I grinned and reached for another banana, my mouth still disgustingly full. I barely got the words out, “Want one?”
“Huh?”
“Want one?” I repeated.
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“I told you Jake was interesting,” Ryan said.
Wait. What the fuck was he saying about me to her?
Why did I give a shit?
The front door opened, and Nina’s attention was abruptly taken away from me when Ryan introduced her to our other roommate, Tarah. Nina and she started talking about girly shit, so I decided to head back to my room.
I tried to get my head back into the drawing I’d been working on, but in between strokes of the kohl pencil, my mind kept drifting back to my new roommate.
How the hell was she going to live in New York City if she had a fear of subways?
I’d draw a little more, and then Nina would pop into my head again.
What the fuck was an origami bird anyway?
I put my sketchbook down, opened up my laptop and typed into Google: origami birds.
I chuckled when I saw what they looked like. Then, the nuttiest idea I’d probably ever had in my life popped into my head. I walked over to my desk drawer, searching for construction paper, remembering I’d bought some to make something for my nieces once. The only colors left were yellow and black. I grabbed a few pieces of black and some scissors and went back over to my laptop on the bed then typed: origami bat.
I cut a square and folded it into various triangles according to the directions. It took a few tries, but I finally got one that looked halfway decent.
Now, what the fuck to do with it was the question. I wanted to give it to her as a joke, but what would I write in it? I couldn’t write a poem to save my life.
What could you write to someone you didn’t know? All I knew was that she had phobias and a pretty smile. I knew she was starting nursing school.
I knew she made me feel something.
Then, I thought about the Olsen twins. I didn’t really think she looked like them, but I could mess with her about the Full House thing. According to Ryan, he’d teased her about it all the time growing up, so she’d get the joke.
I grabbed a silver gel ink pen.
What the fuck were their names again? I typed into my laptop: Olsen twins.
Mary-Kate and Ashley.
Okay.
I sat there staring at the paper bat in my hand and couldn’t help but laugh at myself. It was official: I had lost my damn mind over a girl.
Scribbling on a notepad, I jotted down different phrases and finally came up with a message.
Welcome to the House, Mary Kate!
---Your Stripper Roommate
That was kind of dumb.
Maybe I would keep it simple. I opened the flap to one of the bat wings and wrote, Welcome to the “House” inside.
My door was opened a crack, and I saw her walk down the hall to the bathroom, and soon after, the shower turned on. It was the perfect time to sneak the bat into her room. I started to second guess the generic message. It would seem too serious if I didn’t write something funny. So, I grabbed the pen and added something onto the other wing then examined the final note.
Welcome to the “House”. ---Jake
How’s Uncle Jesse?
Her room smelled like vanilla. The walls were bare and aside from the pink suitcase in the corner, it was relatively empty. A picture of her and some guy sat atop the dresser and made me wonder if it was her boyfriend.
I placed the origami bat on her nightstand and quietly slipped out of the room.
An old Nirvana song played on my iPod. My door was intentionally left open while I lay on my bed. A glimpse of her wet hair caught my eye as she hurried back to her room, and a smile spread across my face at the thought of her finding the bat. It dawned on me for the second time, that up until today, I hadn’t genuinely smiled or laughed in ages. At the same time, I knew I was playing a losing game in seeking attention from someone who wouldn’t even know who I really was.
I decided to take a shower to try to get my mind off her. Once I entered the bathroom, it became apparent that forgetting about Nina wasn’t going to be possible. The leftover steam from her shower filled the room. As I ran the hot water and tried to relax, Nina was everywhere. A strand of her blonde hair stuck to the tile wall. The smell of her coconut lime shampoo saturated the air.
Then, after I stepped out of the tub, a pair of flowery panties lying on the floor caught my eye.
Fuck.
I wasn’t sure whether to leave them there or pick them up. A thought crossed my mind that I didn’t want Ryan to find them. I didn’t know where this was coming from. All I knew was that the thought of him touching her underwear irked me.
Really irked me.
So, I picked them up and took them to my room.
Throwing on some black sweatpants, I decided to bring her the underwear. I knocked on the door, and when she opened, the look on her face proved she wasn’t exactly expecting me.
Her eyes trailed the length of my bare chest, and my abs tightened in response. She glanced down for a few seconds at my stomach, which was particularly ripped since I started working out a year ago on my lunch breaks at the office gym. The way her lips parted proved all of my hard work was worth it.
She finally looked up at me. “Ha…hi…what’s up?”
A tight tank top clung to her enormous breasts, her nipples protruding through the fabric.
Fuck. Me.
Wearing that, she was definitely not expecting me to knock on her door, and I was definitely not expecting to forget how to breathe. I couldn’t even remember why I’d come to her room.
Oh, yeah.
I reached into my pocket. “I found these on the bathroom floor…thought you might want them.”
She took them from me, looking adorably embarrassed. Glancing over to the corner of the room, I noticed the bat still sitting in the same spot on the nightstand and assumed she hadn’t seen it yet.
As if suddenly realizing that my eyes were making plans for the future with her beautiful tits, she crossed her arms over her chest.
Damn.
“Thanks,” she said.
Her face returned to the same shade of pink I recognized from earlier. I smiled in an attempt to downplay the now obvious tension between us. When I felt my dick twitch, that was my cue to step back into the hallway and return to my room. God, I needed to stay away from this girl, or I was gonna be in big trouble.
That night, I tossed and turned as one thought ran through my head like a broken record.
You can never have her.
CHAPTER 4
Present
“So, I take it you didn’t actually stick to your vow to stay away from her,” Mitch joked.
“Ugh…no.”
I looked down at my phone when a text from Nina came in.
I’m fine. But I need more time alone.
“Is that Nina?”
“Yeah. I promised not to text her but couldn’t help it. I needed to know she was okay. She says she’s fine but that she needs more time.”
“Time for what exactly?”
I shook my head and gazed out the window. Light snow was beginning to fall outside. “Time to think, I guess…time away from me.”
Skylar reentered the room holding a mug. She’d gone to the kitchen to put on some tea and to call and check on their two older kids, Henry and Lara, who were staying with Mitch’s mom back in New Jersey. Henry was Mitch’s son, and Lara was adopted. So, Mitch Jr. was their first biological child together. His birth was a really big deal because Skylar was told she might not ever be able to have children after cancer treatments for lymphoma in her teens. Thankfully, she was in remission now.
“What did I miss?” she asked.
“Nina just texted. She’s fine but says she needs more time to be alone.”
“Do you want me to call her?”
“No. I know my
wife. That would annoy her even more if she thought I got you involved. She doesn’t even know you’re here, remember?”
“Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.”
“She just needs to blow off steam. It’ll be okay. She’ll come back tonight.”
That was what I kept telling myself at least. Truthfully, her walking out scared me shitless. It made me afraid that even after all this time, Nina had finally figured out that she could have done better and that she deserved better.
Sporting fuzzy socks, Skylar kicked her feet up on Mitch’s legs. “So, we need to get back to this story.”
“Yeah, Jake,” Mitch said. “What happened after she moved in?”
“Oh, this is the best part.” Skylar laughed. “This was where the quote end quote tutoring started.”
“Hey, I took it very seriously.” I smirked. “I wanted to help her pass math.”
“You wanted to help yourself to her Pootang.”
Skylar always made me laugh.
I chuckled. “Maybe. But at the time, I never thought I’d have a real chance at that. I was really trying like hell to keep it platonic just so I could be around her.”
Skylar turned to Mitch. “They came up with this bet that if she got below an A on her math exams, she would have to let Jake take her out to face one of her irrational fears.”
Mitch nodded as he rubbed Skylar’s feet. “So that brought you closer.”
“You could say that.”
CHAPTER 5
Past
Holy shit. It was show time.
Nina had gotten a C+ on her first exam. That was actually way better than I thought she’d do given our tedious first study session.
A few days after she moved in, we shared a beer in the kitchen. I’d been home for lunch when she walked in after her first day of classes. (Alright, so I came home in the hopes that I’d run into her.) I’d been gone all weekend to Boston and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Even though she was still acting shy around me, she was really easy to talk to, and I enjoyed her company.
We got to chatting about her troubles in math, a subject she needed to pass as part of her nursing curriculum. Math was so easy for me, so I offered to tutor her. Then, the brilliant idea of a bet popped into my head. She’d have to get an A on every exam or face one of her phobias. Fear, after all, is a master motivator. If she didn’t accept the bet, I told her I’d renege my offer. It was a win-win situation: either she excelled in math or started overcoming things that were preventing her from fully experiencing life.
Since she feared several things—heights, subways, planes, enclosed spaces, crowds—it took me a while to figure out where to start. But by the time the grade came in, I was ready.
That’s how I ended up in the granola aisle of Trader Joe’s.
I wanted to ask the sales clerk what she recommended, but what exactly would I say? Excuse me. I was wondering if you could recommend some light fare that might compliment trapping someone in an elevator and torturing them?
I second-guessed my choices as I stood in the checkout line, but it was too late to go back since I was already running late.
Prime example: hummus. Nothing like garlic breath in a small, enclosed space.
Genius, Jake.
Unsure of how she was going to react to my plan, my heart was pumping the entire way home. It was really more out of excitement, because it would be the first time we’d hung out together outside of the apartment.
***
Okay, apparently, I had no clue what I was really getting myself into.
Nina wouldn’t even look at me as we walked side by side down Lincoln Street. She was really freaking out about this, and I needed to assure her that everything would be okay. I stopped suddenly while she kept walking ahead of me oblivious. When she noticed I was no longer beside her, she turned around.
“Why did you stop?” she asked.
I walked toward her and placed my hands firmly on her shoulders, causing her to wince. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was nervous or because it was the first time I’d ever touched her outside of our initial hand shake. It was colder out than I anticipated, and neither of us were wearing jackets. The wind blew the blonde strands of her hair around wildly. She had some beautiful hair.
I rubbed my hands firmly along her shoulders to warm her. The need to comfort her was enormous, but I’d recently studied up on cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy and knew it was necessary to be firm today so that she wouldn’t back out. “Nina, I can tell you’re going through all these little scenarios in your head right now. It’s not helping. The only thing that is ever happening to you is what is happening in the moment, not all of the disastrous possibilities in your mind. So, cut the shit, okay? I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
When we arrived at the DeKalb Avenue subway station, it took some prodding to get her to descend the stairs. I stood down a few steps into the dark stairwell looking up at her as she stayed on the sidewalk. The fear in her eyes was palpable. My heart began to beat faster, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was nervous for her or because of how heart-stoppingly pretty she was as she looked down at me with the sunlight in her hair.
Lifting my hand toward her, I willed her to come to me. “Nina, come on. I’ve got you.”
I continued to silently urge her forward with my eyes.
I’ve got you.
When she slowly moved toward me, the second she was close enough to touch, I took her hand and wrapped her fingers inside mine. I couldn’t remember the last time holding someone’s hand triggered that kind of reaction in me, a sensation I could feel from my head to my feet and everywhere in between.
My hand squeezed hers tightly as I led her down the stairs. Even though I didn’t want to, I had to let her go in order to pay the fare.
The faint smell of urine lingered in the air as we sat down on a bench to wait on the platform. The sounds of a man playing the saxophone echoed through the station. When the approaching train screeched to a halt, I grabbed her hand again and led her into the crowded car.
It was the middle of the evening commute, so there were no seats. Her body started to shake as soon as the train doors slid closed. I wanted to hold her, but that probably wasn’t the best idea for multiple reasons. I had to constantly remind myself of the boundaries that needed to be set for my own good. Instead, I simply rested my hands on her shoulders to keep her balanced.
“It’s okay to feel nervous, Nina. You’re not supposed to be comfortable. Stop trying to fight it and just let those feelings be there.”
As the train swayed, I kept my eyes fixed on her face to make sure she wasn’t going to hyperventilate or anything. She wouldn’t look at me. Her cheeks were flushed, and her body continued to tremble in fear. I could only take so much before I placed my hand on her chin and forced her eyes on mine. “How are you doing?”
“Fine. I just want this to be over.”
My stomach sank. She had no clue what was in store for her next. I felt bad but reminded myself it was all for her own good.
“Our stop is next.” I smiled, and for the first time since stepping on the train, she returned it.
“Eighth Avenue,” the announcer shouted over the loud speaker.
She seemed to calm down a little after that. When the train stopped abruptly, my body accidentally pushed into hers, and I could feel her soft breasts against the hardness of my chest. An unintentional moan escaped from under my breath. She looked up at me, and I smiled down at her.
Leading Nina out of the train, I joked, “You’re still with us. Was that so bad?”
“It was about what I expected, but I’m glad it’s over. Can we take a cab home now?”
Crap. She really did think that was it; she was going to friggin’ hate my guts.
***
If it were anything but a crowded city, we would have attracted a lot of attention. Nina looked like I’d taken her hostage as she reluctantly let me lead her
through the sidewalks of New York to an unknown destination. Picture this: A tall, tatted and pierced dude dragging around a little innocent looking thing who was practically shaking in her boots. It must have been like watching Marilyn Manson and Laura Ingalls heading toward you down the street.
After walking in silence for several blocks through Manhattan, we’d arrived at our destination, a high-rise apartment building that my friend Vinny from work managed part-time. He’d set it up so that we could have full use of one of the elevators for as long as necessary.
After I introduced Nina to Vinny, she probably figured I was taking her on an elevator ride. What she didn’t know was that it would be so much more than that.
The second I pushed the up button, her panic set in. “Jake, listen, I don’t know if Ryan ever said anything, but this whole thing…all of my problems…they started in an elevator. It was where my first panic attack happened. I was in high school and got stuck in one and—”
“All the more reason to get past that. If you get in one right now, you can help undo the damage created by your own mind.”
She grabbed me by the arm. “Please…I’ll do anything else but this.” The fear in her eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen before.
She looked like she was about to cry. Shit. I had really picked a doozy of an inaugural exercise.
The bell dinged, signaling that the elevator had arrived to the ground level. The doors opened, and I stuck my arm inside to prevent them from closing.
The first teardrop fell down her cheek.
“Fuck. Nina, don’t cry. Come on, I promise you that nothing will happen to you in there.”
It was amazing how an irrational fear could take hold of someone’s common sense. She needed to overcome this, and I’d be damned if I let her chicken out. But I couldn’t force her to do anything. Ultimately, she had to be the one to make the decision to step inside.
The black backpack I’d brought with reinforcements was weighing me down, so I placed it on the ground, figuring I would need all my strength in case she spazzed out on me. I stepped inside and reached my hand out to her.