“Look. Your tits are busting out of it. Your nipples are poking out of the middle of those daisy flowers.”
My mind was in a fog because all I could see was me in the mirror with Justin’s hot, sweaty body behind me. Then, he flipped me around fast and his stare was burning into mine. He was too close for comfort, and my legs felt like they were going to collapse under me from the surge of sexual awareness. “Look at your ass in the mirror. The material can barely wrap around it. You think Dr. Doolittle is going to be able to look you in the eyes when you’re dressed like that?”
“You really think this looks that bad?”
He suddenly walked away from me and returned to the pull-up bar. My nipples were tingling. I just wanted his hands on me again.
“I think it makes you look like a whore, yes,” he said before doing a few more reps in silence. He hopped down, the weight of his body causing a large thump against the wood floor. “You really are that oblivious, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You never did have any clue what kind of effect you have on people.”
“Be specific, please.”
“When we were younger, you would sit on my lap, put your hands on me, run your fingers through my hair, hug me all of the time with your massive tits pressed against me. I spent half of my teenage years walking around with a fucking hard on that I couldn’t do anything about. The entire time you apparently had no clue.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now. And you have no idea how many times I had to defend you behind your back. Guys talking about your body, saying sexual things about you right in front of my fucking face. Do you have any clue how many fights I got into because of you?”
“You never told me.”
“No. I didn’t. Because I was trying to protect your feelings. I tried so hard to fucking protect you from shit, and that was the one thing that bit me in the ass in the end.”
“I’m sorry.”
He held his hands up. “You know what? Never mind. My bad. Let’s not do this again. I told you we were done talking. And we are.”
“Okay.”
“I’d like to continue my work out in peace if you don’t mind.”
“Alright.”
Back in my room, I could hear that he’d returned to the punching bag in full force. Still reeling from his words, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Maybe I was really just a clueless person. But he never exactly expressed his feelings to me back then, either. Was I supposed to be a mind reader? I felt like I needed to make that point. It was bugging me. I returned down the hall and spoke through his violent hooks to the bag.
“The other night you asked me why I never told you how I felt. Well, clearly you didn’t have the balls to tell me how you felt, either.”
Justin stopped punching but kept his arms on the bag, leaning against it. He took a few seconds to catch his breath. “I thought it was understood. How much more obvious could I have been? All the fucking songs I wrote you? Did you ever even see me with any other girls?”
“No. But you did admit to kissing someone before that night at Brian’s.”
“I did kiss one girl before that night. Wanna know why? Because I didn’t want to be clueless as to what the fuck I was doing when I finally got the courage to kiss you. I never considered it a real kiss. I wanted my first real one to be with you. I wanted everything with you. But I was afraid you were too young, so I was waiting. I didn’t want to rush things and ruin it. But you’re right. A part of me also didn’t have the balls to tell you how I felt.”
“I wish you had. You were being careful, and I was just clueless. Together, we were…careless.”
“Careful plus clueless equals careless? Did you just make that up right now?”
“Yes.”
“That’s pretty fucking cheesy.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“You’d better get ready for your date with Trapper Con M.D.”
I laughed, relieved that he was smiling about things now. “Will you help me?”
“Help you? What the fuck do you need help with?”
“Help me pick out what to wear. Because I think you’re right. This is a little skimpy.”
“A little skimpy? Hustler would be calling you tomorrow if I sent them a picture.”
“Alright. A lot skimpy.”
“You can’t figure this shit out on your own? It’s pretty simple. You cover your tits and ass. Done.”
“Yeah. But I still want to look good. You know I have a tendency to pick weird stuff. Potato sack couture and all. I feel like I go from one extreme to the other, and I don’t know how to dress in between.”
“Fine.” Justin let out an exhausted breath and followed me to my room.
I started to take dresses out of my closet, throwing them on the bed one by one. “How about this?”
“Slutty.”
“This one?”
“Sluttier.”
“Okay. This?”
“You got Birkenstocks to go with it?”
“Alright…this one?”
“Well, that would be one way to get rid of him.”
I covered my face. “Aargggh! This is so frustrating.”
“I know a solution.”
“What?”
“Don’t go on the date.”
“Because I can’t figure out what to wear?”
“Yeah. I think you should stay home.”
“You just don’t like him.”
“You’re damn right.”
“Again…why?”
“He just wants in your pants, Amelia.”
“Well, he’s not getting in my pants.”
“You sure about that?”
“I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.”
He lifted his brow skeptically. “You’ve never slept with a guy on the first date?”
“Well…”
“Exactly.”
“Even if I wanted to sleep with him—which I don’t—it wouldn’t be tonight.”
“Why is that?”
“I stabbed myself again.”
He shook his head and chuckled when he figured out I was referring to my period. “I see.”
“Why do you think that he’s only interested in me for my body anyway?”
“It was his eyes. I don’t trust them. You can tell a lot about someone by the look in their eyes. His gave me a bad vibe.”
“Well, I have more going for me than my tits and ass. So, hopefully you’re wrong.”
“You’re right. You have nice deep-set dimples when you smile, too.”
My body felt flush from the compliment that had come out of the blue. I didn’t know how to respond, so I simply said, “Shut up.”
“Just be careful,” he said seriously, reaching into his back pocket. “Speaking of which…take this with you.” It was his old red Swiss Army knife from when we were younger.
“You still have this?”
“I’ll never stop needing this.”
“You really want me to take this with me?”
“Yes.”
Taking it from him, I said, “Okay.”
“Are we done here?”
“We still haven’t picked out what I’m wearing.”
Justin walked over to my closet and ran his hand slowly along the lineup of outfits, eventually stopping at a simple black sleeveless dress that was far from revealing. It looked more like something you could wear to a funeral. Actually, it was the dress I had bought to wear to Nana’s funeral before I realized she had explicitly written that she didn’t want one. She wanted to just be cremated with her ashes thrown in the ocean without any fanfare.
“This one? Really?”
He held the dress in his hand. “Don’t ask for my help if you’re not gonna listen.”
“Okay. This one it is.” I took it from him and watched as he made his way out the door. My eyes focused on the rectangular tattoo on his back. Even though I always thought it was sexy a
s hell, I was never able to get a good enough look at it for some reason until now.
“Justin.”
He turned around. “Yeah.”
“What is that tattoo on your back?”
His body stiffened. “It’s a bar code.”
“That’s what I thought. I always wondered. Does it mean anything?”
Refusing to answer my question, he simply said, “Get dressed. You don’t want to be late for Dr. Dick.”
***
Will was supposed to be picking me up in about twenty minutes. I sat on the kitchen counter sipping a glass of white wine to relax. The black dress that Justin had chosen actually looked pretty nice. There was no unnecessary skin showing, and that was probably the way it should have been. I ended up putting my long, dark brown hair up into a twist.
A waft of his cologne prompted me to look to the side. My heart clenched at the sight of Justin standing in the entryway. I hadn’t noticed him until I smelled him. He seemed to be observing me without my knowing.
He’d just showered after his workout and looked so incredibly hot in a simple black shirt that hugged his muscles. The jeans he was wearing were the ones that always displayed his ass in the best way. Even though I had the night off, Justin was supposed to be playing at Sandy’s. The women were going to go apeshit over him tonight.
He walked over and pulled up a stool next to me. My nipples perked up at the closeness of his body.
He examined my face and said, “You don’t look too excited.”
“I’m not sure how I feel, to be honest.”
“You’re not nervous about going out with that jackass, are you?”
“A little.”
“Why? He’s not worth your nerves.”
“It’s the first date I’ve been on since Adam.”
He sucked in his jaw almost angrily. “That’s the guy that cheated on you…”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“Jade told me.”
It surprised me that they’d been talking about me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Justin knowing about Adam.
“Oh.”
“Don’t let what happened with that asshole make you think you should settle for the first Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along.”
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
He hesitated before he answered, “Yes. I’m not proud of it. I was younger then, though. It’s not something I would ever do today. The way I see it, if you want to cheat on someone, you should just break up with them. Cheating is for cowards.”
“I agree. I wish that Adam had just broken up with me.”
“I’m glad you’re not with him anymore.”
“Me, too.”
“He was trying to have the best of both worlds. He’ll end up doing it to the other girl, too. Watch.”
“Jade is lucky to have you, to be with someone who is loyal.”
His expression darkened before he said, “Temptation is natural. That doesn’t mean you should act on it.” He seemed to be pondering his own words in an attempt to convince himself of that very fact.
“Right. Of course.”
Justin swiftly changed the subject. “You got your pocket knife?”
“Yes. I’m not going to need it, but it’s in my purse.”
“Good. You have my cell phone number?”
“Yes.”
“You should be taking your own car.”
“Well, I already agreed to have him pick me up.”
“If he tries anything funny, call me. I’ll come get you.”
“But you’ll be in the middle of performing.”
“Doesn’t matter. Call me if you need a ride.”
“Okay. I will.”
His protectiveness reminded me of the old days. Having someone looking out for me was a really good feeling. In fact, I hadn’t felt it since running away from home all those years ago.
I took another sip of my drink. Before I could place it down on the counter, I felt Justin’s hand on mine as he intercepted, taking the glass from my grasp and gulping down the rest of the wine.
My voice was practically a whisper. “I didn’t know you liked white wine.”
“I’m in a different kind of a mood tonight, I guess.” He took the glass over to the small bar area and refilled it before sitting back down and placing it in front of me.
We quietly drank out of the same goblet, passing it back and forth to each other, making silent eye contact. Whenever he licked the Chardonnay off his lips, it was utterly arousing. I felt so guilty for feeling that way, but it was beyond my control. Like he said, temptation was natural, right? Knowing that I couldn’t and wouldn’t act on it, made the feelings that much more powerful, though. The fact that he was unattainable made it all-consuming.
If I were being honest, no part of me really wanted to go out with Will tonight. Every part of me, on the other hand, wanted to go watch Justin perform, especially since we were coming upon the final days before he would return to New York.
The knock on the door was loud and confident. Justin rubbed the back of his neck to massage the tension there. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was the one nervous about this date.
When I hopped down from the stool to answer the door, he said, “Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“You look really nice. I think that dress was the right choice.”
My heart fluttered. “Thank you.”
My heels clicked on the tile as I walked over to the front door.
Will was holding a small bouquet of flowers. “Evening, Amelia. God, you look stunning.”
“Hi, Will. Thank you. Come in.”
Justin’s arms were crossed. His body language was more like an armed guard at a bank rather than a man standing casually in his own kitchen.
“You remember my roommate, Justin.”
“Of course. How are you feeling?”
“Very energized at the moment, Dr. Danger.”
Will seemed annoyed at Justin’s mispronunciation. “Dan-ger,” he corrected.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to anger Dr. Dan-ger.”
Will wasn’t amused. “No problem.”
“Where are you kids going tonight?”
“The Boathouse. You been there?”
“Right on the water. Smooth. Putting out all the stops.”
Grabbing my purse, I said, “Well, we should get going.”
Justin held his hand out. “I’ll take care of the flowers.”
Somehow, I wondered if they would end up in the trash the second the door closed behind us.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
When we got outside, Will turned to me. “Your roommate likes to butcher my name. He’s a bit of a wiseass.”
“Yes. He can be.”
Will opened the door to his Mercedes and let me in the passenger side. The conversation was easy on the way to Tiverton. He asked me about my teaching career, and we spoke about his time at the University of North Carolina Medical School at Chapel Hill.
My phone vibrated.
Justin: Those flowers were from the supermarket.
Amelia: How do you know?
Justin: He left the orange sticker on. What a tool.
Amelia: It’s the thought that counts.
Justin: Look in the backseat. I bet you’ll see milk and eggs.
Amelia: Don’t you have to be at Sandy’s?
Justin: Heading out now.
Amelia: Break a leg tonight.
Justin: Stay out of Danger. Better yet, keep Danger out of you.
Amelia: You’re a goof.
Justin: Order the lobster. At least you’ll get something out of tonight.
Amelia: Goodbye, Justin!
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Sorry.”
He looked over at me. “So, what were we saying? Oh, you were about to tell me when you’re planning to head back to Providence…”
“The last week in August. I have to g
et my classroom set up for the beginning of September.”
“I bet your students really dig you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I wish I had a teacher that looked like you when I was in middle school.”
“Well, I like to think they appreciate me for other reasons.”
“Oh. I’m sure they do.”
When we arrived to the restaurant, it was already dark out, so the waterfront view wasn’t as great as it would have been during the daylight hours. It was starting to get chilly, so we opted for a window seat inside but overlooking the water. Lights from some of the sailboats illuminated the dark ocean. White Christmas bulbs hanging inside the restaurant made for a cozy ambience. The smell of fresh seafood filled the air. I laughed to myself, thinking of how Justin would probably say the place smelled like dirty snatch.
I ended up ordering swordfish with mango salsa while Will opted for Chicken Marsala. The conversation while we were waiting for our food was pretty mundane. We spoke a little bit about the upcoming presidential election. Will was a republican while I was a democrat. I also told him the story of how I came to inherit Nana’s house.
My phone vibrated.
Justin: How’s it going?
I didn’t want to be rude and answer him. So, I ignored the text until Will excused himself to use the restroom.
Amelia: Aren’t you supposed to be singing?
Justin: It’s my ten minute break.
Amelia: Everything is fine.
Justin: Just checking to make sure you’re still alive.
Amelia: I have not had to use the knife, no.
Justin: Did you order the lobster like I told you to?
Amelia: No. Swordfish.
He didn’t respond, so I assumed that he was done texting me, which was good, since Will was headed back to the table.
Our food arrived, and the waitress brought me a second glass of wine. We ate in comfortable silence when I could feel my phone buzz on my lap. Figuring it was Justin, I was curious to look down but didn’t want to seem rude. After I was halfway through my meal, I decided to excuse myself to go to the bathroom so that I could check my phone.