“Yep,” Cal said, tightening his grip on her. “Except I won it on a bet on you, so you’ll just take it away from me again.”
“I know what you’re doing,” Nanette said to George, rage in her voice.
“I’m . . . yelling at the bastard who seduced my daughter,” George said, knocked off stride.
“I know what you’re doing on your lunch hour,” Nanette said, murder in her eye.
“I’m eating,” George said, perplexed.
“Yes, but who?” Nanette yelled, and Min cringed and said, “Oh, God, Mother,” and Lynne looked at Nanette in contempt, and Cynthie closed her eyes, and David looked frustrated and confused and mad as hell, and then Liza walked in with Tony behind her and stopped, scowling at all of them.
“What the hell is this?” she said.
“Tony,” Cal said, an edge to his voice.
“For the record,” Tony said to him, “I tried to stop her.”
“Why didn’t you lock the door so these people couldn’t get in?” Liza said to Min.
“I did,” Min said. “Cal opened it. Yell at him.”
“Just hit me,” Cal said. “Save us all some time.”
“What did you mean by that?” George said to Nanette, his face red.
“Your lunches,” Nanette said, her voice rising. “You take your secretary to lunch every damn day.”
“Loud voice,” Min said, thinking of her neighbors. “Not your loud voice.”
“They’re working lunches,” George said. “I need a secretary to work.”
“You never take me to lunch,” Nanette yelled.
“You don’t EAT,” George yelled back.
Min craned her neck to see around them to Liza. “You know, that bet was for ten thousand dollars.”
“You’re kidding.” Liza looked at Cal, surprised. “You bet ten thousand dollars on—”
“No,” Cal said. “Damn it, look.” He took the check out of Min’s hand and tore it in two. “See? No bet.”
“We could have used that,” Min said, but she didn’t sound upset.
They all began to talk, and Cal looked at Min and thought, All I want is to be alone with her for the rest of my life.
“Hey!” he said, and they all looked at him with various degrees of contempt, despair, and rage. He picked up a doughnut and turned to Min. “Minerva Dobbs, I love you and I always will. Will you marry me?”
“This is so sudden,” Min said, grinning at him.
“We got an audience, Minnie,” Cal said. “You in or not?”
“I’m in,” Min said, and he took her left hand, spread her fingers out, and slipped the doughnut over her ring finger, knowing with a certainty he’d never felt before that this was exactly the right thing to do.
“I’ll get you a better ring later,” he said, looking into her dark, dark eyes. “I’ll do this better, too. This is just to get these people off our backs.”
“Well, when you do this better, I’m going to say yes again,” Min said.
“Thank you,” Cal said and kissed her, falling into her heat all over again. “God, I love you,” he whispered in her ear. “I can’t believe how much I love you.”
“Okay,” Liza said. “Show’s over.” She looked at Lynne. “You have to be the mother. Don’t mess with Min. If Cal has to choose—”
“Elvis,” Lynne said, her voice flat. She turned and walked out of the apartment.
“Lovely woman,” Liza said, and turned to Nanette. “Now you. Your husband is not cheating on you. I know men and he’s not the type.” She looked at George. “Stop working through lunch and take your wife out to eat instead.” She turned back to Nanette. “And you. Eat.”
Nanette’s face crumpled, and George put his arm around her. “I’m not cheating,” he said. “I don’t have the time.”
“Dad,” Min said, but Nanette sniffed and said, “Really?”
“I didn’t think I’d find you here,” Liza said to Cynthie, not unkindly. “It’s the book, isn’t it?”
“No,” Cynthie said, staring hopelessly at the doughnut squashed between Min’s fingers. “No.”
“Listen,” Liza told her, “nobody wants to hear an incredibly beautiful woman tell about how she landed an incredibly beautiful man. That’s just smug. Write a book about how you lost the love of your life and recovered. People could use that.”
“I—”
“It’s over, Cynthie,” Liza said. “He’s gone. Forever.”
Cynthie’s face fell, and Liza turned to David.
“And you are a worthless piece of garbage,” she said. “So do something decent and take Cynthie home.”
“This is a mistake,” David told Min. “Do you know what this man is?”
“Yep,” Min said, pulling a piece of chocolate icing off her engagement ring. “It’s okay. We’re going to evolve together.”
“Out,” Liza said to him, and Cynthie left. Liza glared at David. “Well, go after her you vicious dork. Do something nice for a change instead of anonymous phone calls.”
David drew himself up. “I didn’t—” he began, but Liza folded her arms, so he transferred his attention to Min. “He’s a terrible user, Min.”
“No, he’s not,” Min said. “He’s a prince. And you’re a toad who makes anonymous phone calls.”
“You never did understand me,” David said, and walked out.
“What a fathead,” Liza said.
“You’re going to marry this man?” George said to Min, sounding incredulous.
“Yes,” Min said. “Don’t be mean to him, or you’ll lose us to Elvis, too.”
George shot Cal a look that said, I’m watching you, buddy, and then turned on his heel and left.
“Well, you’ll have beautiful children,” Nanette said, cheering up.
“We’re not having kids,” Min said, and when her mother’s eyes narrowed, she added, “because you know I’d never lose the weight afterward.”
“That’s true,” Nanette said, and then George came back and dragged her out the door.
“All right then,” Liza said, looking around the emptied apartment. “My work here is done.”
“Who are you again?” Cal said. “Because you look like this woman who keeps hitting me, but you seem to be on my side. Do you have an evil twin?”
“I’m Min’s fairy godmother, Charm Boy,” Liza said, frowning down at him. “And if you don’t give her a happily ever after, I’m going to come back and beat you to death with a snow globe.”
“What happened to ‘Bibbity bobbity boo’?” Cal asked Min.
“That was Disney, honey,” Min said. “It wasn’t a documentary.”
Liza went to the door and stopped when she saw Tony there, his arms folded. “Come on. You can yell at me on the way back to the restaurant.”
“Nope,” Tony said. “That was good what you did.” He leaned closer. “Very hot.”
“I’m not going to sleep with you,” Liza said, and went out the door.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” Tony said and followed her out, closing the door behind them.
Silence settled over the apartment.
“I’ll never forget my first time with you,” Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. “The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch.”
“Yes, there were some moments there,” Cal said.
Min shook her head. “We’re never going to be rid of those people.”
“I know,” Cal said.
“Thank God we have each other.” Min looked up at him. “I love you.”
“Thank you,” Cal said and kissed her.
“So I’m buying a house,” Min said when she came up for air. “How do you feel about an Arts and Crafts bungalow like my grandma used to live in?”
“Are you in it?” Cal said.
Min nodded.
“I’m there,” Cal said. “Can we go back to bed now?”
“Yes,” Min said. “Bring the doughnuts.”
An hour and a half later, Min lay curled beside Cal with Elvis asleep at the foot of the bed, looking like rusty velvet on the lavender blue satin. Cal was breathing almost loudly enough to be called snoring, and she patted his shoulder. A month ago, I didn’t know him, she thought dreamily. And now he’s the rest of my life.
Then she pulled back a little. That sounded ridiculous. Completely irrational, in fact. Screw rationality, she thought, but the thought didn’t go away. You’d have to be insane to pin the rest of your life on somebody you’d only known a month, especially somebody with a past like Cal’s.
She slid out from under his arm, and picked up his shirt from the floor. When she put it on, it failed to meet in the middle over her chest. That always works in the movies, she thought, disgusted, and dropped it on the floor. Instead, she pulled the comforter off the bed, annoying Elvis but leaving Cal asleep under the sheet. It was June. He wasn’t going to freeze.
Then she went out and sat on her grandmother’s couch, wrapped in her comforter, and tried to make sense of everything. Elvis padded out to join her and curled up on the back of the couch, and she moved her head a little bit to rub against him and make him purr.
So, she thought, essentially what we have here is that I’m looking at the biggest player in town and thinking he’s True Love That Will Last Forever. What are the odds on that? Across from her, the clock on the mantel clicked as the hands hit midnight.
“Hey,” Cal said, and she looked up to see him in the doorway, stifling a yawn. “What are you doing?”
“It’s midnight,” she said, trying to sound cheerful. “I’m turning back into a pumpkin.”
“That explains the couch,” he said and came to sit beside her. He put his arm around her and pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead, and she closed her eyes and leaned into him, loving him so much she was weak with it. I’m in big trouble here, she thought.
“Something wrong?” he said. “I thought everything was pretty much perfect once the loons left.”
“It is,” she said. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s next.”
“Next.” Cal nodded. “Okay. Well.” He took her hand and yawned again. “Tomorrow, I’ll call my mother so she doesn’t put a curse on us, and we’ll go have dinner with your parents and make sure they’re not still nuts.”
“There’s a hope,” Min said. The comforter slipped down over her shoulder, and Cal put his hand there, making lazy circles on her skin with his fingertips as he talked.
“And then we’ll go looking for that house you were talking about, one with only six steps up from the street.” He shifted a little to avoid a spring and added, “And we’ll get a new couch.”
Min felt herself start to smile, the happiness bubbling up in spite of the odds, and he held her tighter. “And then we’ll get married, and we’ll live happily ever after.”
Min went cold as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “Yeah. That’s the part I’m wondering about.”
Cal’s hand tightened on hers. “You think we’re going to have problems?”
“I don’t know,” Min said, looking into his eyes. “I think we’re going to love each other till the day we die, but I don’t know if that’s enough. Life is not a fairy tale.”
“Okay,” Cal said. “It’s midnight, I’ve had a very full evening, and I’m a little slow here. What are you worried about?”
“The happily ever after,” Min said, knowing she was sounding like an idiot. “All the stuff we just did, the romance part, the fairy tale stuff, I know how that works, I read the stories.”
“Fairy tale stuff?”
“But they don’t tell you about the happily ever after. And as far as I can see, that’s where it all breaks down. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and yes, I know those statistics are skewed by repeat divorcers—”
“It’s midnight, and I’m listening to statistics,” Cal said to the cat.
“—but I’m worried. There aren’t any happily ever after stories. That’s where it ends. Where the hard part starts.”
“All right,” Cal said. “So?”
“So,” Min said, meeting his eyes. “What are we going to do?”
“You want me to be philosophic about the future now?” Cal said. “I’m not even sure where I left my pants.”
Min looked at him for a moment, loving him in spite of the fact that he had bed hair and was making jokes and wasn’t helping. In spite of everything, she thought and smiled at him. “No.” She clutched the comforter around her. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Let’s go back to bed.”
“We’re going to take it one day at a time,” Cal said, holding on to her. “I don’t know anything about this, either, I didn’t plan for this, but I think we just stick together. Take care of each other. Pat each other on the back when things get tight.” When she still looked unsure, he smiled at her with so much love in his eyes that she went dizzy, and then he said, “Bet you ten bucks we make it.”
What are the odds? she thought, and realized with sudden, blinding clarity that she wouldn’t take the other side of that bet, that only a loser would bet against them. This is really it, she thought, amazed. This is really forever. I believe in this.
“Min?” he said, and she kissed him, putting all her heart into it.
“No bet,” she said against his mouth. “Your odds are too good.”
“Our odds are too good,” he said, and took her back to bed.
Chapter Seventeen
In case you were wondering . . .
David got over Min pretty quickly, although the fact that Cal won bothered him for years. Four months later, he met a woman who agreed with everything he said and slept with him on the third date. They were married six months later. She never cooks with butter.
Cyn took longer to get over Cal because she really did love him. She holed up in her apartment, subsisting on carrots and nonfat ranch dressing, until Liza dragged her out into the sun, made her write about her breakup, and called in a favor from one of her many former bosses to get the book to another editor. The editor, a guy with glasses who was two inches shorter than Cynthie and slightly overweight, made her rewrite it four times and then threw all the promotional power of his publishing house behind it. He married Cynthie the day before the book hit number one on the NYT list. They have a penthouse in New York and eat only in the very best restaurants.
Emilio let Liza tell him what to do and within the year Emilio’s was the hottest restaurant in town. He offered her a partnership if she stayed, but things were running well and she was bored, so she introduced him to a friend of hers with an MBA in management and left to go save somebody else.
George stopped taking his overworked secretary to lunch, for which she was grateful even though she missed the expensive food. He now has lunch with Nanette three times a week. She eats.
Reynolds spends so much time with Min, Cal, and Bink on social occasions that, given their willingness to say, “Reynolds, you’re being a butthead,” he has stopped being a butthead when he’s with them. At all other times, he continues being a butthead. Bink loves him anyway.
Shanna and Linda parted company after a year with no hard feelings. Shortly after that, Shanna went to work for Emilio, where she met the MBA who, it turned out, adored Elvis Costello. Four months later they moved into a lavish loft in the city, and a year later they went to China and adopted a little girl. Shanna is a stay-at-home mom except when Emilio gets swamped and needs the help. Her Betty Boop cookie jar always has Oreos.
Harry got a growth spurt at fourteen, shot up and filled out and became a carbon copy of his father and uncle, except that his hair still flops over his forehead and he still wears glasses. He became an ichthyologist, met a zaftig girl on a dive in the Bahamas, fell in love, and married her a month later. She has brown hair with gold highlights, a logical mind, and a penchant for shoes. He still can’t eat more than one doughnut.
Roger and Bonnie got married, moved
to the suburbs, and had four kids. Everybody goes to their house for the holidays.
Diana got engaged twice more and broke off both engagements, crying in Tony’s arms each time. He told her she had lousy taste in men and to try picking a good one next time, so she proposed to him. He said no, appalled. Six weeks later they eloped to Kentucky because Tony had tickets for the Derby. They have three kids, all big-boned, beautiful girls who dominate whatever field or court they play on, probably because they eat carbs.
Liza continues to have an exciting, varied, constantly changing life that is much too complicated to synopsize here.
Cal bought Min an engagement ring made of six perfect diamonds set in a circle. It looks nothing like a Krispy Kreme, but Min knows. They got married and bought an Arts and Crafts bungalow one block from Min’s apartment. It has thirty-seven steps up from the street. They also bought a mission couch like Bonnie’s, and occasionally somebody gets tied to it. They go to the If Dinner at Emilio’s every Thursday night with Roger and Bonnie and Tony and Diana and Liza and whomever Liza’s seeing that week. His mother tolerates her. Her mother adores him. They don’t have kids, but they did get a black lab mix puppy from the pound that they named The Beast. Elvis is coping.
They all lived happily ever after.
ALSO BY JENNIFER CRUSIE
Bet Me
Faking It
Fast Women
Welcome to Temptation
Crazy for You
Tell Me Lies
Maybe This Time
Praise for New York Times bestselling author
Jennifer Crusie and her novels
Bet Me
“Bet Me is one of Crusie’s best . . . fans of women’s fiction: If you haven’t discovered Jennifer Crusie yet, get ready for a good time. Crusie is smart and literate . . . and a master of fast-paced, witty dialogue.”
—The Seattle Times
“Few popular writers handle light romantic comedy as deftly as Jennifer Crusie.”
—Boston Globe
“A sassy and entertaining modern-day romance filled with witty sarcasm and snappy repartees. Bet Me has it all: laugh-out-loud lines, novel characters, and a torch-hot ending.”