Absalom quickly discovered within himself a genius and liking for governing that I myself have never inherently possessed. He took to politics like a duck to water. I beamed when I observed him so willing and conscientious. I was naive. Joab did not dare tell me then that Absalom was doing to me with the people what I had done to Saul so long ago in the past: currying their favor and kindling their love. He rose up early each day and made it his duty to stand beside the way of the gate into the city. And it was so that when any man that had a controversy or grievance was coming with the hope of seeing the king for judgment, then Absalom called unto him, 'Of what city art thou?' And if the man answered, 'Thy servant is of one of the tribes of Israel,' then Absalom would butter him up, saying unto him, 'See, thy matters are good and right. But there is no man deputed of the king to hear thee, no man but me, and I have taken it upon myself.'
The fact of the matter is that, like so many great leaders in history, I was easily bored by the repetitious minutiae of administering power. War, not reigning, was my real work. Like a fish out of water is a man of war in time of peace; I hardly knew what to do with myself most of the time. Oh, I was a paragon at delegating responsibility. Just about anyone who wanted it could have it. Joab was over all the host, Benaiah was over my palace guard of Cherethites and Pelethites, Adoram was over the tribute, jumping Jehoshaphat was my recorder, Zadok and Abiathar were priests, and my sons were chief rulers, and never much good at it. Among the legion of institutions I had neglected to formalize was an effective judiciary system. I blessed the enterprise of Absalom when I learned he was handling complaints in my stead and relieving me of the need to do so.
'Oh that I were made judge in the land,' I was pleased to be told my son Absalom was saying to console all those with wrongs who journeyed by the way of the gate of Jerusalem in the hope of obtaining an audience with me, 'that every man with any suit or cause might come unto me, and I would do him justice! What a pity that there is no man deputed of the king to hear thee. I will take the time to judge.'
He wanted to judge? So I let him judge. I was all too willing to see my son representing me with such ingratiating success. I did not know that in this fashion he was deliberately and systematically undermining me. And I couldn't have seen, even had I been cautioned, why he should want to. He was next in line, wasn't he? So it was with doing and uncritical spirit that I allowed him to flourish. To this day I find it hard to believe that someone as worldly and astute as myself could be misguided by paternal fondness into imitating the action of the ostrich, that ungainly bird which stands with its head sunk in the earth because it does not wish to see that which is good in the sight of the sun and that which is evil.
It was that way with me in the matter of my son Absalom. I saw nothing dangerous to me in that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand, and took him, and kissed him. And in this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel. Tacitly I cheered him on. I crowed with fatherly pleasure and cherished the deeds and graces of my matchless pride and joy. It did my own heart good that he stole the hearts of the men of Israel, that this son of mine who was the apple of my eye was my principal heir, and that my heir, who would succeed me as king, was so revered, applauded, and adored.
How could I know he would not wait? I did not dream he would not wait. If indeed he had been obedient enough to wait, he would be waiting still, and would not be so youthful and charismatic anymore, for I have lived a long time. Even a man of such hollow character as Adonijah is already chafing at the delay in the fulfillment of his royal patrimony and grows progressively less disposed to wait passively to inherit it. Or to wait for Abishag my Shunammite either.
'Haven't you seen the way he eyes her,' Bathsheba continues to insinuate, 'the lascivious way he looks her over each time he comes here to see you? Are you blind?'
And he is moving ahead with his plans for the lavish outdoor feast at which he will exalt himself by the sheer expense and by saying once again that he will be king. He no longer seems to feel he needs my permission to proceed. The site he has chosen is in an open field outside the city, where the number of guests he can accommodate will be great and the spectators from the city and the surrounding countryside without limit. Joab and he are at work on the guest list. He invites me to attend. There are no plans yet for inviting Solomon or Bathsheba. Why not? He doesn't like them, which is reasonable enough if he is willing to incur the risk of such calculated affronts. Zadok? He already has a priest. He has chosen Abiathar? Abiathar has chosen him, he replies with a simper.
It is hard to be pleased with someone so pleased with himself: a man's attire and excessive laughter and gait show what he is, and I did not like his. I have neither the vitality nor the wish ever to go out of my palace again. Adonijah proposes to transport me to the place on a comfortable litter borne on a wagon drawn by oxen. We can sit side by side at the banquet table, even if I don't eat much. He will laud me in a toast. I will talk and he will clap his hands and whistle.
'I'd freeze my nuts off,' I say, declining, which brings to his mind another request.
'Can I have Abishag,' Adonijah surprises me by asking, 'to take as a wife?'
'Don't you know,' I reply, looking him squarely in the eye, 'that in asking for Abishag, you are asking for the kingdom also? Didn't Joab tell you that?'
'Thou knowest that the kingdom is mine anyway, isn't it?'
'If ever it isn't,' I respond to him dryly, 'just ask for Abishag again, and see what happens. Can't you wait at least until I have given up the ghost, breathed my last, and gone to sleep with my fathers?'
'Joab thought it would be a good idea to ask for her now.'
'You rely much on Joab?'
'He helps keep the peace.'
'Are you inviting Benaiah?'
'Joab doesn't see the need.'
From the street below my windows when he goes, I hear the hullabaloo from his chariot as he mounts and departs and the stagy clamor of the voices of the fifty men he has retained to run before him when he rides.
'He thinks he's Absalom,' Bathsheba derides, without smiling.
He is emulating Absalom, coveting the glamour that emanated like an undimmed phosphorescence from my favorite, black-haired prince, and overlooking the sad and sordid end to which it carried him, to a putrefying pit in the wood beneath a heap of stones.
What I don't want now is another putsch. Absalom initiated his in a way that seemed harmless enough, an ordinary request to go to Hebron to repay a vow he told me he'd made while abiding in Geshur in Syria, saying. 'I vowed that if the Lord should bring me home again, then I would serve the Lord with sacrifice.'
'There are no priests in Jerusalem?' I wondered aloud, humoring him.
'In Hebron they are dissatisfied with us because we live in Jerusalem.' Absalom was normally not so perspicacious, and I wonder now if he was already being coached by Ahitophel, or perhaps by Joab. 'They will be less disposed to argue that we have forsaken Judah if we show ourselves before them. My mission has a diplomatic value as well as a sacramental one.'
'Go in good health,' I said, giving in.
So Absalom arose and went to Hebron, but went with secret, treasonable plans. He went to make war, against me.
Who would have guessed it? Against me, a king and father more sinned against than sinning, who loved him more than I did my own soul. Who would have guessed that a young man of such fiery, open pride and such passionate temperament would speak with such an oily tongue, that a character so volatile and reckless could be so sly? I should have kept in mind the obsidian reserve with which my beautiful dark-eyed son delayed for two whole years to slay Amnon, without once betraying a hint of the determination for murderous revenge festering inside him. I should have consulted about him more with my adviser Ahitophel the Gilonite while the shrewd wisdom of Ahitophel was still available to me, that same Ahitophel the Gilonite who never made a mistake--even wh
en he rode home on his ass, put his family affairs in order, and hanged himself. Thereafter, it became a proverb, 'That Ahitophel, he died young. He was never wrong.'
Except for his assumption that my son would heed his sound advice. That was vanity, for both of them. Ahitophel the infallible did underestimate the egoism of the dashing, freebooting prince for whose service he had deserted mine, and the role conceit might play when Absalom, in that first heady flush of triumph, began esteeming himself immune from the possibility of error.
Absalom instituted his attack against me with a clandestine network of spies dispersed throughout all the tribes of Israel to spread the word to others potentially in league with him, saying, 'As soon as ye hear the sound of the trumpet, then ye shall say for all to hear, "Absalom reigneth in Hebron." '
And with Absalom, when he'd packed and left for Hebron, coincidentally went two hundred unsuspecting religious travelers out of Jerusalem who felt the call to worship at this same fete to which Absalom pretended to be going. They went with him in their simplicity and they knew not anything. But they came into the city following Absalom and soon found themselves counted among the imposing numbers thought to favor his uprising against me. Absalom then blew his trumpet and proclaimed himself king. And Absalom then sent at once for Ahitophel the Gilonite, my chief counselor, to come from his city, even from Giloh, to join with him in his insurrection, and Absalom offered holy sacrifices while he waited to hear, and while his spies broadcast word of his coup throughout all the tribes of Israel. When Ahitophel the Gilonite came over to his side, the conspiracy mushroomed and became strong. Rebellion spread like wildfire. To my dismay and bewilderment, the people increased continually with Absalom.
Who would have thought I had dissatisfied so many? I was outnumbered and overthrown before I even knew what was happening. Joyous partisans had taken up arms in mobs and were trooping toward the city from the north, south, and west. That simplified my choice of direction for my getaway. I had to go east into the plain of the wilderness to attain sanctuary somewhere on the other side of the Jordan. From Judah and even unto Israel, they were siding with him.
'The hearts of the men of Israel are after Absalom,' there came messengers saying, and all reports that followed brought more ominous confirmation.
I lost no time getting out.
'Arise, and let us flee,' were the orders I gave to those that were with me at Jerusalem when I saw how the land lay, 'for we shall not else escape from Absalom. Make speed to depart, lest he overtake us suddenly, and bring evil upon us, and smite the city with the edge of the sword.'
I had distrust for everyone. Who would follow and who would stay? My servants seemed ready to oblige me in any way I could appoint.
I packed quickly to beat a hasty retreat. From my palace I went forth toward brook Kidron at the eastern boundary of the city, and all my household and all my servants after me. And what a stupendous household mine had by that time become, with all those wives and fucking unnecessary concubines I had accumulated and was already tired of, and all those squalling children. I left those ten of my women behind, all of them concubines, to keep the house, with strict instructions to ventilate the rooms and to air the bedding on the roof daily, regardless of who slept there, in the event it came to pass that I did return. I fled while I could because my chances of emerging victorious from any battle were greater in an open field than inside a city in which I could not deploy my forces to best advantage and in which I did not know who was loyal to me and who was not. I had lost Ahitophel already. My nephew Amasa, child of my favorite sister, Abigail, had gone over to Absalom and was captain of his host. There was no sign of Joab.
Once again, I commiserated with myself as I started out eastward toward brook Kidron, I had no place to safely lay my head.
At the stream, I tarried to take stock. Certainly, I could see, I was not alone. My spirits improved. Benaiah and all the Cherethites and all the Perethites were true blue and passed on beside me and crossed brook Kidron. At least I knew I would not be taken by surprise and stabbed under the fifth rib, as Saul could have been by me had that ever been my objective. Then came Ittai and his Gittites, all six hundred men of war who had come up after me from Gath to serve in my forces following my victory over the Philistines, and they passed on before me also. I had part of an army. I'm afraid my heart broke with gratitude at the welcome sight of Ittai and his Gittites, and I turned maudlin for a minute. I may have overidentified. I was feeling sorry for myself in feeling sorry for him.
'Wherefore goest thou also with us?' I blurted out with feeling. 'Return to thy place and abide with the new king, for thou art a stranger and also an exile. I know what it is to be without a home. Whereas thou earnest but yesterday, should I this day make thee go up and down and back and forth with us? Seeing I will have to go whither I may, return thou, and take back thy brethren. Mercy and truth be with thee.'
And Ittai answered me and said, 'As the Lord liveth, and as my lord the king liveth, surely in what place my lord the king shall be, whether in death or life, even there also will thy servant be.'
'Go and pass over,' I said to Ittai the Gittite, and almost wept again. I don't know what I would have done had he accepted my suggestion. Wept a good deal more.
And Ittai the Gittite passed over the brook, and all his men, and all the wives and the little ones that were with him. And it seemed as though all the city and all the country wept with a loud voice as all the people passed over, and then as I myself passed over brook Kidron toward the way of the wilderness between the city in the mountains and the valley of the Jordan. Then Abishai too was there, looking tough and wiry, with another large contingent of experienced warriors from my regular army. No, I was far from alone.
'Thy brother Joab,' I inquired of Abishai. 'Where is he?'
'Am I my brother's keeper?' he answered cryptically. 'I did not see him in the city.'
Saying nothing, Benaiah unobtrusively set men between me and Abishai to guard me. And lo, Zadok also, my priest, and all the Levites with him, everyone in the priesthood, to my amazement, came out of the city also, bearing the ark of the covenant of God, and they set down the ark of God while they waited for me to resume my woeful journey. And then Abiathar, my other priest, was there with them too. This was turning into much more of an evacuation than I had bargained for, a swelling exodus. Fortunately, I kept my head. I asked them to carry back the ark of God into the city. It was heartening to know that the priests were loyal, but they could serve more usefully professing fealty to Absalom in the city than trudging along outward as an encumbrance to me. They would have to be fed, they could not fight. This was not the time for ceremonial demonstrations.
'I am David, not Moses,' I made certain to let them know, 'and I shall return. If I shall find favor in the eyes of the Lord, He will bring me again, and show me both His ark and His habitation. But if He thus say He hath no delight in me, behold, here am I, let Him do to me as seemeth good unto Him. But let the ark remain in the city that is holy. Besides,' I then put in to Zadok and to Abiathar, 'art thou not each of you a seer? Return into the city in peace, and your two sons with you, and see what thou canst see for me. I will tarry in the plain of the wilderness, until there come word from you to certify me what to do.'
Ahimaaz the son of Zadok and Jonathan the son of Abiathar could serve as runners. Zadok therefore and Abiathar carried the ark of God again to Jerusalem, and they tarried there in manners that were pious and innocuous while they waited to see what they could see for me.
And I, when they turned and left, went up by the ascent of the Mount of Olives, and wept as I went up, and had my head covered, and went barefoot. What a lot of water, I reminisced dejectedly, had gone under the bridge since I first had blazed forth as a star from little Bethlehem. All was over, I was inclined to feel; I had been forsaken by the world and left naked to mine enemies. Until I lifted my eyes and took notice that all of the people with me covered every man his head and came up the Mount of Olive
s too, all of them weeping as they went up behind me.
And there, on the mount, one verified to me that Ahitophel was indeed among the conspirators with Absalom, and I trembled when I heard, and I said, gazing upward into the heavens toward God: 'O Lord, I pray Thee, turn the counsel of Ahitophel into foolishness.'
I was not going to bank on that. Although it did come to pass when I was at the top of the mountain and worshipping God, that I beheld Hushai the Archite coming up to meet me, with his coat rent, and earth upon his head. He too was already in mourning. And he might have been coming in answer to my prayer, for404 things began to click the instant I saw him and I hit upon a bold idea. Hushai the Archite was another senior figure in my cabinet--one with practical sagacity, to whom I could speak frankly.
I drew him aside and confided to him with a lowered voice: 'If thou passest on with me, then thou shall be a burden to me. Thou canst not fight. But if thou return to the city and say unto Absalom, "O king, as I have been thy father's servant hitherto, so will I now also be thy servant,' then mayest thou defeat the counsel of Ahitophel for me. What thing soever thou shalt hear out of the king's house, thou shalt tell it to Zadok and Abiathar the priests. Behold, they have there with them their two sons. And by them you shall send unto me everything that ye can hear.'
So Hushai went back into the city, and was there in wait when Absalom my son came into Jerusalem.
Moving on past the top of the hill of the Mount of Olives, downward I then proceeded on the opposite side along the winding way to the plain of the wilderness. All hope of allegiance from the people of Israel against this revolt from Judah disintegrated quickly when I moved past Bahurim and was assailed by that nauseating worm Shimei. The house of Saul was in opposition to me also. Shimei came out to curse me, and cursed me still as closer he came. Even in my most tortured nightmares I could not have invented so ugly an image as Shimei. He cast stones at me and at the people with me, and all of the people on my right hand and all of the mighty men on my left hand bunched closer to shield me from the things he threw. And Shimei said thus to me when he cursed: