“That was amazing.”
With the guitar still in hand, she suddenly looked agitated. “Please leave.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I walked toward the door and took one last look around.
She called out to me, “Wait.”
I turned around.
“Will you come back?” she asked.
If there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty, it was that Ivy would never see me again. We couldn’t be friends or anything else to each other for that matter. But Jake was a part of me. So, in a sense, a part of me would always be with her.
My mouth spread into a sympathetic smile. “It was nice meeting you,” I said, continuing to walk toward the door.
“Hey.”
I did an about face. “Yeah?”
“Anyone ever tell you that you look like those twins from TV?”
“No. I haven’t heard that before,” I lied.
“Well, just so you know, you do.”
I shook my head in amusement. “Thanks.”
As Ivy graced me with a second rare smile, I let that be my last memory of her before closing the door behind me.
Just let it be.
CHAPTER 21
NINA
Leaving a cloud of exhaust in its wake, Jake’s black Cobra Mustang sped past the diner. I’d been staring out the window and heard the engine revving before I even noticed it was him whizzing by. He must have been a wreck, circling around for a parking spot on the snowy downtown streets while he wondered what the hell had happened between me and Ivy.
Over the phone, I’d dropped the bomb on him that I’d gone to see her. Jake was speechless. His reaction was one of absolute shock, as if that were the last thing he ever expected me to say. He hung up right after he told me to stay put, that he’d come to me.
Now, I sat alone in a booth watching the door as my heart raced. Any minute, he’d walk in, and I would have to explain myself.
Bells chimed as the door opened, letting a brisk wind inside.
He took my breath away.
Looking painfully gorgeous wearing a black down parka and a gray knit cap, Jake slowly approached my booth. Chills ran through me when his eyes landed on mine. His expression was intense but impossible to read.
Instead of taking a seat across the table, he moved in next to me, took my face in his hands and placed his lips firmly on my forehead. So relieved that he didn’t seem mad, I shut my eyes and drowned myself in his intoxicating smell. There was nothing else in the world like the combination of his cologne, skin and the pheromones always unleashed when we touched.
He kissed the top of my head over and over. When he pushed back, his eyes were glistening. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said, nodding repeatedly. “More than okay. I’m so sorry.”
He gently brushed his thumb against my lips. “Whatever happened, you don’t owe me an apology.”
I exhaled to compose myself. “They thought I was a volunteer. I never told her who I was. I hadn’t planned on going to see her when I left this morning. It was an impulsive decision, but—”
“You had to know. I get it, baby. You don’t need to explain why. If it were me instead of you, I could have never waited as long as you did. Curiosity would have killed me.”
“I just needed to see for myself.”
He placed his hand on my knee under the table. “I get it.”
A waitress interrupted us. “Can I get you something, sir?”
Jake didn’t take his eyes off me when he answered, “Just a coffee.”
“I’ll take a pot of green tea.”
Over the next thirty minutes and two cups of tea, I leaned into him and relayed the entire group home experience from meeting Leo (whom Jake apparently sometimes hung out with when Ivy slept) to my whole encounter with Ivy.
“Seeing what you’ve had to deal with is eye opening. I will never be one hundred percent comfortable with it, but seriously, where would she be if you hadn’t looked out for her all these years? You’ve single-handedly saved her, Jake.”
“Maybe. But don’t you get it?”
“What?”
“From the day you first walked into my life, you’ve been saving me. I was already on my last leg of sanity when we met. My ability to sustain that life with nothing else to live for would have never lasted. So much passion, so much love was trapped inside of me with no one to give it to. If I hadn’t met you, if I couldn’t have released all of that, it would’ve turned toxic. Having you and A.J. to come home to every day, the way you love me, it recharges me, gives me a reason to live. I’m certain I’d be dead without it. I thought I might be losing you today.”
“Never. All those years ago, I promised I’d never leave you. Even when I convinced myself it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t stay away. You’re my everything.”
Our legs were locked together under the table. The warmth of being near him made me realize how much I’d missed him.
Jake drew me into his arms. “Do you have any idea how much I love you? It doesn’t compare to how I’ve ever felt toward anyone else. I’m talking about the once in a lifetime soul deep love, the kind you told Ryan you felt for me when he tried to steal you away from me after A.J. was born.”
My jaw dropped. I’d specifically never told him about that because it seriously made me afraid for Ryan’s life.
“How did you find out? I—”
Jake put his finger over my mouth and smiled. “Shh. It’s okay. I understand why you didn’t tell me. I would have gone after him, and we didn’t need any more stress back then. I’ll tell you the story of Ryan’s and my phone call another time. Not gonna waste time on it tonight. We’re good, Nina. We’ve never been fucking better. I don’t want to talk about anything upsetting anymore. All I want is to take you home, get you under a hot shower and suck on every inch of your body before I bury myself deep inside you. That is all I fucking want right now.”
Oblivious to the people around us, we fell into a deep kiss.
“I want that, too. How are we gonna manage that with houseguests?”
“We’ll
have to figure out a way.”
Nearly jumping out of my skin, I wanted so badly to tell him about the baby, but doing it at the diner just didn’t seem appropriate.
He slid his cup and saucer across the table and spoke into my ear, “Let’s get out of here. I want to take you home.”
As we made our way toward the exit, Jake walked closely behind me, pressing his hard body against my back while his arms were wrapped around my waist. My nipples were hard as steel from the contact. The hormones that were triggering my crying earlier were now simply making me horny as hell.
Two women eating together looked enviously at us as we walked by. They likely wished my hot husband were rubbing up on them instead of me. He looked particularly smokin’ tonight, too with the sides of his hair sticking out from under his beanie. A long time ago, I realized that being with Jake meant getting used to women checking him out.
The bells on the door dinged as we stepped out into the snowy air. It wasn’t a blizzard like the previous night, but the white stuff was starting to stick.
“Where are you parked?”
“There were no spots on the road, so I had to park in the small lot behind the diner. It’s for employees only. Hopefully, they didn’t ticket me.”
He led me down a hill to the rear of the building. Jake’s Mustang sat in the back of the lot next to a dumpster. The aluminum rims gleamed in the darkness.
It was desolate and quiet compared to the noise of the street.
He walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for me. “Get in, baby.”
I was glad this day was over. My body buzzed just thinking about what he’d do to me later. The best type of sex with Jake was the make-up kind after we’d worked through a rough patch. It was always the most intense.
He stuck the key in the ignition and turned on the engine but stayed parked. “They’re all waiting to see you to make sure you’re okay. I sort of rushed out of the apartment like a bat out of hell. I don’t really feel like going home to a full house.”
“You just said bat and full house in the same sentence. You realize that, right?”
“Old habits die hard.”
I laughed. “I don’t want to go back there, either.”
Jake turned the knob to blast the heat. Flurries stuck to the windshield, obstructing the view.
“You know what this reminds me of?” he asked. “That first year we met, before you had to go upstate for Christmas when we stayed out in the snow after coming home from our Chicago trip. Remember?”
“Yeah. How could I forget?”
“I was so in love with you that night, but I couldn’t tell you.” He reached over for my hand. “You know what I spent today doing? Recalling the entire story of how we got together to Mitch and Skylar. Mitch never realized a lot of the shit we went through. I swear, going over everything made me fall in love with you all over again. At the same time, I was petrified because I didn’t know what happened with you today. Yet, there I was, reminiscing and more certain than ever that my life would be nothing without you.”
“Today was enlightening for both of us. But that was the first and last time you’ll ever see me walk out on you like that.”
“You can walk out anytime you need to as long as you come back to me. Sometimes, you need to step away to realize you can’t really walk away from something that’s a part of you.”
“We’ve had our ups and downs, Jake. But every single time we go through something, I feel even closer to you after.”
“Adversity only strengthens the kind of love we have. When you’re with the person you’re meant to be with, that’s what happens. Ultimately, every experience, even horrible stuff, binds us tighter. It’s all a test. The ones who let it tear them apart find out they were never really in love at all.”
“We’re damn lucky.”
“What it really comes down to is a much simpler concept, actually.”
“What’s that?”
He wiggled his brows. “Less fighting, more fucking.”
“Is that your motto?”
“I think it’s gonna have to be now.”
I shivered.
“You cold, baby?”
My teeth chattered. “A little.”
His mouth curved into a crooked smile. “You want me to warm you up?”
Everything was still, except for the sound of the car running.
My lips parted as my visible breath met his in the cold air.
“Yeah, I do.”
His gaze travelled slowly downward and up again. The look on his face was a bit devious, and his eyes turned deliciously dark.
I knew that look.
That was the exact look he gave me when he was about to fuck me, no matter the time nor place. It was why he hadn’t moved the car yet. My entire body quivered in anticipation once it hit me where this was going. I felt myself getting wet as he continued to give me the look.
He licked slowly across his bottom lip. Jesus. Nine years. Nine years, and that tongue ring still drove me wild.
The muscles in between my legs tightened, and more wetness pooled there. These hormones had me in a frenzy.
“Take off your boots.”
I slipped the Uggs off, leaving my black leggings.
“What if someone sees us?”
Jake unbuckled his belt. “Honestly, I don’t really give a shit. I hope they enjoy the show. I need you now. We can try to be discreet.”
He unzipped his jeans, and his beautiful thick shaft stood at full attention.
Wetting my lips, I said, “That doesn’t look very discreet to me.” I couldn’t help leaning over, slowly and teasingly licking his wet crown. I loved his taste.
He pushed back against the headrest and hissed, “Stop. Seriously…stop.”
I listened, sensing he’d lose it if I didn’t.
He slid his seat back as far as it would go and tugged at my leggings. “Take those off and come sit on me.”
I pulled them off, tossing them inside out and climbed on top off him. Keeping my knees bent, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I unzipped his jacket and slipped my hands under his shirt. The skin beneath was surprisingly warm as I rubbed over his solid chest. He made an unintelligible sound as I started to nibble on his neck. Then, he grabbed my chin and pulled me toward him into a ravenous kiss, swirling his tongue ring along the inside of my mouth while he moaned down my throat.
He wouldn’t enter me yet. I was so frustratingly turned on, soaking wet and pulsating with need as he squeezed my hips while I grinded against his slick length. His balls felt hot underneath my ass. The need to have him inside of me was intolerable.
The heat of his breath warmed my entire body as our lips stayed locked.
When he broke the kiss, his breathing was ragged. “I don’t think you’ve ever been this wet for me. You’re more than ready, aren’t you?”
Unable to wait any longer, I positioned myself over him and bore down hard as he sunk into me.
“Fuck, Nina. Ahhh,” he moaned with his eyes shut tightly. Positioning his hands firmly around my ass, he moved my body over his cock as he buried himself as deeply inside of me as he could go. “This was exactly what I needed,” he growled. “God, your pussy is so wet. What’s up with you tonight? I wish I could fuck you forever like this. It feels…so…amazing.”
“I’m really sensitive. This feels almost too good. Is that possible?”
“Fuck, no. No such thing,” he said, thrusting into me harder.
I loved the deep connection of locking eyes with his as we fucked. When Jake looked up at me as I rode him, it felt like I’d gotten completely lost in him. It seemed like he was staring deep into my soul when he said, “This. This right here. Makes it all worth it. I love you, my angel.”
“I love you.”
He dug his fingers into my hair and fisted it. “I’m gonna come so hard right now, Nina.”
“Give me everything. I’m coming, too.”
Jake groaned so loudly, I
could have sworn the windows of the Mustang shook.
We were still gasping for air, coming down from our high. Wrapping his hand around the back of my neck, he continued to look at me like I was the only thing that mattered to him.
I knew that was the moment.
I smiled down at him as my heart leapt for joy. “I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
My mouth was shaky as I repeated, “I’m pregnant.”
Still inside of me, he straightened up a bit. “I…I saw the empty box in the trash. I assumed you were upset because it was negative. Oh my God. You’re…” He covered his mouth with both hands. “Holy shit.”
“My hormones have been making me crazy. If anything, that was the reason I left. I took the test shortly before you told me you weren’t coming home. I had been waiting for you to get back so I could tell you.”
His eyes were watering. “This is really happening?”
“Yes. It’s real. We’re gonna have a baby.”
“You’ve just made me the happiest man in the world.” Jake held me close, burying his face in my chest. “I’ll never forget this moment. What started as one of the scariest days of my life ended up being one of the best.”
***
We waited a couple of weeks to tell our son about the pregnancy. A.J. jumped up and down in excitement when we broke the news to him that he was going to be a big brother. He’d stopped asking for a sibling a couple of years back when I explained to him that God decides when to give someone a child, and that Momma and Daddy had no control over it.
A few weeks after we told him about the baby, we were sitting around the table for lunch one Sunday afternoon when our son hit us with an interrogation we weren’t ready for.
I’d been making him a plate when his first question startled me. “You said God put the baby in your stomach?”
“That’s right.”
“So, does that mean God put a baby into Mr. Heath next door?”