Chapter 27
Nikki
I was tortured on the plane ride to Alabama by the memories of my childhood. Although I knew there was no way to avoid going home for my mother’s funeral, I had already begun to regret the visit. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to show me a bright spot in what would otherwise be a dark occasion.
It will be good to see Jessica again. I haven’t seen my youngest sister in so many years. I wonder what she is like. The Christmas card I received from her last year was postmarked Toronto, Canada. She traveled around so much, singing back up for different musical artists, it was hard to keep up. Did my father molest Jessica as well? If she was, what affect did it have on her personality? When we were growing up, Jessica never had a whole lot to say to anyone, including us. Shannon had turned out to be scandalous with an overactive sexual appetite and highly addictive personality whereas I have so many fears and hang-ups about sex and intimacy that it drives my husband crazy.
“It’s going to be fine, honey,” Ahmad said, sensing my anxiety and taking my hand in his.
I smiled, hoping he was right. I didn’t want any confrontation with my father this time and I especially didn’t want Aliyah and Corrie to witness any hostility. That is why I planned to leave for New York as soon as the funeral is over. The less time I spend in that house the better.
I wonder if anyone was able to find Shannon. Will she show up? Will she make a scene about Aliyah if she does show up? It’s horrible for me to feel this way but I really hope Shannon stays away. I don’t want Aliyah to be upset by a stranger whom she knows nothing about. There is no telling what Ahmad will do if he sees Shannon after all this time. Yeah, I think it would be best for all concerned if Shannon stays away.
“Baby, would you like something to drink?” Ahmad asked when he noticed the attendant coming our way. I usually was not an alcohol drinker but I needed something strong to calm my nerves and to quiet the voices that were filling my head with all of the things that could go wrong in the next three days.
“Yeah, get me a Jack and cola.”
“Huh?” Ahmad asked, confused. “Are you sure about that, Nikki? You are not a drinker so you may want to start with something light like a glass of white wine or something.”
“No, I want Jack Daniels and Coke.”
“Have you ever had that before?”
“No but that is what Sabrina always orders when we go out.”
“Sabrina? Baby, you can’t hang like Sabrina. She’s probably been drinking that since she was Aliyah’s age,” Ahmad continued, trying to change my mind.
“Jack and Coke, please,” I said when the attendant came to our row.
Ahmad shook his head. I assured him that I would be able to handle it although I seriously doubted if he believed me.
When we arrived at the airport, I realized that this was the first time that Ahmad and the girls had been to Alabama. I knew that growing up in Brooklyn, there would be nothing here that would impress them. Mobile, Alabama with its Battleship and beautiful azaleas is an historic city but sometimes it seemed as if time had stood still and not always in a good way.
“Mommy, Alabama looks boring to me,” Aliyah concluded. She was sitting in the backseat of our rental car with her little brown face pressed against the window.
“Sure does, baby,” Ahmad agreed.
“It’s a lot different from New York, I know. Aliyah, think of it as an adventure that you’ll be able to share with your class when we get back home,” I offered.
“Yeah, a country ass adventure,” Ahmad said in a low tone that was only audible to me.
Oh my, God! My parents’ house looks a lot smaller than I remember. It’s so run down now. It doesn’t look like there has been a fresh coat of paint on it in years. The outside of it looks as sad as my life was inside of it.
When we parked the car in the driveway, a heavy-sized woman peered at us out of the torn and dingy screen door before running out of it.
“Honey, who is that?” Ahmad asked.
“I don’t… oh my…that’s…”
“Nicolette!”
“Jessica!” I screamed, jumping from the passenger side to run and hug my sister.
You have put on a ton of weight but you still look good.
Jessica’s face was still the baby smooth high yellow that I had always remembered. I always used to think that she was the prettiest of the three of us. I still do.
“Big sister, it is so good to see you again,” Jessica said, continuing to hold me tight.
“Same here. Same here.”
Ahmad and the girls emerged from the car with unsure expressions on their faces.
“And who do we have here?” Jessica asked.
“This is my husband, Ahmad, and our two daughters, Corrie and Aliyah.”
Please don’t ask me to give you the rundown on the family dynamics right now. I’m too tired.
“Very nice to meet you, Ahmad. Corrie and Aliyah, I’m your auntie Jessica.”
The girls smiled and nodded.
“Well, let’s go inside,” Jess said.
“Is he home?” I asked. I needed to know what to be prepared for before I walked through those doors again.
“No. He’s down at the funeral home. At least that’s where he said he was going.”
“Have you gone over the arrangements?”
“Nope. When I arrived this morning, he said that everything had been taken care of,” Jess explained as she guided us inside.
Nothing has changed. The house still reeks with the stench of my stolen childhood and my father’s cigars.
I felt Ahmad’s hand on my shoulders as I stood still in the living room, surveying its contents. The same pictures hung on the pitiful faded wallpapered walls. The wood furniture was dusty and the mustard-colored couch was ripped.
Time has stood still.
“So when is the funeral, Jess?”
“Tomorrow at eleven o’clock.”
“Tomorrow? Why so soon? We ain’t Jewish,” I joked.
“I don’t know what is running through Daddy’s mind. Hell, if we hadn’t arrived when we did, we would have missed it.
We? Whom is she talking about when she says “we”? Is Shannon here? I’m afraid to ask.
“Nikki and Ahmad, this is Elaine,” Jess introduced as a woman walked out of the kitchen. “Elaine and I are partners.”
Whoa. Partners? Is Jessica telling me that she and this woman are lovers? My baby sister is a lesbian?
“Very nice to meet you, Elaine,” Ahmad said, shaking her hand.
“Umm, yes, Elaine. It is wonderful to meet you,” I offered, still very much in shock.
“And it is an honor to finally meet Jessica’s big sister,” Elaine said. “She has spoken of you often.”
To my surprise, Elaine spoke with a beautiful soft British accent. She was tall and slender with long dark tresses. She looked like a model fresh off a Parisian runway.
“You’re British?” Corrie asked.
Oh God, there Corrie goes with the questions. Please don’t let her ask what Jess meant by “partners.” I’m not ready for that conversation.
“Actually, I am,” she answered smiling.
“Elaine and I met while I was touring with Smokey Robinson in Europe last year.”
After a couple of hours playing catch up with Jessica and Elaine, Ahmad and I felt that it was time to get checked into the hotel and to get the girls some dinner. My father still had not come home nor had he called.
Typical. He’s probably with one of his women. It’s a crying shame that he can’t even take time out from whoring around to mourn the death of his wife.
“I don’t know what’s keeping Daddy,” Jess said, looking at her watch.
“Yes you do,” I said.
“Humph, yeah. You’re right. So, where are you guys staying?”
“At the Radisson.”
“So are we. Let’s all leave and have dinner together. I’m done here anyway,” J
ess said as she and Elaine followed us outside.
I’ve been done with this place for years.
It was great being with my sister again. Later that night, Jessica and I met in the bar of the hotel to talk. My one drink on the airplane was enough to last me a lifetime but Jessica ordered a couple of glasses of wine. I was there to keep her company.
“So Shannon just left the baby at the hospital?” Jessica asked after I told her the entire sordid story about our middle sister.
“Yep.”
“And after all that went down, you stayed married to Ahmad and you’re raising the child he fathered by your sister?”
“Yep, sure am.”
“Damn, girl. If you ain’t going to heaven, ain’t nobody,” Jessica said, shaking her head and ordering another drink.
I laughed at Jessica’s humor but deep down inside I understood exactly where she was coming from. Not many women would have chosen the route I did. After all, women leave their husbands for far less crimes.
“When was the last time you heard from Shannon?” I asked, taking a sip of water.
“The last time I talked to Shannon, I was still in high school and we both know how long ago that has been. She has always been the wild one, Nikki, you know that. None of what you have just told me about her behavior surprises me one bit.”
“Speaking of surprises. You and Elaine?”
Jessica laughed out loud. “What about me and Elaine?”
“Stop playing, Jessica. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do. Like I said earlier, we met last year in Europe.”
“And…”
“And what, cow?”
I folded my arms and didn’t say another word because I knew that Jessica was being evasive on purpose.
“You want to know how long I’ve been a lesbian, don’t you?”
I nodded.
“I’ve been into women ever since I left home. Women have a better understanding of women. After Daddy, I never wanted to have another man put his hands on me.”
After Daddy? Oh God no, not you, too.
“I can definitely understand that. What Daddy did to you, he did to us all,” I confessed. “I think we’ve all dealt with it in different ways.”
“Do you think Mama knew?”
“I know she did. She had to. At my college graduation, I confronted her about it and she just cried like she always did. Daddy just denied it and called me a liar.”
“Why do you think she stayed with him through all of the women, incest, and other bullshit? Did she love him that much? Did she love us at all?”
If I had a nickel for every time I’d asked myself those same questions…
“Maybe she did. Maybe she stayed with him because she thought that she couldn’t do any better. However much she loved him, she loved herself a whole lot less.”
“You’re damn sure right about that,” Jessica agreed, taking another long swig of her drink.