Don’t think about it. Tomorrow she would be fine. Tomorrow she would realize that nothing had happened to her that had not happened to generations of women before her. She would laugh at this panic. She opened the door of her cabin. Tomorrow she would be herself and know—
“Are you well?” Lani asked quietly. She was sitting on the bunk across the room. “He did not hurt you?”
Cassie stopped in the doorway. “No,” she whispered. “How did you know?”
“I came to see you when I returned from supper. You were not here.” She smiled and shook her head. “It took no great intellect to guess where you had gone.”
“But you didn’t come after me.”
“You know I never interfere with your decisions. It would be an intrusion. But I wish you’d told me.” She held out her arms. “Come.”
Cassie flew across the room and dropped to her knees in front of Lani. Lani’s arms enfolded her—warmth, safety, love. She buried her face in Lani’s shoulder. “I had to do it,” she whispered.
Lani stroked her hair. “Why?”
“You were right. It made sense for one of us to be close to him, if it could help Papa. We have to know when he receives word from France. But why should you have to do it when it might hurt you if Papa found out?”
“I was willing to take the risk.”
“But you shouldn’t have to do it when I—” She nestled closer; her words were muffled. “I wanted him.”
“Shh, I know you did. Why are you so full of guilt? I told you that it was no betrayal if the passion was of the body alone.”
“But I didn’t think it would be like this.”
Lani stroked her hair. “And how was it?”
She couldn’t describe it, even to Lani. “It wasn’t as you said. I … didn’t want to walk away. It frightened me.”
“But you did walk away?”
“Yes.”
“Then it was no betrayal.” Lani sighed. “But I wish you had not done it. I was hoping your first man would be pure joy. Was he kind to you?”
Kind. Had there been kindness in that storm of passion? She wanted to deny it, but there had been gentleness in his surprising hesitation before he had taken her. “He didn’t hurt me.” She lifted her head. “He wants me to come to him again.”
“And are you going to do it?”
“It would be foolish of me not to, wouldn’t it? This night would be for nothing.” She paused. “But I don’t … Why am I afraid, Lani?”
“You’ll have to answer that yourself.” She smiled. “I will tell you what I think, if you like. You suspect that you’re not as strong as you’d thought. It’s not true. You’re stronger. You will see. You’ll do whatever is necessary.”
“Will I?” She felt a sudden surge of confidence. “Of course I will.” She sat back on her heels. “I was afraid only because the coupling was … different from what I’d expected.”
Lani leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “If you wish to refuse him, do it. We will make other plans.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll leave you to sleep. Rest well. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yes.” She watched the door close behind Lani. She had been foolish to be frightened. She had the strength to keep mind and body apart when with Jared. She rose to her feet, quickly unbuttoned the shirt, and stripped it off. She could take what she wanted of him and discard him just as she had his shirt. She untied the sarong and tossed it on top of the shirt, then padded naked across the floor to the wash-stand. It would be easier the next time. She would be more prepared.
She would learn to walk away without a second glance.
Eight
She was not in the least apprehensive, Cassie told herself as she walked into the dining cabin the next evening and saw Jared talking to Bradford. She’d had time to think over the events of last night and had come to the conclusion that her panic had been totally unreasonable. Lani had said there was no guilt, and Lani—
Jared turned to look at her, and she instinctively braced herself. His expression impassive, he said something to Bradford, then moved leisurely toward her. “I do believe that garment is even worse than the gray gown.” Jared grimaced as his glance raked the high-necked, long-sleeved puce gown. He lifted Cassie’s hand to his lips. “Didn’t that dragon believe in revealing even one inch of skin?”
“You don’t like it?”
“I abhor it.”
She smiled serenely. “Good.” She pulled her hand away. “But, then, you don’t really know what you like, do you? Last night you were upset with me for displaying too much skin.”
“That was different.” His gaze narrowed on her face. “You appear to be in good spirits.”
“Did you expect me to hide in my cabin? It’s true I was a little discomposed afterward, but it didn’t last long. After I talked it over with Lani, I felt much better.”
He frowned. “You talked me over with your friend?”
“Of course. We agreed that nothing of any importance had occurred.” She glanced around the dining hall. Bradford was now standing at the window across the cabin, but she did not see Lani. “Where is she?”
“I have no idea,” he said through his teeth. “And I don’t give a—” He broke off and suddenly threw back his head and laughed. “Christ, I just may heave you overboard before we get to England. My self-love is being stung at every turn.”
She wished he had not shown that glimpse of rueful humor. It was easier to keep the barriers in place with a man who refused to laugh at himself. “I was only telling the truth.”
“Truth is seldom kind. May I point out that it’s definitely not the thing to denigrate the man who strove to make your deflowering as ‘pleasant’ as possible?”
He knew that word was too tame to describe his stormy possession. She had been trying all day to forget the details of their joining. “I didn’t think there were social rules for behavior after a deflowering.” She changed the subject. “Are you going to escort me to the table or stand here talking nonsense?”
“By all means,” he murmured. “You clearly need sustenance to keep that tongue blade sharp.” He took her arm. “I’ve changed my mind. I believe I approve of your wearing that gown.”
She glanced at him in surprise. “You do?”
“I know it’s a disappointment, but I expect to enjoy looking at you across the table tonight. Do you know why?”
She shook her head.
He looked straight before him, his voice soft. “Because I’m going to think of what’s underneath that gown. I’m going to pretend you’re as naked beneath it as you were last night. I’m going to consider that gown as rather ugly wrapping around a delightful present. I’ve always enjoyed removing the wrapping from my gifts. You cheated me of that last night.”
She could feel heat sting her cheeks. So much for her confidence. Her heart was pounding wildly, and she suddenly felt unsure and shaken.
“I’m going to look at you across the table, and you’ll know that I’m remembering what I did to you last night.” His voice deepened. “Someday I’ll persuade you to wear nothing beneath that gown. We’ll dine alone, and you’ll let me slip the gown to your waist so that I can see those lovely breasts. Later, while we’re having coffee, you’ll come and sit on my lap. I’ll lift your skirt and look at you and press my palms on—”
“Stop it,” she hissed. Even the roots of her hair felt on fire. They were only words, she told herself. Yet the picture he painted was there before her. She could feel his lean hardness beneath her thighs, feel his intent gaze.
“Have I upset you? I only thought you should know what’s in store for you.” He added silkily as they reached the table, “Though I realize you regard my attentions as totally ‘unimportant.’ ”
She should have known he would find a way of getting back at her. No one could sting Jared without being stung in return. “You’ve not upset me. Imagine what you like. It won’t bother me at all.”
“Oh, I think I may have i
nserted some small— Ah, here’s the lovely Lani.”
With relief she turned to see Lani glide into the cabin. Bradford was already halfway across the room, his expression lit with eagerness as he hurried toward her. He looked remarkably boyish, she thought absently. Jared was the one who appeared older, more experienced, steeped in cynicism.
“Bradford is quite enthralled with your friend,” he said idly. “One can’t blame the poor man. She’s done her best to dazzle him.”
She said without thinking, “No, she didn’t. It was supposed to be you.”
“What?”
She hadn’t meant to blurt out the truth. Oh, well, it didn’t matter now. “Lani was going to be the one to couple with you.”
He went still. “Indeed?”
“But Papa wouldn’t have liked it.”
He said silkily, “So you decided to sacrifice yourself instead. I can’t tell you how enchanted I am to know that fact. Tell me, did you draw lots to see which one of you would come to my bed?”
Such a little thing to irritate him. “No. I told you, Papa wouldn’t have liked her to do it.”
“I’m getting very tired of hearing about Deville’s opinions.” He strode to the head of the table. “Bradford! We’re waiting.”
“Coming,” Bradford said over his shoulder. “Don’t be impatient. I’m merely telling this lady how lovely I find her.”
“I’m the one who is impatient.” Lani ignored him and swept toward the table. “I have no time for compliments. I’m hungry.”
“I admire a woman of appetite,” Jared said with a sideways glance at Cassie. “It’s a quality to which I can relate. By the way, I was just telling Cassie how interesting I find her gown.”
Cassie stiffened. He surely would not shame her by discussing the intimacies he had suggested to her. Or perhaps he would. It was clear he was very angry with her.
“Are you mad?” Lani asked as Bradford seated her. “It’s very ugly.”
“How cruel. I find anger has infinite potential.” Jared motioned to the seaman at the door to begin serving. He dropped the subject. “Wine?”
As Cassie breathed a sigh of relief, Jared turned to her and gave a tigerish smile. He might have spared her shame, but she knew he wouldn’t let her escape unscathed.
Yet during the entire dinner it appeared he would do just that. For the first time since she had met him, Jared acted the charming, courteous host, teasing Lani, speaking with dry humor to Bradford. Only with Cassie was he coolly polite.
It was exactly how she wanted him to behave, she assured herself. As long as he was cool to her, that dangerous intimacy would be kept at bay.
When the meal was almost over, Jared turned to Lani and asked casually, “By the way, do you know where Ku’aihelani is located?”
Cassie’s gaze flew to his face. It seemed the truce was at an end, but she had not expected it to be broken in this manner.
Lani frowned in puzzlement. “Ku’aihelani?”
“You’ve never heard of it?”
“Of course I’ve heard of it. The question just surprised me.” Her eyes were suddenly twinkling. “It’s not often one is asked directions to paradise.”
“Paradise?” He didn’t look at Cassie as he picked up his glass of wine. “Is that what it is? I merely picked up the word somewhere.”
From her own idiotic lips, Cassie thought with annoyance. She wished she had torn out her tongue before she’d let that word slip out.
“Ku’aihelani is the place of legend,” Lani said. “And I couldn’t tell you where it is, because, according to ancient mythology, it’s a floating island. It’s always drifting, never in one place long enough to be corrupted or destroyed. Paradise.”
“How interesting,” Jared murmured. He turned to Cassie and asked politely, “Don’t you find it so?”
She wanted to slap him. She said curtly, “Not particularly.” She pushed back her chair and rose to her feet. “I must check on Kapu. Good night.”
“Oh, yes, Kapu.” Jared stood and bowed slightly. “We mustn’t forget about your wonderful stallion. But do be careful of that gown. I wouldn’t want it destroyed like the gray one.”
You’ll let me slip it to your waist.
Her annoyance vanished, submerged in the flood of heat surging through her. She turned her back so he wouldn’t see her face as she hurried toward the door.
“Wait!” Jared was beside her, opening the door. “I’ll escort you to the hold.”
“I need no escort. Go back to Lani and Bradford.”
He lowered his voice. “I’ll be expecting you later.”
She looked straight ahead. “Will you?”
“There’s no reason why not, is there? Since it means so little to you? To refuse me would put too much weight on the matter.” He added mockingly, “You wouldn’t want me to think you were running away after the first foray.”
She didn’t answer.
“And I’m a man who needs constant attention. If you don’t come, I might have to seek solace with Lani, and that would displease Papa.”
Her gaze flew to his face. “You would do that?”
“You’ll never know unless you fail to provide me with your … company.”
“Damn you.”
His face hardened. “You should not have supplied me with a weapon if you didn’t expect me to use it.” He turned back to the table and gave Lani and Bradford a brilliant smile. “Be there.”
When Cassie opened the door of his cabin, Jared was lolling naked on the bunk. The golden glow of the candlelight gilded his lean, tough body and heightened his aura of lazy sensuality. But all hint of laziness vanished when he saw her.
“Dammit, I told you to cover yourself,” he said roughly. “Do you get pleasure out of flaunting yourself to every man who sees you?”
“I owe you no obedience.” She closed the door. “I don’t flaunt myself, and I’m sure your sailors are used to naked women by now.” She stood looking at him. “If you don’t like me as I am, then send me away.”
“Not bloody likely,” he muttered. “Take off that nothing bit of material and come here.”
Her hands were trembling as she unknotted the cloth. “I didn’t like your asking Lani questions tonight. It was an intrusion.” The sarong dropped to the floor. “Don’t do it again.”
“I’ll do as I please.” He shifted on the bunk as she came toward him. “You have so few weaknesses, you can’t blame me for probing the ones I find.” He pulled her down beside him and bent over her. “Just as you will do.” His lips hovered over her breast, each word a burst of air that teased the sensitive nipple. He said thickly, “You have exquisite breasts, full … firm. After you left last night, I could still taste them, feel my tongue on you. I was so heavy and aching, I was cursing you. I wanted you back.”
“So you forced me to come.”
“Does this feel like force?”
He knew it didn’t. He was exerting the same overwhelming seduction he had the night before, and she was responding in the same mindless manner. She felt as if she were melting, every muscle of her body helplessly yielding.
His hand was between her thighs, delicately exploring. “This part of you doesn’t think I’m forcing you,” he murmured. “You’re ready for me.”
Yes, she was, she realized in despair. She had been ready for him since the moment she had walked into the cabin.
“And God knows I’m ready for you.” He suddenly rolled over onto his back and lifted her to straddle him.
She looked down at him, startled. “What are you doing?”
“You appeared so sad. I want you to be happy,” he said mockingly. “You see, now you’re the one in control, and I’m only the poor captive beneath you.”
“I don’t want—”
He thrust deep inside her.
She gasped at the sensation of the clublike fullness within. In this position she felt as if he had plunged to the quick. Her head fell backward, and she closed her eyes at the sheer
sensual pleasure. She didn’t feel in control. She felt captive as never before.
His hands reached up to squeeze her breasts. “Ride,” he whispered. “Pretend I’m that precious stallion. You know you want to do it.”
She didn’t think she could move. She felt chained, anchored.
His hands moved down to her hips and held her sealed to him. “Ride me!” he gritted through set teeth.
His hips thrust forcefully upward.
She gasped as ripples of pleasure went through her. She reached out blindly and grasped his shoulders, instinctively tightening her thighs around his. “That’s it.” He lifted her and then pulled her down, slowly, teasingly, letting her feel every inch. “You know the way of it. Ready yourself and then—”
She was moving, rocking, riding, frantically taking him. She had thought their coming together last night savage, but this lust was all consuming.
“More,” he growled. “Give me more.” He jerked her down, his mouth enveloping her breast, sucking voraciously as his hips bucked frantically.
The combination of sensations was too much. She bit her lip to keep back the scream. It was no use. She screamed as release tore through her a moment later.
“Yes!” His arms tightened around her with such force, she could scarcely breathe. She was dimly aware of his release seconds later.
His arms loosened, and he lifted her off him and onto the bed beside him. “Force?” he whispered.
She had no breath to answer as she lay there looking up at him.
He smiled. “Ku’aihelani?”
“No! I didn’t mean … I was half-asleep.” She drew an unsteady breath. “I must go.”
He threw his arm across her stomach. “No, you don’t.”
“I want to go.”
He raised himself on his elbow to look down at her. “Then I’ll have to change your mind, won’t I? I have a fancy to wake you tomorrow morning in the most pleasant of ways.”
His eyes were half-closed and shimmering; one tousled curl lay in disarray on his forehead—pagan, wicked, totally sensuous. She could feel that dark tide stir within her just looking at him. “You’ve won tonight. You’re done with me. Why won’t you let me leave?”