He rehearsed her to say: 'Didst not thou, my lord, O king, swear unto thine handmaid, saying assuredly that Solomon thy son would reign after you and sit upon your throne?'
To which I replied, saying, 'Don't start nagging me about that again. I promised no such thing, ever.'
'No, but did thou promise,' she attacks sharply, with a kind of tense and angry emotion, 'that thy son Adonijah would reign in thy stead while thou yet were alive?'
'I never promised anything like that either. Why are you trembling? What are you so upset about?'
'You did not promise Adonijah?' she scoffs, and only with a visible effort at suppressing tension is she able to sustain her scornful expression of exaggerated surprise. 'Why then doth Adonijah reign?'
'What are you talking about?' I demand, with consternation of my own.
'Hast thou not heard?' she mocks.
'That Adonijah reigns?'
'That Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign in Jerusalem this day?'
'Bullshit! Is this true?'
'And David our lord knoweth it not? Ask Nathan your prophet, who awaits outside. Send Benaiah to inquire if you think it's not so.'
Benaiah, my trustworthy, is nodding. He has heard rumors that it is.
'He hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance,' Bathsheba my wife races on. I am moved by the fact that she looks such a worried mess. 'He hath called all the sons of the king to his party, and Abiathar the priest, and Joab the captain of the host. For myself I don't care--he is calling no women. But Solomon thy servant hath he not called, the only son of the king not there. And Zadok thy priest he hath not called. And Nathan thy prophet, and Benaiah thy servant.' What she is saying is starting to add up. 'And thou, my lord, O king, the eyes of all Israel are upon thee, that thou shouldst tell them, this day, who shall sit on the throne of my lord the king after him. Otherwise I dread it shall certainly come to pass, when my lord the king shall sleep with his fathers, that I and my son Solomon shall be counted offenders, in that we remained with thee.'
'I don't believe you,' I exclaim with confusion.
'Ask Nathan. Send out Benaiah.'
'Go out. Send in Nathan. No fucking parables!' I bark in warning at my jittery prophet the instant he hurries in.
Nathan is grim and, for him, almost laconic, for he comes straight to the subject. 'My lord, O king,' he begins, 'hast thou said already that Adonijah shall reign after you and sit upon your throne, and hast thou done this thing, my lord, and not showed it to thy servant, or to thy priest Zadok, or even to Benaiah and to the mighty men that still belong to thee, that we should know to serve him now?'
'Of course not!' I answer with a cry of reproof. 'Why in the hell would you suppose that I did?'
'For he is gone down this day,' Nathan answers in the same state of alarm, 'and hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the king's sons, and the captains of the host, and Abiathar the priest. But me, even me thy servant, and Zadok thy priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and thy servant Solomon, hath he not called. Doesn't that tell us something? Ask Benaiah. Call up a ghost. Do you need a prophet to tell you what's happening? Wherefore, the celebration grows. And behold, they eat and drink before him even now, and say, "God save the king!" '
'What's wrong with that?'
'They say, "God save King Adonijah!" '
I come alive with a jolt. 'King who?'
'King Adonijah.'
'There is no King Adonijah!' I shout.
'Yes, there is, my lord, O king, unless you announce there is not. And if you do not say so now, there is left this day in Israel no more King David. Let me tell you a story. '
'Never mind your story. Send back Benaiah.'
By this time Benaiah has all the facts. I am being deposed, smoothly superannuated, without objection, discussion, consent. I am being moved aside. I am supporting Adonijah by keeping neutral. I don't like the idea. Bathsheba will be imprisoned and isolated. I like that less. From there it does not take me long to spring, so to speak, into action.
'Call me back Bathsheba,' I command. 'And wait-- tell her that now I remember the promise I swore unto her.' She kneels when she enters, still in a fright, and does obeisance to me again. 'I remember clearly now the promise I gave you,' I continue without even a wink, and I am holding her face in my hands to comfort her. 'And assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne in my stead, and even so will I certainly do this day. ' And I kiss her so courteously with the kisses of my mouth.
'As the Lord liveth,' she begins thanking me, and her voice chokes--only for the second time in my life did I see my wife Bathsheba cry, and this time the tears she shed were those of happiness--'as the Lord liveth, thou hath redeemed my soul out of all distress.'
And now I am truly in control. King Adonijah? That bastard! I'll give him King Adonijah, that pipsqueak, that punk!
'Call me Zadok the priest in too,' I commanded, 'that he, with Nathan, and with Benaiah and his mighty men, shall all go forth together.'
And Bathsheba was already her old self, saying, 'Call in Solomon too.'
'Do no such thing!' was my strict response. 'Not yet, not yet.' The plans I had in mind didn't require my seeing him so soon. 'Cause Solomon my son to ride upon my own mule, and bring him down to Gihon. And let Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anoint him there king over Israel. And blow ye loud with the trumpet, and say, "God save King Solomon." And do this in a place in Gihon where the guests of Adonijah 5can hear.' And that, I thought, was a very deft touch. 'And then,' I went on, 'ye shall come up after him, that he may come and sit upon my throne, for he shall be king in my stead, and I have appointed him to be ruler over Israel and over Judah.'
At which Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, typically so stoic and taciturn, heaved a sigh and said, 'Amen. As the Lord hath been with my lord the king, even so be He with Solomon, and make his throne greater than the throne of my lord King David.'
I concluded, after a moment of reflection, that I had no real quarrel with that.
So Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites and the Pelethites went down, and caused Solomon to ride upon my own mule, and brought him to Gihon. And Zadok the priest took a horn of oil out of the tabernacle and anointed Solomon. And they blew the trumpet. And the voice of the trumpet sounded long, and all the people said, 'God save King Solomon.' And all the people came back up into the city after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth rent with the sound of them.
And Adonijah and all the guests that were with him heard it as they made an end of eating, and Joab spoke up when he heard the sound of the trumpet and again when he heard the city being in an uproar.
'Wherefore is such noise in the city?'
And even while he yet spoke, Jonathan the speedy son of Abiathar the priest came running up to Adonijah to give the news, saying, 'Verily our lord King David hath made Solomon king! '
Needless to say, Adonijah could not have been more amazed. 'Solomon? My younger brother Solomon? That same Solomon who wants to build a navy? '
'Solomon sitteth on the throne of the kingdom,' answered this Jonathan. 'This is the noise that ye have heard. They are come up from Gihon rejoicing, so that the city rang again. And moreover, the king's servants came to bless our lord King David, saying, " God make the name of Solomon better than thy name, and make his throne greater than thy throne." And to this, they are saying, the king rose up on his knees and bowed himself upon the bed.'
You can bet the party broke up quickly. All the guests that were with Adonijah were afraid, Joab too, and rose up and went every man his way in haste. Adonijah feared for his life because of Solomon and bolted up and caught hold on the horns of the altar and vowed he would not let go until he had a guarantee of life from the new king. Benaiah's squads were everywhere by this time and told us of Adonijah's saying, 'Let King Solomon swear unto me today tha
t he will not slay his servant with the sword. '
And Solomon answered, 'If he will show himself a worthy man, there shall not a hair of him fall to the earth. But if wickedness shall be found in him, he shall die.' And even as the armed couriers of Benaiah were dashing out of my room with his reply, he turned to me and inquired, 'Did I say that well?'
'Do you really want a navy ? '
'Can a navy hurt?'
'Spoken,' said Bathsheba approvingly, 'with the wisdom of Solomon.'
My farewell address was a much better one than Jacob's on his deathbed, which was inappropriate as a blessing and almost incomprehensible in content and objective. What was the reason for it, the twelve sons in attendance must have asked themselves more than once as they listened to him run on, primitive in intellect though several of them doubtless were. The speech I gave at least was functional.
'Here's what I want you to do,' I said. 'Thou hast with thee Shimei the son of Gera, that Benjamite of Bahurim, which cursed me with a grievous curse that day when I went to Mahanaim. You know I'm not one to bear a grudge. But I want my revenge. I swore to the Lord I would not put him to death by the sword.'
'I think I know now what a hoar head is,' Solomon broke in eagerly, consulting notes.
I paid no attention. 'You must not slay him for what he did to me, for I vowed to God he would be spared. Therefore, you must slay him for something else. Set him about with restrictions that he will have to violate, and slay him for his failure to obey you there. You do understand now? Your mother will explain. To Abiathar the priest show mercy, though he turned to Adonijah, for he hast been afflicted with me in all wherein I was afflicted. Allow him to return in peace to Anathoth, unto his own fields, for he is a worthy man. Show kindness unto the sons of Barzillai the Gileadite, and let them be of those that eat at thy table, for so they came to me when I fled because of Absalom thy brother. And now, last but not least, we come to my nephew Joab, that son of Zeruiah.' I cough to clear my throat, then moisten my mouth with water from an earthen cup Abishag thoughtfully extends when she hears my voice going dry. The girl is beautiful to the extreme and excellent at everything. Bathsheba, in the seat we have caused to be set for her on Solomon's right hand, bends forward in rapt suspense. 'Thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me,' I state very somberly, and pause to make certain that all of my meaning will sink in.
'I will explain to you later,' Bathsheba puts in hurriedly to Solomon.
'And also thou knowest what he did to the two captains of the host of Israel, unto Abner the son of Ner, and unto Amasa the son of Jether, whom he slew, and shed the blood of war in peace, and put the blood of war upon his girdle that was about his loins, and in his shoes that were on his feet. For what he did to them but not for what he did to me,' I stress to signify unequivocally that I desire just the obverse, 'do therefore to Joab according to thy wisdom.'
'I think you are trying to tell me,' conjectures Solomon with a furrowed brow, 'not to let the hoar head of Joab go down to the grave in peace.'
'Forget the hoar head!' I answer at the end of my patience, lifting my voice almost to a shout. 'I want you to kill Joab. Don't you understand? Blow the bastard away!'
'He wants,' Bathsheba translates for him, with a very sweet smile and with inexhaustible maternal tolerance, 'you to blow the bastard away.'
'I'm pretty sure I understand him now.'
'And I want you to do it today.'
He does not yet see that I want this done for his sake too.
Bad news travels quickly, even to Joab, and when the first hint of the tidings came to him, he rose and fled for refuge into the tabernacle of the Lord and caught hold on the horns of the altar. Benaiah demanded he come forth. Joab said nay but would sooner die than come out. Solomon looked to me for decision.
'Do as he hath said,' I recommended with a smile, 'and fall upon him there.'
'Do as he hath said, and fall upon him there,' Solomon parroted to Benaiah, and began to acquire that reputation for intellect and trenchant humor that really derives from me.
From Bathsheba I got no more than a cursory blessing, and a chaste kiss on the forehead. 'Let my lord King David live forever,' was the way she thanked me.
'That's very easy for you to say now,' was my caustic response. 'Lie here with me tonight,' I asked her. 'Make me happy once more.'
'Use Abishag for that.'
'I am asking for you. As God is my judge, I have sworn to lie with you at least one more time before I die.'
'David, David,' she says, losing interest in me and starting to inspect herself, 'you're talking like a child.'
'I remember thy love more than wine,' I tell her in earnest. 'Thou art beautiful, O my Bathsheba. A garden enclosed, a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Please stay with me again until the day breaks and the shadows flee away. Thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks.'
'I think I must have put on thirty pounds in just the past few weeks,' she answers with a pout, and turns partway around to show me. 'I don't know where it's come from, but you can see where it's gone. And I used to have such a magnificent ass, didn't I?'
I give her up sullenly. She bestows her kiss and goes away. God has let me down again. 'Easy come, easy go,' is the sardonic philosophy of resignation with which I try to console and amuse myself as I watch her leave. It is almost time for bed, and I will try to sleep.
Abishag the Shunammite washes and dries herself when she has finished with me and begins to anoint and perfume herself as she makes ready to join me. My lamps are lit. Her lips drip as the honeycomb, and I know that the smell of her nose is like apples. Honey and milk are under her tongue, and the roof of her mouth is like wine. The fragrant, sensuous vapors of the best incense suffuse my rooms, of incense compounded of stacte, onycha, galbanum, and frankincense. I would personally prefer a bit more frankincense in the mixture, but my powers of smell are not what they used to be, and what is pungent to me is acrid to others. Abishag the Shunammite sits without comment on the indigo folds of her robe, which has slipped from her shoulders and settled in lush and gleaming ripples about her waist and thighs. She reaches out her arms to lave them in liquid myrrh and then applies the unguent lotion to her chest as well and to her purple-nippled breasts. Her tiny feet are perfectly formed. There is still no spot on her. I am very old, and fortunate that someone so lovely and faultless as Abishag the Shunammite ministers to me every day. In another minute or two, she will be completed with her preparations and come to my bed. I will treasure the warmth and sweetness of her. You think that makes me happy? You think I'm at peace now with my Maker? Anything but. I am thinking of God now, and I am thinking of Saul. I think of Saul in his wordless gloom and torment every time I came to his chamber to play for him, and I realize as I remember that I never saw a sadder face on human being until a little while ago, when Abishag the Shunammite held a mirror up for me to see and I looked at mine.
It is almost night again. The skies of the desert are turning brown. In the pools of lamplight smoldering in the shadows in the far corner of my room I watch a vision slowly take shape. I see an eager, bright-eyed youth there on a low wooden stool; then one bare knee of his is bent to the ground, and he is holding in his lap a lyre with eight strings. The apparition has come to play for me. He is ruddy, and withal of a goodly countenance, and very pleasant to look at. His neck is as a tower of ivory. His locks are bushy, and black as a raven, and his head is as most fine gold. I know him, of course, and thrill at the instant of recognition, at the sight of such healthy, vibrant, expectant beauty in a face that is mine. I can hardly wait for more. He starts with a song I used to know, in a clear, pure voice too sweet for a girl's and too young for a man's. His music is soothing, almost divine. I have never been so happy as when I hear him begin. And then I look around me for a javelin to hurl at his head. Abishag my angel has risen from her chair and approaches without noise, wearing only a vivid scarf. Her eyes are as dark as the tents of Kedar. I want my God back; and they send me a
girl.
THE END
O
Table of Contents
God Knows
Copyright
1 Abishag the Shunammite
2 Of the Making of Books
3 On the Day of my Killing of Goliath
4 The Days of My Youth
5 Arms and the Man
6 In the Service of Saul
7 Flight into Gath
8 In the Cave of Adullam
9 Seven Years I Suffered, Seven Years
10 Naked We Were
11 So It Came to Pass
12 Snake in the Grass
13 In the Cave of Machpelah
14 Kings
Joseph Heller, God Knows
(Series: # )
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