XX. David and Porthos Compared
But Mary spoilt it all, when I sent David back to her in the morning, byinquiring too curiously into his person and discovering that I had puthis combinations on him with the buttons to the front. For this Iwrote her the following insulting letter. When Mary does anythingthat specially annoys me I send her an insulting letter. I once had aphotograph taken of David being hanged on a tree. I sent her that. Youcan't think of all the subtle ways of grieving her I have. No woman withthe spirit of a crow would stand it.
"Dear Madam [I wrote], It has come to my knowledge that when you walkin the Gardens with the boy David you listen avidly for encomiums of himand of your fanciful dressing of him by passers-by, storing them in yourheart the while you make vain pretence to regard them not: whereforelest you be swollen by these very small things I, who now know Davidboth by day and by night, am minded to compare him and Porthos theone with the other, both in this matter and in other matters of graveraccount. And touching this matter of outward show, they are both verylordly, and neither of them likes it to be referred to, but they endurein different ways. For David says 'Oh, bother!' and even at times hitsout, but Porthos droops his tail and lets them have their say. Yet is heextolled as beautiful and a darling ten times for the once that David isextolled.
"The manners of Porthos are therefore prettier than the manners ofDavid, who when he has sent me to hide from him behind a tree sometimescomes not in search, and on emerging tamely from my concealment I findhim playing other games entirely forgetful of my existence. WhereasPorthos always comes in search. Also if David wearies of you he scruplesnot to say so, but Porthos, in like circumstances, offers you his paw,meaning 'Farewell,' and to bearded men he does this all the time (Ithink because of a hereditary distaste for goats), so that they conceivehim to be enamoured of them when he is only begging them courteously togo. Thus while the manners of Porthos are more polite it may be arguedthat those of David are more efficacious.
"In gentleness David compares ill with Porthos. For whereas the oneshoves and has been known to kick on slight provocation, the other, whois noisily hated of all small dogs by reason of his size, remonstratesnot, even when they cling in froth and fury to his chest, but carriesthem along tolerantly until they drop off from fatigue. Again,David will not unbend when in the company of babies, expecting themunreasonably to rise to his level, but contrariwise Porthos, thoughterrible to tramps, suffers all things of babies, even to an explorationof his mouth in an attempt to discover what his tongue is like atthe other end. The comings and goings of David are unnoticed byperambulators, which lie in wait for the advent of Porthos. The strongand wicked fear Porthos but no little creature fears him, not thehedgehogs he conveys from place to place in his mouth, nor the sparrowsthat steal his straw from under him.
"In proof of which gentleness I adduce his adventure with the rabbit.Having gone for a time to reside in a rabbit country Porthos was elatedto discover at last something small that ran from him, and developingat once into an ecstatic sportsman he did pound hotly in pursuit, thoughalways over-shooting the mark by a hundred yards or so and wonderingvery much what had become of the rabbit. There was a steep path, fromthe top of which the rabbit suddenly came into view, and the practice ofPorthos was to advance up it on tiptoe, turning near the summit togive me a knowing look and then bounding forward. The rabbit here didsomething tricky with a hole in the ground, but Porthos tore onwards infull faith that the game was being played fairly, and always returnedpanting and puzzling but glorious.
"I sometimes shuddered to think of his perplexity should he catch therabbit, which however was extremely unlikely; nevertheless he did catchit, I know not how, but presume it to have been another than the one ofwhich he was in chase. I found him with it, his brows furrowed in thedeepest thought. The rabbit, terrified but uninjured, cowered beneathhim. Porthos gave me a happy look and again dropped into a weighty frameof mind. 'What is the next thing one does?' was obviously the puzzlewith him, and the position was scarcely less awkward for the rabbit,which several times made a move to end this intolerable suspense.Whereupon Porthos immediately gave it a warning tap with his foot, andagain fell to pondering. The strain on me was very great.
"At last they seemed to hit upon a compromise. Porthos looked over hisshoulder very self-consciously, and the rabbit at first slowly and thenin a flash withdrew. Porthos pretended to make a search for it, but youcannot think how relieved he looked. He even tried to brazen out hisdisgrace before me and waved his tail appealingly. But he could notlook me in the face, and when he saw that this was what I insisted on hecollapsed at my feet and moaned. There were real tears in his eyes, andI was touched, and swore to him that he had done everything a dog coulddo, and though he knew I was lying he became happy again. For so long asI am pleased with him, ma'am, nothing else greatly matters to Porthos. Itold this story to David, having first extracted a promise from him thathe would not think the less of Porthos, and now I must demand the samepromise of you. Also, an admission that in innocence of heart, for whichDavid has been properly commended, he can nevertheless teach Porthosnothing, but on the contrary may learn much from him.
"And now to come to those qualities in which David excels overPorthos--the first is that he is no snob but esteems the girl Irene(pretentiously called his nurse) more than any fine lady, and enviesevery ragged boy who can hit to leg. Whereas Porthos would have everyclass keep its place, and though fond of going down into the kitchen,always barks at the top of the stairs for a servile invitation beforehe graciously descends. Most of the servants in our street have hadthe loan of him to be photographed with, and I have but now seen himstalking off for that purpose with a proud little housemaid who islooking up to him as if he were a warrior for whom she had paid ashilling.
"Again, when David and Porthos are in their bath, praise is due to theone and must be withheld from the other. For David, as I have noticed,loves to splash in his bath and to slip back into it from the hands thatwould transfer him to a towel. But Porthos stands in his bath droopingabjectly like a shamed figure cut out of some limp material.
"Furthermore, the inventiveness of David is beyond that of Porthos, whocannot play by himself, and knows not even how to take a solitarywalk, while David invents playfully all day long. Lastly, when David isdiscovered of some offence and expresses sorrow therefor, he doesthat thing no more for a time, but looks about him for other offences,whereas Porthos incontinently repeats his offence, in other words, heagain buries his bone in the backyard, and marvels greatly that I knowit, although his nose be crusted with earth.
"Touching these matters, therefore, let it be granted that David excelsPorthos; and in divers similar qualities the one is no more than a matchfor the other, as in the quality of curiosity; for, if a parcel comesinto my chambers Porthos is miserable until it is opened, and I havenoticed the same thing of David.
"Also there is the taking of medicine. For at production of the vial allgaiety suddenly departs from Porthos and he looks the other way, but ifI say I have forgotten to have the vial refilled he skips joyfully,yet thinks he still has a right to a chocolate, and when I remarkeddisparagingly on this to David he looked so shy that there was revealedto me a picture of a certain lady treating him for youthful maladies.
"A thing to be considered of in both is their receiving of punishments,and I am now reminded that the girl Irene (whom I take in this matterto be your mouthpiece) complains that I am not sufficiently severe withDavid, and do leave the chiding of him for offences against myself toher in the hope that he will love her less and me more thereby. Which wehave hotly argued in the Gardens to the detriment of our dignity. And Ihere say that if I am slow to be severe to David, the reason thereof isthat I dare not be severe to Porthos, and I have ever sought to treatthe one the same with the other.
"Now I refrain from raising hand or voice to Porthos because his greatheart is nigh to breaking if he so much as suspects that all is not wellbetween him and me, and having struck him once some
years ago never canI forget the shudder which passed through him when he saw it was Iwho had struck, and I shall strike him, ma'am, no more. But when he isdetected in any unseemly act now, it is my stern practice to cane mywriting table in his presence, and even this punishment is almost morethan he can bear. Wherefore if such chastisement inflicted on Davidencourages him but to enter upon fresh trespasses (as the girl Ireneavers), the reason must be that his heart is not like unto that of thenoble Porthos.
"And if you retort that David is naturally a depraved little boy, andso demands harsher measure, I have still my answer, to wit, what is themanner of severity meted out to him at home? And lest you should shufflein your reply I shall mention a notable passage that has come to myears.
"As thus, that David having heard a horrid word in the street, utteredit with unction in the home. That the mother threatened corporalpunishment, whereat the father tremblingly intervened. That Davidcontinuing to rejoice exceedingly in his word, the father spoke darklyof a cane, but the mother rushed between the combatants. That theproblematical chastisement became to David an object of romanticinterest. That this darkened the happy home. That casting from hispath a weeping mother, the goaded father at last dashed from the houseyelling that he was away to buy a cane. That he merely walked thestreets white to the lips because of the terror David must now befeeling. And that when he returned, it was David radiant with hope whoopened the door and then burst into tears because there was no cane.Truly, ma'am, you are a fitting person to tax me with want of severity.Rather should you be giving thanks that it is not you I am comparingwith Porthos.
"But to make an end of this comparison, I mention that Porthos is everwishful to express gratitude for my kindness to him, so that lookingup from my book I see his mournful eyes fixed upon me with a passionateattachment, and then I know that the well-nigh unbearable sadness whichcomes into the face of dogs is because they cannot say Thank you totheir masters. Whereas David takes my kindness as his right. But forthis, while I should chide him I cannot do so, for of all the ways Davidhas of making me to love him the most poignant is that he expects it ofme as a matter of course. David is all for fun, but none may plumb thedepths of Porthos. Nevertheless I am most nearly doing so when I liedown beside him on the floor and he puts an arm about my neck. On mysoul, ma'am, a protecting arm. At such times it is as if each of us knewwhat was the want of the other.
"Thus weighing Porthos with David it were hard to tell which is theworthier. Wherefore do you keep your boy while I keep my dog, and so weshall both be pleased."