I want to correct her about my family’s lifestyle, but there’s no point. “This is not how normal people live,” I say. “This is how lowlifes with drug addictions and sex appointments live.”
She juts her chin. “Well too bad. This is where we’re sleeping tonight. It’s been good enough for me for the past two nights, and it will be good enough for you tonight. So suck it up.” She shuts the door behind us and secures the three locks on the back.
It’s a bad sign when the motel installs three fucking locks on their guest room doors.
I open my mouth to protest once again, but think better of it. Our only other option isn’t much better than this, if I’m being honest with myself. And if Kayla’s going to be sleeping in a shithole like this, at least I’ll be with her, which makes me feel a little bit better about tonight. It makes me feel downright pissed about the last two nights, though.
Looking around, I notice the only personal item in the room is a suitcase on the bed. Inside the suitcase are a few clothes and some personal items: a framed picture, a few books, some papers. When Kayla said she “fled” Chicago I assumed she meant temporarily. But why would she bother packing such things if she planned on returning to Chicago?
17
Kayla
After washing the dirt off our skin and out of our hair as best we could, we turn to stare at the motel bed. Sleeping handcuffed to another person—at least when there’s no kinky stuff involved—is just plain awkward.
“So I guess I’m taking the left side of the bed?” Daren says, nodding at his cuffed left wrist as we stand facing the bed.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and curse this whole day under my breath. “Well you could… but I’m a belly sleeper.”
He blinks. “A what?”
“A belly sleeper,” I say. “I sleep on my stomach, not my back.”
“Well I guess tonight, you’re going to have to sleep on your back.”
I merrily suggest, “Or you can just sleep on your stomach.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not something I do.”
“Ah, but it’s something you could do.” I smile sweetly.
“Hmm.” He rubs his chin. “I’m not used to having this kind of problem when I’m sleeping with a girl. Usually the only thing up for debate is who gets to be on top first—”
“Ew.”
He shrugs. “I’m just saying. These are uncharted waters for me.”
I turn to him. “You mean to tell me no other girl has ever asked you to take a certain side of the bed or sleep a certain way?”
“Nope.”
“Not even a girlfriend?”
“Meh,” he says. “I don’t really do the ‘girlfriend’ thing.”
“Another guy afraid of commitment. Shocking,” I mutter. “Listen. I’m a girl, handcuffed to a guy, in a dirty motel room. Can you please just be cool about this and sleep on the right side of the bed on your stomach?”
He groans. “Fine.”
“Thanks.” I smile. “Now turn around so I can change into my pajamas.”
With a loud sigh, he turns around while I yank a pair of sleep shorts from my suitcase and kick off my dirty heels. I’m definitely wearing my sneakers tomorrow.
There’s no way to take my shirt off completely, given that we’re cuffed together, so I just pull my skirt off and slip my shorts on. Our handcuffs clang with my movements and, as I pull my shorts up over my hips, the side of Daren’s hand grazes my leg. Hot desire darts between my thighs and the muscles low in my belly tighten. I see his lips curl up in a smile.
“Try not to be so happy about all this,” I say.
His smile grows. “Too late.”
I roll my eyes and straighten the shorts. “Okay, I’m done. You can turn around now.”
He turns and looks me over. “Cute.” Then he starts unbuttoning his jeans.
“What are you doing?”
He says, “Oh. Well I didn’t have time to run home and pack my jammies so tonight I’m sleeping in my undies.”
The thought of Daren lying next to me in his underwear all night just makes my belly tighten even more.
I trap his hands at the waist of his jeans. “Uh-uh.” I bore my eyes into his. “Your pants are staying on tonight.”
A tiny voice inside my head protests, No! Take his pants off. Take everything off, and my throat goes dry. Why am I so lust-driven around Daren?
Maybe it’s not him. Maybe I just really need to get laid. When’s the last time I had sex? Or rather, when’s the last time I had good sex?
I frown. It’s been a long time, if ever, really.
My eyes fall to Daren’s lips, tracing the shape, and I wish I could be his tongue and play in his mouth.
A long, long time.
Snap out of it, Kayla. You will not be a horndog while chained to this arrogant—yet astoundingly pretty—boy.
Daren’s mouth falls open. “But I hate sleeping in jeans.”
“And I hate changing in front of strangers. I guess neither of us gets to have their way.”
“For the love of God.” His eyes grow wide. “We. Are. Not. Strangers.”
“Aw…” I smile mockingly. “It’s so sweet how you want to be my friend.”
“That’s it. We’re kissing again. Come here.” He reaches for me.
I lean away with a smirk. “Fat chance. Now button up your pants and let’s go to bed.”
He flashes his dimple. “Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear a girl say to me.”
“God. You’re so freaking proud of your sex life, aren’t you?” I turn off the lamp, throwing us into darkness save for the orange light glowing in through the window, and follow him to the bed.
“Actually, I am,” he says, sounding sincere. “I’m kind of a stud in the sack.”
He pulls back the gross comforter and climbs onto the sheets, sliding over to the right side. If he weren’t acting so conceited, I would probably thank him.
“Yeah, yeah. You’re a ‘legendary lover,’ ” I say, sounding bored as I crawl in after him. “Every guy says that.”
We lie down as far away from each other as possible, him on his back, me on my tummy, with our cuffed arms stretched between us.
“Yeah,” he says. “But I’m actually telling the truth.”
“Right.”
“It’s one of the few things I’m actually good at.” He pauses. “The only thing, actually.”
There’s something almost sad in his voice and it confuses me. Most guys sound like proud pricks when they talk about their sexual skills. But Daren sort of sounds… wistful.
I scowl into the darkness. “What is this? Some kind of weird pity party?” I snort. “If you’re fishing for compliments, you’ve come to the wrong place. I know nothing about your sex life, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be stroking your ego while lying beside you in the dark, in handcuffs.”
The moment the words leave my mouth I feel the atmosphere change. As if bringing attention to our overtly sexual predicament woke our libidos up—not that mine was ever asleep.
I feel the mattress move as Daren shifts. “I wasn’t asking you to stroke my ego,” he says. “I was just explaining why I take pride in my sexual prowess. Some guys are good at sports, or playing guitar, or making money… and I’m good at sex.” He says this like it’s a fact and not his ego on parade.
“Well good for you,” I say, and just to piss him off I add, “I’m sure you’re a solid six in bed.”
“A si—” He mocks a gasp. “That’s just mean.”
“A six is generous,” I say. “Most guys are a two.”
“Obviously you’ve been sleeping with the wrong guys.”
Tell me about it.
My sexual history isn’t exciting. I’ve slept with three guys. The first was my high school boyfriend. He was an okay guy and sex with him wasn’t horrible, but it also wasn’t amazing. I’m pretty sure the only reason he dated me was because of sex. He didn’t seem too interested in
me otherwise. But I didn’t know better at the time.
My second sexual partner was a wannabe musician I worked with at the diner. He was five years older than me, covered in tattoos, and decent in bed. But that was all he ever wanted to do. Day in and day out. Sex, sex, sex. I eventually got sick of being his on-call orgasm and broke up with him. He cried. Actually shed tears. But the next night he went home with another waitress. I guess his broken heart mended quickly.
The last guy I slept with was my ex-boyfriend, Jeremy. He was a meathead who loved parading me around town like I was his show pony. He always wanted me to get dressed up so he could take me out and “be seen.” And sex with him was a minimal-kissing lights-always-on event that made me feel kind of used. Three months into our relationship, I realized he knew nothing about me other than what I looked like, and when I brought that to his attention, he didn’t seem too bothered by my concern and instead turned all the lights on and asked me to get naked. I dumped his ass on the spot.
It seemed like I was nothing more than an ass and a pair of boobs when it came to guys. So after dumping Jeremy, I decided I didn’t need to share my body with anyone else unless they were going to see the person inside. The me that existed beneath my lips and breasts.
I have yet to come across such a guy.
“How’s your wrist feeling?” Daren says, lightly moving our cuffs.
I turn my hand over. “It’s okay, I guess. It’s a little sore, but not bad.”
“Mine too,” he says. “I’ll try to take it easy tomorrow so you don’t end up with any bruises.”
“Thanks,” I say.
He shifts. “These things really are uncomfortable.”
“Yeah. I definitely understand why people use the fuzzy kind for sex play.”
He laughs. “Tell me, Kayla. Have you ever used the fuzzy kind—or any other kind of restraints—for ‘sex play’? I bet you have. I bet you’re into all sorts of kinky things.”
I roll my eyes. “Not everyone is a whore like you.”
“Ooh. Ouch.” The bed squeaks as he turns to face me. “Why do you think I’m a whore? Because I have sex with a lot of girls?”
“No. I think you’re a whore because you’re not picky about the girls you have sex with.”
“How would you know?”
“Because all I heard about growing up is how you’d slept with half the town—and that was just when we were in high school.”
“Wow. Your Lana friend sure was a blabbermouth,” he says, sounding slightly offended.
“So you admit the rumors were true.”
“In my defense, the town is pretty small.” He scoffs. “And excuse me if we can’t all get our validation from people merely looking at us.”
I scowl into the dark, feeling my playful energy fade away with the insult. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that of course you can be picky about who you sleep with,” he says. “You feel good about yourself every single day. All you have to do is step out into public and everyone within a five-mile radius starts to drool over your beauty. I don’t get that kind of validation just by waking up. I have to work for my self-worth. And I happen to be really good at sex. So forgive me if I like to feel good about myself.”
My blood boils. What he just said is everything I fight against being seen as. It’s the reason people don’t give me a chance and why I try so hard to change their minds. And Daren just used it against me.
I turn the light on and whip my face to him. “First of all, my good looks don’t give me my self-worth. There’s more to me than just my boobs or my butt or my face. But people can’t see me—the real me—because they’re too busy staring at me. My heart and mind are invisible. I’m a person, and people forget that. They forget that I can hurt and be insecure, just like anyone else. Second, you having sex to feel good about yourself is complete and total bullshit. I don’t care how good you are in bed, Daren. You’re valuable simply because you’re you. We all are.”
I snap the light off and flop back on the pillow. My blood is no longer boiling but my heart is pounding ferociously. Maybe it was mean to call him out like that, but I’ve been watching him struggle all day to maintain that casual confidence and playboy attitude of his, all the while thinking he was just trying to piss me off.
But now that I know his false arrogance comes from a place of insecurity and not a need to annoy the crap out of me, I can’t just let him get away with believing that’s who he is and all he’s worth. That would be as bad as me believing my importance is derived from the way I look. And no one deserves to feel that way. Especially Daren.
18
Daren
I stare at the dark ceiling as a torrent of contradicting emotions invades my chest. I’m angry that Kayla thinks I’m a whore. I feel guilty for implying that her self-worth is directly related to her appearance. But more than anything else, I’m stunned that she called me valuable, and said it with conviction, even though she was upset with me.
I’m just some guy she’s been stuck with all day. I’m not one of her family members or her boyfriend—hell, I can’t even get the girl to call me her friend—but still, she thinks I’m valuable.
I sit up and turn the light back on. “Kayla.”
She turns to face me with a huff, her blue eyes lit with defensiveness. “What.”
I press my lips together. “You’re a really good person.”
The defensiveness slides into confusion. “What?”
“Sorry that I made you feel like your looks were all that mattered. I don’t think that, not at all. It was a shitty thing for me to say.” I pause. “I mean, you are extremely hot”—I grin and her expression softens—“but that has nothing to do with your significance as a person. And what you said, about me being valuable… it’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. So thanks.” I turn the light back off and lie down.
A beat passes.
“Sorry I called you a whore,” Kayla says.
I quietly chuckle. “Don’t be. I am a whore. But you were wrong about me being afraid of commitment.”
“Oh really?”
“Yep,” I say. “Girls always think it’s a commitment thing. Like there’s something wrong with a guy if he doesn’t drink the relationship Kool-Aid you females are always trying to shove down our throats. When in reality, the reason I don’t want to lock myself up to someone”—I rattle our handcuffs—“metaphorically speaking, of course—is because girls are just as bad as guys when it comes to commitment. If not worse.”
I can almost hear her eyes roll. “Oh please.”
“See? This is what I’m talking about.” I shake my head in the dark. “You think girls can do no wrong. That guys are just big bad wolves who walk around breaking hearts at their every whim.” I scoff. “Girls are every bit as ruthless. They leave. They break hearts. They use guys.” I exhale. “So I don’t buy into the bullshit anymore. I just have fun. If a girl comes along and happens to want a relationship with me, I step away. I don’t sleep with her or lead her on. But if a girl is only in it for fun or just needs to feel desired for a few hours—and also understands that I’m not going to do the relationship thing with her—well, then… I do sleep with her. And we both leave feeling better about ourselves. If that makes me a whore then I’m okay with being a whore.”
She laughs. “So sex is like a public service you provide?”
“No.” I smile. “Well, maybe a little.”
“Oh my God. You’re unbelievable.”
“Hey, you’d be surprised how many girls out there just want to be touched and feel wanted. It’s an epidemic, really.”
“I’m sure it is.” I hear the smile in her voice. “Well whore or not, I still think it’s sad that sex makes you feel good about yourself. Or whatever.”
I cluck my tongue. “You only think it’s sad because you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing Daren the Legendary Lover firsthand. But we can fix that, you know. Right now, even.”
I bounce on the mattress so the springs creak and groan. “We have a cheap motel porn bed at our disposal and everything.”
She playfully scoffs. “As flattered as I am that you’d extend your public-servicing penis to me, I think I’m going to pass.”
I sigh dramatically. “Your call. But if you change your mind, I’ll be here all night.” I playfully tug on the handcuffs. “Right beside you.”
“Good night, Daren,” she says, giving the handcuffs a little tug back.
I smile at the ceiling. “Night.”
* * *
From behind the post office counter, Jonah Maxwell lifts one of his shaggy white eyebrows as he eyes our handcuffs. It started pouring this morning, so not only are we chained to each other, but we’re also dripping wet.
“Are you two running from the law?” the postman asks.
A fair question.
“Uh, no sir.” I shake my head. “We’re actually here on official legal business.”
“Like running from the law?” he says, his eyebrow creeping higher.
Kayla steps forward. “Actually, we were hoping you could help us. My father recently passed away. Maybe you knew him, James Turner?”
Jonah’s face brightens. “You’re James’s daughter? We loved James.” His features soften sympathetically. “The wife and I were so sad to hear he’d passed. He was a good man, your father. I’m sorry for your loss.”
Her expression tightens but her voice remains pleasant. “Thank you.” She clears her throat. “That’s actually why we’re here. In his will, my father asked me to come to the post office and ask for the Turner key?” She gives him a killer smile and I wonder if anyone, ever, in the history of the world, has been able to say no to that smile. Probably not.
Jonah smiles back. “Well let me see here.” He pulls something up on his computer screen and reads, “James Turner. Box number twelve. Keys can only be given out to James Turner himself, or to the joint custody of Kayla Turner and Daren Ackwood.” He looks from the computer to us. “I suppose that’s why you’re both here?”
I nod and hold up our cuffed wrists. “We’re joint.”