Aric caught the tear that slid down her cheek. His solemn gaze was tender on her, even though this touch was the first he’d given her since leaving her bed in the early hours of the morning. As the ceremony concluded, they rose with everyone else seated in the pews.
It was humbling to be among the witnesses of the tradition-steeped ceremony. An honor to be welcomed as one of these people, even though there was a part of her that knew she was the outsider. An interloper who would never fully belong until she had brought all of her secrets out of the shadows of her past and into the light.
Including the secret she felt certain Aric already suspected, or was close to figuring out.
She had almost told him last night. But then he mentioned the likelihood that the Order was being betrayed by a mole who had not only warned Big Mack to evacuate, but alerted Opus to the fact the Order would be moving in on Lars Scrully last night. If she told him she’d been concealing the fact that she had gone to Angus Mackie’s bar the very day of the Order’s raid, why would Aric or anyone else ever believe that she had nothing to do with giving Opus the intel they needed to come to Scrully’s place armed with UV weapons?
All Kaya knew was that the pit she had begun digging for herself by withholding her shame about her past and the people who raised her was coming home to roost in ways she never imagined in her worst nightmares.
And in the center of all her regrets for those actions was Aric.
She owed him the truth.
The vague distance she felt from him today only fortified her resolve. He had to know why she was so terrified of her feelings for him.
Particularly after last night, when she’d been all but certain he had been just a hairbreadth from sinking his fangs into her carotid. One bite and he would know all of her secrets and shame. One sip from her vein and he would be bound to her forever.
It wasn’t fear she felt at that idea. It was a fierce longing. But she could never allow it to happen while she was betraying him with her silence.
“Kaya, would you like to meet my baby brother?” Mira beamed like a proud mama herself.
Looping her arm through Kaya’s, she excitedly tugged her forward without waiting for her reply. Aric loomed beside her, flanked by Kellan and Rafe.
“Why didn’t you bring Siobhan?” Mira asked, frowning. “I hope she didn’t feel unwelcome.”
“No.” Rafe shook his head. “She was awake most of the night again. Sometimes the nightmares of her roommate’s killing are too much. She was so exhausted this morning, I told her to stay in bed and rest.”
Mira gave him a sympathetic nod. “We’re all exhausted today, I think. Losing Bal on top of all the other setbacks we’ve had lately . . . well, at least we have Dmitri to celebrate. God knows we needed something positive to carry us through.”
Renata smiled as the group of them approached the Order elders standing at the front of the sanctuary. She was radiant in her white ceremonial attire. Nikolai seemed even taller today, and unabashedly proud. The cool Russian Breed male kept his muscled arm circled around Renata’s shoulders, his icy blue gaze shining with a joy Kaya had rarely seen in him.
“It was a beautiful ceremony,” Kaya told the commander and his mate. “Dmitri Jack is a lovely name. He would be delighted, I’m sure.”
With a small nod, Renata glanced down at the dozing baby in her arms. “I hope so.”
“Is Dmitri a family name?”
“My brother,” Niko answered. “He died a very long time ago, but I will never forget him.”
Renata turned a tender gaze on her man. “Love has no expiration date. Dmitri will be in your heart forever.”
He nodded. “I want my son to grow up knowing he was named for two great men, and that he now has the responsibility to live a life that honors them both.”
“I’m sure he will,” Aric said. “Dmitri’s got some of the best parents he could hope for. Not to mention excellent backup.”
Rio chuckled at the praise. “The bar is set fairly high by a lot of others in this room, but Dylan and I will do our best not to disappoint.”
The Spaniard’s red-haired Breedmate flashed a gorgeous smile as she leaned her cheek against his thick biceps. “What he means is, we intend to spoil this child as thoroughly as Niko and Renata will allow us to.”
Kaya laughed along with everyone as the conversation continued, but it was hard to focus on anything other than Aric, who seemed to regard her in an almost brooding silence.
“What about your godparents?” she asked him, searching for a way to bring him out of the sullen mood that had been clinging to him since they’d made love last night. “You and Carys must have someone watching over you too.”
He glanced at his parents and gave a short nod. “My sister and I have the good fortune of calling Tess and Dante our godparents.”
The other couple smiled warmly at him. Then Dante smirked. “Growing up, you and Carys probably should’ve had a pair and a spare considering how wild and headstrong you both were.”
“Were?” Chase quipped drolly. “I’ve been cursed with children who proved to me time and again that they were as hard-headed as I am. They still do, more often than not.”
“And we wouldn’t have either of you any other way,” Tavia added, reaching out to squeeze the hands of both Aric and Carys, who had now joined the gathering along with her hulking mate, Rune.
Kaya looked over at Rafe. “I suppose your godparents are no mystery, seeing what close friends you and Aric are. Chase and Tavia, right?”
“No,” he replied, exchanging a look with his parents. Dante and Tess seemed a bit uncomfortable now too. “My godparents are Gideon and Savannah. And I’m damned lucky they are. They’ve been my rock more times than I can count.”
Aric’s quiet had deepened as well. A sudden awkwardness fell over the group. Kaya glanced at Chase and saw a regret in his blue gaze that made her wish for the floor to open up and swallow her. “I’m sorry if I said something wrong. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“You didn’t. And you aren’t,” Chase said. “What no one here wants to say is that I was supposed to be godparent to Rafe, but I lost the privilege. Deservedly so. I had some . . . issues many years ago. I thought I could hide a big problem from my brethren and it cost me their trust. If I hadn’t found a reason to turn it all around, I wouldn’t be standing here today.”
“Probably none of us would be,” Dante said soberly, nothing but respect and affection for his fellow comrade and friend.
“What happened?” Kaya blurted before she could curb her question. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking, that is.”
Aric was the one who answered. “He had to come clean about the thing that was destroying him and everything he cared about.”
“That’s right,” his father confirmed. “I had a problem that was bigger than I could handle on my own. For me, it was blood addiction. But the solution is the same for anything that seems impossible to repair. The only way past a problem is through it.” He turned an adoring glance on Tavia. “So much the better if you have the right person to help you to the other side.”
He lifted his mate’s face and kissed her in front of everyone, neither of them ashamed of their devotion--or the palpable heat of their bond.
As for Kaya, she couldn’t help but see the parallel between her own troubles and Sterling Chase’s near forfeit of his place among the Order and the family he’d made there. And when she thought of family, it was impossible not to think of her twin.
As children, she and Leah had never known this kind of kinship and security with the people who bore them and raised them.
Nor this kind of love.
As much as she owed the truth to Aric and Mira and all the other people gathered in the sanctuary along with her, she couldn’t turn her back on her sister.
Although Leah claimed not to want her help, Kaya had to give her another chance at a better life.
“Speaking of problems and finding our way through them,”
Dante said, his black brows knit over whiskey-colored eyes that narrowed on his warrior son. “How’s Siobhan holding up? With everything that’s happened since you and Aric picked her up, it’s easy to forget the trauma she survived.”
Rafe nodded. “She’s doing her best to put the attack behind her, but it’s not easy. Witnessing her roommate’s brutal murder and being beaten unconscious by the Opus thugs who broke in that night has taken a toll. Siobhan’s sensitive. She’s . . . delicate. She’s also the most captivating woman I’ve ever known.”
Aric shot a wry smirk at his friend. “You never could resist a pretty damsel in distress.”
“You trying to tell me I’ve got a type?” Rafe volleyed back, grinning. “Hard to recall even looking at anyone else now that I’ve met Siobhan.”
His father grunted, clearly surprised by the news. “Anyone with eyes can see how much you care for her. But I’ve gotta say, I never thought you’d find a woman to live up to your impossible standards. Did you, Tess?”
She gave the faintest shake of her blonde head, eyes the same arresting aquamarine color as Rafe’s studying her son in a curious silence.
Kaya felt a stare holding on her too.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that private conversation you asked about,” Nikolai told her. “Anytime you want to talk, my door is open for you.”
She had to swallow past the knot of guilt that sat in her throat as she offered the commander a nod and murmured thanks. She felt the weight of Aric’s silence beside her. With dread and regret crushing down on her, it was all she could do not to bolt from the room and scream out in self-directed anger and frustration.
She had to put her past to bed and either leave her sister behind for good or find some way to bring her into the light.
All she knew was she couldn’t bear another day of holding the truth inside.
CHAPTER 25
Aric sat in the war room with Rafe, the Order elders, and all the rest of the Breed males on site at the command center, trying like hell to pay attention while they reviewed the events of the past few days and the resulting intel that Gideon had sent from D.C.
It wasn’t that he had no interest. He was as determined as anyone to chase every trail that might lead the Order to Opus Nostrum--or to the leak that had somehow opened up in the Order’s otherwise airtight pipeline of allies and informants.
And deep down, in spite of the instincts that had been gnawing at him relentlessly the past couple of days, he was hoping like hell that none of those trails led to Kaya.
After the ceremony celebrating Dmitri, Kaya had gone up to the mansion with the other women to enjoy the small feast they had prepared. Aric had been looking for the chance to get Kaya alone for a few minutes after the ceremony, but she seemed more than eager to get away from him once the sanctuary had cleared out.
So instead of chipping away at the wall of unanswered questions and increasingly troubling suspicions that stood between them, he was cooling his heels across the table from Lucan and his father on the verge of crawling out of his own skin.
Finally, he couldn’t take it.
Offering a lame excuse, he ducked out of the meeting and beelined for the mansion and the sounds of women’s laughter and conversation in the kitchen. He had let Kaya stonewall and evade him long enough.
He loved her, and if telling her that wasn’t enough to loosen the knots in her tongue, then he needed to know now.
If she wasn’t going to be totally honest with him--open to him in every way--then he needed to hear her say the words to his face. Then maybe he could get back to the business of living his life without her.
And if it turned out that she actually loved him, then by God he needed to hear that too.
He stalked through the kitchen entry like he was heading to war. “Kaya.”
All the conversation ceased. Seven beautiful female faces swiveled in his direction, not one of them hers.
He frowned. “Where’s Kaya?”
“Probably in her quarters,” his mother replied.
Mira nodded. “She said she was tired and wanted to rest for a while.”
Carys arched a brow at him, grinning. “You shouldn’t be surprised to hear that, considering you spent most of last night in her room.”
Ordinarily, he might take his twin sister’s bait and come back with a smartass comment of his own. Not now. He was too tense for his own peace of mind and Kaya’s absence pricked his suspicions more than he wanted to acknowledge. “How long?”
“What is it, Aric?” Tavia asked.
“When did she leave?”
The women exchanged uncertain looks. “About twenty minutes ago,” one of them said.
He didn’t know who, and didn’t offer any acknowledgment. His feet were already moving beneath him, heading at almost a run toward the corridor that would take him to her private living suite in the residence.
He rapped on her door. “Kaya?” When no answer came, he knocked again. Then tried the knob and found it locked. “Damn it.” He didn’t like the idea of intruding on her without permission, but he didn’t like the feeling he was getting about her absence even more. Exhaling a curse, he freed the lock with his mind and opened the door. “Kaya? Are you here?”
Utter silence. Her quarters were empty.
She was gone.
“Fuck. Damn you, Kaya.”
He knew by the cold understanding in his veins that he wasn’t going to find her anywhere in the command center. She had left base without telling anyone. That knowledge settled over him like a shroud.
In an instant, he was on the sunlit pavement outside the command center, flashing there with all the Breed velocity he possessed. He didn’t know where she might have gone. Or, rather, he didn’t want to think that he knew.
It took him only minutes to cross the city into Dorval.
To his relief, the ramshackle house down at the river that had been Angus Mackie’s most recent address was still vacant. All the rats had fled that ship the night of the Order’s raid and had evidently not returned.
Aric sped to the bar and found much the same situation. Empty building. No sign of the gang leader with the black scarab tattoo or any of his faithful followers. He came out of the tavern and raked a hand over his head, his heart rate finally decelerating now that all of his hunches seemed to have been wrong.
And thank fuck for that.
Some of the fury and dread that drove him down to this shitty neck of the woods began to ebb. At least it did until he glanced down the street and a glimpse of long dark hair and endless legs poured into dark denim caught his eye.
Kaya came out of a grimy auto garage with a grease-covered skinhead she appeared to know. No mistaking the piece of human garbage for anything other than one of Angus’s ilk. Kaya’s hand was locked on the man’s forearm as she spoke to him. She took some cash out of her pocket and gave it to him. Then she got into a piece of shit sedan parked at the curb and drove off.
Aric could hardly control his rage.
He wanted to wring answers out of the human with his bare hands, but Kaya was the only one who could tell him what he really needed to know.
His body vibrated with menace as he gathered the shadows around himself and followed her up the street. The instant she stopped at a traffic light, he tore open the passenger door and dropped into the seat beside her.
“I call shotgun.”
Her head swiveled toward him on a choked gasp. “Aric! What are you--”
“What am I doing here?” he finished for her, fury stripping his voice to its barest growl. “That’s exactly what I came here to ask you, Kaya. What the hell are you doing down here alone on Big Mack’s turf?”
Her brown eyes were bleak. “It’s not what you think.”
“Really?” He scoffed. “That’s good. That’s one huge goddamned fucking relief, Kaya. Because what I think is that you just crept away from base in broad daylight to meet up with one of the Order’s enemies. What I think is that
the heat is getting a little too intense back and the command center and maybe our mole’s decided it’s time to run back to whatever hidey-hole she crawled out of in the first place.”
She looked away from him and shook her head, misery in the sound that escaped her lips. “I’m not a mole, Aric.”
“Unfortunately, it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than that to convince me now.”
“I’m not a mole,” she said, finally meeting his hard stare again.
“But you are on your way to see Big Mack now.”
“Yes.”
“Are you the reason he knew the Order was coming for him the other night?”
She swallowed hard, then lowered her head. “Yes. I’m sure I must be.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“That day when I went for a run, I ended up going to Mackie’s bar.”
Aric let his curse go. It was sharp and rage-filled, lashing out with such force Kaya flinched on the other side of the vehicle. He realized only now how badly he’d been hoping for her denial, despite the strength of his suspicions. Instead, what she was telling him was even worse.
“I didn’t go there looking to break the Order’s trust. I went there because I needed to see someone.”
“Someone who runs with Big Mack?” His voice sounded wooden, but whether it was from anger or shock, he wasn’t sure. He refused to allow that it might be due to the sudden strangulation of his heart as he struggled to process the fact that the woman he loved was about to tell him she was in league with the Order’s enemies. “No one who associates with those murdering cowards is worth your time. If I had my way, I’d cut a bloody track through the heart of every last one of them.”
He saw her slight flinch as he said it. There was shame in the expression she turned on him. And regret. “Aric, I was born and raised with people like him. My mother was one of them, hate-filled and nasty. That was my world too. It was the only world I knew for a very long time.”