Chapter 20
The truck seemed to be on automatic pilot as Willy mindlessly drove northward. She didn't notice the rain clouds gathering or the end of the storm. She drove past a herd of buffalo barely hearing the voices of her children calling her attention to them. She registered that the road was curving around a large lake to the left. It must be the Palisades Reservoir that Max had mentioned once. Her mind did engage long enough to read the road signs telling her whether to turn right to go to Jackson Hole or continue straight toward Idaho Falls. It wasn't until the road grew steep and winding that she brought her faculties back to reality with great reluctance. She needed to be more aware so she could drive safely.
Her chest felt like a cavern of emptiness where her heart should be. Ever since last night when Max had finally left them, Willy had been walking in a vacuum. His melancholy eyes haunted her thoughts. The last words he said to her echoed in her brain. "Don't forget, Willy. There is a man who loves you in Wyoming."
He hadn't kissed her. He hadn't even held her after they returned to the others. When he was ready to leave, he just shook her hand. With both his hands enclosing hers, she could feel the trembling of them all. It took all the willpower both of them possessed to break away and separate. Then he was gone. He had tucked the paper with her address into his shirt pocket. She had placed his in her purse and reached for it to be sure it was still there.
It wasn't until the city of Idaho Falls was in sight after 100 miles of driving that Willy was able to force herself to talk normally with the kids. The more she paid attention to her surroundings and the babble of their play, the more ordinary she felt. Soon the blackness of her mood was dispelled and the typical cheerfulness of her personality surfaced.
"I'll just keep him out of my mind," she promised herself. "Every time I think of him, I'll just sing a song." During the two day trip to Portland, she sang a lot of songs.
They arrived at the Stevenson home in the middle of the afternoon. Willy's mother was expecting them and welcomed them with open arms. Willy's father was still at the college finishing up one of the classes he taught.
They told about all their adventures and then had to repeat them when her father came home. The name of Max Bell figured prominently in much of the narration and it was only natural that Willy was quizzed about the man who seemed to have occupied so much of their time. She answered in as neutral a manner as she could but she saw her parents exchange furtive glances and knew that they weren't fooled. She would have more explaining to do, no doubt. Aggie didn't help matters any by teasing about the walks the two grown-ups had taken together and the deep and meaningful looks they exchanged.
Not much was said about the possible budding romance until three days later when Willy was packing and preparing to leave the next morning for their home in Washington. Her mother came into the bedroom where Willy was laying out their clothes for the trip.
"Tell me about this man you spent so much time with in Wyoming," she requested. "What was his name now?"
"His name was Max Bell, Mom. He is a forest ranger who offered to be our guide to some of the sights I needed to see for my article. He got quite attached to the kids and we were glad for his company. He got us out of some tight spots and was very helpful."
"Um...and did he get quite attached to you, too?" her mother asked, unable to stop the natural curiosity and interest of a mother with an unmarried daughter.
Willy sat on the bed and took a deep breath. She had never been able to keep secrets from her mother and knew that she might as well get it all out in the open. Her mind was made up about her feelings and she would put a stop to all the speculation. "We both fell in love," she said, starkly.
As her mother's eyebrows moved upward, Willy added, "But I told him that I couldn't consider a serious relationship because I had made a promise to my husband on his deathbed that he would never be replaced. Either in my heart or the children's hearts. Max said he would always be there for me if I needed him but he didn't push. He just accepted it. So there you are."
"Willy, it has been long enough since Ryan's death that you can start thinking about another relationship. You need a man to take care of you and the kids need a father," her mother advised in a quiet voice.
"The kids have a father!" Willy insisted. "And I don't need a man to take care of me. I'm doing a lot better on my own than we ever did when Ryan was alive. I'm completely out of debt for the first time since we got married. I can handle the house and the vehicles and the taxes. I do have a brain! My income is rising and I will be able to support us when the insurance money is gone. I don't need anyone!"
"I didn't mean that you aren't a capable and strong woman, Willy. I just think that all children need two parents to help them grow up. It wouldn't be untrue to Ryan's memory to get married again. He wouldn't want his children to grow up without a dad. He loved them too much to deprive them of that."
"They aren't being neglected," Willy said. "I can love them enough for two."
Wisely, Willy's mother could see that no purpose would be served in pursuing this line of argument. "Well, I won't quarrel with you. I just want you to know that we are ready to accept any man of your choice if you ever decide that you want to get married again. It is certainly your life and you can live it the best way you know how."
The next morning, the goodbyes were said and Willy and the two little ones departed for their home. There was sadness at the parting, but Willy reminded Allison of all that they had to do to get ready for school.
Jeffy was indignant that he couldn't go to school and have new outfits and school supplies. Willy pacified him with promises of starting a little preschool at home with a group of his friends. She had done that when Allison was younger and it worked well. Each mother took a day a week and had all the kids in her home for two hours. They worked on little crafts or read stories or went for walks around the neighborhood. All the mothers appreciated some time alone and the kids enjoyed the opportunity for extra attention and a chance to play with their friends.
The trip to Kent took a long day's travel. They arrived at their home, tired but happy to be able to sleep in their own beds. The kids ran around the house touching and checking everything. They had to play with the toys they hadn't seen for weeks and watch TV to see if their favorite shows were still on.
It took several days to unpack and clean up and do laundry and get the mail and other services started after their absence. When they were settled in again, then came the shopping trips and consultations with the school about supplies and schedules. They lived too close to the school for Allison to ride a bus, but too far for her to walk by herself, so Willy talked to other parents about setting up a carpool or taking turns walking the children to and from school.
The days passed quickly and finally all the preparations were done. It was the day before school started when a package arrived in the mail. Inside there were two identical sets of markers and tablets of drawing paper. A note from Max instructed Allison and Jeffy to draw pictures of the school, their house, the neighborhood, their mother and each other and mail them to him so he would know if they had grown any and what they were doing. He also included a package of gummy worms to remind them of their fishing trip. There was nothing in the package for Willy. She was almost ashamed of the envy she felt.
The children were thrilled and set to work immediately. A happy afternoon was spent drawing everything they could think of that Max might be interested in seeing. Willy was warmed by his thoughtfulness but felt again a sharp stab of loneliness for him. She had managed to push him to the very back of her mind most of the time as she had buried herself in the many tasks requiring her attention.
The first day of school, Willy and Jeffy walked Allison to her classroom then Willy took Jeffy to the home of his friend whose mother had the first session of preschool. She returned home in a happy mood. The tears she had shed when she left Allison at school were gone. It was practically a tradition that mot
hers cried when their kids went off to school for the first time.
Willy was looking forward to finally starting to write her article. The pictures were back from the developer and many of them had turned out well. She had sent the best ones off to be enlarged and prepared to be included in the package to the various publishers she had in mind. She had organized all her notes and gone through the information she had collected. The easiest part was the actual writing of the words that put it all in order.
She sat at her computer and began to type. She was well into the article when the doorbell rang. Willy opened it, expecting it to be a friend of Jeffy's who wanted to play, but a delivery girl stood there with a bouquet of helium balloons. "Mrs. Willy Milton?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm Mrs. Milton. Who are these from?" Willy wondered.
"There is a message on the card," the girl told her. "Enjoy them!" She handed them to Willy and with a cheerful wave returned to her van.
Willy brought the multicolored bouquet into the kitchen and tied them onto a heavy vase. She opened the envelop to read the card, wondering what the occasion was and who would have sent such a gift.
"Happy first day of school, Allison! Love, Max Bell," she read. "P.S. I know that you will share some of them with Jeff. And the one with the bunny is for your mother."
Willy looked at the bright balloons and saw one sporting a cute rabbit. It said, "Somebunny in Wyoming loves you." Unaccountably, she grabbed it and kissed it right on the bunny's nose. "And somebunny in Washington loves you!" she whispered.
The rest of the afternoon was a waste as far as working on her article. The only word she seemed to be able to type was MAX MAX MAX. She gave it up and left early to go pick up Jeffy from down the street. Maybe the walk would do her good.
When they walked in the door after picking Allison up from school, there were squeals of delight at the surprise that awaited them. Allison was so thrilled that she generously gave half of the balloons to Jeffy. She handed the bunny to her mother after the note was read. "He really does love us, doesn't he, to send us so many nice things. I love him too. Will you help me write a thank-you note to him, Mama?"
While she addressed the envelop and guided Allison's hand in forming the words of the thank-you message, Willy decided to include a note of her own. She told him about the joy the unexpected gifts had brought to the kids and that things were going well for them all. She kept it brief and formal but in her heart, she was pouring words of love all over the paper. When she was alone, she quickly planted a kiss on the sheet of paper then felt chagrin at the faint outline of lipstick that remained. She tried to rub it out so it wouldn't be noticeable. Surely he wouldn't know what the smudge was. She felt like a silly schoolgirl writing a love note.