Ursula had helped Theodora to select her own clothes equally carefully, and together they had picked out a navy-blue wool suit, a matching sweater and a navy topcoat. As always, Teddy wore her dark green-and-blue tartan tam o’shanter, from which she refused to be parted.
‘Don’t you remember, Frau Westheim, my Aunt Ketti gave it to me three years ago when I went on holiday to London. She bought it for me at the Scotch House, and it’s my lucky hat,’ Teddy had explained when they were packing. And she had answered, ‘Of course, Teddy dear, wear it by all means.’ And Teddy had.
Ursula picked up her handbag, slung it over her arm and left the toilet. She walked down the corridor somewhat unevenly, swaying from side to side, occasionally stretching an arm out to steady herself against the wall as the train hurtled along the tracks at gathering speed.
She, Maxim and Teddy had been the only occupants of the carriage when she had left it to follow Sigmund onto the platform. Now, when she opened the door and stepped inside, she saw that it was full. But of course it was; Sigi had told her the train was completely booked. He had been unable to get them a compartment to themselves, or sleepers. In fact, he had considered himself lucky to find three tickets available when he had, and for the day he wanted them.
Excusing herself to the other passengers as she moved past them, Ursula took her seat between Maxim and Teddy.
Maxim was engrossed in one of his picture books, but he looked up as she sat down. ‘Where were you, Mutti?’ he asked.
She leaned closer to him, and whispered, ‘I had to powder my nose, darling.’
Teddy had a book on her lap, but she was not reading it. She looked extremely relieved to see Ursula, and gave her a faint smile.
Ursula smiled back.
Teddy nodded imperceptibly, picked up the novel, opened it and buried her face in it.
Ursula allowed her gaze to wander discreetly around the carriage.
Sitting in the window seat, immediately facing Maxim, was a middle-aged officer dressed in the field-grey uniform of the German army. From the insignia on his highnecked tunic she saw that he was a colonel. He had a briefcase open on his knee and he was studiously perusing a sheaf of papers, appeared to be totally absorbed in them.
Seated next to him was a thin young woman who looked to be in her early thirties. She had a narrow face and was nondescript in appearance, except for her eyes, which were a startling blue and extremely piercing. She sat rigidly in her seat, her face stony, staring across at Ursula with unblinking intensity.
Ursula shivered involuntarily, finding those eyes unbearably cold and calculating, and she glanced away at once, wondering if the woman was with the colonel. If she was, he was paying scant attention to her.
Now Ursula focused on the SS officer in the comer, who sat opposite Teddy. His face looked as if it had been cut from cold steel, his mouth had a cruel set to it, and his expression was disdainful. Oh what a typical Nazi he is, she thought. Perhaps the young woman was with him. Two of a kind, she added under her breath. The SS officer also had a briefcase open and he was reading documents, and then, as if he were aware of Ursula’s gaze resting on him, he suddenly raised his eyes and looked at her, frowning slightly.
Quickly she averted her face, looked out of the window. The train was now slowing, pulling into the Friedrichstrasse Bahnhof, its second stop in Berlin, to take on additional passengers. Within a few minutes it was steaming out again, but it would stop one more time, at the Zoologischer Garten station, before heading in the direction of Hanover, Cologne and beyond.
Leaning her head against the seat she closed her eyes, trying to relax her muscles, which were stiff with tension. It was difficult for her to believe that they were actually sitting on this train, which today and tonight would push its way through the very heart of Germany on its journey west to France. Everything had happened so fast she still felt slightly disoriented, and a bit breathless. Less than a week ago, at the Schloss in the Mark on Sunday night, Sigmund had told her they must return to Berlin the following morning, explaining that they would soon be leaving the country. And then on Wednesday evening, not long after arriving home from the bank, he had asked her to join him in the library for cocktails. She had thought nothing of it, and had gone downstairs a few minutes later, to be confronted by Kurt von Wittingen looking extremely serious, and an equally concerned Sigi.
Without much preamble, Kurt had taken her fully into his confidence and had told her everything. He had then handed the three passports to her; when she saw that Sigmund’s was not amongst them she had protested violently, and had refused to leave without him. Despite her terribly fierce opposition to the idea, Kurt had eventually managed to convince her that she must go, even though it had taken him several hours to do so.
Last night she had endeavoured to talk Sigi into allowing her to remain until the entire family could leave together, but he had been adamant, would brook no argument from her. And so she had had no alternative but to do as her husband said in the end. She desperately wished he were here with them on the train, and that…
‘Please present tickets, passports and any other travel documents.’ A man’s loud, gruff voice shattered the quietness of the carriage.
Ursula’s eyes flew open and she sat up straighter on her seat, her attention directed on the doorway. The conductor was framed in it, and standing immediately behind him were two official-looking men dressed in dark coats and snap-brimmed hats.
She pulled her passport, and Maxim’s, out of her handbag, along with the train tickets, and offered them to the conductor. Teddy did the same thing.
The conductor glanced at the tickets first, then opened Ursula’s passport. His eyes rested on it for a moment, and he stared at her closely, before handing it to the man nearest to him without making any comment. Next, he examined Maxim’s, passed it on whilst carefully scrutinising the child, and then opened Teddy’s, giving it the same attention as the others. This, too, was handed over at once.
Whilst the men studied their papers, the conductor collected the travel documents belonging to the other passengers; he flipped through them and held them out to his companions. These papers were given only a cursory glance before being returned to the conductor, who immediately distributed them to their owners.
Ursula looked across at the conductor, now fully expecting their documents to be passed back to her.
He stared at her icily and with the two men stepped out into the corridor, where they stood conferring with each other. Several times they turned their heads to look at her, peered at the passports they were holding, and went on talking between themselves.
Gestapo, Ursula thought. She was unnerved.
She gripped the frame of her handbag tightly in order to stop her hands from shaking. A feeling of enormous panic swept over her. But she could not afford to panic, not under any circumstances, and so she immediately made an effort to push it aside, to still her nerves. Keep a cool head, Ursula, stay calm, she cautioned herself, remembering Sigi’s instructions to her. She tried to take comfort from the fact that their passports and exit visas were in order, and that their tickets, from Berlin to Paris and back, were valid. The only thing was, their passports were stamped with J for Jew. So what, she thought. All the Nazis can do is harass me, humiliate me on this train. I can live with that quite easily. I am taking my child to safety and freedom and that overshadows everything else.
They can do much more than harass me, she thought, stiffening on the carriage seat. Alarm seized her, and in an instant that alarm turned to sudden fear. They could take her and her child and Teddy off this train at any point during the journey and arrest them, if the whim struck. Kristallnacht had unleashed additional ugliness and brutality, cruelty and pain for so many. Jews all over Germany had been sent to concentration camps. They were still being sent, and property, businesses and possessions were being confiscated daily by the Third Reich.
She thought of her jewellery stitched into her clothes and tightened her hand
s on her bag, conscious that they were beginning to shake again. God knows what the Nazis would do to her if they did arrest her, and found the diamonds in the hem of her skirt and inside the lining of her jacket. The consequences were unthinkable. But she thought of them: imprisonment, most certainly. Torture and death, perhaps.
Those men were taking far too long examining their papers. Her heart shifted within her. Oh dear God, dear God, don’t let them interfere with us, don’t let them take me away. I must get Maxim and Teddy to France where they will be safe. That’s all that matters.
She swallowed, fixed her eyes on the wall opposite, forcing herself to think of Arabella and Renata and their schooldays at Roedean together. ‘Focus on good things, positive things which will make you feel truly strong,’ Sigi had said last night. ‘And most especially when you feel nervous,’ he had thought to add.
And so that is what she did, remembering those youthful days and her dearest friends with the greatest of love and affection. She had spoken to Ren and Belle yesterday, talking only about inconsequential things. Her trip had not been discussed; the three of them knew better than that these days. So many phones were being tapped by the Gestapo. In any case, Ren and Belle would have learned from their husbands that she was leaving. Nothing else needed to be said between them.
Ursula continued to stare at the wall. Her face was without expression. She was determined not to display any signs of weakness, or look in the direction of the Gestapo agents, who continued to have their powwow. And Gestapo they most certainly were. She had no doubt.
Paris. That was another positive thought and she hooked in to it. The first thing she would do when she arrived at the Plaza-Athenee Hotel tomorrow was telephone Sigi in Berlin. If he had reminded her of this once, he had done so half a dozen times in the past twenty-four hours. But she had not needed to be reminded, as she had pointed out to him. How relieved he would be when they were in la belle France at last. Her dearest Sigi. She loved him so.
The conductor was standing in front of her.
His sudden presence made her jump. Her heart began to clatter in her chest, and she gaped at him speechlessly, wondering what was coming, steeling herself for the worst.
He handed her the tickets and passports without uttering a single word.
‘Danke schon,’ she heard herself saying, and she was surprised how steady her voice sounded.
The conductor nodded curtly, and moved on to Teddy, who also thanked him politely when her documents were returned to her.
And then he was gone, striding down the corridor with the Gestapo agents hurrying after him.
Teddy and Ursula exchanged looks, and then Ursula put her arm around her child, bent her head, sat staring at the drawings in his picture book without seeing anything at all.
Her mind was still fogged by fear, and she acknowledged that it was going to take her a while to entirely recover her equilibrium. She had a strong desire to expel a sigh of the most profound relief, but she did not dare, thinking that even this might betray her in some way. A wave of nausea rolled over her and she suddenly felt quite weak in the legs, and she realised that the last few minutes had been an ordeal. But her shakiness would disappear in a short while, all she had to do was sit here quietly until it did.
Everything was going to be all right. Unexpectedly she felt quite certain of that. They were going to make it. She must hold these thoughts to her. They gave her additional strength.
About an hour after the departure of the conductor, the door slid open again. This time a steward in a white jacket was standing there, and he quietly announced to the occupants of the compartment that those who wished to partake of lunch could now be seated.
Immediately Ursula stood up, took Maxim’s picture book away from him, and lifted him down off the seat. ‘Come along,’ she said softly, taking him by the hand. Teddy rose and the three of them filed out of the carriage.
They swayed their way down the corridor in the direction of the dining car, and paused when they came to the first vacant toilet. Teddy opened the door, ushered Maxim inside, and instructed him to wash his hands.
‘Yes, Teddy,’ he said and closed the door behind him.
The moment they were alone Teddy spun to Ursula, took hold of her arm anxiously. She exhaled heavily, peered into Ursula’s face. ‘I was so worried, Frau Westheim,’ she whispered. ‘I really thought we were going to have trouble with those men. Do you think they’re Gestapo?’
With a swift nod Ursula affirmed this, and she brought her finger to her lips, warning the girl to be absolutely silent.
Teddy inclined her head, indicating that she understood.
***
Lunch passed uneventfully.
After Ursula and Teddy had finished their coffee they all returned to the compartment. Maxim soon began to doze, feeling sleepy after his lunch and lulled by the movement of the train. Teddy read her book, and Ursula let herself drift with her thoughts. None of the other occupants of the carriage addressed a single word to her, and she did not speak either. She was relieved not to have to communicate, and to be left alone.
Although the behaviour of the conductor and the two Gestapo agents had unnerved her earlier that morning, she had managed to take hold of herself, and had remained quite calm, a model of self-possession. Assiduously, she had schooled herself not to contemplate what might happen when they reached the border town of Aachen very early the next morning, and, thus far, she had been most successful. She simply continued to focus on plans for the future, as always heeding Sigi’s advice to hold only positive thoughts in her head.
SEVENTEEN
Later that evening, at seven o’clock, the same steward appeared in the doorway of the carriage and announced that dinner was about to be served.
Ursula, Maxim and Teddy wended their way down the corridor, all three of them glad to stretch their legs—and escape the confines of the compartment and the cold and watchful faces of the other passengers with whom they shared it.
By the time they entered the dining car it was filling up, but a large table for four was still available. The pleasant waiter with the friendly smile, who had served them at lunch, showed them to it, then went on to explain that they would most probably have to share it with someone else.
Ursula, Maxim and Teddy had only just settled into their places when another passenger was ushered to the table to be seated. It was a grey-haired, middle-aged woman dressed in black.
‘Guten Abend,’ the woman said as she sat down.
Both Ursula and Teddy said good evening in response, and they turned their attention to the menus. Before Ursula had a chance to suggest something to Maxim, he tugged at her sleeve. ‘Yes, darling, what is it?’ she asked, looking at him.
‘I’d like chicken soup, please, Mutti.’
‘Oh dear, I don’t think there is any.’ She scanned the menu again. ‘There’s lentil, though.’
‘Chicken soup’s my favourite.’
‘I know. But if it’s not on the menu, I can’t order it for you. Have the lentil soup. I’m going to, I think.’
Maxim nodded. ‘All right.’
Teddy said, ‘That’s what I’ll have, please.’
‘I’m sure it’s excellent,’ Ursula murmured. ‘Now, Maxim, what will you have after the soup? There’s—’
‘Chicken or carp, Mutti.’
She shook her head, I’m afraid not, darling, neither are on the menu. But here’s Wiener Schnitzel, Bratwurst or—’
‘But we always have carp or roast chicken on Friday. And where are the shabbat candles, Mutti? You have to bless them,’ he cried in his ringing child’s voice.
Ursula blanched and threw a quick, worried look at the woman who sat next to Teddy. She had been watching them surreptitiously, and listening.
Helplessly, Ursula gazed across the table at Teddy who was as startled as she, and had turned deathly pale. They both began to talk at once, in order to drown out Maxim’s voice as he began to prattle innocently again about
the shabbat candles.
Eventually he stopped talking since neither his mother nor Teddy were listening, or paying any attention to him.
Ursula said, ‘I’m sorry, Teddy, I didn’t hear you.’
‘I said I thought I would have the Bratwurst, please. And that perhaps Maxim should have the veal sausage too, since it’s the lightest thing on the menu.’
‘That’s a good idea.’ Ursula cast another glance in the woman’s direction. She was now diligently studying her menu.
Maxim said, ‘But I don’t want—’
‘Listen, darling, there’s one thing on the menu which you really love. Apple Strudel. You can have it for dessert,’ his mother said.
A happy expression spread across his face and he nodded enthusiastically. ‘But where are the candles—’
‘Now, Maxim!’ Ursula exclaimed, instantly cutting him off. She turned into him, so that her body hid him from view, and bent down, said in a low voice, ‘Shhh, Mein Schatz, I don’t want you to discuss the things we do at home. Those are private matters, and are not talked about in public. Do you understand me?’
‘Yes, Mutti.’ He looked up at her and smiled that funny little smile of his that always tugged at her heartstrings.
Ursula smiled at him and said, ‘That’s a good boy.’ She straightened, and shared a knowing look with Teddy. And then craning her neck she looked down the restaurant car, finally caught the eye of their waiter and motioned to him. Within seconds he was standing to attention at their table, his pencil poised above his order pad.
Ursula told him they would all like to have the lentil soup, the Bratwurst with mashed potatoes and red cabbage, and that two would have the Strudel to follow. ‘No dessert for me, thank you,’ she said. ‘Just a cup of black coffee.’
The waiter nodded, said they had made good choices, and then gave his attention to the fourth person at the table. The woman asked him a question about the Kasseler Rippchen, a pork dish, and he started to explain that it was served with Sauerkraut.