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Bette’s eyes filled with tears. She kept running her hand over her blond ponytail, pulling at it. “I told you,” she said, her voice uneven. “This is what—”
“That’s not what we need right now,” I said. “She’s hurt. ” I went to the sled and riffled through it, trying to find the plastic rope. I loosened it, threading one end around my waist, through the belt loops at my hips.
“What are you doing?” Clara asked. She glanced sideways at Beatrice, trying to gauge her reaction.
“There’s enough,” I said, showing her the other end of the rope. There was at least forty feet, possibly more. I searched the edge of the road, looking for something—anything—to anchor it. “Someone has to go down and get her. ”
Clara peered over the cliff. Only the top of Helene’s head was visible now. She’d pushed back against the front of the rock, trying to stay as far away from the edge as possible. “Why does it have to be you?” Clara held open her hand, gesturing for me to give her the rope. “You shouldn’t. ”
Bette and Sarah inched forward, trying to get a glimpse of Helene on the ledge below. “Hurry,” Bette said. “She could fall. ”
Clara took the rope, yanking the end from my waist. “You can’t,” she said. “You’re the only one who knows where we’re going. ” Her eyes held mine for a moment too long, and I knew what she wouldn’t add—that I was pregnant. That there was more risk for me than there was for her.
Beatrice grabbed my arm. “Let Clara go,” she said. “We’ll hold the rope for her. We can anchor it back there. ” She pointed to the low railing on the other side of the road. It was corroded from the sun, the metal now covered in a bumpy white film that looked like barnacles. It seemed flimsy, but the bottoms of the metal poles were still rooted to the ground, buried in a few feet of solid concrete.
I examined the railing, kicking the bottom pole to make sure it wouldn’t give. Then I lashed the plastic rope around it, using the same knot I’d used months before as we secured Quinn’s houseboat to the dock in Califia. I leaned back, letting it hold my full weight, the plastic threads tightening under my grip.
Standing there, looking at the valley below, I remembered the unmistakable pull I felt in the Palace whenever I was just inches from the tower windows. A dizziness set in. I felt like at any moment I could tumble forward, the great expanse capable of swallowing me whole. “You have to show me how to tie it,” Clara said from somewhere behind me. She handed the rope to me, and I noticed then that her hands were shaking, her fingers bloodless and pale.
“Let me go,” I said. But Clara just pressed the rope into my hands.
Bette and Sarah stood on the pavement beside us, Sarah holding Bette’s arm. Bette wiped at her face, trying to dry it. “You have to do something,” she said. “She’s in pain. ”
I moved fast, securing the rope around Clara’s waist, just below her ribs, double-knotting it to make sure it would hold. “We could first try to lower it down to her,” I said, when I was sure the other girls couldn’t hear. “You don’t have to do this. ”
Clara’s face was wet and pale. Her hands moved erratically, first grabbing the rope, then her waist, uncertain where to put them. “No, I’ll do it,” she said. She nodded. “I will. ”
I ordered the girls to line up. I stood right behind Clara, Beatrice behind me, and the girls held the rope behind us. “Now lean back—put your full weight against it,” I said. “Whatever happens, don’t let go. There are enough of us that we’ll be able to bring them up. ”
Clara looked at me, each of her breaths slow and deliberate, cutting the silence. “If you lean back, you can walk down the cliff front,” I explained. I’d seen Quinn do it twice, trying to reach one of the narrow, secluded beaches on the east end of Marin. “Keep your hands on the rope. ”
“Right,” she said. “I’ll be fine. ” I pulled some of the rope in, so it was taut, and she started backward, glancing to the spot where the pavement turned into rock. As she got to the cliff’s edge, she leaned back, her eyes meeting mine for a second as I let out the line. She squeezed the tears away.
I watched as she slowly stepped down the front of the ledge, finally dropping out of view. There was the quiet falling of pebbles, skittering down the cliff front, heard each time she pushed off. Behind me, Bette’s breaths were choked and wet. “She has to get her,” she said. “She can’t die. ”
“No one is going to die,” Beatrice snapped. It was the closest thing I’d ever heard to anger in her voice. It startled even the girls. They all grew silent, letting the rope out only when I told them to.
Clara was saying something, whispering to herself as she went down, though I couldn’t hear what. Every doubt I’d pushed aside in the past days crowded my mind, closing in on me. I’d been foolish to think I could bring the girls with me, that we wouldn’t all be captured or die from starvation. Even if Helene could be brought up, her leg was likely broken or sprained. How would she be able to keep pace? We’d be on the road another two weeks, at least, as we headed for the coast.
The rope burned against my palm. I could feel all of Clara’s weight straining against it, pulling back and away. I let some of it give, and after a few minutes it loosened as she hit the outcropping where Helene was. “I’ve got her,” she yelled, her voice small and distant. “She’s okay. I’m bringing her up. ”
I RESTED MY HAND ON HELENE’S FOREHEAD, JUST ABOVE HER brow. “It’ll sting,” I said. Her tiny black braids were caked with dried blood. The three-inch gash was still split open. I breathed through my mouth, trying not to give in to the sick, sinking feeling in my stomach as I poured the vodka over the cut. She winced, her body tensing against it. I brought one of the towels to the side of her head, catching the rest of the liquid, careful to keep the cloth away from the wound. “It’s done now,” I said. “It’s over. Try to get some sleep. ”
Helene didn’t look at me. Her eyes were squeezed shut, tears caught in her lashes. Color had come into the bruises on her arms, the blood crusted black beneath her fingernails. I looked down at her leg. Beatrice had fashioned a splint out of two branches we’d found, tying them together with rope. I had held Helene’s hand as Beatrice pulled her heel, setting the bone in place. Now the area from her knee to her ankle was swollen, the skin stretched and red. We’d given her some of the vodka for the pain, but it was hard to know how bad the break was. The bone didn’t come through the skin—Beatrice had said there was hope.
I turned away, stepping around the girls who’d settled beside her. Bette and Sarah had fallen asleep. The blankets we hadn’t used for Helene were shared among the others. Bette shifted on the hard earth, struggling to get comfortable. As the wind came through the valley, I pulled my sweater closer, trying to steel myself against the cold, but it ripped right through me. The temperature had dropped ten degrees since the sun disappeared from the sky.
We’d found camp as soon as the road flattened out, setting up behind a cluster of high rocks. Bette and Sarah had pulled Helene behind them in the sled. Even after we’d given her as much of the alcohol as she could take down, she still sobbed, the pain coming and going in waves. I’d spent nearly an hour sitting beside her, occasionally listening to the radio, trying to get news from the Trail.