“I didn’t know anyone was in here,” she said. “What are you kids doing?”
I released Kai’s hand and slowly turned my head toward her. She stood there, in the middle of the dance floor, paused as if in the middle of a twirl with her arms slightly outstretched.
“You’re not supposed to be in Thunder Bay or Meridian City,” I told her, stepping forward.
She regarded me for a moment, probably trying to recognize me through the make-up, but then the light came on.
“You,” she said.
She remembered me.
But before I could advance on her, she turned toward the door, the light in her eyes brightening like a child. “Is my son here?” she asked. “It’s been so long.”
“You stay away from him.” I charged a few steps closer. “I mean it.”
Her gaze rested on me again, her smile coy as she fingered her tutu. “Do you like it?” She looked at me, hopeful, as if I hadn’t said anything. “I still fit into my old costumes. I’m still pretty, aren’t I?”
Pretty? What? She was absolutely mad.
“What’s going on?” Kai came up next to me, but she barely spared him a glance before turning her eyes back to the doors.
She was going to search Damon out.
“He’s a man now,” she said wistfully. “Young and strong.”
I shook my head, pushing at Kai behind me to move for the doors. “She’s bad. We need to leave.”
I spun around, grabbing Kai’s hand and reached for the handle.
“Tell him mama loves him,” she called out. “I’m the only one who loves him.”
I whipped around, releasing Kai. “That’s not love,” I growled at her.
A sob lodged in my throat, feeling so helpless despite my anger. She wouldn’t hurt him again. She couldn’t. He wouldn’t allow it.
But she ignored me, looking calm and even a bit excited.
“I hear he’s quite the animal now,” she taunted. “No girl in that town is safe. That’s mommy’s big boy.”
“Jesus Christ.” I heard Kai mumble at my side. “What the hell did she do to him?”
“Has he touched you?” she asked me.
I ground my teeth together.
“He will, you know?” She took a step closer. “He’s a ravager. Just like his daddy.”
My head shook just slightly. That would never happen. My brother would never hurt me like that.
“I wanted him to take you.” Her words left her lips softly and crawled inside me as she held my eyes. “Sleeping in his room like you do, he won’t be able to resist the scent of his precious girl.” She reached out, brushing her knuckles gently across my jaw. “His little treasure.”
“Hey, hey.” Kai pushed her hand down and pulled me back.
And then she finally turned her gaze on him. “I remember you. My son’s friend,” she said. “Does that mean he’s here, then?”
My breath caught in my throat. Damon.
But the doors behind us suddenly opened, and I jerked my head, looking over my shoulder. My brother stormed through, the muscles in his face tight and his eyes furious as they locked on me.
“I knew that was you upstairs,” he said, seething. “What the hell is going on? How did you get here?”
I quickly turned my body to face him, hoping to block his view of her.
But it was no use.
Her voice rang out behind me. “Damon.”
And I closed my eyes, tightening my hands. Damon.
“Please, Nik,” he begged, his lips trembling.
Tears streamed down my face as I stood above my brother as he sat on the edge of the bed. She was gone now. She’d gotten what she wanted from him.
But her perfume was still all over him. He always went to the shower immediately after. Why wasn’t he now?
“I’m rotting.” His whisper left him like a last breath as he bowed his head and stared at the floor.
I stared at the fresh cuts on his thigh—somewhere most people wouldn’t be able to spot them. He’d done that a couple days ago. After the last time.
She was coming to his room more frequently now. He was growing so fast the past year, getting taller and bigger, his cheekbones and jaw losing their softness and becoming more like a man’s. His shoulders had gotten broader, and basketball training over the summer had filled out his muscles.
When I found out what was happening years ago when I moved in, my brother refused to tell anyone. He refused to let me tell anyone. Eventually, I’d held out hope that she’d lose interest in him as he grew into adulthood.
She didn’t. I realized she wasn’t a pedophile in the strictest sense of the word. It wasn’t about his body or his youth. It was about him, and she was just psychotic.
And jealous. He was in high school now. Lots of other girls—younger girls—to steal his attention away from her. She didn’t like that.
I stepped up to him and reached out a shaky hand, touching it on his bare shoulder. He was still naked, the black bed sheet drawn across his lap, covering himself.
Bending down, I tried to catch his eyes, pleading with him. “I would rather hurt myself. Please. Don’t make me do it again. Please.”
He dropped his head, meeting my forehead and breathing shallow, as if he were trying to hold back sobs. “Something’s gonna give,” he whispered. “Something has to. Do you want it to be me? Huh?” He grabbed my chin, holding his tightly. “Se-myah. I need you. Do it.”
Se-myah.
Family.
I didn’t speak Russian well—I hadn’t grown up with it like Damon—but I’d learned enough to understand.
I shook my head as much as it could move in his grip. It was getting worse. When would it stop? He always needed more. Harder, stronger, more pain… “Please,” I cried softly.
He growled and grabbed his belt off the bed, throwing his arm out to ready the first whip across his back.
“No!” I snatched it out of his hand. When he did it himself, he did it too hard. The guys at practice would ask questions.
I stood up, dropped the belt to the floor, and sobbed as I grabbed a fistful of his hair. No one would ask questions about cuts and bruises on his face. Damon was always in fights, so it was a likely story to hide behind.
Taking my fear and agony, I twisted it into anger and growled, slamming as hard as I could across his cheek.
And dived in. Again and then again and again. I had to get it over with. Just do it. I sobbed louder, tears pouring down my face.
Something’s gotta give, he said.
He was right. The alcohol wasn’t enough. Neither were the cigarettes, the girls he used and treated like shit at school, or the pain. Eventually, he grew used to it all, and needed more.
Something’s gotta give. How much pain could he take before he broke? How long until nothing was enough to appease him?
I rushed up to Damon. “Just go,” I told him, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go. Come on.”
I pulled at him, ignoring the confused look on Kai’s face, but my brother was rooted like a tree.
His eyes were steel on her, hard and sharp.
“Baby,” she cooed, coming up to him. “You’re so beautiful. I missed you so much.”
I shook my head, pulling at him to get his attention. But he was frozen.
“I know you lost your temper, and it’s okay,” she told him sweetly, ever the delicate flower on the outside. “I’m okay. I love you no matter what. And I promise it will be better this time. I’ll take care of you.”
“Damon,” I barked, trying to break the spell.
But his eyes were locked, following her as she crept forward, closer and closer.
“I’ve missed you,” she carried on. “I need you. I’m so lonely. I’m so lost, baby, I—”
Just then, he darted out and caught her by the neck, his large hand wrapping around her slender, pale throat.
“Damon…” I looked between him and her, not knowing what to do.
She gasped but
remained stilled as he pulled her up to her toes and in close. His jaw was tight, and liquid heat raced through my veins as I watched them stare at each other.
“That’s my strong boy,” she whispered. “You’ve grown so strong.”
“Damon,” I pleaded with him. “Look at me.”
He simply stood there, gripping her neck, entranced.
“I’ve waited for you to come for me,” she panted. “To take control. You’re the man now. Whatever my son needs.”
I closed my eyes.
“She’s insane,” Kai uttered under his breath at my side.
“Damon!” I yelled. “Look. At. Me!”
He held her, but she completely held his attention. “Take her,” she urged him. “Wash her clean. Just like mama used to wash you.”
I broke down, the agony of years ago flooding back as I stared at my brother through my tears.
“You’re the man,” she repeated. “Everything is yours. Everything.”
I shook my head. Damon.
“If you love her, she can hurt you,” Natalya told him. “If you hurt her instead, she’ll never escape you. You’ll always own her. She’s yours. You don’t ask, and you don’t care. Take what’s yours. Take her.” Her voice dropped so low I could barely hear. “Take her.”
And all of a sudden, he finally turned, meeting my eyes.
No.
Tears spilled as I silently begged him. We’d been all alone in the world. We were only safe when we were together. I would never hurt him. He had to know that!
She wanted him to ruin us. To destroy anything left that was good in him, because Damon was the future of the family, and if nothing else, monsters were strong.
Damon might end up being so much worse than my father ever was.
“Take her,” Natalya egged him on, running a hand up his chest. “She’ll feed you. Take her. Show her what you are.”
Stay with me. I held his eyes. I know who you are. You protect me, you take me shopping on my birthday and let me pick out whatever I want, and you wake me up with my favorite fucking milkshakes when you come home in the middle of the night. I know who you are.
“Lick her all up,” Natalya breathed out. “Take her home and claim her.”
The hint of fear in his eyes left, and he suddenly just stared at me like he was a machine. Like he wasn’t really there.
Like it wasn’t Damon anymore.
I sucked in a small gasp, paralyzed.
And then Kai was there. He stepped up, pushing me away, and gripped Damon by the wrist. “Let go,” he demanded. “Let her the fuck go, Damon.”
“We’re all yours,” she whispered to her son as if Kai wasn’t there. “I’ll take care of you, baby. I’ll make sure her sweet, little pussy is yours.”
“Shut up!” Kai shouted at her. “You sick bitch!” And then he turned to Damon who still held my eyes. “Look at me, man. Don’t look at her!”
He wouldn’t. No. He would never come at me like that. Not ever.
“Take her,” Natalya urged again.
And I cried. “Damon!” Wake up.
“Don’t look at her!” Kai bellowed, pushing at him.
“She’s a part of you,” his mother whispered like the taunt of a ghost. “She’ll make you strong. Take her.”
“Shut up!” Kai turned around and whipped his hand across her face, losing it.
And a breath caught in my throat as I watched her body whip around and land chest down on a round dining room table. Glasses clattered as they toppled over, the vase crashed to its side, and plates and silverware slid off the end as she jostled it.
But then I heard gasping and turned away from Natalya, looking at my brother. He hunched over, leaning on the back of a chair, and started dry-heaving with his head bowed as she spat and coughed.
I rushed over, still sobbing. “It’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around him from the side. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. Listen to my voice.”
He lurched, nothing coming up but spit as he struggled to inhale any air. I squeezed him tighter.
So many kids who suffer abuse don’t like to be touched, but when Damon was spiraling out, he couldn’t get close enough to me. Like he just wanted to crawl inside my head where he knew it was safe.
“She has no control over you.” I hugged him close, whispering into his damp neck. “We’re free. It’s just us.”
“It’s still inside me,” he choked out. “It hurts.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, crying harder. “Hold on to me. Just hold on to me.”
I knew what he wanted. What he needed. And I couldn’t deny him. Not tonight.
I opened my mouth and bit down on the skin between his neck and his shoulder. Wrapping my arms around him, I felt him grunt as I dug my teeth harder into his skin. His arms snaked around me, and he held on tight, keeping me close. If Kai looked, it would just look like we were hugging.
But he was still focused on Natalya, whom I couldn’t see behind my brother’s back.
It’s still inside of me. It. I didn’t know if he meant her or the terror and fright or something else. I just knew I felt so helpless.
Tears trickled down my face, tickling my skin and hanging over my soaked eyelashes.
“Harder,” he whispered.
I bit harder, tasting his salty skin and surrounded by the familiar scent of his cigarettes. He wouldn’t hurt me. He needed me.
He loved me.
I tasted copper, and I knew I’d broken the skin. He let out a breath and pulled back.
“Thank you,” he said and looked down at me, his usual eerie calm settling in over his body. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “You?”
He gave a weary nod, turning around and adjusting his hoodie to make sure my teeth marks were covered up.
And I finally looked at Kai.
He stared at the ground where Natalya lay, and I couldn’t make out the expression on his face as I moved around to his side. It seemed to change by the second.
Was he afraid? He did nothing wrong. If he hadn’t shut her up, she…
I couldn’t even think about it right now. My brother had completely locked up, and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening to him. Would it happen again?
I was glad Kai hit her.
Damon walked up to his side, both of them glaring down at Natalya. She laid on the floor, having fallen back against a chair leg, but she looked like she might be hurt. Her eyes were closed, but her head bobbed lightly as she held her side.
“Are you okay?” Kai turned to Damon. “Man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know—”
“Shut the fuck up,” Damon bit out. “She was talking nonsense. Forget it. You understand?”
My brother glared at his friend, a threat lacing his words.
Kai didn’t answer, just closed his mouth and stared at Damon. He knew it was a lie.
Blood seeped through Natalya’s fingers, and I searched the table, finally seeing the stem of a wine glass broken and laying on its side. One of the sharp edges was doused in blood. She’d been cut.
“She’s hurt,” Kai went on. “We need an ambulance. I think she hit her head, too.”
“I’ll take care of it. You’ve done enough.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “You put her in danger. She shouldn’t even be here.”
“I didn’t see you making a move to do anything.”
“Enough.” I stepped forward.
We had bigger problems. Natalya’s sanity had clearly deteriorated even more since she’d disappeared three years ago. All that stuff she’d said, and right in front of Kai…There was no telling how out of control she could become. Gabriel didn’t like to be embarrassed. What were we going to do with her?
“Leave,” Damon told Kai. “I’ll call my father.”
Kai regarded him, looking uncertain. “No, it’s my fault she got hurt. I want to make sure she gets to a doctor.”
“And when she tells someone at the hospital that you hit her?” Damon retorted. ??
?Yeah, I’m sure that’ll do wonders for your college applications.” He shook his head. “Just get out of here. My family will make sure she’s fine and kept quiet. Don’t worry. No one wants a scene.”
Kai hesitated, probably worried about making sure she was taken care of, but the Torrance’s obviously had some serious family history, and he had to understand Damon wanted his father to see to Natalya. No hospitals. No cops. We all had a stake in keeping her quiet.
Kai took my hand. “Come on.”
But Damon grabbed me and yanked me over to him. “Mine,” he said to his friend.
“Like hell.” Kai scowled at him. “I saw it on your face, man. You’re a mess. You would’ve hurt her.”
Damon just shook his head at him, not bothering to defend himself. That was something I admired about my brother and wished I could control in myself. People will think what they want to think, not because they believe they are right, but because it’s in their nature to maintain that they are. By defending yourself, you feed the appetite for drama. By not, you’ve ended the conversation. You. Not them.
But I couldn’t help but also wonder if Kai was maybe right. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t interceded?
Damon turned to me, jerking his chin. “Go with him, then. Go.”
What?
“It’s okay,” he told me. “Leave if you want.”
“Damon—”
“You want to, I know you do. I don’t need you. I never did.”
My chest caved. Why was he doing this? Why did he always do this?
“Come on.” Kai took my hand.
But I pulled away. “Just go.” I bowed my head, unable to look at him. “Go back to the party.”
“Banks.”
“I’ll never leave him,” I bit out at Kai.
Not ever. I stepped over to my brother and took his hand, willing Kai to just go.
Twice tonight I’d chosen Damon. He didn’t know we were family, and he might understand more if he did, but that information still wouldn’t change anything. Damon came first. Always.
My brother squeezed my hand, a subtle gesture telling me he forgave me.
“Chicks, man,” he said to Kai, a touch of humor in his voice.
Silence stretched between them, and I could feel Kai’s eyes on me. He was a good guy, but he wouldn’t take being jerked around a third time. I stared at Natalya, each second Kai stood there stretching out like an eternity.