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"I dont think its very realistic. "
"For Gods sake," I said, "its not supposed to be realistic. Its a logic problem. "
"Well, Im a Jewish girl," she said. "Cannibals, Christians, whats the difference? Who can tell them apart?"
"Not you, evidently. "
"Not me," she agreed. "You know what I say? Goyim is goyim. Thats what I say. "
We had dinner at an Italian place on the next block. It still hadnt rained, and looked and felt more like it than ever. "So you met Gerry Billings," Elaine said. "I hope you asked him if he could do anything about this weather. "
"God, he must get sick of hearing that. "
"If he doesnt get sick of pointing at the wall and talking about warm fronts and cold fronts, he probably doesnt ever get sick of anything. When you see him pointing at a map or a chart, hes not really, you know. "
"Somebody else is pointing for him?"
"Hes pointing at nothing," she said, "and the image of him pointing is superimposed on another image of a map or chart. So it comes out looking right, but hes got to stand there and point at a blank wall. Thats probably the hardest part of his whole job, remembering what part of the wall is Wyoming. "
We fought over the check. She wanted to pay it because shed sold one of the paint-by-number paintings for approximately a hundred times what shed paid for it. I pointed out that that was still only a couple of hundred dollars, while Id just scooped up a nine-thousand-dollar retainer.
"You still have to buckle down and earn it," she said. "The painting, on the other hand, is out of my hands and out of the store. The transaction is completed. Done, finis, finito. "
"Too bad," I said. "This ones on me. "
Back home, I checked the answering machine. Jim Shorter hadnt called, and Id expected that he would. I tried him and he didnt answer. Then I tried my own number across the street, to see if Id forgotten to engage Call Forwarding, but I got a busy signal, which indicated that Id remembered.
I tried Alan Watsons widow in Forest Hills. No answer.
"Youre restless," Elaine said. "Do you feel like a movie? Or do you think you ought to go to a meeting?"
I said, "I was thinking of taking a cab up to Yorkville. "
"Whats there?"
"A meeting. "
"St. Pauls is handier. Why go all the way up there? You want to check up on your new sponsee, is that it?"
"Hes not my sponsee. "
"Your unofficial sponsee. He didnt call and youre worried about him. "
"I suppose so. What would your friends in Al-Anon say about that?"
"Theyd tell me its none of my business how you work your program. "
"Thats not what I meant. "
"I know. You meant what would they tell you to do, and if you want to know that youll have to ask them yourself. "
"I should leave him alone," I said.
"Think so, huh?"
"I should go to meetings for myself, not for anybody else, and if he gets sober thats fine, and if he goes out and drinks again thats fine, too. "
"So?"
"So Im afraid hell drink," I said, "and Im afraid itll be my fault. But it wont be my fault if he drinks, and it wont be my doing if he stays sober, and anyway hes got his own Higher Power. Right?"
"Everything you say is right, master. "
"Oh, boy. "
"So what are you going to do? Grab a cab uptown?"
"Nah, fuck him," I said. "Lets go to a movie. "
The movie we saw starred Don Johnson as a homicidal gigolo and Rebecca De Mornay as his attorney. As we left the theater, Elaine said, "I cannot believe how much she looked like Hillary. " Who was Hillary, I wanted to know, and who looked like her?
"Hillary Clinton," she said. "Who else? And De Mornay looked enough like her to fool the president himself. You didnt notice? I cant believe it. Where were you, anyway?"
"Lost in space, I guess. Regretting the past, dreading the future. "
"Business as usual. Just to keep you abreast of things, Don Johnson was the bad guy. "
"I got that much," I said.
"Well, how much more do you really need to know? I think its finally going to rain. I just felt a drop, unless it dripped from somebodys air conditioner. "
"No, I felt it, too. "
"Dueling air conditioners? Unlikely, Id say. What do you want to do now?"
"I dont know. Go home, I guess. "
"Sit around and stare out the window? Make a few phone calls to people who arent home? Pace the floor?"
"Something like that. "
"Ive got a better idea," she said. "Walk me home and then go see if Mick wants to make a night of it. Get blitzed on coffee and Perrier. Watch the sun come up. Go to mass, take Holy Reunion. "
"Communion. "
"Whatever. "
"Goyim is goyim, huh?"
"You said it. "
In front of the Parc Vend?me she said, "Its definitely raining. You want to come upstairs and get an umbrella?"
"Its not raining that hard. "
"Want to see if anybody called? Want to catch the weather report and see what color bow tie your friend Gerry Billings is wearing? Naw, you dont need a weatherman to tell which way the rain is falling. "
"No. "
"Of course not. You just want to get to Grogans. Give Mick my love, will you? And enjoy yourself. "
22
"You just missed him," Burke said. "He stepped out not fifteen minutes ago. But hell be along. He said you might be in. "
"He did?"
"And that you should wait for him as hell not be long. Theres fresh coffee made, if youll have a cup. "
He poured coffee for me and I carried it to the table where Mick and I usually wound up sitting, over on the side beneath the mirror advertising Tullamore Dew. Someone had left a copy of the Post on a nearby table, and I opened it to the sports section to see what the columnists had to say. I wasnt much better at tracking their sentences than Id been at following the movie. After a while I set the paper aside and thought about trying Jim Shorter again. Was it too late to call him? I was considering the point when the door opened and Mick Ballou entered.
He stood just inside the door, his hair pressed flat against his skull by the rain, his clothes sodden. When he caught sight of me his face lit up. "By God," he said, "didnt I say youd be in tonight? But what a fucking night you picked for it. "
"It wasnt much more than a fine mist when I came here. "
"I know, for was I not out in it myself? A soft day, the Irish call it. A fucking downpour is what its turned into. " He rubbed his hands together, stamped his feet on the old tile floor. "Let me get out of these wet clothes. Catch a cold this time of the year and the fuckers with you till Christmas. "
He went into his office in the back. He sleeps there sometimes on the green leather couch, and keeps several changes of clothing in the oak wardrobe. He has a desk there, too, and a massive old Mosler safe. Theres always a lot of cash in the safe, and I cant believe the box would be all that hard to crack. So far no one has ever been fool enough to try.
He emerged from the office after a few minutes with his hair neatly combed and wearing a fresh sport shirt and slacks. He said a few words to one of the darts players, laid a gentle hand on the shoulder of an old man in a cloth cap, and slipped behind the bar to pour himself a drink. He threw down a quick shot to take the chill off, and I could almost feel the warm glow radiating outward from the solar plexus, providing comfort, warming the body and the soul. Then he refilled his glass and brought it to the table along with a fresh cup of coffee for me.
"Thats better," he said, dropping into the seat opposite mine. "Terrible thing, being called out on business on a night like this. "
"I hope it went well. "
"Ah, twas nothing serious," he said. "There was this lad who lost a few dollars gambling, and gave a marker for what he owed. Then he decided hed been cheated, and so he made up his mind that he wasnt going t
o pay the debt. "
"And?"
"And your man whod taken his marker offered it for sale. "
"And you bought it. "
"I did," he said. "I thought it a decent investment. Like buying a mortgage, and deeply discounted in the bargain. "
"You paid cash for it?"
"I did, and sent Andy Buckley to talk to the lad. And do you know, he still insisted hed been cheated, and thus owed nothing, no matter who might be holding his marker. He said there was no point in discussing it, that his mind was made up. "
"So what did you do?"
"I went to see him. "
"And?"
"He changed his mind," Mick said.
"Hes going to pay?"
"Hes paid. So you might say it was an excellent investment, offering an attractive return. And its matured early. "
* * *
He is a large man, my friend Mick, tall and heavy, with a head that would not look out of place among the ancient sculptures on Easter Island. There is a primitive and monolithic quality to him. Years ago, a wit at Morrisseys after-hours described Stonehenge as looking like Mick and his brothers standing in a circle.
It may be fitting, then, that he is just about the last of a vanishing breed, the tough Irish criminals who have been drinking and fighting and raising hell in the West Forties and Fifties since before the Civil War. Various gangs and mobs held sway- the Gophers, the Rhodes Gang, the Parlor Mob, the Gorillas. A lot of their leaders were saloon keepers, too, from Mallet Murphy and Paddy the Priest to Owney Madden. They were as cheerfully vicious as any group New York ever saw, and they might have made a more lasting mark on the place if they hadnt had such an all-consuming thirst. According to Mick, God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world. It had certainly kept the Hells Kitchen hoodlums from taking over the city.
A few years ago some newspaper reporters started calling the current crop "the Westies," and by the time the tag caught on there was hardly anybody left to pin it to. The neighborhood bad guys were mostly gone- dead of drink or violence, doing life sentences somewhere upstate, rotting away in the back wards at Manhattan State Hospital. Or they were married and living somewhere in the Jersey suburbs, getting fat and sluggish, running crooked auto-repair shops, rigging the games in church Las Vegas Night fundraisers, or working all week for their fathers-in-law and drinking themselves sodden on the weekends.
Mick, the son of a woman from County Mayo and a father born in France, not far from Marseilles, was a man who drank whiskey like water, a career criminal, a brutal killer who would costume himself for a night of slaughter in the butchers apron his father had worn, then wear the same apron to mass at St. Bernards. There was no reason why we should have become friends, and no way to explain our friendship. Nor could I find an explanation for these long nights of ours, when the stories flowed like water or like whiskey. He would drink for both of us, filling his glass time and time again with the twelve-year-old Jameson. I would keep him company with coffee, with Coca-Cola, with soda water.