Chapter 24
Ahmad
How did I get here, again? Another social worker was threatening to take my child and put her in foster care. This whole thing was like a never-ending nightmare.
Nikki and I never got to catch our breath. We still had to move to New York and I still had a new job to start on Monday. Now, there was a newborn baby in the picture.
After we left the hospital that day, I tried to talk to Nikki about everything. I still felt the need to explain the situation to her, hoping to make her understand but she wouldn’t discuss it.
“What is there to talk about, Ahmad? None of that matters now. Let’s just move on the best way we can.”
Among other things, I had to figure out how I was going to explain the new baby to Corrie. She was never going to be able to understand any of this.
Corrie’s world has changed again.
We packed everything up and headed for the hospital to pick up Aliyah on our way to New York. Nikki had gone out to Wal-Mart the day before and picked up a few things that we would need immediately for the baby like a car seat, bottles, formula, and diapers.
I’d made the difficult phone call home to my mother to give her a heads up on what was happening. Just as expected, she was not happy with any of it but she agreed to check and see if she still had any of Corrie’s baby items packed away.
When the three of us arrived at our apartment in Brooklyn, my mother and Corrie were there putting the crib together for Aliyah. Although I was relieved to find Corrie excited about the new baby, a part of me was still ashamed of my irresponsible actions and myself.
Ahmad Franklin Jacobs, Jr., you have got to get yourself together, man. You’ve fucked up, big, this time. The two people you love the most, you’ve hurt the most. Yet, here they both are, stepping up to the plate and helping your ass out, without complaining about it. You don’t deserve them.
“Daddy, where is my baby sister?” Corrie asked soon as I opened the front door. For the first time, I noticed that Corrie’s baby face was changing. She looked more like a big girl now. I couldn’t help but to feel sad that my little girl was growing up.
“Nikki has her. They are right behind me.”
My mother rolled her eyes at me as she passed by to get to Nikki and the baby. No matter how old I was, my mother’s look of disapproval still sent chills down my spine.
“Oh my goodness,” my mother whispered as she held Aliyah in her arms. “She looks just like Corrie. Look at all of that black hair.”
“Daddy, she is beautiful.”
“Nikki, how are you?”
“I’m fine, Mrs. Jacobs, I mean, Pat. I’m just a little tired.”
“I’m sure you are. Any woman who’d gone through what you’ve gone through in the last three days would be tired,” my mother stated, rolling her eyes at me again.
As if I don’t already feel like shit.
“Daddy, can we keep Aliyah?”
“She’s here to stay, Corrie,” Nikki said.
“What did the doctor’s say? Is the baby alright?” Pat asked, looking at Nikki.
“Aliyah seems to be fine. The doctor said that the tests came back normal but also that some developmental problems might not show up until later. We’re just going to have to pray and wait and see what happens,” Nikki explained.
“Well, I’ll be doing plenty of praying for this little one. I’m going to go and leave you to get settled in. I’ve set up the baby’s crib in the master bedroom. Corrie’s room is all set up as well.”
“Thank you so much, Pat. I really appreciate all of your help,” Nikki said, hugging my mother.
“No problem.” “Thanks, Ma,” I said.
My mother didn’t respond.
“Nikki, do you want me to take Corrie back with me for tonight?”
“No, Nana. I want to stay here,” Corrie whined.
“Corrie can stay. This is her home now. It’s okay,” Nikki answered. “We’ll all be just fine getting used to each other, right
Corrie?”
“Right,” Corrie answered, grinning and hugging Nikki’s waist.
“Well, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“Thanks, Ma,” I said again, louder this time.
“I didn’t do it for you, Ahmad,” she snarled back. “I did what I did for Nikki and Aliyah. Not for you. If I were to give you what you deserve, I—”
“No, Pat. Not now. Not in front of the girls,” Nikki interrupted, taking Aliyah from my mother’s arms. “Believe me, I understand how upset you are with Ahmad but now is not the time to chastise him. He is a grown man, for God’s sake, even though his behavior has not illustrated that fact. If I can move past this little episode as his wife, you certainly can as his mother. Do it for the girls, Pat, please.”
What? Nikki is taking up for me? She does still love me.
“Ahmad, I hope you realize what you have here,” my mother said as she hugged Corrie and Nikki, closing the door behind her.
I do realize the woman I have in Nikki.
The four of us stood around the apartment for a few minutes as if we didn’t know what to do next. Aliyah began to cry and Corrie and I began to scramble for ways to calm her.
Not Nikki. She just held Aliyah closer to her heart and began to sing to her in a soft tone. Before we knew it, Aliyah was quiet. I stood there and watched in amazement with a warmed bottle in my hand. I walked over to where the two of them were sitting for a closer look. Nikki grabbed the bottle from my hand, went into our bedroom, and closed the door behind her.
I knew better than to interrupt that scene.
“Corrie, let’s go to McDonald’s.”
“Okay.”
Our first night together as a family felt a little strange. Corrie was living with me for the first time, I was a married man, and there was a new baby in the house. It was a lot for me to get used to, but all of it was my doing so I had to dive right into the role of husband and father.
After putting Corrie to bed, I went in to join Nikki and Aliyah. Nikki was sound asleep with her hand on Aliyah’s crib that sat next to our bed.
Nikki looks so peaceful but I know that her peaceful world has been interrupted. Would Nikki allow me to sleep in the same bed as her? Would she let me touch her? We’ve been married for three days and still had not made love. I want my wife.
I slowly undressed and climbed into bed.
Whew, she didn’t wake up.
I wasn’t there long before the baby began to whimper. Nikki sprang up, grabbed her, and left the room.
Damn, she hasn’t said one word to me all night.
Once Aliyah was fed and changed, Nikki laid back down. I was still awake.
“Ahmad?”
“Yes.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything,” I said, sitting up.
“Did you love her?”
“Who?”
“Shannon.”
“No Nikki. I never loved Shannon. Are you kidding me? Shannon was just something to do to past the time, that’s all.”
“Wow.”
“Nikki, I know that sounds bad, but that’s the reality of what happened. Your sister was an easy lay not just for me but for a whole lot of guys.”
I hated to have to break it down like that for Nikki but it was the truth.
“I’m sorry, Ahmad.”
“What in the world do you have to be sorry about?”
“You tried to explain this to me and I wouldn’t listen. All I wanted to do was to hurt you as bad as you had hurt me.” Nikki’s voice was cracking.
“You don’t have to apologize for that. I deserved all of it. Don’t be sorry. You did what any woman in your situation would have done. I’m just glad that you are here with me and we can be a family.”
“Where else would I be? You’re my husband and I love you. The vows we took said for better or worse. And one thing is for sure, it can’t get much worse.”
> “You’re right.”
“Ahmad, I need to know if there are any more surprises. Have you been married before? Are there any more babies or could be babies out there with your blood running through their veins? Is Ahmad your real name? I need to know everything no matter how awful it is; you have to tell me. I can’t take another train wreck like the one I’ve just been in.”
“Nikki, I swear before God and twelve prominent White men, there is nothing else,” I said, raising one hand and putting the other one over my chest.
I wanted to kiss Nikki but I was afraid to. We were talking again. But were we ready to get back to where we left off before we got that dreaded phone call? I had to try.
I leaned in to touch my lips against hers and surprisingly she returned the kiss.
Whew!
Our bodies moved closer to each other as we caressed each other’s faces. Finally, everything seemed to be going right. Nikki moved even closer to me laying her head on my bare chest. The feel of her deep breaths against my skin soothed me. I felt as though she was beginning to trust me again.
We made love, silently. Nikki didn’t make a sound when I entered her. I watched her face for a reaction but there was none.
Tears just flowed down her cheeks with each thrust.
“Nikki, are you sure that you’re okay?” I whispered.
She nodded. Still no sound.
“Am I hurting you?”
She shook her head, not uttering a word. I wasn’t sure whether I should continue. I had no clue what was going through Nikki’s head. When I began to pull out of her, she finally spoke.
“No. Don’t stop. Please.”
I kept going until I could no longer hold back. I exploded inside of my wife and filled her completely with my love. I
hoped that she could feel it.