I didn’t bother to rent a hotel room. If things went badly with Rob, I’d just change my return and hang out at the airport until I could go home. That possibility filled my stomach with lead as I drove two hours to the airport, where I left my car in long-term parking and then caught the shuttle to my terminal. This was so different from the time I’d come to Toronto with Rob. I didn’t realize how well he managed things until I had to get in lines on my own.
Somehow I survived the waiting and the flight. At the Toronto airport, I stopped in the restroom to check my hair and makeup. Refreshing my lipstick made me feel better, then I went down to the taxi stand, got one and gave the guy Rob’s address. I’d looked up the location on Google Maps the night before, but it wasn’t the same as seeing the city open up all around me. The cabbie seemed to sense I wasn’t in the mood to chat, so he made no small talk as I clutched my backpack and stared out the window at the passing cityscape.
Maybe I should’ve called.
Normally I’d be sweating and hyperventilating by now, so this was a great field test for the coping strategies I had been practicing. Wryly I thought, I’m definitely stronger. Too soon or maybe not soon enough, the taxi stopped outside a white stone building. It didn’t have a lot of personality, nothing to separate it from the ones on either side. With a mental shrug, I paid the driver and got out. He pulled away as I stood at the curb, staring up. The place wasn’t fancy enough to have a doorman, but there were intercoms. I hadn’t considered that I wouldn’t just be able to go knock on his door. Crap, defeated by small-town mentality.
But I’d come too far to stop now. So I marched over and pressed the button for his apartment. Nothing. It was just past one in the afternoon, so maybe I’d timed it wrong. He could be shooting for the show or doing an appearance. Dammit. What now? Disheartened, I walked a couple of blocks until I found a coffee place and bought a latte, then I went back to his apartment and pushed the button again, like I could will him to answer. It didn’t work.
Then I’ll wait.
Sitting on a bench wasn’t how I envisioned this reunion. Like the last time I was in Toronto, I got out my phone and read while keeping an eye on passersby. The last thing I wanted was to miss Rob and end up spending the night here. Getting arrested for vagrancy wasn’t part of the plan. It was chilly enough that the cold bench numbed my butt, but if I went back to the café, I might miss him. Two hours passed, and I’d long since finished my drink when a familiar figure strode down the sidewalk toward me.
He was a little leaner, probably because he wasn’t doing hard labor on construction sites anymore. His face seemed more chiseled, eyes brighter in contrast to his dark hair. He was wearing jeans, a black shirt and a fleece-lined jacket, the perfect amount of rugged. I could easily imagine TV viewers all over Canada falling in love with him when the first show aired. The sight of Rob after so many months apart hit me harder than I expected; I froze, unable to speak as he drew closer, and he almost passed me. Then his gaze sharpened, his steps slowed, then stopped altogether, no more than five feet away.
“Lauren,” he said.
That was all. That one word gave me no clue how he felt. I hadn’t talked to him since that awful night. I met his gaze, wondering if I had the courage for this. Then I remembered what Krista said about imagining life without the one you love. I’ll swing for the fences. What was it people said about moments like this, Go big or go home?
“Hey. Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Just one?”
“Possibly more. We can go to the coffee shop if you don’t want to invite me up.”
“No, it’s fine. Come on.” He beckoned me toward the building, and my legs were so stiff that I could hardly toddle. “Jesus. How long have you been sitting here?”
“Dunno. Two or three hours.”
“Are you crazy?”
I smiled. “Less than I have been, actually.”
Rob unlocked the lobby doors and headed for the elevator. Apparently he lived on the sixth floor, near the top by my calculations, considering how long I’d been staring at the building and counting things. The ride up was quiet, but it wasn’t like I could just launch into my speech right here, and I’d forgotten most of what I intended to say in the waiting. He let us into his apartment, which was open and modern—hardwood floors, stainless steel. It didn’t have any of the charm of the place we’d restored together.
“I’ll make some coffee,” he said.
I waited politely in the living room, unable to breathe for the tightness in my chest. What did you think, that he’d be overcome with lust the minute he spotted you, sweep you into his arms and you’d have make-up sex without talking first? Maybe. It would’ve been easier; that was for sure.
When he finally brought two cups, mine fixed just as I liked it, I glanced up from my lap. I caught...something in his eyes, a familiar look, just before he shuttered it, and it gave me the courage to speak. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“Well, yeah. You made things pretty clear before.”
“I need to apologize to you.”
“For dumping me?” He folded his arms, propping a hip against the edge of his chair.
With him towering over me, I had a hard time finding the words. But I pushed on. “No, for lying. I knew you’d never leave if you understood how much I love you. And you needed to go, every bit as much as I needed to get my head together.”
“Love?” he asked quietly.
“I never stopped. I don’t know if I ever will. And it’s okay if you can’t forgive me. I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t go with you, not then, and I was afraid you’d be too focused on a long-distance thing with me to give this—” I gestured vaguely at the apartment “—your best shot.”
“It would help if you told me why.”
“Why I couldn’t come with you?”
Rob knew about my anxiety, but I hadn’t been honest with him. So I took a deep breath and told him about the extent of my drinking, the night with Max, just how bad things had gotten at their worst and how much damage control there was to do before I could be with him as a real partner.
“Jesus,” he said softly.
It was impossible to meet his gaze. “I was a mess. And though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was using you as glue to hold myself together. I really am better now, though, or I wouldn’t be here. You should know, saying those things to you, it was like cutting out my own heart. After you left, I cried until I couldn’t see. But...I understand if this is too little, too late.”
“Say it again.” He tilted my chin up.
“Huh?” I blinked at him, bewildered.
“That you love me.”
“I love you, Rob. I always have. I was in love with you before you kissed me. Until you, I never even remotely believed in the possibility of a happy ending.”
“So what happens now?” He was being so cagey, so guarded with his reaction, that I had no idea how he felt about me, no matter what Nadia thought.
“That’s up to you. This is what I came to say. I could grovel more, but the core message will be the same—that I’m sorry and I love you, and that I’ll do anything you want, anything it takes for us to be together. If it’s not enough, then—”
Rob plucked the untouched coffee from my hands and pulled me out of my chair. At first, I half thought he was showing me the door, but then, for the first time in so long, I was in his arms. He put his cheek against my hair and breathed me in; I was doing the same to him through a rush of tears.
“Do you have any idea how much I missed you? God, Lauren, you weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my best friend, my family...everything.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No...you were right about one thing. If I’d been looking back to Sharon, I don’t think I’d have done a
s well at this. Because I came here angry and with something to prove. But the longer we were apart, the more I realized that whole night was weird.”
I lifted my face, puzzled. “It was?”
“If I really had faith in us—in you—I wouldn’t have bailed so fast. I’d have argued with you. That’s because, deep down, I never thought I could be enough for you. So when you confirmed I wasn’t, all my worst fears came true, and I had to get out.”
“I told you before, you don’t have to do anything to be with me. I’m not a prize to be won like a stuffed bear at a carnival.”
“You said it, but I didn’t believe it. Not really. I needed to get out of Sharon and find out what I could do on my own.”
“Is the show going well?”
He nodded. “I’ve picked the assistants for the team, and we start filming in a few weeks.”
“I’m happy for you.”
Rob ran his hands through my hair, stroked my back. “Nadia is a pain in the ass, you know that? She wouldn’t tell me anything.”
I smiled, rubbing my cheek against his chest. “Don’t be too mad at her, she gave me your address. To update you, I’m still working at the dealership, still in school, still in love with you. And no, not dating anyone else.”
“I notice you’re not asking.”
“It’s not important.” Okay, that was a huge lie. It would kill me if he’d been with someone else, but I loved him too much for it to be a deal-breaker.
“For the record, I love you. And that means I’m not interested in anyone else. There have been some photo ops, but I’ve slept alone since the night I left.”
“Not me.” I paused long enough for his eyes to narrow, then added, “I’ve got Happy.”
“Damn, Lauren, that’s not funny.”
“Sorry, I tend to joke when I’m nervous. So what’re we going to do about this? Us?”
“I want you back. I want you with me.” The firmness of his tone sent a shiver of pleasure through me.
If it was even possible, I loved Rob more. A lot of guys would’ve made this difficult, pretended not to feel anything. Some of them would’ve refused to forgive me, but he was pure goodness, down to the bone. In all likelihood, he was better than I deserved.
“Would it be okay if we skipped to the make-up sex? We’ll talk about all of the important stuff afterward, I promise.”
“I could be convinced.” Rob swept me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom.
He had a huge bed and I was naked in it before I could do more than glance around. In seconds, he had me in his arms again, but instead of kissing me, he buried his face between my neck and shoulder. I held him, knowing exactly how he felt.
“Love you so much,” I whispered into his hair. “I was so afraid you’d meet somebody else while I—”
“Stop. I met all kinds of women but...there’s no replacing you. They only want the nicely wrapped package, they don’t care about what’s inside. Before I made anything of myself, you believed in me. You always thought I was somebody.”
“You were. You are.”
“Shit, Lauren, not even my own family saw anything in me. Without you, I’m empty. And no matter how far I climb, it’ll always feel hollow if you’re not with me.”
I kissed him then; I couldn’t help it. His mouth was rough satin, hungry, as I remembered. Running my hands down his back, I felt it when he shivered. Rob took over with greedy surges of tongue, nibbling my lower lip and tasting me so deeply that I almost forgot how to breathe. As we kissed, I rubbed against him, savoring the feel of his big body after so long. His cock was so hard against my belly that it must have ached. I reached between us, and he jerked, pumping into my hand with a pained look. But he didn’t try to stop me and his eyes locked on mine as I worked my fingers up and down his shaft.
“Are you trying to make me come?”
“Would it work?”
He thrust again, eyes heavy-lidded. “Keep doing that and find out.”
Though I desperately needed to be close to him, I also wanted to watch Rob lose control. It must be something he wanted, too, because he didn’t stop me as I stroked up and down, encouraging him to fuck my fingers, coming up against the softness of my stomach on each downward motion. His breath quickened as I watched his face. Heat built in his cheeks, a sure sign he was getting closer. When he started biting his lip, I’d know he was almost there.
“Why are you letting me do this?”
The way he growled out the answer sent a shiver through me. “You’re mine. I want to come on you.”
“Fuck, Rob.”
“In a minute.” Teasing answer, last thing he said before the pleasure got away from him.
I moved with him, as much as the position allowed, and I felt like he was staking a claim—my hand, his cock, my belly, now slick with his pre-come. Everything narrowed to his face above mine, and then he sank his teeth into his lower lip to muffle the sound. I wanted his moans, too, so I reached up to kiss him, and as his tongue touched mine, he throbbed in my fist, coming all over me in hot spurts. Groaning into my mouth, he kissed me fierce and deep as the last pulses shivered through him.
My skin was sticky as we pulled apart. “Marking your territory?”
“Something like that. Is that weird?”
“It’s hot.” I squirmed, needing to come, but I didn’t want to self-service when I had Rob right here.
Before I could point out the fact that I was still horny, he got a washcloth and wiped off my belly and hands. Surprised, I noticed his cock was still hard, an impressive display considering what we’d just done. I thought I’d get lips or fingers until he recovered.
He caught me staring and offered a sheepish smile. “Clearly you have no idea how much I want you, and...it’s been a long fucking time.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Round two?” I suggested with a cheeky grin.
Before I could say another word, he had me on his lap. I sank down on his cock with a muffled whimper, already so slick and sensitive that this felt incredible. I didn’t know if I had the self-control to move without humping wildly, but he didn’t leave it up to me. Rob cradled my hips in his hands and worked me up and down, watching my face as I had his.
So sexy. God, I love you.
“Love you, too, beautiful.” I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud, until he replied and rewarded me by nuzzling my breasts.
His mouth on my nipple sent sheer pleasure sparking through my body, amping up the hot, sweet friction. I took the lead, no longer letting him move me on him; I worked my hips in tight circles, then up and down, until I found the perfect rhythm. Riding him was one of my favorite things because his hands and mouth were everywhere while I set the pace, building to orgasm at exactly the right speed. It was up to me how fast and hard I came. Right now, I wanted it quick and dirty, so I reached down and stroked my clit. Rob grabbed my hand and pulled it back, teasing me. I gasped when his fingers replaced mine.
“Harder? Softer?”
“Harder,” I managed. “Longer.”
“Like that?”
My hands came to his shoulders, holding on as the orgasm rolled closer. Tension tightened my thighs and belly. “Need you... So close. Lean back.” My voice sounded thick and demanding, but Rob complied, and I followed.
Much better, pressure on my clit. Faster and faster, I pushed down on him, and he cupped my ass, working my cheeks open, so I felt embarrassingly exposed. Yet that only increased my pleasure; Rob could do anything to me, and I wouldn’t stop him. Anything, yes. Yes. I came in a hard, clenching rush, trembling in his arms.
“Mmm. You feel incredible. But we’re not done.” He rolled me under him and took over.
At first, I just laid there panting, stroking his back, but the longer he thrust, the more I p
erked up. Soon I wrapped my legs around his hips and worked with him, digging my nails into his shoulders. The spark of pain spurred him on, so I bit his chest lightly, over and over.
He snarled a little. “Driving me crazy. No matter how much I have you, it’s not enough.”
“I’m here, I’m right here. And I’m yours.”
He shuddered in my arms and let go, his whole body arching with the force of it. His intensity flickered me to a quiet, second peak, nowhere near as powerful as the first. But it was warm and sweet with him on top of me. I traced along his nose to his mouth, and then he lay down on me entirely, completely relaxed.
“Don’t ever leave me again.”
“Technically, you left, not me.”
Rob cracked one eye open to give me a look. “Really?”
“Sorry. I promise I won’t. I’ll fight to make it work.” It was a little hard to get my breath with him on top, but there was no way I’d complain.
He knew; he always did. Rolling to the side, he cuddled me against his chest. Before long, his hands tangled in my hair. Playing with it had been one of his favorite things, and I was glad I hadn’t gotten it hacked off in a fit of grief.
“So now to the important stuff?” he asked.
“Yeah. This might be presumptuous but I didn’t book a room for tonight.”
Rob’s eyes widened. “What did you plan to do if I passed on getting back together?”
“Go back to the airport. If you don’t want me here, there’s no reason to stick around.”
“I do. But...can you?”
I knew what he was asking. “New situations—and change—don’t freak me out as much as they did. Because...I’ve been seeing someone. Professionally. If I move, I’ll ask for a referral so I don’t backslide.”
I was a little afraid that he’d think less of me for therapy, like it was self-indulgent, so the silence was awkward until his troubled look deepened into a frown. “If?”