CHAPTER II.
My natal soil is Chester county. My father had a small farm, on which hehas been able, by industry, to maintain himself and a numerous family.He has had many children, but some defect in the constitution of ourmother has been fatal to all of them but me. They died successively asthey attained the age of nineteen or twenty, and, since I have not yetreached that age, I may reasonably look for the same premature fate. Inthe spring of last year my mother followed her fifth child to the grave,and three months afterwards died herself.
My constitution has always been frail, and, till the death of my mother,I enjoyed unlimited indulgence. I cheerfully sustained my portion oflabour, for that necessity prescribed; but the intervals were always atmy own disposal, and, in whatever manner I thought proper to employthem, my plans were encouraged and assisted. Fond appellations, tones ofmildness, solicitous attendance when I was sick, deference to myopinions, and veneration for my talents, compose the image which I stillretain of my mother. I had the thoughtlessness and presumption of youth,and, now that she is gone, my compunction is awakened by a thousandrecollections of my treatment of her. I was indeed guilty of no flagrantacts of contempt or rebellion. Perhaps her deportment was inevitablycalculated to instil into me a froward and refractory spirit. My faults,however, were speedily followed by repentance, and, in the midst ofimpatience and passion, a look of tender upbraiding from her was alwayssufficient to melt me into tears and make me ductile to her will. Ifsorrow for her loss be an atonement for the offences which I committedduring her life, ample atonement has been made.
My father is a man of slender capacity, but of a temper easy andflexible. He was sober and industrious by habit. He was content to beguided by the superior intelligence of his wife. Under this guidance heprospered; but, when that was withdrawn, his affairs soon began tobetray marks of unskilfulness and negligence. My understanding, perhaps,qualified me to counsel and assist my father, but I was whollyunaccustomed to the task of superintendence. Besides, gentleness andfortitude did not descend to me from my mother, and these wereindispensable attributes in a boy who desires to dictate to hisgray-headed parent. Time, perhaps, might have conferred dexterity on me,or prudence on him, had not a most unexpected event given a differentdirection to my views.
Betty Lawrence was a wild girl from the pine-forests of New Jersey. Atthe age of ten years she became a bound servant in this city, and, afterthe expiration of her time, came into my father's neighbourhood insearch of employment. She was hired in our family as milkmaid andmarket-woman. Her features were coarse, her frame robust, her mindtotally unlettered, and her morals defective in that point in whichfemale excellence is supposed chiefly to consist. She possessedsuper-abundant health and good-humour, and was quite a supportablecompanion in the hay-field or the barnyard.
On the death of my mother, she was exalted to a somewhat higher station.The same tasks fell to her lot; but the time and manner of performingthem were, in some degree, submitted to her own choice. The cows and thedairy were still her province; but in this no one interfered with her orpretended to prescribe her measures. For this province she seemed notunqualified, and, as long as my father was pleased with her management,I had nothing to object.
This state of things continued, without material variation, for severalmonths. There were appearances in my father's deportment to Betty, whichexcited my reflections, but not my fears. The deference which wasoccasionally paid to the advice or the claims of this girl was accountedfor by that feebleness of mind which degraded my father, in whateverscene he should be placed, to be the tool of others. I had no conceptionthat her claims extended beyond a temporary or superficialgratification.
At length, however, a visible change took place in her manners. Ascornful affectation and awkward dignity began to be assumed. A greaterattention was paid to dress, which was of gayer hues and morefashionable texture. I rallied her on these tokens of a sweetheart, andamused myself with expatiating to her on the qualifications of herlover. A clownish fellow was frequently her visitant. His attentions didnot appear to be discouraged. He therefore was readily supposed to bethe man. When pointed out as the favourite, great resentment wasexpressed, and obscure insinuations were made that her aim was not quiteso low as that. These denials I supposed to be customary on suchoccasions, and considered the continuance of his visits as a sufficientconfutation of them.
I frequently spoke of Betty, her newly-acquired dignity, and of theprobable cause of her change of manners, to my father. When this themewas started, a certain coldness and reserve overspread his features. Hedealt in monosyllables, and either laboured to change the subject ormade some excuse for leaving me. This behaviour, though it occasionedsurprise, was never very deeply reflected on. My father was old, and themournful impressions which were made upon him by the death of his wife,the lapse of almost half a year seemed scarcely to have weakened. Bettyhad chosen her partner, and I was in daily expectation of receiving asummons to the wedding.
One afternoon this girl dressed herself in the gayest manner and seemedmaking preparations for some momentous ceremony. My father had directedme to put the horse to the chaise. On my inquiring whither he was going,he answered me, in general terms, that he had some business at a fewmiles' distance. I offered to go in his stead, but he said that wasimpossible. I was proceeding to ascertain the possibility of this whenhe left me to go to a field where his workmen were busy, directing me toinform him when the chaise was ready, to supply his place, whileabsent, in overlooking the workmen.
This office was performed; but before I called him from the field Iexchanged a few words with the milkmaid, who sat on a bench, in all theprimness of expectation, and decked with the most gaudy plumage. I ratedher imaginary lover for his tardiness, and vowed eternal hatred to themboth for not making me a bride's attendant. She listened to me with anair in which embarrassment was mingled sometimes with exultation andsometimes with malice. I left her at length, and returned to the housenot till a late hour. As soon as I entered, my father presented Betty tome as his wife, and desired she might receive that treatment from mewhich was due to a mother.
It was not till after repeated and solemn declarations from both of themthat I was prevailed upon to credit this event. Its effect upon myfeelings may be easily conceived. I knew the woman to be rude, ignorant,and licentious. Had I suspected this event, I might have fortified myfather's weakness and enabled him to shun the gulf to which he wastending; but my presumption had been careless of the danger. To thinkthat such a one should take the place of my revered mother wasintolerable.
To treat her in any way not squaring with her real merits; to hinderanger and scorn from rising at the sight of her in her new condition,was not in my power. To be degraded to the rank of her servant, tobecome the sport of her malice and her artifices, was not to be endured.I had no independent provision; but I was the only child of my father,and had reasonably hoped to succeed to his patrimony. On this hope I hadbuilt a thousand agreeable visions. I had meditated innumerable projectswhich the possession of this estate would enable me to execute. I had nowish beyond the trade of agriculture, and beyond the opulence which ahundred acres would give.
These visions were now at an end. No doubt her own interest would be, tothis woman, the supreme law, and this would be considered asirreconcilably hostile to mine. My father would easily be moulded toher purpose, and that act easily extorted from him which should reduceme to beggary. She had a gross and perverse taste. She had a numerouskindred, indigent and hungry. On these his substance would speedily belavished. Me she hated, because she was conscious of having injured me,because she knew that I held her in contempt, and because I had detectedher in an illicit intercourse with the son of a neighbour.
The house in which I lived was no longer my own, nor even my father's.Hitherto I had thought and acted in it with the freedom of a master; butnow I was become, in my own conceptions, an alien and an enemy to theroof under which I was born. Every tie which had bound me to it wasdissolved or converted
into something which repelled me to a distancefrom it. I was a guest whose presence was borne with anger andimpatience.
I was fully impressed with the necessity of removal, but I knew notwhither to go, or what kind of subsistence to seek. My father had been aScottish emigrant, and had no kindred on this side of the ocean. Mymother's family lived in New Hampshire, and long separation hadextinguished all the rights of relationship in her offspring. Tillingthe earth was my only profession, and, to profit by my skill in it, itwould be necessary to become a day-labourer in the service of strangers;but this was a destiny to which I, who had so long enjoyed the pleasuresof independence and command, could not suddenly reconcile myself. Itoccurred to me that the city might afford me an asylum. A short day'sjourney would transport me into it. I had been there twice or thrice inmy life, but only for a few hours each time. I knew not a human face,and was a stranger to its modes and dangers. I was qualified for noemployment, compatible with a town life, but that of the pen. This,indeed, had ever been a favourite tool with me; and, though it mayappear somewhat strange, it is no less true that I had had nearly asmuch practice at the quill as at the mattock. But the sum of my skilllay in tracing distinct characters. I had used it merely to transcribewhat others had written, or to give form to my own conceptions. Whetherthe city would afford me employment, as a mere copyist, sufficientlylucrative, was a point on which I possessed no means of information.
My determination was hastened by the conduct of my new mother. Myconjectures as to the course she would pursue with regard to me had notbeen erroneous. My father's deportment, in a short time, grew sullen andaustere. Directions were given in a magisterial tone, and any remissnessin the execution of his orders was rebuked with an air of authority. Atlength these rebukes were followed by certain intimations that I was nowold enough to provide for myself; that it was time to think of someemployment by which I might secure a livelihood; that it was a shame forme to spend my youth in idleness; that what he had gained was by his ownlabour; and I must be indebted for my living to the same source.
These hints were easily understood. At first, they excited indignationand grief. I knew the source whence they sprung, and was merely able tosuppress the utterance of my feelings in her presence. My looks,however, were abundantly significant, and my company became hourly moreinsupportable. Abstracted from these considerations, my father'sremonstrances were not destitute of weight. He gave me being, butsustenance ought surely to be my own gift. In the use of that for whichhe had been indebted to his own exertions, he might reasonably consulthis own choice. He assumed no control over me; he merely did what hewould with his own, and, so far from fettering my liberty, he exhortedme to use it for my own benefit, and to make provision for myself.
I now reflected that there were other manual occupations besides that ofthe plough. Among these none had fewer disadvantages than that ofcarpenter or cabinet-maker. I had no knowledge of this art; but neithercustom, nor law, nor the impenetrableness of the mystery, required me toserve a seven years' apprenticeship to it. A master in this trade mightpossibly be persuaded to take me under his tuition; two or three yearswould suffice to give me the requisite skill. Meanwhile my father would,perhaps, consent to bear the cost of my maintenance. Nobody could liveupon less than I was willing to do.
I mentioned these ideas to my father; but he merely commended myintentions without offering to assist me in the execution of them. Hehad full employment, he said, for all the profits of his ground. Nodoubt, if I would bind myself to serve four or five years, my masterwould be at the expense of my subsistence. Be that as it would, I mustlook for nothing from him. I had shown very little regard for hishappiness; I had refused all marks of respect to a woman who wasentitled to it from her relation to him. He did not see why he shouldtreat as a son one who refused what was due to him as a father. Hethought it right that I should henceforth maintain myself. He did notwant my services on the farm, and the sooner I quitted his house thebetter.
I retired from this conference with a resolution to follow the advicethat was given. I saw that henceforth I must be my own protector, andwondered at the folly that detained me so long under his roof. To leaveit was now become indispensable, and there could be no reason fordelaying my departure for a single hour. I determined to bend my courseto the city. The scheme foremost in my mind was to apprentice myself tosome mechanical trade. I did not overlook the evils of constraint andthe dubiousness as to the character of the master I should choose. I wasnot without hopes that accident would suggest a different expedient, andenable me to procure an immediate subsistence without forfeiting myliberty.
I determined to commence my journey the next morning. No wonder theprospect of so considerable a change in my condition should deprive meof sleep. I spent the night ruminating on the future, and in painting tomy fancy the adventures which I should be likely to meet. The foresightof man is in proportion to his knowledge. No wonder that, in my state ofprofound ignorance, not the faintest preconception should be formed ofthe events that really befell me. My temper was inquisitive, but therewas nothing in the scene to which I was going from which my curiosityexpected to derive gratification. Discords and evil smells, unsavouryfood, unwholesome labour, and irksome companions, were, in my opinion,the unavoidable attendants of a city.
My best clothes were of the homeliest texture and shape. My whole stockof linen consisted of three check shirts. Part of my winter evenings'employment, since the death of my mother, consisted in knitting my ownstockings. Of these I had three pair, one of which I put on, and therest I formed, together with two shirts, into a bundle. Threequarter-dollar pieces composed my whole fortune in money.