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Gunner looked at me. I know he was waiting for me to respond. So…… me being the idiot I am…. I answered the question for Gunner.
“Gunner and I are just friends Lori. We’re not dating. ” A smile spread across her plastic looking face.
That was all the bitch needed to hear and she jumped up and grabbed Gunner’s arm and pulled him half way up.
”Then let’s dance!” Lori said as she was smiling at me.
Gunner went to sit back down, “Um no really I’m here with Ellie Lori and…”
“It’s fine…. go dance Gunner, we’re not together you can dance with someone else. ” What the fuck? I said that before I could stop myself.
Gunner turned and looked at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes and he just shook his head. He looked mad.
OH MY GOD! I just wanted to slap myself for being so fucking stupid. I’m sure I just pissed him off with my whole ‘we’re just friends bit’.
“See…. she wants you to dance Gun. ” Lori the bitch said as she winked at me and walked with her arm wrapped around Gunners.
Just then Usher’s “Hot Tottie” started. REALLY? Why that song of all songs?
Because life was serving me up another plate full of SHIT!
I just sat there and tried not to watch them dancing. I looked over at Jefferson who was watching Gunner. He looked over at me and gave me a small weak smile. Well fuck……that just made me want to look at them.
Holy hell…. this girl was fucking grinding all into Gunner and that bastard was giving her just as much as she was giving him but he had his eyes closed for some reason. She turned and put her ass on his dick…. . then she looked over towards me and put her finger in her mouth and sucked it as she pushed her ass into him further. She lifted her other hand and ran it down his face and side. He had his hands on her hips moving right along with her.
Oh. My. God. I was going to throw up.
I stood up and walked over to Jefferson. “Can you please walk me to my car?”
“You’re leaving? Honey what about Gunner?” I looked out to the dance floor.
“It looks like he found someone else to go home with. ”
“Ellie, he is just dancing honey and you told him to. ” Jefferson looked back out to the dance floor. I saw him frown. I looked back out…. . they were still going at it. Now she was turned back around but Gunner still had his hands on her hips and they were really moving. Gunner’s back was facing me now.
“I want to leave…. NOW. ” I shouted at Jefferson.
“Okay Ellie Jesus…. . ” Jefferson took my hand and we started to leave. I took one last look towards Gunner. He didn’t even know I was leaving. My heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it. This is why I could not give my heart to anyone again. If he truly wanted me he would not be dancing with some girl like he was ready to fuck her right there on the dance floor. All I could hear was my mother’s voice over and over in my head.
You will never be wanted by anyone………
As soon as we got outside the club I stopped and took a deep breath in.
“Ellie, I don’t understand why you are getting so upset. You have told Gunner y’all are only friends. You told him to dance with Lori and then you get upset because he does. ”
“What?” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Did you not see how they were dancing? Did you not see what I saw because to me they were practically fucking on the dance floor!” I screamed back at Jefferson louder than I wanted to.
“Oh my god Ellie…. they’re just dancing. Everyone dances like that! Stop acting like this and decide what you want! Do you want Gunner as more than a friend or not? If you do then go back in there and tell Lori to take a fucking hike…. if not…. then…. . . ”
“Then what Jefferson? What? Please tell me because you are such an expert in this field. ” Jefferson looked stunned.
“You’re right. I need to just keep my mouth shut. Let’s get you to your car. ”
Jefferson walked me the short distance to my car in silence. “I’m sorry Jefferson, it’s just that I’m so scared of the feelings I have for Gunner. I don’t see what he really sees in me when he can have someone like that Lori or Crysti. ” I said as a tear escaped from my eyes and rolled down my face. Jefferson wiped it away.
“Ellie, like I told you before honey, you are exactly what Gunner is looking for. You are beautiful, smart and you make him happy. You’re not one of those girls who will fall into bed with the first good looking guy who gives them attention. You have to stop hearing moms words play over in your head. You are not mom. You never will be. You have to stop pushing him away. He wants to be with you. ”
“He sure didn’t look like it tonight while dancing. ”
“I know you think that Ellie, but honey you have to see it from his point of view. You practically pushed him to her tonight. Of course she is going to try and make you jealous ‘cause she is a bitch who’s been after Gunner for three years now. I’m sure he was hurt by you telling him to go dance. He made a mistake Ells. ” Jefferson said has he lifted my chin to look up at him.
“I know how it feels to make a stupid decision. Please just talk to him when he calls you okay?”
I took a deep breath and tried to smile. “I just want to get home. Thanks for walking me to my car Jefferson. You’re a great big brother. I love you. ” I said as I stood on my tippy toes to kiss him.
He bent down and gave me hug. “I love you too Ells…more than you will ever know. ”
I got in the car and watched Jefferson walk back towards Rebels. My hands started to shake and all I could hear was my mother’s voice telling me how I would end up alone like her. I would never be good enough to keep someone like Gunner Mathews happy for long.
I pulled out of the parking space and started driving back home to Ari’s. That same sick feeling I kept getting off and on today was now back. I felt the tears rolling down my face as I touched the daisy necklace around my neck.
You will never be wanted by anyone……….
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Gunner……
I was so pissed at Ellie for pulling out the fucking friend’s card again. Even after I tried to tell Lori I didn’t want to dance Ellie practically pushed me onto the dance floor. Soon as the music started Lori started grinding her ass into my dick. I had to close my eyes and act like it was Ellie I was dancing with just to get through it.
Lori did a pretty damn good job keeping me turned away from Ellie. When the song ended I turned around to see Ellie was no longer at the table…. neither was Jeff. She was gone.
FUCK!
I made a bee line towards the table. Lori ran up and grabbed my arm. “HEY! Where are you going? Let’s have some fun tonight. I made sure your little friend got the right impression. ” Lori said as she looked up at me with a smug look on her face.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Well, you know…. I made sure she knew she was a little too young to be trying to play with the big kids…if you know what I mean. ” She said as she stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked on it and then tried to put it on my mouth.
I jerked my head back away from her. “What the fuck did you do? I swear to God Lori if she left, you will regret whatever it is you did. ” I pushed her out of my way.
I ran up to the table and asked Amanda where Ellie was.
“Well, since you were practically fucking that girl on the dance floor, Ellie told Jeff she wanted to leave and asked him to walk her to her car. ” Amanda said as she gave me a look that should have knocked me to my knees. That girl just gave new meaning to ‘If Looks could kill’……
As soon as I got out of the club I started to run towards where I had parked Ellie’s car earlier. I heard Jeff call out my name.
I stopped and turned around to see him walking across the street.
“She’s gone. ” Jeff said has he walked up to me with his hands in his pockets.
“NO! OH FUCK!. . . . FUCKING HELL! What the hell did I just do?!” I yelled out as I jammed my hands through my hair.
I looked at Jeff who just had a blank look on his face. “Why did she leave? Was it because I was dancing with Lori? She told me to. She made sure she let Lori know we were only friends and told me to go dance. I tried to tell Lori I didn’t want to. Oh fucking hell……” I said as I started to pace back and forth.
“Dude, did you fucking know how you looked out there? You were grinding your dick all into Lori’s ass while Ellie sat there and watched it. Then Lori’s little stunt of sticking her finger in her mouth and sucking on it while you held onto her hips grinding away on her you prick. What did you think she was going to do? Sit there and watch. ”
I had to lean over. I had that sick feeling in my stomach again that I woke up with earlier this morning.
“No…. no…… shit no…I had to fucking keep eyes closed the whole time. The whole fucking time all I was doing was picturing Ellie dancing with me. FUCK! I was so pissed at her for pulling out the fucking friend’s card again I guess I was just pissed and not thinking about how it would look to her. ”
I had to lean back over again…. . ”Oh shit…I think I’m going to get sick. ”
Jeff slapped me on the back of the head. What the fuck?
“First off fucker…that’s my sister you are day dreaming about…. . and second…. you better fucking make this right somehow. ”
Next thing I knew I was throwing up and Jeff was telling me he was going to get his truck. I had to talk to Ellie. I had to explain…. .
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Ellie……
It had been three weeks since I last saw Gunner. He called me every morning and I never answered. I thought after the first few days he would just give up. Same thing every night and each time he would leave me a message. I cried every time I listened to him beg for me to call him back. This morning he left the longest message and it tore me apart.
He said since I wouldn’t call him he was just leaving it on my voicemail. He told me how upset he had been that I made him dance with Lori, he said he had to close his eyes and imagine that he was dancing with me. He just kept telling me how sorry he was and that he was so pissed he didn’t even realize how it looked…. It almost sounded like he was crying as he begged me to call him back. He was starting to sound just as bad as I felt.
Ari knocked and opened the bedroom door. “Hey, we’re moving into the cottage today. ”
“Sounds good…. . I just need to get a few more things packed up. ” I said with a weak smile. After looking at apartments near campus the last two weeks and deciding we would have to work a full time job to afford anything, we took Ari’s parents up on their offer to let us live in their 2 bedroom cottage guest house.
Ari came and sat down next to me. “Did he call again Ells?”
I started to cry and handed her my cell phone. Ari listened to the voicemail.
“Holy fuck Ellie. Can you not hear it in his voice? He said he’s sorry…he is begging you!”