‘I didn’t think you was comin’,’ he said.
‘I said I’d be here, and I’m here. I had to help Moms put the kid sister to bed, and wash the dishes.’ I liked him more this time than when I’d seen him before, and it didn’t seem strange explaining what’d kept me.
‘Still wanna be a deb?’ he asked. I could see he wanted me to say yes. I was going to anyhow.
I nodded my head, and he broke into that crinkly smile. Gee, he was cute! I’d known lots of boys in school, but none of them had been as sharp as Puff. He was a real smooth character.
Right then somebody put on a record, and the kids started dancing again. It was ‘fish,’ where you dance close and grind, and I didn’t know whether I should do it with Puff, ’cause I’d only just met him.
But he didn’t give me a chance to think. In a second he had me in his arms, up close, and we were dancing. He was as smooth a dancer as he was good-looking.
When the record was over, Puff asked me, ‘You want something to drink?’
I told him I didn’t drink. He kind of laughed, said everybody either drank or was on pot. I knew what pot was—dope—but I didn’t want any part of that jazz! So I told him I’d have a beer, if they had one.
He went into the kitchen and dug me out a can, and opened it for me. I thought he’d bring me a glass with it, but I guess they didn’t have any, because he just brought back the can alone. I took it and thanked him. He was watching me, so I took a good healthy swallow.
I don’t like beer—it’s too sour—but everybody else was chugging the stuff, so I figured I would too. After a while I sort of liked the taste of it, even though it made me feel prickly inside. My head felt funny too.
In a few minutes a kid even bigger than Puff, named Chunk, turned off the record player and said the meeting was now gonna come to order.
Then everybody sat down on chairs or the floor, and they started the meeting. It was run just like the girl’s club I used to belong to in school. There was a report of last meeting, where they’d discussed terms of a war with another gang. Then they called for new business. One of the kids stood up and asked how the funds for the dance were doing. Chunk—I guess he was the prez—called on a thin, short kid with glasses to give a report.
He told everybody that the dance was going to be next Saturday night, and almost all the dough had been raised. They’d bought all kinds of stuff, and they were going to start decorating the club on Wednesday. Everybody cheered, and the kid sat down grinning all over.
This was great! Just the kind of bunch I liked! I couldn’t see why Moms had warned me away from the kid gangs. They were swell! They were always doing something, and they weren’t afraid of anybody. When Puff put his arm around me, I didn’t pull away.
Then this Chunk looked over at me and started grinning; right then I didn’t care for him one bit. I felt cold and naked when he stared at me. ‘I guess the initiation is next,’ he announced.
Everybody looked at me. All the girls, most of all. Puff pulled his arm tighter around me, and if I’d been scared for a minute there, I wasn’t any more.
‘Is there anyone who wants to become a member of the Cavvy Debs?’ he asked, looking straight at me.
I didn’t say anything till Puff gave me a nudge and whispered, ‘You say, “I do.”’ So I said it.
In a minute cold, they had a circle cleared out in the center of the room. All the lights but two went off. Those were dim ones, and I couldn’t see too clearly through the smoke.
‘You sure you wanna join, now?’ I heard Chunk’s voice from the front of the room. ‘To always be a member, and be true to the Cavaliers, and always to be square with everyone in the club?’ I didn’t know what else to say, so I told him, yes, that’s right.
Then he said, ‘Strip to the waist!’
I stood up real quick, and said, ‘The hell with you! You think you’re gonna get a free show, you’re crazy!’
The next minute two of the boys had me by the arms and a couple girls unbuckled my belt, started slipping my sweater up over my shoulders. When they let go for a second, so they could slip the sweater over my arms, I kicked one of them. Before I could do any more, though, they had me again, and this time they had the sweater off.
Then they unfastened my bra and I felt the cold of the room all over me. My skin started to prickle. I shut my eyes so I wouldn’t see the way the boys were looking at me.
One of them whistled real low, but I heard Puff, with a real strained voice, tell him to shut his yap.
‘We don’t wanna hurt ya, Julie,’ said Chunk, and I opened my eyes a little bit. I couldn’t see him very well through the smoke and stuff, but I heard him very clearly. ‘It’s just that this is part of the initiation. All the girls gotta go through it. There’s better parts comin’!’
Then he laughed, and so did all the others. I wondered what they meant. I wasn’t going to let any slob like that think I was chickie, so I told him to get whatever it was, over with.
Then they let me go, faded back into the circle, and I saw about seven girls coming into the cleared space, with their belts in their hands. They had ’em wound around their fists, and they were swinging them. I guess I must have screamed or something, ’cause in a minute they were on me, swingin’ with all their might! They kept at it like they hated me, for a good five minutes, till Chunk yelled, ‘Okay, okay! That’s enough! Get away from her!’
But, oh! When they got through, I was lying on that dirty floor, with all those ciggy butts around me, bleeding like a skinned fish and cryin’ like a bottle-baby.
I’d never seen anything like it. While they were doing me, the room had been jumping! The guys and drags had been coughin’ it up something wild. Screaming and yelling and telling ’em to get me with the buckles. But when it was over, everybody was around, holding me up, wiping off my face, plugging up the cuts and bruises. And there wasn’t a guy there tried to get a cheap feel while they were doing it.
I hated them, right then, ’cause they were mean and vicious; but when they all came around me, talking low and saying I’d been real wild and taken it like a cool chick, I felt better. My back felt like the blazes, but I could stand it.
I got up and wiped my eyes with my hand. They moved away a little bit and I said, ‘Who the hell’s got my bra?’
They handed it to me and I put it on. My sweater too. ‘What now?’ I said, real sullen and looking at the floor.
‘Now you gotta pick your stud,’ said Chunk.
‘Whaddaya mean, I gotta pick my stud? I’m not a slave or something! If I want a guy, I can get him on my own, and I don’t need anything from you creeps!’
There was a lot of boo about that, and I heard one guy yell to toss me out on my can, but Chunk told him to shove it, that I’d been cool and they needed chicks like me.
I knew what the pitch was then. He wanted me. That slob! I’d have rather died than be seen on the streets with him! I didn’t give a you-know-what if he was Prez of the Cavaliers!
‘Okay, men,’ I said. ‘I’ll pick.’ Then I walked over and put my arm through Puffs, holding it tight to my side. I was praying he didn’t have a steady drag already.
He looked down at me and a big crinkly grin shot out all over his face. He was so smooth. ‘She’s mine, man, and I want!’ Puff said.
Chunk looked like somebody’s put a pin through his nose, but he waved a hand and said, ‘Okay, Puff, she’s your woman. Take her in back.’
That rocked me for a second. What was this now?
I was scared witless for a minute, but Puff whispered in my ear, ‘Come on, you don’t have to be scared. I won’t bother ya.’
So I went with him. We walked out of the living room, with all those chicks and studs laughing and giggling. We walked into one of the bedrooms, and Puff locked the door behind us.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at me as though he was a kindergarten kid or something. He looked like a real little kid, so help me! ‘You know what’s supposed
to be, don’tcha?’ he asked.
I nodded, and he opened his hands as if to say, well, it’s up to you.
I shook my head at him. ‘Uh-uh, Puff. I dig you—you know that—but nobody’s laid it to me yet, and they ain’t gonna till I’ve got a ring to make it right. You understand, don’tcha?’
Then he smiled, and I don’t think I was ever so glad to see anybody smile at me like that.
‘Play it any way you like, Julie,’ he said, and then he wasn’t a Cavvy any more. He was just a sweet guy, and I’d almost do it for him. I went over and sat down next to him, and he put his arm around me.
Next thing I knew, they were banging on the door, telling us we’d had enough time in there.
Puff got up and wiped my lipstick off his face with his hankie. ‘Man! Where’d you learn to neck like that?’ he said, grinning big again.
‘Oh, I been around,’ I answered, real wise. He kept smiling, and I stood up, smoothing out my skirt. I kissed him again, hard.
‘You really want me for your drag?’ I asked.
‘Really, Julie,’ he said, real sincere.
‘Okay,’ I replied, ‘but you better be on the level with me, ’cause that’s the way I like it.’
He grinned like a big clown and we went back into the living room. Everybody patted me on the back, and a few of the guys thought they were entitled to kiss me. I cooled that idea real fast.
Best of all, they called me Julie, and everybody said I was welcome to the Cavvy Debs. I was in! I belonged! For the first time in my life!
I almost cried, so help me God!
Next six months were terrific. I went with Puff everywhere. Sometimes we’d go alone, and sometimes on club drags, with all the gang.
Once in a while there’d be a rumble, and once I toted Puff’s piece—his zip gun—back and forth to a war.
It was a big rumble with the Corkscrews, from over near the Park, and the cops got wind before we even got in a few pots at the crumbs. So I had to shove Puffs piece into my garter belt and kite outta there fast! No cop would search a chick, so I got away clean.
Puff got picked up though, and they took him down to the station.
I sweated it out till they let him out. The day he was sprung, I waited, biting my nails, worried to death.
Then I heard him in the street. ‘Hey, Julie! I got a record!’ I ran over to the window and looked out. He was down there, grinning, yelling up at me. I stuck my head out and squealed with love.
‘Puff! I’ll be right down!’
I ran down, hardly touching the stairs, and kissed him right there in the street. I was so glad to see him! ‘How’d they treat you?’ I asked.
He shrugged, looked like a real hero. ‘Oh, they kicked me around a little bit. One of them lousy slugs tapped me with his nightstick, but it didn’t bother me.’
He pulled his T-shirt up and showed me the bruise on his ribs. I swore, and told him I’d fix it up.
‘C’mon upstairs.’
We walked up arms around each other, and Puff whistling a cool number. When we got to the apartment I shoved open the door and yelled to Moms, ‘Hey! Where’s the Band-Aids and stuff?’
She came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. ‘What’s he doing here?’ she asked, real bad.
‘He’s my man. I’ve got a right to have him—’
‘You got no rights at all!’ she screamed, throwing the towel on the sofa. ‘I told you I didn’t like them street hoods, that you’d get in trouble running with them, and here you bring one of them up to my home!’
‘Moms—’ I started, but she cut me off.
‘Moms, hell!’ she snapped. It was the first time I’d ever heard my mother swear. ‘If you wanna ruin yourself, okay, you do it! But don’t bring none of them dirty killers in here!’
I got sore then, and yelled something awful at her. Then Puff and I fell out real fast. We stomped down the stairs, and I was madder’n I could be!
‘C’mon, I’ll take you to a show,’ Puff suggested.
‘No, I don’t wanna go to any show,’ I said. I was all ready to scream.
Things seemed to be going downhill so fast I couldn’t stop them. I’d never fought with Moms. I’d never gotten her mad at me, or heard her swear like that. I’d never hung out in candy stores and pool rooms like I was doing now. I’d always been around the house in case Moms needed help; now I never was. I’d always had people in our block smile at me, but now they just avoided me, didn’t even say hello.
There was Puff, too. He wasn’t like I’d thought kids in the Cavvies would be; none of them were. I was finding that out. They were smart-alecky and always looking for a fight—always wanting to start trouble. It wasn’t fun and excitement as I’d thought it would be.
I was scared now.
I turned and looked at Puff. ‘I want to quit the Cavvies,’ I said real quietly.
Puff just looked at me for a second. He didn’t say anything, but I knew what he was thinking. Nobody quits the club. ‘Maybe we better go talk to Chunk,’ Puff said, looking down at the sidewalk. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes, and I knew he was scared too. He didn’t like bucking the gang. But he was a Cavalier, and he had to do what the gang wanted, even when it came to me.
‘Can’t you quit too, Puff?’ I felt like I was going to cry if something didn’t happen soon.
‘Yeah, if I’d like my brains spread out on the street,’ he answered, jerking his head with meaning. It was tough for guys that wanted out. It was tougher for girls.
‘Okay,’ I told him, ‘let’s go talk to Chunk.’
We passed a couple of Cavaliers on the street, and Puff asked them if they’d seen Chunk. They told him Chunk was down in the pool room, shooting some snooker.
Puff took me to the clubroom, pushed me down in a big armchair and told me to wait. He was going around the corner to get Chunk. He said he’d be right back.
When he closed the door, I got more scared than I’d ever been before, even at the initiation. I started thinking about what I’d done.
I’d joined a kid gang—a gang of juvenile delinquents. I bit my lip when I put it into those words, but I had to say it: You’re just a tramp, I told myself. You run with killers and muggers and thieves!
I thought, I’ll bet Dad would love that if he was alive, wouldn’t he? Then the picture of my Pop, real clear, and looking just like he’d looked before he died, came into my mind, and I started to cry.
‘I didn’t know, I didn’t know!’ I kept repeating, crying and beating at the arm of the chair with my fist.
I was still crying when Chunk came in. I didn’t see him open the door, but suddenly I heard him say, ‘You stay out there for a while, Puff.’ I looked up, and real fright must have been in my face, because he looked at me with tight lips and dark eyes. He locked the door.
I looked up and caught a quick reflection of myself in the mirror near the door. I wasn’t pretty any more. My face was puffy and red and swollen from crying. My hair was a mess.
‘I hear you wanna punk out of the club,’ Chunk said, sitting down on the arm of the sofa.
I nodded my head. His face muscles tightened, one of them in his jaw jumped. He looked angry and his eyes were like black ice.
‘Why ya wanna quit?’ He seemed so damned smug!
I got mad then. Mad because I’d sworn at my mother; mad because I’d become something I hated; mad because I was lonely again. I’d come to them looking for friends, and I was merely something to neck with—a piece of meat!
‘I want to quit because you’re nothing but a bunch of bums and crooks! Because of you, Puffs got a record with the cops! That isn’t fun! I didn’t want that kind of fun! I thought you had dances and like that. I thought you were all friends. But you’re not. You’re always looking for someone to beat up, or some store to rob, or some girl you can make! You and your stupid rumbles—’
I was screaming at him, and the tears had started again. I guess I scared him more than anything, because he got
off the sofa and grabbed me by both arms and started shaking me.
‘Listen, you little broad! When you join the Cavaliers you stay in the Cavaliers till we say you can quit! How’d you like to live in the neighborhood without any protection from the gang? Huh? How’d you like that? You’d be scared to go to the store for your old lady for fear someone’d jump ya!’
‘I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!’ I was screaming.
Then he slapped me to stop my noise. It hurt like the devil and it only made me cry more. That was when I heard Puff banging on the door.
‘Lemme in, lemme in!’ I heard him yell.
‘In a sec!’ Chunk yelled back. He pushed me into the chair and leaned over, talking real earnest.
‘Julie, we need you in the club. We need all you debs. To tote our pieces, to get dope to us about the rumbles. And if you stay in, Puff’ll stay in. And we like you too.’ He added the last almost as if it didn’t matter.
That was when I realized they’d never let me quit. I was in the club to stay. And if I didn’t do what I was told, well…
The scars from my initiation were still all over my back.
Then Chunk turned away and unlocked the door. Puff came charging in, saw me crying, and turned on Chunk. ‘What the hell you think you’re doin’? I asked ya to say a few words to her, not to beat her up, you lousy—’
‘Shut up, wiseguy, I didn’t beat her up. I just shook her a little to get some sense into her dumb head.’ Chunk was bigger than Puff, and I didn’t want them to fight.
I’d started hiccuping, because I cried so much, but I mumbled, ‘It’s true, Puff. He only slapped me to make me stop crying.’
Puff backed off a little, still staring at Chunk in anger. ‘Come on,’ he said, not looking at me, still staring at Chunk with fire in his eyes. ‘We’re getting out of here.’
Out on the street, we walked for a while in silence.
Then Puff turned to me, stopping me, and said, ‘Look, Julie, you know why the club won’t let you quit. You’re a girl, and—well, you know what they want the girls for.’ He seemed embarrassed, so I gave him a thin smile. ‘To most of those guys, girls are only worth what they can get from them. But you mean more than that to me, Julie. Honest to God! Don’t quit the club, Julie, please!’