He leans forward. Elbows on knees, cup cradled in both hands, he looks at me.
Leaning over, I put my cup on the coffee table that sits between us.
“I’m sorry to just turn up,” I start. “But I wanted to talk to you, and I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”
“It’s fine.” He reaches over and puts his cup down on the coffee table without taking a drink. “Look, Daisy, I know you came here to talk, but there’s something I want to get off my chest first.”
“Okay…” I say hesitantly, biting my lip.
“Well, this morning, I didn’t get to say this, but I am sorry for turning up drunk at your place last night.”
“Kas, it’s fine.” I offer a smile. “It was my turn to take care of drunk you anyway.” I’m trying to lighten the mood, referring back to my drunken state when he took care of me, but it clearly doesn’t work, as his expression remains stoic.
He pulls his eyes from my face and stares down at his hands, which are now clasped tightly together. “I also want to say that I’m sorry for leaving you at Superhumans. It was wrong of me to just abandon you like I did.”
“You hardly abandoned me. And you were upset. It was understandable.”
“That might be, but it doesn’t make it okay.”
“Kas, it’s fine. Honestly, I was fine.”
His eyes lift back to mine. “But you might not have been, and I know that better than anyone. I left you alone and crying on an industrial estate. I just fucking drove away and left you. Anything could’ve happened to you.”
“But it didn’t,” I say softly. “I’m fine. I was at your building. Nothing was going to happen to me.”
He nods, but I can see that he’s not going to forgive himself for that. And I understand why he thinks the way he does. After what happened to him, I don’t think I’d be able to leave the house, let alone allowing people I care about to move about the world alone.
“How did you get home?” he asks quietly.
“Cece came and picked me up.”
“God.” He laughs a humorless sound. “I bet she thinks I’m a real fucking winner. Stranding you alone on our date and then showing up drunk at your apartment.”
I frown at his dressing-down of himself. “Cece doesn’t think badly of you, Kas.”
Black eyes flash to mine. I see the panic in them.
“She knows what happened to me?”
“No.” I vehemently shake my head. “I might be a snoop, but I would never tell anyone else what you told me. It’s your story to tell…not mine. All Cece knows is that I crossed a line, and I upset you.”
He nods his head in acceptance of what I said.
“Kas, can I ask…or should I assume that no one else here knows?”
He shakes his head. “After it happened and I was released from the hospital and came back home, it was…hard for me. My parents made the decision to move out of London and start fresh. My dad had a really good job; it paid him well. He and my mum were never big spenders, so they had a lot in savings. They sold the house in London, and it left them with a substantial amount of money. So, they bought this place. They wanted me to be somewhere I could feel safe…or where they wouldn’t worry about my safety.”
“Your parents sound really great.” I give him a gentle smile.
“Yeah, they are. What happened affected them, too. My mother won’t go into London anymore…” He trails off. “It’s only been recently that they’ve started going over to Greece for extended periods of time without me. Even though they both call me every day to check in.” Shaking his head, he laughs lightly.
“I’m glad you have them,” I tell him.
He stares at me, and for a moment, I get lost in his gaze.
“So, um…I came here to talk…well, tell you some things.” I shift to the edge of the sofa, curling my hands around the cushion. “Firstly, just to get it out of the way, I didn’t come in to work today, as I thought you might need some time and space. And, honestly, I needed to process everything.”
“I don’t care about work, Daisy.”
“Well, I do. And I want you to know, I’ll make the time up this weekend.”
Knowing what I have to say next, my mouth is suddenly very dry, so I pick my coffee up and take a sip.
He’s still watching me when I put the cup down.
My heart starts to beat a hard tune in my chest. I hold my hands together in my lap. “But, work aside, that wasn’t why I came to see you. I just wanted to tell you that…well, no, not tell you.” I’m rambling. Stop rambling, Daisy. “I want you to know what you mean to me. And I, um…well…”
I’m twisting my hands in my lap. I lick my dry lips and take a fortifying breath.
“I…care about you.” I’m falling for you. “And I wanted you to know that.” And, clearly, I’m too chickenshit to tell you that I’m falling for you. “And I know I broke your trust, prying into your life like I did, and I am beyond sorry for that. And I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me…and that I want to be with you…more than anything.”
He’s not speaking. He’s just staring at me, expressionless.
And my heart sinks. “Okay…well, I guess I should go.” I shoot to my feet and start walking quickly to the door.
“Wait.”
Stupid hope makes my heart pause.
I turn back to him. He’s standing now.
“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers.
“You don’t?”
“No.”
My body trembles as I watch him slowly walk toward me.
My heart is trying its best to climb out of my throat.
I nervously swallow down.
Kas stops in front of me and cups my face in his hands.
His scent surrounds me. His breath blowing gently on my skin.
“Daisy…I haven’t felt anything for a long time. I was dead inside. I guess, to a large degree, I still am. But that moment you came into my life, it was like…taking a breath for the first time in seven years.” He presses his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. “I didn’t want to feel anything for you, so I fought my feelings and pushed you away, but all the pushing and fighting didn’t change the fact that I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anyone.” Looking at me, he inhales softly. “I…I care about you, too. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I press my hands to his chest, and he inhales sharply. Almost like my touch has burned him. And I know how he feels because my whole body is burning for him.
“It’s selfish, and I know I don’t deserve you…but I want you so fucking much.”
“Kas…” I whisper, closing my eyes. “I want you, too. So much.”
He takes a shallow breath. I feel his face leave mine.
I blink open my eyes and stare up at him. The look in his eyes causes me to pause. My pulse starts to thrum.
“There’s something you need to know.”
“Okay…” I say, my voice betraying my nerves.
“Daisy, after what happened that night…I wasn’t able to…” His eyes slide away from mine. Looking past me, he takes a deep breath. “I haven’t been with a woman in over seven years.”
Oh. Wow.
“Haley was the last person I…” He lets his words drift. “After that night, what they did to Haley…what I saw…it haunted me. I was screwed up for a long time. And I had issues…with the scarring on my body. I still do. But, as the years have gone on and with the help of therapy…well, for a few years now, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex. It’s more that I’ve wanted it to be with someone who mattered, and no one has mattered…until you.”
I matter.
My heart fills with joy.
Moving a hand from his chest, I press it to his cheek. I stare into his eyes. “We don’t have to have sex, Kas. We can take this as slow as you need to. So long as we’re together, that’s all I care about.”
His dark eyes bore into
mine. “But that’s just it. I don’t want to wait anymore. I’ve already waited so fucking long for you, Daisy. I want you now—tonight.” He pulls me closer, gently brushing his lips over mine. “Spend the night with me.”
Thirty-One
“Yes.”
It’s one simple word, but saying it means everything is about to change between Kas and me.
And it’s what I want. More than anything.
But sex has always been a big thing for me. I’ve never been the type to sleep around, and I haven’t slept with many people. Two, to be exact.
And, obviously, sex is a big deal for Kas, which makes it a bigger deal for me.
He hasn’t had sex in seven years, and the last person he slept with was Haley. I’m close to two years with no sex.
Christ, it’s like we’re both virgins.
No pressure there then.
Nerves twist in my stomach. But they’re quickly erased when Kas smiles against my lips before kissing me harder, his tongue gliding over my lips, seeking entrance. I part my lips, letting him in, and his tongue sweeps over mine, making me shiver.
His large hands go to my bum. Cupping it, he lifts me, like I weigh nothing. I like the way that makes me feel. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.
He kisses a path over my cheek. “I want you in my bed,” he whispers in my ear.
“Yes.”
Then, we’re moving. He’s carrying me from the lounge to his bedroom upstairs.
It’s dark when we enter his bedroom. He gently puts me to my feet in the middle of his room, and he walks over and turns on the lamp on his nightstand. It illuminates a soft glow around the room.
His eyes don’t leave mine as he walks toward me.
My body starts to tremble with nerves and need.
Reaching me, he takes my face in his hands and stares down at me. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you, Daisy.”
An involuntary shiver runs through me. I know he feels it because his mouth kicks up at the corner.
He runs his thumb over my lips, his eyes following the movement. Then, he puts his mouth where his thumb just was and kisses me.
It’s deep and wet and dirty, and it is the hottest kiss I’ve ever had in my life.
My hands wind into his hair as his hands roam my body, like he doesn’t know which part of me to touch first.
His blatant need for me makes me feel sexy and confident.
Breaking from our kiss, I step back from him.
Lustful, hazy eyes stare back at me.
Lifting the hem of my top, I pull it over my head, leaving me in my white bra. Not very sexy, but then I wasn’t expecting to have sex tonight.
Heat flares in those dark eyes of his. So clearly, he appreciates the sight. But he doesn’t make a move to touch me.
He’s turned on though. His erection is visible behind the thin material of his pants.
That bolsters my confidence to keep going.
Bringing my eyes back to his face, I drag my teeth over my lip. Then, I unbutton my jeans and pull the zipper down. The sound is loud in our breathy silence. I hook my thumbs into the waistband and shimmy them down over my hips until they hit the floor.
And then I’m standing before him in just my bra and knickers.
My body is vibrating with excitement and nerves.
From the exercise I do, I know I’m physically in good shape, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling trepidation over what Kas thinks about me…about my body.
I kick my jeans aside and glance down.
Oh dear God.
I’m wearing my Minnie Mouse knickers. I literally have Minnie covering my mini.
I thought it was funny when I bought them. Not feeling so funny now.
“Oh God,” I groan. “Ignore the knickers. So not sexy.”
“You’re wearing knickers?” He steps closer. “I didn’t notice. All I can see is you.”
“Smooth.” I tip my head back.
“Yeah, but I meant every fucking word. You are all I see.”
He tugs me into his arms, and his lips come down on mine.
I melt into his kiss. Wrapping my arms around him, I curl my fingers into the fabric of his T-shirt, now very aware of the fact that I’m almost naked and he’s fully clothed.
I know he said he has issues with the scarring on his body, and his prior behavior when I tried to touch his body or remove his T-shirt makes an awful lot more sense now.
I don’t want to push him on it, but I also want his skin on mine, and he kind of has to be naked for us to be able to actually have sex.
So, I decide the best course of action is not to try to remove his clothes but to ask.
“I want to see you,” I say against his lips.
He freezes, so I move my head back a touch, staring into his eyes. I can see a hint of panic in his.
“I want to feel your skin against mine, Kas. I want to feel you.”
He holds my stare, and then he seems to make a decision. He steps back from me.
I see his throat work nervously, and I feel bad for him.
“Just pants, if that’s easier? You can keep the shirt on.”
“No.” The fierce tone in his voice surprises me.
Then, I watch as he reaches back with his hand and pulls his shirt over his head.
He stops, holding it against his chest, his arms still through the armholes.
I can see he’s visibly trembling, so I stare him in the eye. “You don’t have to do this, if you’re not ready,” I whisper.
His infinite pools of blackness stare back at me. I see the determination rise in them. Then, he’s pulling his T-shirt the rest of the way off, and he drops it to the floor.
My eyes move over him. “You’re beautiful, Kas.”
And he is.
Yes, there’s extensive scarring on his body. The remnants of that night. But I don’t see the scars. I only see the man I love. The beautiful golden skin that covers his body, the ripple of muscles that lead down to his very lickable-looking V with the happy trail that disappears into his pants.
He works out, and it shows on his body. In his shoulders and arms…dear God, don’t get me started. But I’ll tell you this…my tongue plans on spending a lot of time getting acquainted with those veins that run through his strong forearms.
I lift my eyes back to his, and the emotion in them nearly slays me.
“Can I touch you?” I ask softly.
I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows roughly. He slightly nods his head.
I step forward, lifting my hand. I press my fingertips to his chest.
He sucks in a breath.
His skin is hot to the touch. I run my fingertips over his chest, over the scars and the unmarked skin, tracing down to his six-pack.
“Beautiful,” I whisper. I stare up into his eyes.
Something breaks and then roars to life in his gaze.
He grabs my head between his hands and slams his mouth down on mine, kissing me—no, devouring me—and I willingly let him take me.
Because I’m his.
And he is mine.
I slide my hands up his arms and to his shoulders. I hold him, my nails digging into his skin, needing more of him…all of him.
His erection is pressed up against my stomach, and it’s a tease. I want to see him…feel him.
Lowering a hand between us, I tug on the waistband of his lounge pants. “Pants, too,” I breathe against his lips.
A low chuckle escapes his lips, and the sound thrills me.
“Bossy,” he murmurs.
“Get used to it.” I smile.
His hands leave my head and remove his lounge pants.
It’s in this moment that I discover that Kas doesn’t wear boxer shorts.
“Oh…wow,” I whisper, swallowing nervously.
I’ve known average. But never big.
Kas is big.
His hot gaze meets mine. I see the spark of a grin in hi
s eyes.
Then, he glances down at his impressively sized cock. “Acceptable for you?”
I nearly swallow my tongue at his blatant words. “Mmhmm,” I squeak.
His mouth smiles, and he chuckles. But, very quickly, that laugh disappears when I take my bra off.
“Acceptable?” I dip my chin down at my cleavage, playing him at his own game.
I see his throat work on a swallow.
“Yeah, you could say that.” His words come out on a breath, his voice lined with gravel.
It makes me laugh.
That laughter quickly disappears when Kas moves so quickly that he startles me. He picks me up and tosses me onto his bed.
He climbs up onto the bed and kneels between my parted legs. I rest up onto my elbows and stare up at him.
He’s magnificent. Like a god.
He reaches forward and hooks his fingers into my knickers.
I might not deserve him, but I get to have him. And, selfishly, I’m keeping him.
I lean back, lifting my hips, giving him better purchase to remove my undies.
I watch, nerves swimming in my stomach, as he slowly pulls my knickers down my legs.
His eyes are ablaze and fixed solely on the spot between my legs. He tosses my knickers to the floor, never once looking away from me.
His eyes graze up my stomach, over my breasts, and finally rest on my face. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I don’t deserve you, Daisy.”
His words grip a tight hold of my heart.
“Yes, you do.” My words come out gravelly with emotion.
Leaning forward, he plants his hands on the bed, surrounding either side of my hips, and he presses a kiss to my stomach. My hands go on his head, fingers sliding into his hair. He licks and kisses and nibbles a path upward until he reaches my breasts. He rests his chin between the valley of my breasts and looks at me.
I bite my lip, my chest heaving with excitement.
His lips lift at the corner. Then, he cups a hand around my breast and takes my nipple into his mouth.
“Oh God.” A bolt of lust shoots between my legs, and my hips buck up off the bed, needing contact with him, my clit throbbing with need.
His hand comes off my breast and slides downward between my legs.