“Josie.”
She lifted her gaze to his. “Oh, I’m sorry, Zach. I lost all track of time.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. What’s wrong?”
“I’m okay, really.” She started to get up, but he laid his hands over hers.
“Just stay there and talk to me. Something’s obviously upset you.”
She sighed. “I… can’t. Not here.”
He nodded. “Jillian’s worried about you. Let me go tell her you’re okay, and that we’re leaving.”
She gave a short nod. He went back into the ballroom and told Jillian that he found her, that she wasn’t feeling well and that they were leaving. Jillian wanted to go to her, but he explained Josie was all right, that she just had a headache, He told her that she should stay and have fun with Jeff and that he had it handled, and he’d have Josie text or call her tomorrow.
Okay, so he lied. But he knew Josie would be okay with that explanation and that she’d feel bad if Jillian cut short her date with Jeff to be with her. Plus, he did have it handled.
Whatever it was.
When he went back, he grasped Josie’s hands and pulled her up. “You okay to drive?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll follow you home.”
She shook her head and frowned. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I’m following you home.”
“Okay.”
It only took about ten minutes to get from where they were to Josie’s house, which was good, because his imagination went into overdrive on the short trip to her place. He couldn’t fathom what had made her so upset. And instead of conjuring up all kinds of tragic circumstances in his head, he needed to hear it from her.
He was right behind her as she pulled into her driveway. He walked up next to her when she made her way to the front door. When she pulled her keys from her bag, he took them from her. “Let me do that.”
She easily gave them up to him, so he unlocked the door and she stepped inside, flipping on the lights.
First thing she did was kick off her heels and drop her purse on the table by the door.
“I need a drink,” she said. “How about you?”
“A beer would be good.”
Tumbles came out from wherever he’d been hiding and rubbed up against Josie’s leg as she pulled a glass from the cabinet. Surprisingly, the devil didn’t attack him when he took the wine bottle she’d grabbed. He opened it and poured a glass for her while she went to the refrigerator to grab him a beer.
“Let’s go sit on the sofa,” she said, her voice more subdued than he’d ever heard her.
“Sure.” He followed, waiting for her to make herself comfortable on the sofa. She pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over her bare legs. He sat next to her and took a long pull of his beer and stayed quiet, figuring she might need a few minutes to gather her thoughts before she started talking.
Tumbles walked over him—without an attack—and curled up, purring, next to Josie. Huh, that was a surprise. Maybe the cat was tuned in to Josie’s mood and figured now wasn’t the time to cause trouble. Josie absently stroked the cat’s back.
Josie finally shifted to face him. “My mother called while we were on the dance floor, so I went out to the lobby to call her back. It didn’t take long for me to figure out she was high.”
Ouch. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. She’s been an addict since—most of my life, actually. She’s gotten clean off and on, but the sober part typically doesn’t last long.”
“So she’s the family that lives in the southern part of the state?”
She nodded. “I was happy to have an opportunity to move back here. She’d been sober for two years, the longest it’s ever lasted. I’ve been down to visit her, and we’ve been getting along really well. I had high hopes that eventually—maybe—she could move up here, and maybe we could be close again. Or maybe close for the first time ever.
“It was a dream, of course. She’s fallen off the wagon again, and the only reason she called was to ask me for money.”
He rubbed her back, knowing full well what it was like to have family disappoint you. Different reasons, of course, but the same result. “I’m sorry, Josie. That has to hurt.”
“My entire childhood and a lot of my adult years have been spent taking care of her, worrying about her, wondering if she’s even alive. When I was a kid, she’d go off and get high and leave me alone.”
“Where was your dad?”
She shrugged. “I don’t have any idea who my father is. By the time I was old enough to know that most kids had two parents and when I asked my mother about that, she just said he was gone. His name isn’t on my birth certificate, so my guess is that she never even knew him.”
Christ. “So, what, she just left you alone?”
“Not at the beginning when I was a baby. And before. When she found out she was pregnant, she swore off the drugs. And when I was an infant, she was more responsible. She went years without using, got a job, and I remember some really good years in there. We were happy. It was only when I started school that she started using again. I’d come home from school, and she’d either be high or passed out or just … gone. Sometimes she’d leave food … sometimes not.”
That punch to his stomach felt like a burning hole now as he tried to imagine what kind of childhood Josie had had. “Did you have anyone else to lean on? Any other family?”
“No. No other family. We had some nice neighbors at the apartment who would feed me and let me sleep over during the times she disappeared so that the Department of Human Services wouldn’t take me away from her. Because it was never more than a night or two. Then she’d show up again, and she’d somehow manage to scrape together enough money to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table. I never asked how she managed that. I figured she was probably dealing or … something else. I never asked. I didn’t want to know.”
Christ, he couldn’t imagine living like that. “Hard life, babe. No wonder you’re so tough.”
“Not as tough as you might think. I studied hard, applied to every university I could that was out of state. When I got a scholarship to the University of Georgia, I fled and got as far away from her as soon as I could.” She offered up a tremulous smile. “I abandoned her. What kind of person does that make me?”
“A survivor. You had to look out for yourself because your mother wasn’t looking out for you.”
She let out a soft laugh. “I ran, and I didn’t look back for four years. I buried myself in college life, and for the first time, I felt like I could breathe. I worked two part-time jobs while I was in college, and I squirreled away money while I lived in the dorms. I had never felt so free as I did then. And not once did I check on her.”
He could see where this was going. “And the whole time you felt guilty about it.”
She stared down at her hands. “Yes.”
“You were young. Traumatized. I’d have done the same thing.”
She shrugged.
“You still feel guilty. Why?”
She lifted her gaze to his. “Because we took care of each other all those years. She wasn’t perfect, but she never abandoned me.”
“Oh, come on, Josie. She abandoned you every time she used drugs. She’s your mother. You were supposed to come first. You didn’t. Never feel guilty for thinking of yourself during that time.”
“I don’t know. I’m exhausted, and I’m tired of thinking about it.”
“Come here.” He took the glass from her hand and laid it on the coffee table, then pulled her against him so her head rested on his shoulder.
“I wish I had the answers. All I know is we keep taking the same ride on the merry-go-round over and over again, and I just can’t do it anymore, Zach.”
“Then get off the merry-go-round. It’s time to let go of that feeling of responsibility for your mother.”
He fel
t her inhale deeply, then let it out. “Maybe.”
She didn’t say anything else, so he smoothed his hand up and down her arm until her breathing grew more even. When he took a peek about ten minutes later, she was asleep.
Zach rubbed his hand over the softness of her skin and listened to the sound of Tumbles’s purrs.
And did a lot of thinking.
Chapter 13
* * *
JOSIE WOKE UP in her bed, though she didn’t remember going to bed. Her dress from last night lay over the arm of the chair in her bedroom.
She would have hung that up. And she still wore her bra.
Okay, she never slept in her bra. When she smelled coffee—and food—she knew she wasn’t alone in the house.
She got up and went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and washed her face, then ran a comb through her hair. Then she grabbed a pair of sweats and a tank top and pulled those on before heading into the kitchen to find Zach there making breakfast, Tumbles meowing and winding himself around Zach’s ankles.
“Good morning,” she said.
He turned and smiled at her. “Hey.”
“Did you stay here last night?”
“I did.”
“What about Wilson?”
“I went home early this morning to let him out and feed him breakfast. He’s out in my backyard right now, chasing birds.”
“You didn’t have to stay. Or come back.”
“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. You were upset last night.”
She went to the coffeemaker and poured herself a cup of coffee, added sugar, and took a sip. Just what she needed. She leaned against the counter. “Did you put me to bed last night?”
He flipped the bacon. “You passed out on the sofa. I thought you’d be more comfortable in bed.”
“That was nice of you. And thanks for not letting me sleep in my dress.”
His lips curved. “Yeah, it was a real hardship taking your clothes off.”
She smiled back at him over the rim of her coffee cup. “Sorry about last night.”
“Never apologize for being honest about who you are and where you’ve been.”
It made her feel raw. Exposed. She’d never told anyone about her past, yet for some reason last night she’d told Zach everything, and she had no idea why. Maybe it had been the phone call from her mother, leaving her feeling so vulnerable. And maybe it was something about Zach that made her trust him.
“Come on,” he said, “let’s eat something.”
He’d made fruit salad and eggs, bacon and English muffins.
She took a seat at the table. “Just helped yourself to my kitchen, huh?”
He grabbed a spot next to her and poured her a glass of juice. “Yup. You have a problem with that?”
She picked up the glass and looked over at him. “Not at all.”
Tumbles meowed at Zach’s feet. Josie looked down at her cat. “I also see you’ve made a friend.”
“I fed him this morning. He likes me now.”
“It takes more than food to make a friend of Tumbles. Did you cuddle him?”
“Me? Cuddle Beelzebub? No way.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Confess, Zach.”
“We might have cuddled a little. But if you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”
She cast a grin at him. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Good.”
She dug into the food. It was good. “So, you can cook.”
He scooped eggs into his muffin, then looked over at her. “Doesn’t take much skill to make bacon and eggs.”
“Oh, trust me. I’ve known people who can screw that up.” She waved her fork at him. “The eggs are creamy. What do you do with them?”
“Now, that’s my secret.”
“Hmm, you are full of secrets.”
He popped a piece of bacon into his mouth and chewed, then swallowed and gave her a sexy smile. “You have no idea of my hidden talents, Ms. Barnes.”
“Really. Do tell.”
“I’m actually more of a show than tell guy.”
“I’ll just bet you are.” She liked this easy banter between them. She also appreciated that he didn’t pressure her first thing this morning with more questions about her mother. She had already overshared.
After breakfast, she did the dishes while he finished coffee.
“I need a shower,” she said.
“Yeah, me, too.”
Oh, that sexy look he gave her, the one that offered up so much promise. The thought of him taking a shower with her conjured up heated images she wasn’t ready for. She already felt at a disadvantage, that she’d already given him too much of herself.
She walked over to him and placed a hand on his chest, feeling the fusion of warmth from his body to her hand. “Thank you for breakfast.”
He picked up her hand and folded it between his much larger hands. “You’re welcome. Are you okay now?”
As okay as she was going to be. “I’m fine. Thank you also for being here with me last night.”
“I’ll always be here for you, Josie.”
She’d heard those kinds of promises before. “Thanks.”
He went to the door, and she wished she could trust in her feelings. In Zach.
She opened the door and leaned against it. “See you later?”
“Sure.” He pulled her into his arms and laid one toe-curling kiss on her, the kind that made her rethink asking him to leave. When he pulled back, she was breathing hard, her body on fire from being close to Zach. But still, he didn’t let go of her. Instead, he tipped her chin up so she had to meet his gaze.
“I’m not going anywhere, Josie. If you need me, just call.”
Dammit. Her eyes filled with tears. She gave him a quick nod. “Okay.”
He brushed his lips across hers and let her go. She watched him walk to his truck and drive off, and with every breath she took watching him go, she wished she had been strong enough to ask him to stay.
Chapter 14
* * *
THE ENTIRE SCHOOL had been focused on homecoming this week. Mainly the parade and the dance, while Zach was focused on the football game. In the meantime, there were classes to get through before they could get to the rest.
He’d been working on some extra-credit stuff to keep Paul Fine’s grades up. This week they were doing assignments on the Preamble to the Constitution, so he gave Paul some added assignments. He’d expected Paul to complain, but so far he seemed to be doing okay with the extra work. Maybe it was the one-on-one attention Zach was giving him. They’d spent some time before football practice discussing the Constitution, personal freedoms, and Zach tried to relate the subject matter to Paul as an individual. The kid seemed to get it. Or at least Zach hoped he did. It seemed to be working, and that was all Zach cared about.
In the meantime, today was game day, and he had to get through classes and keep all his kids focused on actual schoolwork when he knew damn well their heads were filled with homecoming. Hell, that was where Zach’s head was, too, so they all had to employ some extra effort today.
So he made a bargain with every class. If they dedicated the first forty-five minutes of class to schoolwork, he’d cut it short, and they could chat up homecoming the last fifteen minutes. But no focus, no free time.
So far, it was working. He’d had full attention spans and class participation from every class—plus a lot of clock watching. But if he could get forty-five minutes of actual involvement from his students, he’d call it good.
When he finally got to his free period, he breathed a sigh of relief. He left the classroom, intending to head to the athletic office to go over the plays for tonight’s game. Since they had all the pomp and circumstance of the parade before the game and introducing the homecoming court, and since several of his seniors were in the court, there wouldn’t be a lot of time with them prior to the game. He had to make sure he knew what he wanted to say.
On his way out the door,
he ran into Josie.
He smiled. “Well, hello—” He looked around and noticed students milling about, so he finished with, “Ms. Barnes.”
She gave him a curt nod. “Mr. Powers.”
And then she walked right past him. No smile, no stopping to talk. Nothing.
He shook his head and continued on to the athletic office. But that short meeting with Josie bugged him. Was her response to keep their personal relationship away from the prying eyes of students and administration, or was she pissed at him for some reason?
He pulled out his phone to send Josie a quick text, then thought better of it.
This might be a high school, but his relationship with Josie wasn’t high school. He tucked his phone away and pulled up the plays on his notebook. He had a lot to do before the game tonight, and his feelings about Josie were just going to have to go on the back burner for now.
* * *
“YOU’RE GOING TO the game tonight, aren’t you, Ms. Barnes?”
Josie looked up from her notebook. “I’m not sure, Dominique.”
“Oh, come on, Ms. Barnes,” Melody said. “It’s homecoming. Everyone goes to homecoming. Plus, the parade. The marching band. The cheerleaders.”
Melody was dressed in her cheerleader uniform today since it was school spirit day. Josie had never gotten into homecoming when she’d been in high school, but she understood the allure. “I’ll definitely think about it.”
“I think you’re like required to be there since you’re a teacher,” Edmond said.
She fought back the need to roll her eyes. “It’s not a requirement for teachers to be there. But I will do my best to come.”
“Got a hot date?” Melody asked.
“That is not your business.”
“Oh, it is a hot date,” Dominique said. “What else would keep you from homecoming, Ms. Barnes? Who’s it with? Anyone we know?”
She sighed. What was it with these kids? Everything always had to revolve around something dramatic.
“I do not have a date. If I come to the parade, I’ll be alone.”
“Bummer,” Edmond said. “My older brother is twenty-one. Has a job and everything. Want me to fix you up with him?”