Sophie growls at the mere mention of Sarah’s name. Sarah is her nemesis.
DR. PAFFORD: Up next, I will be combining two performances. The string quartet of Collins, Hoffman, McDonnell, and Shannon will perform Vivaldi while the art of Trevor Parsons is displayed overhead.
Trevor’s an amazing artist. I go to all his openings. I love to draw — I love it more than acting — and he’s been an inspiration to me. Although I don’t think I could ever show anybody my art. My art is the only thing that I feel truly belongs to me. It would be too difficult to open myself up that way.
DR. PAFFORD: Sophie Jenkins will perform an original song by Amanda Jones.
SOPHIE (quietly): I’m third? Are you kidding me?
I find it odd that her first reaction isn’t mine. That song is Emme’s. I try to catch Emme’s eye from across the room, but she’s looking straight ahead, her face bright red. I’m good at reading people (been doing it forever) and it’s clear she’s about ready to cry. Meanwhile, Ethan, Ben, and Jack look like they’re about to commit a murder. I wish I had friends who would stick up for me like that.
The list of performers continues and we reach the final three.
DR. PAFFORD: Zachary David will be performing from Richard III, followed by Connelly, Coombs, McWilliams, and Quinn performing an original song by Ethan Quinn. Finally, we’ll close out with Carter Harrison.
I hear the collective dissent in the room. After we get further instructions on the performance, we’re excused, and I think it’s probably best to leave, more for Sophie’s safety than for my own.
I see Jack approach us. He usually has a permanent smile on his face, but not today.
JACK: Congrats, guys. That’s really great. Great.
It’s pretty obvious he doesn’t think it’s great.
JACK: Hey, Sophie, I didn’t know you weren’t performing Emme’s song.
SOPHIE: What? Yes, I am.
JACK: Really? Did you bother telling anybody?
SOPHIE: What are you talking about?
Emme approaches us, with Ethan and Ben right behind her. I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have such supportive friends.
JACK: Did you not hear who they gave the song credit to?
SOPHIE: To be honest, I was a little shocked that my name was only called third.
EMME: Hey, guys, it’s fine. Just a mistake.
Ethan is glaring at Sophie. Ben looks like he’s prepared to break up a fight.
EMME: It’s fine, really. I’ll be performing it with her on Monday, so there won’t be any confusion. Sophie, why don’t you come over tomorrow so we can practice?
SOPHIE: What are you guys even talking about?
JACK: Pafford said Amanda wrote the song.
Sophie seems to come out of her trance.
SOPHIE: Oh, no, I didn’t hear. I was so upset over not being in the second half. I’m so sorry, Emme. I really don’t know what happened, honestly.
Sophie hugs Emme. And everything seems to be right with them. It always is.
EMME: Don’t worry about it. Hey, we’re playing at Kat’s Café tonight if you guys want to come.
I’ve only seen Teenage Kicks perform at school events. I’ve always wanted to see them outside of CPA.
ME: Really? That’s great. What time?
Everybody turns around. Probably shocked that I’m speaking. I usually don’t say much. I’m better if something is scripted out for me.
EMME: Eight. We’re testing out some new stuff. It would be really great if you guys came.
SOPHIE: We’ll see.
We’ll see? I know Sophie’s upset, but I want to go. I want to have fun this year. Make friends.
I’m seventeen years old. It’s about time I stop pretending and just figure it out already.
I get to the television studio after having an argument with Sophie about our evening plans. She wants me to call Sheila Marie to see if she can get us into any events. But I’m going to the concert. She can do whatever she wants.
I open up the script for today’s scene and start to draw.
Mom enters the room, her own copy of the script in hand.
MOM: Carter, fabulous news, sweetheart! I just got out of a meeting with Timothy and big things are happening.
I hate it when Mom talks to the show runner. She’s always trying to get me bigger dramatic moments and what she usually ends up doing is making me seem like a big brat.
MOM: What your story line needs is for Chase to come to terms with his feelings for Charity.
She looks so serious, like these are real people. Chase is certainly not a real person. In fact, he’s getting so out there, I don’t even know how to play him anymore. Not like I ever really liked playing him. But I sometimes get the feeling that Mom thinks that I’m Chase.
Mom starts to clap, mostly to get my attention, because it’s clear that I couldn’t care less about Chase and Charity.
MOM: Today you’ll be filming your first love scene!
Great. Mom’s probably convinced that if Charity and Chase get romantically involved, it’ll get me more screen time. The original agreement was that when I’m attending CPA, the producers have to reduce the number of scenes that I have each week so I can go to school full-time. But that hasn’t really happened.
Most parents would want their children to focus on their studies. But I learned a long time ago that my mother isn’t like most parents.
Mom sits down next to me on the couch and places her hand on my knee.
MOM: Honey, I’m so sorry. I completely spaced. How did the lineup for the freshman assembly go?
ME: I got in. Last slot.
MOM: And that’s good, right? The last slot, like the headliner, or am I getting that mixed up?
I remember what Sophie told me.
ME: It’s good.
MOM: Oh, Carter. That’s wonderful. I’m so proud of you. I … Did you eat lunch?
She rummages through her purse to give me a protein bar. My diet has been a serious topic lately since the producers feel the need for my character to appear shirtless. A lot. Because most seventeen-year-old guys hang out at home in khakis and nothing else. In one scene, I take off my shirt before I open up a book. I don’t get it, but apparently the viewers like it. It’s beyond embarrassing.
So I’m on a high-protein diet to bulk up. And I’ve got to work out more. Just more things to add to the list of things I have no interest in doing.
Although Sophie really likes it.
MOM: I know what this is about. Honey, I know that having your first on-screen love scene can be stressful and you’ve known Charity, I mean Britney, for years and she’s like a sister to you, but it isn’t a big deal. Just think of that cute Sophie girl and everything will be fine.
She gets up and leaves without even waiting for a reply. It wouldn’t matter anyway. The decision has been made.
There’s a line outside of Kat’s when I arrive, alone, around seven thirty. As I scan the line, I can’t tell if these kids are from school or not. I knew the band was getting a reputation outside CPA but didn’t know they were this big.
“Carter?” I turn around to find Chloe Nagano, Jack’s girlfriend. Even outside of school, you can tell she’s a dancer. Her hair is up in a bun and she’s got a tight tank top on with leggings, and a sweater wrapped around her waist.
CHLOE: I was just heading inside to say hi to Jack. Is Sophie with you?
ME: No, I came by myself.
CHLOE: Oh. Well, it’s just me here, too. Do you want to join me?
I follow Chloe behind an alley to the back entrance of the coffee shop/music venue. The band is crammed in a tiny space that I guess is supposed to be the greenroom. Emme’s doing homework, Ethan’s running in place, and Ben and Jack are arguing about some band I’ve never heard of.
They all look up when I enter the room.
JACK: There’s my girl.
Jack gets up to kiss Chloe. I stand there awkwardly, wondering what they all think of me,
especially after what happened today. Death by association? Sophie said it was an honest mistake and Emme didn’t seem to have a problem, but these guys … well, it’s pretty obvious they don’t like Sophie.
Emme smiles warmly at me.
EMME: Hey, Carter! Is Sophie with you?
ME: No, she couldn’t make it. But I’ve really wanted to see you guys perform.
JACK: Well, I don’t mean to brag….
BEN: Yes, he does.
JACK: You’re in for a treat. We’re on for an hour today, which should mean … three songs with the way this one’s been blabbing on recently.
He points to Ethan, who is now doing jumping jacks.
JACK: At first we couldn’t get the guy to talk, and now he won’t shut up.
ETHAN: One time. One time I talked too much.
The other three members roll their eyes collectively.
JACK: Yeah, okay, one time. Sure, sure. Tell me, Carter, have you ever wondered what the origin of the word fan is?
I shake my head.
JACK: Well, if you do, Ethan over there has about a half-hour description. Which would be fascinating … if you were in an insane asylum.
CHLOE: Well, we just came to say hi. I want to grab our table before someone takes it. Good luck, guys!
I don’t really know what to say, so I just wave good-bye.
Chloe links her arm with mine as we make our way through the crowded room.
CHLOE: Tonight is going to be interesting. Ethan can be a bit of a loose cannon. It’s funny, they used to have to beg him to even address the audience, and now he won’t shut up. It just depends on the day, I guess. His behavior has been a little unpredictable and tonight is their first big gig since —
Chloe stops herself and studies a flyer.
CHLOE: You know, it’s Friday, so I’m allowed a treat. I’m getting a brownie, do you want anything?
I think about my diet: protein, protein, and more protein. But if Chloe, whose profession is even more weight-conscious than acting, can treat herself, why can’t I?
ME: Yeah, a brownie sounds great. But here, let me get it.
I hand her a twenty as she flags down somebody she knows to get our brownies before we settle down at a table up front with her name on it. The place is so packed, our table is right up against the side of the stage. I can literally rest my arm on one of the speakers. Chloe grabs our chocolate fixes and cuts hers into tiny pieces.
CHLOE: I’m glad I ran into you. I used to have Kelsey to keep me company, but she’s no longer in the picture.
I raise my eyebrow since my mouth is full of the most amazing brownie I’ve ever tasted.
CHLOE: Oh, Kelsey used to be Ethan’s girlfriend. They’d been going out for years, but it was such a dysfunctional relationship. They’d go out, he’d write these amazing love songs about her. But then she wouldn’t be at a show and these girls would throw themselves at him because of songs he wrote about Kelsey. He’d cheat, and then he’d write some song begging for forgiveness. She’d take him back and it would all repeat.
ME: Really?
I always saw Ethan as this quiet guy. He was usually with someone from the band, so I always took him as a pretty loyal guy. Guess not.
CHLOE: Yeah, it got to be ridiculous. Get back together, cheat, fight, get back together, rinse, and repeat. He was so annoying to be around. Always sulking about his love life. He even started to drink before the shows. Finally, Emme lost it on him.
ME: Emme?
Chloe laughs.
CHLOE: I know, right? Emme is the sweetest thing. But from the way Jack tells it, she totally lost her mind on him. Started screaming at him to stop being such a … I think it was “a self-sabotaging moron” or something. I can’t remember her exact words, but the whole incident really shook up the band. They didn’t hear from Ethan for two weeks, and when he came back, he said he’d ended his relationship with Kelsey for good and he wasn’t going to drink anymore, period. No one really believes him.
ME: About the drinking or Kelsey? Don’t they like her?
CHLOE: No, he hasn’t had anything to drink or anything, but with Kelsey it’s not like they didn’t like her. They really liked her. I don’t think any of them could take how he treated her. Especially Emme. Although the weird thing is that Kelsey wasn’t a fan of Emme’s.
I find that hard to believe. Who could find anything wrong with Emme? She’s so nice … and probably too loyal a friend.
CHLOE: Emme made every effort, but I don’t think Kelsey liked Ethan’s relationship with Emme.
ME: Did they ever?
CHLOE: God, no. Emme and Ethan are really close — or at least they used to be. Ethan clearly adores Emme and is very protective of her. I don’t think Kelsey appreciated that. I know Emme thinks Sophie is her best friend, but it’s really Ethan and the guys who have her back. She’s just so blinded by that girl. No offense.
ME: None taken.
The lights go down and the place erupts in cheers and applause.
Jack gets behind his drum kit while Ben and Emme plug in their guitars. Ethan comes storming onto the stage with his hands up. The girls start screaming for him.
It’s funny because Ethan doesn’t really make any impact at school. Sure, he’s known as one of the best music students, but he doesn’t grandstand or walk around demanding attention like most of the top students at CPA. He seems to enjoy flying under the radar, but up onstage, he commands attention. His charisma is palpable and I can now understand why there are so many girls here.
The band starts playing a song I’ve never heard before, one of their originals. But the people jammed up front are singing along to every word.
It’s amazing to see them up onstage. Seeing them walking down the street or even in a cramped greenroom, I don’t think you’d stop and think that these four people belong together. Jack: big teddy bear with a full head of wild Afro curls. Ben: unassuming dirty-blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who just happily strums his bass. Ethan: tall (he’s got to be close to six foot three now) and skinny, his black hair a little long and a bit curly; Emme: with her bright red hair, pale freckled skin, wearing all black and bobbing to the music as she strums her guitar.
But even if they look different, together onstage they’re a complete unit. It isn’t their friendship that I envy the most; it’s the passion for what they’re doing right at this moment. It’s clear that each one of them loves playing music. It’s their calling. It’s what they want to do.
Chloe leads me backstage after the concert. We get stopped a few times on the way for some photos, which I oblige. During the entire concert, I felt like a normal student watching his friends play. But once the lights came on, I saw all the girls with their cameras out, waiting for a picture. I was hoping “Carter Harrison” could take the night off. And the last thing I want to do is take any attention away from the band. Tonight is about them.
We get into the small room, which has become even tighter with people. Several girls have made their way backstage, all fighting for Ethan’s attention. The rest of the band are putting their instruments away. Chloe immediately finds Jack and, once again, I’m standing there trying to look like I belong.
Emme spots me and makes her way over. A few girls back up so Emme is intentionally pushed. She doesn’t seem to realize it, or maybe she’s used to it by now.
EMME: Hey, Carter, thanks for coming.
I stumble over my words for a moment and then it hits me, what I want to say. Actually, what I want to know.
ME: Do you love what you do?
If Emme is taken by surprise with this abrupt question, she doesn’t show it.
EMME: Yes. Performing used to make me so nervous, but not with these guys.
ME: You were really amazing. Truly. I love the new songs and the covers. Everything. I can’t believe four people can make such a complete sound.
I know that sounds stupid, but Emme blushes anyway.
EMME: Thanks.
I don’t know what
it is (maybe the chocolate?), but suddenly I feel like I can tell Emme anything. Like she’ll understand me. I want to open up to somebody.
ME: Hey, can I buy you, like, a coffee or something? I’d love to talk to you some more, unless …