“You wouldn’t have to tell him.” His smile became self-mocking. “You see how low I’ve fallen. I’m even willing to share you with him. I’ll take you any way I can get you. What a pitiful specimen I’m turning out to be.”
His bitterness hurt her. “You’re not pitiful. You’re a fine man.” She paused and then said in a rush, “Even if there were no Charles, can’t you see it would not be good between us? You were there tonight. Your friends think me a savage. They would never accept me.”
“Then they will no longer be my friends.”
“I do not like your England.”
“Then we’ll go wherever you like.”
She shook her head in despair. “You would be sorry you married me.”
“Shall we see? Go get your cloak and we’ll be off to Gretna Green. By morning we’ll be wed.” His boyish smile was eager. “Let me show you how I can love you, Lani. I’ll care for your needs, I’ll satisfy your body. I’ll never ask you to say you love me. I won’t ask anything but that you let me love.”
She closed her eyes. She could imagine what it would be like to let herself be loved by Bradford. Passionate, warm, and yet with a multitude of sweet challenges. He would keep her safe and value her. She had never known a love like that. All her life she had been the one to give. What a lovely life it—
Her lids flicked open as she realized where that path was leading her. She could not believe how tempted she had been. Honor and loyalty forbade her even considering Bradford’s plea. “Impossible.” She suddenly found her eyes stinging with tears, and she turned her back and fumbled for the knob. “I’ve told you before I cannot listen to this. I love only Charles.”
“No, you don’t,” he said fiercely. “You may care about Deville, but, by God, you care about me, too. Every day it’s growing. In another month you won’t even remember what it was like to do without me.”
She fled inside her room and slammed the door behind her.
Her chest was constricted, and she couldn’t breathe without wanting to weep. The last few minutes had been more agonizing than those hideous hours at Carradine House. Dear God, she did not want to hurt Bradford. The last thing in the world she wanted was to cause him sadness or distress.
The last thing in the world.
Dangerous thought. Threatening truth.
She staggered over to the bed and sat down. She felt battered and bruised and a hundred years old.
Every day it’s growing.
If that was true, then it must stop.
And she had a dreadful feeling it was true.
Josette was standing at Kapu’s stall stroking him when Cassie came to the stable the next day.
Josette turned to Cassie with a triumphant smile. “I’ve saddled him for you. He’s beginning to like me. It’s just going to take a little more time, and I’ll be able to ride him.” She added quickly, “If you’ll let me.”
She might not have even that long, Cassie thought with a pang. Soon events would be put in motion that would take her away forever. An intense wave of sadness washed over her. Of course she was sad, she thought hastily. Josette had become her friend and it was always sad to leave friends. She said impulsively, “Would you like to ride him today?”
Josette’s face became luminous. “Could I? Do you think he’s ready for me?”
“We could try. I’ll stand at his head while you mount, in case he bolts.”
“You know I’d love it. I’ve wanted to ride him since that first night.” Some of the joy in her expression lessened. “Are you sure? You don’t let anyone ride him. Not even Jared.”
“Then it’s time I was less selfish.” She opened the door of the stall. “Lani says that to give a gift is always to receive a greater one in return.” She grimaced. “It’s the one island belief I find difficult to embrace when it comes to Kapu. But I’m not completely ungenerous—I do have reason to be careful. Kapu is dangerous. Lead him outside.”
Josette grabbed the reins. “Come, boy,” she crooned. “I’ll be so good to you.” She led him toward the door that opened to the pasture. “I thought I was going to have to settle for that gelding today.”
Cassie suddenly realized Morgana’s stall was empty. “Where’s Morgana?”
“Jared must have taken her out. She was gone when I got here.”
“We’ll take the path through the forest.” Jared always took the cliff road; if they went toward the forest, she wouldn’t have to see him. “I’ll saddle the gelding myself. Don’t try to mount Kapu until I get back.”
“You don’t want to see Jared.” Cassie nodded understandingly. “Was he very angry last night?”
“He wasn’t pleased, but he was surprisingly fair.”
“Jared’s always fair.”
“He blamed himself for misjudging Lady Carradine.”
“What a stroke of luck. I was afraid he’d make us all apologize to the gargoyle.”
“And he’s not going to make you go back to her school.”
“Really?” Her eyes lit with excitement. “I can stay here?”
“Presumably.”
She dropped Kapu’s reins, launched herself at Cassie, and whirled her in a giddy circle. “I knew when I saw you that good things were going to happen.”
“Is that why you knocked me down?” Cassie asked dryly.
Josette waved an airy hand. “Only a minor error.”
“It felt major.” She paused. “Jared says he won’t let you be hurt by what I did last night. I hope that’s true. I couldn’t let Lani—”
“Shh, I know. You warned me it might happen. I’d have done the same thing.” Her expression was suddenly grave. “I can’t convince Jared that none of those people are important to me. I’d die if I had to be penned up painting teacups, waiting for some gentleman to offer for me. I want more.”
“And what do you want?” Cassie asked indulgently.
“I want hundreds of horses. I want to go on great adventures. I want to see your island. I want to go to Sedikhan and find a Kapu or Morgana of my own. I want to do everything, taste everything, smell everything. I want to—”
“Wait.” Laughing, Cassie held up her hand. “I think you’d better set limits. You’re not going to have time in one lifetime to do all that.”
“I’ll squeeze it all in.” She grinned. “Look at me today. I’m going to ride Kapu!”
So young and full of life and dreams. Cassie herself had only one dream, which made life much simpler. She would miss Josette. “Yes, you are,” she said gently. “Now, grab his reins again before he decides to wander off, while I get that gelding.”
“Cassie!” Jared banged forcefully on her door. “Let me in!”
Cassie had been removing her gown and tensed in midmotion. She had no intention of letting him into her bedchamber. She had been scrupulously avoiding him since last night and had even gone to the lengths of missing supper. “I don’t want to see you. Go to bed.”
“Open the door.”
“I’m not dressed.”
“Then get dressed.” He threw open the door.
He was without a coat, and his shirt was unbuttoned at the throat. His hair was tousled and he was smiling recklessly, his appearance vaguely reminding her of that night of the storm on board the Josephine when he had come to help her with Kapu. She had been relieved to see him then, but not tonight. “I didn’t invite you to come into my room.”
“And you’re not undressed. What a disappointment.”
“I told the truth. I was getting undressed. I’d just started to undo my gown.”
“Then I’ll have to help fasten it again.” He turned her around, his fingers deft and swift on the buttons.
She stood there, bewildered. She had not expected aid in putting on her clothes.
“There.” He gave her a pat on her bottom, snatched her cloak from the chair beside the bed, and grabbed her hand. “Now, come on.”
“I don’t want to—” But he was already pulling her from her room and dow
n the corridor toward the staircase. “Where are we going?”
“To expiate a wrong.” He gave her a reckless smile over his shoulder. “And clear the way.”
“You’re talking nonsense. I want to go back to my room.”
He didn’t answer.
“Tell me what’s happening!”
He had thrown open the front door and was pulling her down the steps toward the courtyard. “Where are we going?”
“The stable.”
She immediately panicked. “Is something wrong with Kapu?”
“No. In fact, something is going to be extremely right with Kapu and with you.” He dropped her hand and threw her cloak around her. “Now, will you stop arguing and come with me?”
She hesitated, but then started across the courtyard. “I don’t see why you’d have any reason to go to the stable in the middle of the night.”
“It seems more fitting. There are too many people around during the day.”
She was growing more and more bewildered. “Fitting?”
“Well, I thought you’d think so. Personally, I’ve no objection to spectators.” He opened the stable doors. “But you think that horse is human.”
“Not human, but he has a great soul.” She walked down the corridor toward Kapu’s stall. “And if we’re going riding, you should have let me change.”
“We’re not going riding.” He stopped beside Kapu’s stall and patted the stallion’s muzzle. “But he is. Take him out of the stall and lead him to the south meadow.”
She frowned. “Why?”
He met her gaze. “Because Morgana is waiting for him there.”
She went still. “What are you saying?”
“Morgana is in season.”
“You want a foal by Kapu?”
He grimaced. “I want something out of this for my own.”
“You’ll have a great deal—Morgana, and Kapu’s foal.”
He shook his head. “I’ll have the foal. Morgana will be yours as soon as the foal is born.”
She stared at him in shock. “What!”
“Reparation,” he said simply. “Isn’t that what you want most in the world? The fulfillment of your dream, a mare to match Kapu?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh, yes.”
“Then Morgana is yours.”
She couldn’t believe it. “You mean it?”
“I don’t lie, Cassie.” His lips tightened. “And I’m not trying to trick you into getting a foal by Kapu.”
She had not even considered that possibility. “I know you wouldn’t do that. It’s just … I never dreamed …” Morgana was his prize possession, and this gift was generous beyond belief. “Are you sure?”
“Reparation,” he said again. “You’re not the only one who believes that sins must be atoned. I’ll have to find another way to make things right with Lani, but I knew this would probably satisfy you.” He stepped back and opened the stable door for her. “Take him to her.”
She just stood there staring at him. Josette’s words came back to her.
Sometimes he does something splendid, and you forget everything else.
He suddenly smiled at her. “I never thought I’d catch you speechless.”
“I don’t know— It’s too—” She swallowed to ease the aching tightness of her throat and grabbed Kapu’s reins. She asked gruffly, “Are you coming?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” He followed her, past Morgana’s empty stall. “You’ll remember I do have a considerable interest in the outcome.”
Morgana was at the far end of the pasture, and the bright moonlight revealed every shimmering, beautiful line of the mare. Cassie felt a surge of pure joy. Her dream, her horse. Morgana was going to be hers.
Kapu nudged her forcefully from behind, his ears pricking forward.
She chuckled as she realized the stallion was scenting Morgana. It seemed Kapu did not agree with her; Morgana was not Cassie’s, but his mare. She took off Kapu’s halter. “Open the gate.”
Jared opened the gate and stepped aside.
Kapu bolted into the pasture.
Morgana froze and then bolted in the opposite direction.
“You didn’t hobble her,” Cassie said. It was customary to hobble the mare to make it easier for the stallion to mount her.
“I don’t like ropes,” Jared said. “As you may remember. Kapu will have to work for his pleasure.”
It appeared Morgana was in full agreement. She raced around the pasture with Kapu at her heels for a full ten minutes, never letting him get too close. When she tired of that game, she came to a halt and started a new gamut of playful teasing, backing toward him and then, when he came near, swishing her tail disdainfully and dashing off again.
Jared chuckled and shook his head. “Poor Kapu.”
It was comical. Kapu was totally bewildered, his dignity crushed as he helplessly chased after the mare.
Then, suddenly, everything changed.
Morgana stopped and turned to face Kapu.
“Ah, she’s ready,” Jared murmured.
Cassie tensed, watching as the two horses stood confronting each other. Something was passing between them, a message both mystical and primitive. A communication as old as the ages, beautiful and secret and mysterious.
All mysticism vanished with the next breath.
Kapu half reared and neighed in triumph.
Morgana turned and backed toward him.
Cassie heard Jared’s muttered exclamation. Her own throat was too dry to speak. The entire night seemed compressed to contain only the two horses in the meadow.
No, Jared was here, but somehow he was part of it.
Kapu mounted Morgana. Dear heaven, how would those delicate legs support his weight?
She stood firm as he entered her.
Raw, driving power. Stallion and mare both lost in the sexual dance of life.
Heat tingled through Cassie and then became molten. She knew that primitive dance. She wanted it.
Jared’s hand covered hers on the fence.
She shuddered but didn’t look away from the two mating horses.
Kapu’s teeth were sinking into Morgana’s neck. She did not feel the pain, Cassie knew. At this moment you felt nothing but the drive, the emptiness being filled, the hot intruder that you had invited within your body.
Her hands were clenched so tightly on the railing that her palms felt bruised.
“Cassie?” Jared asked hoarsely.
She turned to look at him. Kahuna. Lust. Stallion.
She closed her eyes, but the scent of him still assaulted her.
She cried out as his hands cupped her breasts; they swelled instantly in response. Her lids flew open.
His nostrils were flaring with the harshness of his breathing. “God, don’t say no.”
No? She could no more refuse him than Morgana could refuse in that final moment. She shook her head.
“Thank God.” He picked her up and was carrying her.
“Where are you going?” she whispered.
“Not here,” he muttered. “I don’t think either of us would notice, but I don’t want you chilled.” They were in the stable. “Morgana’s stall is the closest.…”
Soft hay beneath her, Jared above her, his hands tearing frantically at her gown. She helped him, her fingers trembling, her entire body shaking with need.
She was naked on the bed of straw. Jared parted her legs, his fingers searching.
No, this wasn’t right.…
She pushed him away and rose to her hands and knees.
He understood at once. “Like Morgana?” He muttered. “Whatever you want.…”
He entered her, covered her. She expected it to be like that night in the cabin, but it wasn’t. It was like nothing ever before. She was whimpering, moving backward, taking him. His hands cupped her breasts as he drove hard, harder.…
He was muttering wildly, his breath coming in great labored gasps. Then, suddenly, he was withdrawing, turning her onto
her back.
She looked up at him dazedly. “Why …”
“Because you’re not a mare, goddammit.” He gasped as he entered her again. “You’re a woman. Mine …” He plunged deep, again, again, again. “Mine.”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip but she felt no pain. She felt nothing but him. She wanted nothing but him. Forever …
Climax. Different this time. Release that has no end …
He cried out and his back arched as he gained his own release. She saw the painful contortion slowly vanish from his face. He looked down at her and she met his gaze.
Mystery. Life. Destiny. How strange that this moment of realization had come after the act, not before as it had been with Morgana and Kapu.…
“Cassie …” A note of wonder, of bewilderment.
“No.” She didn’t want him to speak. She pulled him down and held him close as the last ripples of passion shuddered through him. She had given him this pleasure. A surge of joy tore through her, so intense it made the physical release pale in comparison. He was hers, as Kapu was hers, as Lani was hers.
No, more. So much more. The truth crashed down upon her, jarring her back to reality.
Dear God, how had it come to this?
She lay stunned, unable to believe she had not known before. She had not been careful enough. The Jared of daylight and darkness had merged, and she would never be able to separate them again.
“I didn’t plan this.” His words were muffled in her hair. “I didn’t want it to happen this way. I wanted Morgana to be a gift.”
“I’m certain you didn’t,” she said dully. She knew him so well now. She knew his humor and his impatience, his passion and sensuality, his gentleness with Josette and Bradford. She knew his strict sense of justice and his total determination. She wished with all her heart she knew less about him. “It wasn’t your fault.”
It was her own fault. She had done the unforgivable.
He raised his head to look down at her. “What’s wrong with you?”
She shook her head without answering.
He muttered a curse, moved off her, and adjusted his clothes. “You wanted it, dammit! I did not rape you.”
“No.” She sat up and brushed the hair from her eyes.
“Then why are you acting as if I did?”
“I want to go to my room.” She didn’t look at him as she straightened her clothes. “Will Kapu and Morgana be all right in the pasture?”