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It was a long while before Ruby and Clara came to bed. I shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep.
“She needed the rest,” Clara whispered. I heard the give of the mattress as she lay down in the bed above me. Ruby settled in, too, turning onto her side, readjusting several times until she was comfortable. An hour passed, maybe two. When I was certain they wouldn’t wake, I stood, turning out into the hall.
I walked down the corridor, past the wide living area, where a few of the girls slept on the couches. A set of sliding doors let out onto the houseboat’s worn deck. Outside, the moon had disappeared behind a thick layer of fog. The cold air felt good on my skin. I climbed down the side ladder and took off down the dock, carefully stepping around the broken boards.
I just needed to be out, to be moving—to feel I was going somewhere. I started through the trees, moving quickly over gnarled roots and rocks. Most of the houses were dark. Up ahead, beyond a few high bushes, I could just make out a figure. I was about to turn, winding back down the path, when she spotted me.
“Eve—what are you doing out here?” Maeve asked. “What’s wrong?”
I glanced down the trail, realizing I’d nearly made it to her house. She was standing at the base of a massive oak tree. It took me a moment, my eyes adjusting to the light, to realize she was holding Lilac’s doll.
“I just needed air,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep. ”
“I suppose Quinn’s house has taken some getting used to,” she said. There was the hint of a suggestion in it—why hadn’t I returned to that room beside hers? Why had I been so cold to her when I first arrived? I could see, even now, she wanted to know.
“Quinn’s house has been great,” I said. “The girls are happy there. I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all. And you?”
She held up the doll. “Lilac left her out here. I promised I’d organize a search party—one person, but still. ” She glanced over her shoulder. “Want to come inside for a minute? I still have the lanterns lit. ”
How many times had I imagined this moment, what I would say if we were alone? I started up the trail behind her, ducking a few low branches. “That night that I left,” I said, keeping my eyes on the thick tree roots that wormed through the dirt. “We were trying to find Caleb. ”
“I assumed that much,” Maeve said. “But we never heard word one way or the other. Like I said—you shouldn’t have gone without saying good-bye. ”
We pushed into the house. Most of the wood cabinets were half open, their contents emptied onto the counter. The kitchen table was covered with unmarked cans, stacks of recovered dish towels, and piles of utensils. There were dozens of wine bottles filled with boiled rainwater. Dried fruit sat in foggy plastic containers, warped and buckling, their tops held on by old rubber bands. “I clean sometimes when Lilac goes to sleep,” she said. “It passes the time. ”
“I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want you to try to keep me here,” I said.
“And why would I do that?” she asked. She leaned back against the counter, her face softer in the lantern light.
“We heard you, Maeve. You, Isis, and Quinn. We heard you debating whether or not Arden and I should be allowed to stay. I know you were planning on using me to negotiate. ”
She rubbed her hands over her face, letting out a low breath.
“Quinn was the only one who defended us. Tell me you didn’t say that—tell me it’s not true. ”
“No, I said it,” she admitted. “I did. ”
“If you report any of the girls here, I will make—”
“I said if,” Maeve interrupted. “It was always an if. I never wanted to use you against the King. I just said that if I had to, if he put pressure on us to turn you over to the army, I would use it to our advantage. ”
“I thought you were supposed to protect the settlement,” I said, “not give its residents over whenever there’s a threat. ”
She turned away from me, grabbing a few bottles from the table and shoving them back into a cabinet. “At that point, what choice would I have?”
I heard the hollow sound of footsteps on the stairs. When I turned, Lilac was standing against the doorframe, her hair tied back with a purple scarf. She wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Did you find her?” she asked.
Maeve plucked the doll from the kitchen table, glancing sideways at me before pressing it into Lilac’s arms. “Here she is. Like I promised,” she said, her hand resting on Lilac’s back. “You must’ve dropped her while you were playing on the path. ” Even in the dim lantern light I could make out the creases across Lilac’s cheeks, imprints from the crumpled sheets. Her lips puttered as she let out one long breath, her face giving in to exhaustion.
“Come on,” Maeve said softly, hooking her arm beneath the girl’s knees. She scooped her up in one swift motion and climbed the stairs.
Lilac’s head rested easily in the crook of Maeve’s neck, her cheek pressing against Maeve’s shirt. There was something about the girl’s tired face, the way her dark lashes curled up at the ends, how her fist swiped at her nose, trying to keep away an itch. It had been so long since I’d seen them together, I’d forgotten how Maeve softened in Lilac’s presence. She seemed calmer, more herself, easily moving through the quiet of the old house.
I listened to them somewhere above, the bedsprings creaking as Lilac climbed back into the bunk. I wondered if I would ever have that sense of calm, that comfort with my child, knowing that my father was still out there hunting me. He wouldn’t give up on finding us, I knew that, even now.
There were a few glass jars filled with nuts on the kitchen table. There couldn’t have been more than five handfuls in each. I found myself counting them, imagining how long I could make them last if I was back out in the wild (twenty days). I started tracing the time it would take to get back to the City, calculating how long it would be by foot, by horse, with the help of a stolen vehicle. I could be there in three days’ time, at best.
No matter how many troops were brought from the colonies, no matter who was leading them, they wouldn’t succeed if my father was still alive. He was at the center of everything inside the City. From what Quinn had said, his power had only grown since the siege. There seemed no way around it—I could sit here and wait, hoping that things would be different, or I could act. If the colonies came to the City, I could be an ally to them, one of the few rebels who knew the workings of the Palace.
By the time Maeve made her way back downstairs I’d decided. There wasn’t anything for me to do in Califia except wait: Wait for the soldiers to track me here, wait to see if Maeve would give me up. Wait for news of another siege and another failure. Wait for my father to come for my child.
“I’m going back,” I said.
Maeve paused in the doorway, her head tilted to one side. “If you’re trying to punish me for—”
“It doesn’t have to do with you,” I said. “It has to do with him. ”
Maeve collected a few more jars from the table, working quickly as she set them in another cabinet. She spun around, watching me as she wiped her hands on the front of her tattered pants. “You should stay a few more days,” she said. “Rest. Recover. ” Her eyes fell to my midsection. I pulled my sweater tighter, covering it.