The Gift
Copyright © 2013 S.O.J.C.
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The Gift
Caressed by the sweetest, most angelic voice, Kate listens, allowing herself one last semi-conscious daydream; “You can do anything. You have infinite potential, if anybody tries to tell you otherwise, they are wrong. You can accomplish whatever your heart desires…” then drifting off again her breathing slows to the sometimes startling snore that we struggle with as control and consciousness is mysteriously taken away. Quietly she recalls what could have been; prom and college and friends and parties and success, her chance at life, before summoning the strength to deny such needed rest then leaves her mattress behind.
The memory clad hall greets and surrounds her as the words enunciate from even farther away now; “believe in yourself, believe in love…happiness and success…” the recurring dream trails off into a lost reality while the tiny voice spins on, relentlessly reminding as Kate pointlessly struggled, knowing that she has never shared this thought or experience with anyone. So she moves on like a child whose younger sibling trails along, confident that the voice would eventually dilute or disappear in the barrage of tasks that would inevitably fill her day.
Her husband, Kate knows, has already gone for work as she smirks at the yellow sticky note accompanying the coffee and bagel he lovingly left behind; “Good luck today hunny. ” Then her smile broadens, “Not once has he asked me to make him breakfast.” Greg knew how much she struggled and now more than ever showed concern for his middle aged, graying haired wife as she insisted on going head-to-head with other legal interns half her age, “Oh to be young again.” Kate mutters, counting the minutes before she had to leave the house then forces the doughy meal into her mouth. The warm comfort food clashes with the icy tile below her feet as she neurotically avoids her grandmother-like flat and worn slippers in hope of inducing a spark of enthusiasm.
Scalding white and green cup in one hand and a gluttonous bite muffling her words, she looks at the surreal cottage scene on the calendar in front of her, possibly longer than she realizes, “It’s Friday!” she chokes “The kids.” while squeezing air around bread then in a playful stride skips down the hall trying once again to ignore irony.
Thirty minutes of gridlock later, Kate rushes to put her coat and other things in the general break room since only those employed at the firm are given a cubicle. She looks up at the clock that reads 8:05, “Ok I made it.” she sighs while sliding her bag lunch into the already packed refrigerator, re-shoulders her purse then forces an upright and energetic walk on her way to Sherry’s cubicle.
Sherry Bertrand; 29 years old and divorced, her only apparent pleasure was found in this job where she enjoyed sharing her misery and hate with others, both client and co-worker alike. Ironically and terrifyingly enough Kate saw Sherry’s choice of work to be what destroyed her life; the overinflated sense of power and self-righteousness, the long hours of study that didn’t end after passing the bar exam and her soon-to-be ex-husband who had become openly unfaithful as her absence increased, making Sherry’s life choice a mockery in every sense of the word. “I don’t think there was much to love to begin with.” Kate laughs within as she prepares to ask what today’s duties would be.
“Good morning ma’am.” She offers to the back of a ridiculously bleach blonde head beaming from within the cube.
“You know Kate, the ones trying to survive in this firm were fifteen minutes early.” Sherry scoffs without turning around.”
“Sherry, I…” Kate is cut off before she can explain.
“They’re all in Grant’s office.”
“Shit! The boss’s office, not on Friday.” thinking to herself as she walks away, internalizing any outward emotion as she takes in a breath then taps innocently while pushing on the veteran attorney’s door.
“Mrs. Monroe,” he starts, “Nice of you to join us.”
Kate flushes red; “I thought I was making good time, it won’t happen again sir.” she offers.
“Let’s see that it doesn’t. Now, since we have you in the spotlight, why don’t you offer a solution to the Davidson case?” he jabs.
The Davidson case involved a wealthy couple fighting over child support, spousal support and two of their three properties and although they showed concern for both of their children it was the over exuberant lifestyle the two chose that was alarming. They both had records of negligent parenting, substance abuse and after an interview with a child psychologist were seen, in even their children’s eyes as inept caregivers. It was a high dollar case with many irrelevant factors at stake but who can ever prove such a thing.
“Well, the children can’t be taken away from their mother, so visitation should be calculated for the father depending on how safe the courts deem him.” Kate starts.
“Those are hardly grounds for $5 million, half his worth might I add, before child support. You need facts, his attorney won’t settle for that, after all; she initiated divorce, how do we make that look good?” Grant.
“He was unfaithful, he said he wanted out, he destroyed their marriage and admitted it. He just doesn’t want to pay child support.” she adds.
“Irreconcilable differences, keep trying.”
“She went to alcoholics anonymous.” Kate dropped foolishly.
“Anyone can read their file, someone please help her out.” Then a young man’s voice chimes in readily,
“She sought help, were as he left his drug charges open and pending there is no guarantee he is even clean, we ask for a clean sample before even considering him for un-supervised visitation and stick with the $5 million up front and child support and alimony open for calculation.”
“Good Job. Apparently you don’t have to be very bright to get through the course,” giving a dead stare, “Kate, file this will you.” as he stuffs a manila chart into the air.
Later, while sitting in what would be forty-five more minutes of gridlock Kate stared angrily at the obnoxious idiot driving in front of her, “That must be one important phone call.” she snarls as the impervious motorist made every maneuver in what seemed to her as 10 seconds slower than everyone else. “But she gets a Mercedes.” Kate says sarcastically while flailing her arm in the air. Then a red light in the dash catches her eye: “Check engine” “Really? We just spent $500 on the transmission six months ago. Can’t I make some money before fixing this piece of shit again?” Kate lowers the radio and listens to the sound of halting traffic and lets some air in from outside, it’s polluted and hard to breath but the noise brings a sense of peace and freedom as she mulls over her situation yet again; “I wanted a family, I wanted children. Would it have been this hard if I made these things wait? So much for infinite possibility, maybe I’m not meant to be happy, I mean, I tried to do what was right…I tried to believe in myself…stupid, just a stupid fallacy.” She wipes her eyes just as they welled up then turned onto the exit that would bring her to her daughter’s house.
“Gramma!” the kids burst out of the duplex door and through the well plotted squares of grass toward her. Kate huffs and gives a forced stoop at one knee as they overwhelm both her shoulders with miniature hugs.
“How are you two behaving for mom?” They look at each other then back to her, “Good.” in song like unison. Teasing, she looks up to the smirk on her tired daughters face, “I don’t know, a little birdie told me not to give you two any candy today.”
“We’ve been pretty good gramma, really.” the two answer with a giggle.
Kate laughs as they look up at her, “ok, ok. I’ve got something right here in my purse you go on and play for right now, I’ll give it to you when we go inside.”
“And after dinner.” their mom adds.
“So mom, how was work?” Kate’s daughter asks in concern.
“Not what it would have been like if I was your age…honey when are you going back to school?”
“I want to wait until the baby gets a little older. Have you been crying?”
Then after a short pause; “God I hate that man.” Kate vents “If he would take his head out of his ass and his penis out of the secretary he would realize we just need some help, referring to Mr. Grant, some encouragement, then he might see some improvement.” They both laugh. “And besides you know you don’t have to wait, I’ll take care of the babies; I don’t want you to end up like me.”
“Mom, I’m happy and what about your job?”
“I’m only an intern and chances are I won’t get hired, here or anywhere else, I think I made a mistake.”
“Mom, I’ve never seen you make a mistake.”
“Then why is everyone else so happy and successful? What did I do wrong? Your Father is happy; you say you’re happy…”
“I am happy. If it wasn’t for you I’d have no idea what to do with myself and Dad always tells me you’ve kept him strong all these years. You told me that it is not the challenge but the solutions we find that show us who we are and why we are here.”
They stand quietly as the children innocently entertain, twirling around and by. Then Katie delicately touches her mother’s shoulder, “You made us a family and you were always there for us but mom we have that foundation now, you’ve done nothing short of a miracle… besides, Robert said that if I want to go to college he’ll pay for it so that I don’t have to get a job and watch the kids at night so that we don’t have to get a babysitter.”
“Oh my, why didn’t you tell me dear?”
“Because I don’t know if I have it in me, if I can be like you.”
“What do you mean like me?”
“You can do anything mom. What’s your secret?”
As years of uncertainty suddenly make sense, “It isn’t a secret Katie, it’s a gift and you have it too…”
****
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