He looked at the wide, open hallway and he remembered the big guys. The ones they weren’t supposed to call jerks. Something was wrong with them. Something he didn’t have a card for, not even with seventy-three cards. A sharp noise screeched through the music. What if the boys kicked his cards again or what if they kicked him? The screeching grew louder. Screeching and … and …
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The drums crashed and slammed through his head, pounding him, pushing him, hurting him. Hurting his ears. Holden covered the sides of his face, but nothing helped, nothing stopped the drums.
BOOM! CRASH! BOOM!
No! Stop the drums! Holden shouted the words, but it sounded like screaming in the music. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Please, God … Jesus loves me, this I know … please … for the Bible tells me so …
Holden breathed faster and faster and his eyes closed very tight. No, not the drums! BOOM! BOOM! Holden dropped down and lay flat on his stomach. The school floor was cool against his shirt. Quick … very quick, he placed his hands palm down, his toes against the floor, his body stiff and flat like a board, and his daddy’s voice came strong through the music.
“That’s right, Holden, just like that. That’s a push-up, except when you’re older you’ll keep your back straight. Very good … like the big boys. If you can do that at three years old, you can do anything. Absolutely anything, Holden. Push-ups will make you big and strong like me, buddy. Thatta boy. Keep doing that and no one will mess with you ever … “
Holden heard the words again and again and they sang out against the drumbeat. Up, down, up, down, up, down. Keep your back straight … push-ups will make you big and strong like me, buddy … No one will mess with you ever … Up, down, up, down. Up and hold, down and hold, up and hold, down and hold. Up, down, up, down.
He breathed harder and harder, but now his breathing was the good kind. The drums were quieter now. Boom … boom … boom …
Twenty-two push-ups, twenty-three, twenty-four …
The drums stopped at twenty-eight push-ups. Twenty-eight. Four sevens. Fourteen twos. Holden popped back up, and the music returned to strings and winds. A couple girls walked by and laughed at him. Maybe they couldn’t hear the song.
Holden grabbed his backpack and easily slung it over his shoulders. Trigonometry was at the other end of the hall and he needed to get there. While he walked, he prayed for Michael. Thank You, God, for Michael. Jesus loves him, this I know … for the Bible tells me so … Michael helped me with my cards. And Jesus loves the girls who were laughing, because they are weak but He is strong. I know You love me. Your friend, Holden.
As he walked into the classroom he could hear God answering him and he smiled. Because God told him exactly what he already thought.
Michael could hear the music.
Two
ELLA REYNOLDS CARRIED HER CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD AND diet Coke to a table at the center of Fulton’s outdoor lunch area. Four days into the school year and still the place was packed, the laughter and voices of a thousand teens louder than usual.
“Ella! Come sit by me!” The shout came from a guy in her Algebra II class. His grin was big and goofy and he was sitting with a group of brainy kids.
“Maybe next time.” She tossed him a flirty look and waved. “Right.” She muttered the last word under breath, her smile intact.
“Hey, baby, over here!” Jake Collins jumped up onto the table and waved at her. He wore jeans and his football jersey, same as the other players. Jake was a big guy with a square face and a strong chin. At first she hadn’t thought he was that cute, but over summer at the pool she got to know the real him. He was kind and thoughtful and romantic, more so than he’d ever show the kids at Fulton.
That was okay. Here he was charming and confident and bigger than life. Especially today. It was Friday and tonight was the first game of the football season. The local papers figured the Eagles to win it all this year, and the buzz across campus was beyond exciting.
“Can’t.” Ella grinned and gave a helpless shrug. She raised her voice loud enough so he could hear her. “It’s game day. Just the guys, remember?”
He groaned and sank a little. A couple of his teammates —Sam and Ryan —pulled at his jersey and tugged him back down to his place around the table with them. He looked over his shoulder and winked at her. His eyes told her they might not have lunch together, but they’d hang out after the game.
Ella felt the sparkle in her eyes as she moved a few tables down and sat with a group of cheerleaders and dance team girls. They squealed her name as she set her tray down, and LaShante, her closest friend, jumped up, ran around the table, and threw her arms around Ella’s neck. “You did it! I knew you could do it!”
“You know?”
“Of course I know!” LaShante let out a super-happy mock scream. “You’re the lead, Ella! I mean, it’s Beauty and the Beast and you’re Belle!” She screamed again and gave Ella another quick hug. “You’re perfect for it, girl.”
“It’s the biggest play we’ve ever done, right?”
“I know. It’s crazy. A hundred girls must’ve tried out for that part.” LaShante took Ella’s hand and led her back to the table. The two sat next to each other, and the other girls leaned in. LaShante lowered her voice so only the group of them could hear her. “This is your year, girl. Jake Collins and the lead in the school musical!”
It was true. Everything Ella had wanted for her senior year was already happening. The auditions had been a few weeks before school started, but the news was announced this morning on the wall outside the drama room. She had the lead and she had Jake. The day after auditions, he’d asked her to be his girlfriend.
“Say yes, Ella. Make this year perfect for both of us.”
She still had stars in her eyes over the way he’d kissed her that night. The way he’d kissed her a dozen times since then. Everyone at Fulton knew Jake Collins. Every guy wanted to be him, and every girl wanted to date him. But this year he belonged to her. She’d never had a serious boyfriend before. Too busy with school and singing. Plus she didn’t want to feel pressured to sleep with some guy in high school. And that’s what most of the other girls did, so for a lot of reasons a boyfriend never seemed like a good idea.
Until now.
“Jake’s amazing.” She moved in closer to the friends gathered around her at the lunch table. She didn’t want anyone but these girls hearing her. “He totally lets things go at my pace.”
“You told him you haven’t … you know … I mean, you’re a virgin. You told him, right, girl?” Nothing embarrassed LaShante. She asked whatever she wanted, any time she wanted to ask. It was one of the reasons Ella loved her so much. LaShante put her hands on her hips. “The man has to know the real you by now. Tell me he knows.”
“Of course.” Ella snuck a quick look at the table where the football players sat. “He said we don’t have to do anything. He just likes me a lot. He doesn’t want to lose me.”
“I love it!” LaShante hugged Ella’s neck again. “See, girls?” she snapped her fingers in the direction of the others. “Hold your ground. There’s too much giving in going on at this school.”
“That’s right.” Across the table Krissy gave Jenny a pointed look. “That’s what I’ve been saying.” Krissy nodded at a few of the other cheerleaders sitting around the table. “Too much giving in going on.”
Six or seven of the girls struggled with an awkward silence for a few seconds, and then everyone giggled in Krissy’s direction. Krissy took a long sip of her Coke. “Okay, okay. So it takes one to know one.”
“Anyway,” LaShante put her arm around Ella’s shoulders and raised her eyebrows at the other girls, “we have Ella to look up to. If she can resist giving into Jake Collins, maybe the rest of us can at least try.”
More laughter, and Ella wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t a role model for the abstinence club. She just wasn’t ready, that’s all. She was glad Jake understood, and that the girls weren’t making fun of her. St
ill, she was grateful when they changed the subject and started talking about Mr. Jensen’s history class. Ella used the diversion to take a bite of her salad.
After a few minutes, Ella checked her iPhone, looking for text messages from Jake. Hmmm. None. She glanced in his direction, but he was busy with the guys. She had ten minutes till class started, and she needed to call her mom, tell her about winning the part. She was going to play Belle! How great was that? She clicked her manicured fingernails on the table a few times and gave the girls a quick smile. “Gotta call home. I’ll be right back.”
She tossed her long blonde-streaked hair over her shoulder and walked quickly out of the lunch area, around the corner to where it was quieter. She pushed a few buttons and tapped the number for home. With every ring she felt her excitement drop off a little. “Come on, Mom … where are you?” She paced a few steps in one direction and then the other. “Pick up.”
But the call went to voice mail, and Ella quickly tried her mother’s cell. This time her mom answered on the third ring.
“Honey, I’m busy.” Her voice sounded sort of stiff. “Is it important?”
“Well, yeah … I mean, wait … what are you doing?”
“Uh …” The pause that followed felt forced. “Nothing really. Just getting a little work done.”
“Work?” Suddenly Ella remembered. “Botox, you mean?” Ella sighed. “I thought you were waiting longer this time.”
“The mirror changed my mind.” She must’ve been still in the chair, because her words sounded frozen, like she couldn’t move her mouth muscles at all. “Really, Ella? Can it wait?”
What remained of her thrill left her heart as fast as the last days of summer. “Whatever.”
“Thanks, honey.” Another woman’s voice sounded in the background. Her mom lowered hers to a whisper. “Gotta go.”
Nice. Ella stared at the phone and watched the call disappear from the screen. Something was wrong with her parents. Her dad’s team was still in the play-offs, but he sat the bench most games and his contract was up at the end of the year. When he was in town he stayed at the clubhouse most of the time, working out or whatever. Last time he was home Ella tried to find him so she could tell him about Jake, but he didn’t seem to hear her. He kept saying “What?” and “Who?” and apologizing for missing major parts of her story. She gave up before she got to the point.
It didn’t matter. Ella’s parents were too into their own lives to care about much else. Her twin brothers were in seventh grade and playing fall baseball, busy with their friends and schedules. They passed Ella in the hall at night, barely aware she existed. The feeling was mutual.
And her mom? Her mom was acting like a crazy person. Ella was a size 2, and lately her mom seemed almost smaller. Which didn’t look good. Like she was trying to be a teenager or something. Her hair was dyed super blonde and last week she actually got extensions. Her mother! They looked okay, but still … between that and all the tanning, and her addiction to Botox, she never really seemed like a mom. The only time she went out of her way to find Ella was when she needed something. “Ella, can you take the boys to practice?” Or “Ella, can you pick up groceries on the way home?” Or “Maybe you could get the boys after the game?”
Ella forced her family life from her mind. As she rounded the corner back to the lunch area, most of the tables were empty. Kids were tossing trash and collecting backpacks, heading off to class before the bell rang. Her girls were gone, but she spotted Jake and the other football players, just getting up. Jake hadn’t spotted her, so she slowed her pace. Classes were this way, so maybe if she waited Jake would walk with her.
But the players gathered in a circle, laughing and giving occasional punches at each other’s shoulders. As the group started to break apart, Ella saw a guy walking toward them from the other side of the lunch area. He was a strange sort of kid. Ella had seen him before, but she wasn’t sure of his name. He usually hung in a group with the special-needs kids. Ella leaned her shoulder against the brick wall and watched.
Just as the guy was about to pass the football players, he stopped. It wasn’t like he looked at them, but he must’ve known they were there because he quickly folded his hands and brought them up near his chin. He popped his elbows straight out to the sides and moved them up and down a little. Like a bird or something. He kept doing that as he tried to pass the guys.
Jake was the first one to notice. He gave Sam a shove. “Look at this.” He moved to block the kid’s path. “It’s the freak.”
“What?” Ella whispered to herself. A sick feeling spread through her stomach. That didn’t sound like Jake. She inched closer. The football players had their backs to her, and Ella was glad. She didn’t want Jake to notice her. Not yet, anyway. Maybe they were just playing around. When she was closer, she stopped again. Jake and his friends had created a blockade so the kid couldn’t pass.
They weren’t having fun. They were picking on him. She felt her heart racing within her, and anger rushed hot into her bloodstream. Why would they bug the poor kid? She studied the boy. He was tall, but not as tall as Jake. Six feet or six-one, maybe. The guy lowered his hands to his side and looked beyond the football players straight at —
Ella caught her breath. He was looking straight at her. And for the first time she could see what she hadn’t seen before. Despite his strange behavior, he looked like a normal guy. Muscled arms and shoulders and a tanned, handsome face. But that wasn’t why she gasped. It was his eyes. Baby blue and clearer than water around Tybee Island. His eyes were deep and pure and … Ella blinked. Something else. They were almost familiar, like she’d looked into them this way before.
But that wasn’t possible. The special-needs kids had their own building. They never mixed in, except for maybe a class or two, and even this fall the guy with the blue eyes hadn’t been in any of her classes. Ella would’ve remembered him.
Sam and Jake must’ve noticed that the kid was looking at Ella. Sam took a step closer and slapped the guy on the back of his head. “Don’t look at Jake’s girl, freak. Stick to your own kind.”
Immediately, the kid started moving his arms again, his folded hands close to his chin. Ella’s anger doubled. Enough. She walked up and pushed her way through the football players until she was at Jake’s side. She looked at Sam and then at Jake. “Leave him alone.”
“Baby!” Jake laughed, but he sounded nervous, like he’d been caught. He looked at a few of the guys around him for approval. “What? We were just having a little fun.” He raised his hands like he was innocent. “No big deal.” He took a step past her and gave the kid a little push. “Just messin’, right?”
The kid stopped flapping his arms. He didn’t respond to Jake or act like he’d heard a word. Instead he stared at a spot in the sky just above their faces. Sam put his hands on his hips and glared at the guy. Sam was six-five and he towered over the special-needs kid. “You shouldn’t walk through here at lunch time.” He looked back at Ryan and Jake. “Right, guys?”
“Sam!” Ella tugged on Jake’s jersey sleeve. “Come on …” She whispered near his ear. “Please, Jake. Leave him alone.”
“Fine.” He chuckled, as if the whole thing was nothing more than a joke. “Leave it, dude.”
The group walked away with the kid standing there, breathing sort of funny. As the guys walked out of the lunch area and off to class, Ella looked back one more time, and sure enough, the kid was looking at her again. Those beautiful eyes. Ella hesitated, but only for a moment. Jake and his buddies had already forgotten the kid, and maybe he’d forgotten about them too. Maybe he never even understood that he was being picked on.
But he was certainly aware of her presence, because he wasn’t flapping anymore and his eyes wouldn’t look away from hers. And something else, something the kid hadn’t done until just now.
He was smiling.
Three
LONG MOMENTS BETWEEN CUSTOMERS AT WALMART WERE RARE for Tracy, but this was one of them. She
stared absently at the row of tabloids and movie magazines and from the mix of screaming gossip a headline caught her eye. Hollywood Takes on Autism.
She didn’t have to pick up the magazine or read the article. She already knew how the media and movie-making industries had worked to increase awareness about autism. Most days she wanted nothing more than to join them. Stage a walk for a cure or fundraise for advancements and education on the disorder. Every month she took part in events with Autism Speaks or chatted online with other mothers of autistic children. The things her husband, Dan, never did.
But right now all of that sounded exhausting. Today she only wanted Holden back, the way he was just before his third birthday.
Tracy turned her attention to her register as her relief showed up with a new cash drawer. “Slow day?” The woman had worked at Walmart as long as Tracy—four years at least.
“Very.” Tracy took her drawer and moved a few steps toward the break room “Back-to-school’s behind us. That has to be it.” She walked to the break room, found her time card, and punched out. But before she could leave, her manager, Mr. Groves, called out to her. “Just a minute.” He was tacking something onto the bulletin board of employee kids and grandkids. Above the board Mr. Groves had placed a sign that read Bragging Rights.
Tracy waited. Mr. Groves was a big guy. He’d wrestled in college, but now he split his time between working and playing with his grandkids. He finished tacking up a new photo and walked over. “How’s Holden?”
Heartache welled up inside her, and Tracy felt the familiar sadness gather in her eyes. “The same.” She smiled. “Thanks for asking.”
“We pray for him still.” Mr. Groves looked concerned. “Every week in Sunday school.”