As I removed my nightdress and pulled on my clothing for the day, I winced a little as the fabric brushed over my shoulder. I remembered scraping my skin on the stone wall and had to swallow hard before I could draw proper breath again. I chanced a look at my right arm where Branford’s fingers had gripped me so hard. There were distinct bruises on my skin though they weren’t bad and wouldn’t last but a few days. I had certainly had worse at Princess Whitney’s hand, and that had been just for being in the way and not for suspected treachery.
Breakfast was delivered shortly after we woke. Branford was visibly annoyed to have breakfast brought to us instead of being able to head out of the rooms, but he sighed and finally opened the door. As the line of servants entered, carrying trays of fragrant foods, Branford was obviously on edge—his eyes darting back and forth between them as they entered, fulfilled their tasks, and then quickly moved around Branford and back out the door. They averted their eyes from him, I noticed, and seemed to be very eager to complete their duties and get out of his way. I remembered another lord in Hadebrand who was often approached the same way—with head down and a wish to remain invisible. He was known to strike servants for not being quick enough or diligent enough. I wondered if Branford was the same way.
I made a point of thanking the last servant—a girl not much younger than I—and she nodded quickly before scurrying off. As she left the rooms, I noticed the broken couch and table were no longer in the morning room. In fact, another couch and chair were already in their places.
We sat down in the plush chairs near the fire, our meals on our laps, eating in silence as the sun rose higher in the sky, and light poured through the windows. I was famished, having not managed to eat anything the night before. If I had tried at that time, my stomach probably would not have been able to digest anything without causing me pain. I considered asking Branford who had cleaned up the remnants of his ire but determined that course of action to be less than advantageous. Instead, I ate my meal with only the occasional glance at my husband. Every time I looked at him, he was looking back at me. He did not appear to be eating his breakfast, but mostly shuffling the food around in a circle.
Branford finally stopped playing around with his breakfast, set the plate off to one side, and let out a deep sigh. He stretched his neck, shuffled his feet, and then repositioned himself in his chair. He looked at me, then out the window, then back at me again. He stood abruptly, went to the window to stare out into the sky, and then sat himself back down in the chair across from me.
“Sunniva said I had to tell you…tell you about why…” He stopped and looked down at his hands in his lap. He sighed once more and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he appeared determined. “She said I needed to tell you about my parents and what happened to them.”
I nodded, not daring to speak. I wasn’t sure I wished to hear this story, especially given Branford’s reluctance to tell it, but the queen seemed to think it was important for him to tell me, so I chose not to dissuade him with any words at all.
“This is not something I talk about,” Branford said solemnly. “Not even with Ida.”
Branford was silent for a while, and I sat looking at my lap and fidgeting. I resisted the urge to tell him he did not have to speak of it since I knew Queen Sunniva had ordered him to do so. I continued to hold my tongue and waited for him to continue.
“I was seven years old,” Branford said. “My birthday had been celebrated just a few weeks prior. Ida was ill, and she and I were both to stay behind with our nursemaid when our parents were to travel to Sawyer for the summer assemblage of all the neighboring courts. Normally, Ida and I would have gone with them, but they seemed to think since Ida was sick, we should both stay behind. I was angry—I had a bit of a temper then, too—and did not want to be left behind. When no one was looking, I climbed in the carriage and hid under a blanket.”
Branford chuckled softly to himself.
“I don’t know why I thought I wouldn’t be seen, sitting in the middle of the floor with a blanket over my head. When my parents got in the carriage, they knew I was there immediately, of course. My mother sighed and scolded me, then picked me up and sat me down beside her. My father called out to the driver—I don’t recall his name, only that he had been driving for them as long as I could remember—and we started off. Four guards on horseback rode in groups of two on either side of us.”
“The guards were named Dalton, Kolby, Yagmur and Salik.” Branford shifted slightly in his seat. “I remember them all quite well. At least one of them had been by my side since I was a toddler, watching over me and making sure I was safe wherever I went. They watched over Ida, my parents—the entire household. Even Kimberly and Nelle, when they came to live with us.”
“They lived with you as children?” I asked, immediately regretting my interruption, but the words were already out.
“Yes,” Branford said. “Their mother was my mother’s sister. Her husband had already passed, and she fell ill—one of the first to die of the plague that would later be linked to the destruction of Eagle—and her daughters came to live with us. My mother swore to her sister she would raise her daughters as her own and that they would always be cared for and protected. It was the final wish of my aunt, and my mother promised to honor it.”
He huffed a breath out his nose and then continued.
“Dalton and Kolby were younger than Yagmur and Salik and usually kept close to me when I was out. They taught me the basics of sword fighting when I was quite young—archery, too, though I was never very good at it. Salik taught me to ride, and Yagmur lectured me constantly on the duties of a young lord and what would be expected of me as I came of age. In the years they were with us, they were like members of our family. It was like I had four extra fathers or maybe favorite uncles. I looked up to each and every one of them and went to bed every night, feeling secure that they were watching over us and keeping us safe.”
“My father trusted them implicitly,” Branford said. “I remember when Dalton was showing me just how good he was with a bow, and in his hand, my father held out an apple for Dalton to shoot. He split it in half, and we planted the seeds after we ate it. One of the trees still grows just outside Sterling Castle.”
“We had been on the road no more than a couple of hours—not even half the trip—when my father glanced out the window and called up to the driver. I don’t remember exactly what he said, only that he didn’t think we were on the right road any longer. He thought the driver had taken a wrong turn. I remember him calling out for Dalton and Salik—they were riding on his side of the carriage—and asking for an explanation.”
“The carriage started to slow down, and my mother said…”
Branford stopped, and I watched his hands ball into fists as his breathing became more labored.
“She said,” he went on, “that something didn’t feel right. She said she could hear more horses riding behind us.”
He paused. He slowly forced his fingers open and then rubbed his palms down the top of his thighs.
“The carriage slowed and then stopped. I could hear Yagmur telling my father he should come outside. He said they had things to discuss. My mother told him she didn’t like it. She said again that something wasn’t right. When my father went out, I heard him yelling at someone, asking whoever it was what he was doing there. Then Yagmur called for my mother to come out as well. I remember the look in her eyes. It was like she knew. I think she did know. She stood up and grabbed me by the arm immediately, hauling me to my feet. I started to complain—I didn’t understand what was going on—but she was frantic, speaking quietly but urgently into my ear. She told me not to speak—not to utter a single sound, no matter what. She made me swear to God I would be silent. The bench seat of the carriage could be lifted, and there was a storage area inside of it. My mother opened up the bench, and then she shoved me underneath, shutting the lid on top of me.
“I couldn’t hear well from inside
. I remember it was hot and cramped, but I didn’t move, and I didn’t make a sound. I heard voices—that of my father, yelling, and other voices I didn’t recognize. Then I heard my mother scream my father’s name, over and over again, and I had to remind myself she wasn’t calling for me. Then I heard laughter, and for a while, she was silent. I could hear talking, more laughing and other…sounds. I didn’t know what to make of it. I could hear her voice, but it was muffled. I knew she was crying, but I think she was just trying not to make any sounds. I think…I think she just didn’t want me to hear…to hear…”
Again he stopped, and his hands covered his face.
“I heard the door of the carriage open and Dalton and Kolby’s voices. They didn’t say much, just that there was nothing of value inside, and they needed to get moving quickly. Then I heard horses riding around the carriage and then riding off. They didn’t realize I was there, you see. They hadn’t seen me get inside the carriage. They believed me to have stayed home with my ill sister.”
“I don’t know how long I stayed there. Eventually, there were no more sounds, but I still didn’t move. My mother told me to stay, and I wasn’t going anywhere until she came to get me. I could tell when the sun set because the inside of the bench became black as pitch. I just lay there, trying to be as silent as I could—trying to obey my mother’s words. I probably dozed off for a while, but sometime in the night, I heard horses again. I recognized the voice outside, but I still didn’t move. I might have just stayed in there forever, but when I heard a certain word uttered…well, I knew I should come out. It was our family’s secret word, I guess you would say. When I heard it, I knew it was safe to come out again.”
“Lord Sawyer’s head was sticking through the carriage door. He saw me as I climbed out, thanked God that I stilled lived, and then told me to stay right where I was. I kept asking for my mother—asking where she was, but he wouldn’t tell me. The next day, they finally told me my parents were both dead. It was years before I found out the rest—what they had done to her.”
I knew what he was going to say before he finally let the words escape his mouth.
“Father had been killed by sword. They told me he died quickly. But my mother…she…she had been…brutalized repeatedly before they beat her to death. She was raped and murdered by our most trusted servants while I was hiding inside the bench in the carriage. They were killed by those I had admired the most. By the time Ida and the rest of the household were retrieved and brought to Sawyer, Edgar’s army had already begun to seize Sterling lands. He could not lay claim to the castle because I still lived, and the Church wouldn’t allow it—but all the other outlying areas—Sterling Village, Wynton, Eagle, Yeager—they all fell into Hadebrand’s hands.”
Branford stared silently at his hands for several minutes. I didn’t know what I should do or say, and I was afraid to make a move.
“I don’t allow servants in these rooms on any kind of regular basis,” Branford finally said. “Ramona is allowed in here sometimes because Ida says the place will be filthy if I don’t let her. Ramona was raised here in the castle. She’s never even been off the grounds, so I let her in to clean on occasion. I validate the loyalty of every guard in our employ—most of whom come from far away, and I have hand-picked. No one who comes here asking for a job inside the castle gets one. I can’t trust that person. He could have been sent by Edgar. If even one conspirator maneuvered his way into the castle, we would all be in danger.”
I dropped my eyes from him and contemplated his words as I twisted the fingers of my hands around themselves. To be so young and exposed to such a thing was unthinkable to me. Even if it had not been his parents, he certainly would have been scarred. I could not imagine listening to the sounds of such violence and being unable to do anything about it. And then to know those that those who were deemed trustworthy were the cause…the idea was unfathomable.
“Well,” Branford said with a sigh, “that’s why I behaved the way I did last night. My family was betrayed by those closest to us, and now I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone. If I suspect betrayal, I make sure there is no way it can hurt my family. That’s why I was so angry at the carriage driver when we first arrived. It’s why I reacted the way I did last night, and it’s why I want my cousins strung up by their necks until they’re dead.”
I flinched at his words. What Lady Kimberly and Lady Nelle had done was horrible, but for Branford to speak of ending their lives so easily was frightening.
“But they are part of your family,” I said quietly.
“Not any longer,” he replied. Branford ran both of his hands through his hair. “Kimberly has had her embarrassing little tirades before but nothing like this. She must think my mother’s wishes will protect her from anything she does. Not anymore.”
“You thought our carriage driver was a traitor, too?”
“He may be,” Branford said. He dropped his hands and looked back out the window, but I didn’t think he could see anything but sky from his angle. “I know I can seem ruthless, but I do have my reasons. Four times we have confirmed spies here in Silverhelm though we could not prove they came from Hadebrand. Two had managed to weasel their way into our outer guard while the others were posing as merchants. They never actually got inside the castle, but there are those out there who want to bring the Sterling family down, just as they did the Monroes—my mother’s family. They were all but wiped out, and her family lands were taken, but I will not allow that to happen to the Sterlings. I won’t allow that to happen to Silverhelm.”
Branford turned back and finally looked at me again.
“I don’t tolerate any disloyalty, Alexandra,” he said. “Perhaps there had been signs of it in the guards who killed my parents, and perhaps the signs were ignored because the guards were considered friends. I won’t make the same mistake. In keeping that pledge, I have been known to…to overreact.”
“I would not betray you, Branford,” I said quietly.
“I don’t think you would, my wife,” Branford said, but his tone was so melancholy, I wasn’t sure if I could trust his words. “That is why I chose a wife in the manner I did—randomly and without any way for someone to predict. It’s just…I never really know. No one can know with absolute certainty, can they? Unless you are able to read a person’s thoughts, you can never know for sure.”
“What about your sister,” I asked, “or King Camden or Sir Parnell?”
“I trust them,” Branford said slowly. “As much as I can trust anyone. I know them so well—their habits, their likes and dislikes—it seems I can almost read their minds. Of course, I also knew Kimberly was angry with me when I told her I could no longer…well, spend time with her. Still, I never thought she would come here to my rooms and…”
Branford stopped and growled low in his chest. He stood, his hands clenched into fists, and I cringed back into my chair, unsure of what he would do.
“I want her to die for what she did to you,” Branford said, “but I can’t do that. My mother—she promised her sister we would care for them. Kimberly will be punished, but as my sister pointed out to me, I can’t take her life without dishonoring my mother.”
“I understand, Branford,” I said. Truly, I was somewhat relieved. Already the court could not possibly think well of me, and if I were to be considered responsible for the deaths of two of their own…well, it certainly would not improve my position.
“I won’t allow Kimberly or Nelle to upset you again,” he said, his tone now soft. He marched the two steps it took to reach me. He cupped my chin and tilted my head upward until I met his glorious, green, hesitant eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I promise.”
I nodded and looked off to the side at nothing in particular. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to him. On one level, I knew he was sincere, and he truly meant every word he said. On another, he could change his mind. He could decide his relations were ultimately more important than I. He could even decide, based on some a
rbitrary whim, that I was not loyal and order my death.
“I know,” Branford said. He dropped his hand, turned away from me and walked back to the window. He leaned against the sill and looked out over the castle grounds.
“What do you know, my…Branford?”
“I know my promises are meaningless to you,” he said simply. He folded his arms and dropped his chin on them as he stared out into the forest. “I’m used to my word meaning something, but apparently that isn’t the case here.”
I had no idea if I really believed him or not. I felt strangely empty…hollow, even. It wasn’t that I thought he was intentionally lying to me. I just didn’t know if he could keep his promises forever.
“I…I know you mean…” I tried to speak but was quite glad when Branford interrupted, for I had no idea what words were to come from my mouth next.
“Maybe it’s best to talk of something else?” Branford suggested.
“What shall we talk about?”
“I’m not sure,” Branford said. “I want to know you, and I want you to know me, but I’m not sure where to begin. Tell me about living in Hadebrand.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” I said. I could feel heat rising to my face as his bright green eyes stared through me. “I helped Princess Whitney dress in the mornings and evenings. I cooked for her when she was ill, and she didn’t like what the kitchen servants had made. She could be very picky about what she wanted to eat even when she was in good health.”
“I bet she was.” Branford snickered. “What did you do for enjoyment?”
“Enjoyment?”
“Yes. When you didn’t have any duties to perform, what did you do then?”
“I’m not sure I understand,” I replied. “If Princess Whitney didn’t require anything right away or if she was traveling, I did the mending and cleaned. There were always duties to perform.”
“Did they give you no time to yourself at all?” Branford asked, his tone of voice making it obvious he was disgusted.