I always thought losing my virginity would be a memorable event with fireworks and theme music and maybe a parade afterward. But no. It was more like, Hey, so thanks for the horribly awkward sex. Let’s never speak again.
“No,” I say, searching the depths of the black hole that is my makeup bag for my mascara. “I mean, it was uncomfortable as hell, but it wasn’t bad. I just haven’t been able to get into it with Matt yet. Or the guy before him. Or the guy before that guy.” I shrug again. “Maybe I’m a lesbian.”
My fingers finally wrap around a tube of mascara and I pull it out in triumph.
“You’re not a lesbian,” Jenna says.
“I could be.”
“No way.” She looks at me with the eyeliner in midair. “If you were a lesbian, you would totally check me out. You never check me out.”
“Well, maybe you’re not my type,” I say in between batting lashes and coats of black goo.
She rolls her eyes. “Oh please. I’m everyone’s type—”
“Pixie!” calls someone from the hallway.
Levi.
I haven’t heard his voice for three days, and all my senses immediately go on alert. My eyes snap to the mirror just as his reflection appears in the bathroom doorway, and my heart stammers at the sight.
He’s wearing dark jeans and an untucked shirt that fits his frame perfectly. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone, showing off the tan skin of his thick throat, and I suddenly sympathize with vampires everywhere. Who wouldn’t want to take a bite out of that?
WHAT?
Where did that thought come from?
“Hey, Pixie. Ellen wanted me to…” Levi’s words trail off as his gaze runs down my body and lingers on my butt. Desire flashes in his eyes, and my insides start to heat and tighten in response.
Our eyes lock in the mirror.
Am I blushing? Crap, I’m blushing.
He clears his throat and starts again. “Ellen wanted me to give these to you. She says you lost your own set? These are her backups.” He lays a set of inn keys on the counter by my hip, his hand so close to my belly I can feel his body heat seeping in through my leather skirt.
I nod. I swallow. I try not to pass out.
Or you know, bite him.
“Oh, right. Thanks,” I say, my voice all ragged like I just finished running a marathon or something. I’m so cool.
“I’m Jenna,” Jenna says loudly, holding out her hand.
Levi and I blink away from each other, and he raises his eyebrows like he hadn’t noticed Jenna until right that second.
“Oh, hey,” he says in his smooth-operator voice. He has many voices. “I’m Levi.”
“Levi,” she repeats with a Cheshire cat grin as they shake hands. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
I glare at her, but she refuses to acknowledge me.
“Right.” He glances at me. “Good to meet you too.” He pauses. “So yeah. Later.” Then he rigidly moves from the bathroom mirror.
I stare at the empty hallway that replaces him, suddenly feeling empty myself.
“Ohmygod.” A low chuckle falls from Jenna’s mouth and she drops her head back. “I totally get it. Everything makes so much sense now.” More laughter. “You’re so not a lesbian.”
I pull my eyes away from the hallway and toss the mascara back into my bag. “Whatever.” I look at my reflection with a grimace. My straightened hair looks all wrong.
“Whatever,” she mocks, going back to her eyes. “You conveniently forgot to tell me that our mysterious Levi is HOT.”
“Please shut up.” I pull my hair up. Still wrong.
“Mega hot. Why did he call you Pixie?”
I let my hair fall back down. “It’s a nickname he gave me when we were kids. Quit layering on eyeliner. You look like a walking cry for help.”
“No, I don’t,” she says, putting the liner away and examining her reflection. “I look like a misunderstood bad girl who paints poetic pictures about death.”
I blink at her. “Exactly.”
Picking up all my belongings, I leave the bathroom as Jenna steps back into her shoes and follows after me. In my room, she throws herself belly-first onto my bed and leans over the side, eyeing the three paintings I have drying under the window.
“Whoa.” She crawls off the bed and over to the nearest canvas, running a finger along the edge. “These are beautiful.” She touches another one. “Depressing as hell, but beautiful.”
“They’re not depressing.” I search through the mess of my room for my oversized purse until I find it wedged between an unopened box of stuff from my dorm and a stack of out of state college pamphlets.
“Everything you paint is depressing. It’s all black and white and gray.” She squints at a dark painting of a tree.
“Yeah, well. I like the contrast.” I start cramming clothes into my purse. I’m not sure what my overnight plans are yet, but I’m pretty confident no one will be willing to drive me all the way back to the inn later.
Jenna flops back down on the bed and watches me shove a cotton T-shirt and a tiny black thong into the bag. “Are you thinking about staying at Matt’s place tonight?”
I throw in a toothbrush, a hair tie, and a book. “Maybe.”
There’s no pressure with Matt. He’s one of those rare good guys.
My palms start to sweat as I search for my favorite black bra, find it, and toss it into the purse along with a pair of socks and a tube of sunscreen.
She plays with her bracelet. “You guys have been together for like four months, right?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“If you’re not comfortable with Matt, then maybe you should move on.”
I look up. “Who says I’m not comfortable with him?”
“Your vagina.”
I let out a snort because, gah, it’s true. My vagina is super picky and, apparently, still mad at me about the Benji thing.
I keep shoving random items into my bag like I’m packing for Gilligan’s Island and not an overnighter in a metropolitan city. Do I need a scarf? No. Am I cramming one into my bag just in case there’s a flash blizzard? Yep.
“Seriously, Sarah.” Jenna sits up. “Why are you still dating him?”
Because having a boyfriend is a normal thing to do and I’m desperate for normal.
“Because he’s loyal and patient and kind.” I sound like I’m describing a pet dog. “Matt’s a great guy,” I add. “I just need to relax and get the sex thing over with.”
She crosses her arms. “You realize how stupid that sounds, right?”
I point at her. “Don’t you dare get preachy on me, little Miss Sex-a-lot.”
“First of all”—she holds up a finger—“I may have had a lot of sex, but I haven’t had a lot of partners. Second”—she adds another finger—“every guy I’ve slept with has been a choice I made without any hesitations. And third”—three fingers—“we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.”
“Yeah, well. I’m sick of talking about me.”
“Sarah doesn’t want to talk about something real? Shocking.” She pins me with her gaze. “Sex is not a requirement for a relationship. It’s a perk. And if you don’t want to get perky with Matt, then don’t.”
“I want to get perky with Matt.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Kind of.
“Okay. In that case…” Standing up, she reaches into the pocket of her rock-star jeans and pulls out a massive handful of condoms before sprinkling them into my purse, where they slip down among the many scarves, pop-up tents, and emergency snakebite kits I’ve deemed critical for tonight’s bar crawl.
I packed for a deserted island. Jenna packed for a porno.
I blink at her. “Did you just rain condoms into my purse?”
“You betcha.” She smiles. “But seriously, if you change your mind about tonight, you and your grandma sweater can always crash at my place, okay?” She sits back down. “So how are things going w
ith Levi? Have you two talked yet?”
“Can we not do this right now?”
“You never want to do this. You’re always so weird about him.”
“I’m not weird about him.”
“You’re super weird about him.”
“Can you just stop?” I snap.
“Stop what? I just want to know if you guys—”
“I don’t want to talk about Levi!” I snap again. Like a bitch. I just bitch-snapped her.
The room goes silent.
With a slow nod, Jenna quietly says, “Okay. We won’t talk about Levi.”
Guilt washes over me and I hang my head. I shouldn’t get snippy with Jenna like that, and yet I do it all the time.
“Sorry.” I bite my lip.
She shrugs and gives me a small smile. “Don’t worry about it.” Without further argument, she drops the Levi thing and smoothly transitions into a conversation about her summer plans.
Jenna. She’s good at being patient. She’s good at being my friend.
And sometimes that scares the crap out of me.
8
Levi
Zack is living in a mansion. That’s really the only word to describe the enormous house I’m walking through. I’ve already passed three staircases, two grand pianos, and an indoor pool—and I’m not even halfway through the first floor.
Loud music bounces off the marble floor and vaulted ceiling as I weave through the heavy crowd. There are people everywhere. Drinking, dancing… riding life-sized lion statues while topless… business as usual for a Zack Arden house party. And a perfect distraction from all the things I can’t seem to escape at the inn.
Something furry wiggles past my leg and I look down to see a goat. A goat. Just hoofing along like it’s perfectly normal for a farm animal to be kicking it at a house party.
I blink for a moment and then continue through the drunken mass of college students until I eventually find a kitchen the size of a restaurant and, thus, my ridiculous best friend. Zack is standing on a chair in the center of the large room with his arms raised above a group of gathered partygoers and a red plastic cup in one hand.
With short black hair, a Latino complexion, and a set of dimples girls can’t seem to resist, Zack is a legitimate lady-killer—and he knows it. I watch as he winks at a nearby brunette before turning back to the crowd with a smile in his dark brown eyes.
“My good people!” he shouts. “There is plenty of beer to go around, but there is only one”—he holds up a finger dramatically—“cornhole champion!”
The crowd raises matching red cups with drunken cheers and hollers, everyone eager for the tournament to begin.
This is Zack’s thing. Cornhole.
The game of cornhole is basically a glorified beanbag toss where players take turns tossing bags at a hole in a wooden board. Throw in a few rules and drinking consequences, and you’ve got yourself a party favorite. I’m pretty sure Zack would abandon his potential football career if it meant he could play professional cornhole for the rest of his life.
From across the room, he catches sight of me and tips his chin. I nod back before I realize his face has morphed into a shit-eating grin.
Ah, hell.
“And for your viewing pleasure,” he yells above the noise, pointing to me, “I give you ASU’s favorite quarterback, Levi Andrews!”
Eyes and red cups turn in my direction, and more cheering ensues. I shoot him an I-hate-you smile as dozens of people rush toward me.
I spend the next twenty minutes fielding an onslaught of pats on the back, sexual invitations, and inquiries about where the hell I’ve been for the past six months—a question I still don’t know how to answer—before untangling myself from the well-meaning strangers and heading to the backyard.
Backyard is an understatement.
What I’m looking at resembles more of a golf course with a water park. Acres of green grass stretch behind the house broken up by a series of pools and small waterslides. I’m surprised I didn’t have to pay admission at the door and sport a neon wristband to get back here.
The cornhole tournament is already under way, with a dozen boards set up in a large, flat square of grass just off the back porch. Ornate lanterns hang strategically about the yard, shining brightly on the game and spectators below as music plays into the night from a well-hidden surround sound system. And a guy wearing a Speedo, a top hat, and a plastic margarita cup around his neck is manning a large scoreboard on the patio.
Zack’s voice sounds into the yard. “And… Kirkland misses the board completely like a wimpy little girl. Drink up, douche bag.”
Looking to the side, I see Zack standing on a raised wooden deck holding a megaphone to his mouth as he officiates the tournament.
“Jensen!” he scolds. “Quit rubbing the beanbags on your balls for good luck. I’ve seen you with the ladies, dude. Your balls are anything but lucky.”
I make my way over and step onto the deck just as he’s lowering the megaphone.
“Thanks for the spotlight introduction,” I say. “You’re a dick.”
Zack smiles and hands me a beer from a cooler at his feet. He gets himself one as well. “Good to see you too, fucker. What took you so long?”
“Your shitty directions.” I open the beer and take a drink. “Did I see a goat earlier?”
“Yeah. That’s Marvin.”
“Sure.”
“I’m goat-sitting him all summer for this hot brunette I met at mass on Sunday.”
I squint at him. “You’re not Catholic.”
He grins. “I know.”
This is Zack’s other thing. People.
He’s a chronic people-meeter. Church, school, sporting events, estate auctions, gas stations. He goes everywhere and meets everyone.
“Is that where you met the poor sucker who owns all this?” I gesture at the yard and mansion. “Church?”
“No. That guy I met at a poker tournament. He sucked at blackjack, so this place is mine until fall semester starts.”
“So you have a goat and a mansion all summer?”
“Yes. My life is awesome.” He pulls the megaphone back up. “I saw that, Angela. Your pretty ass has to drink.” He scans the lawn and scowls. “Motherfu—someone take the beanbags away from Jensen!” Pause. “You’re out, Mathers! Bested by the tiny chick with the weird yet strangely erotic blue pigtails.” He turns back to me and lowers the megaphone again. “So where’ve you been lately? I’ve been inviting you to shit for weeks.”
I shrug. “I’ve been busy.”
He takes a drink. “Funny how you didn’t seem to get busy until your new neighbor moved in. How is our little fairy, anyway?”
My thoughts go straight to Pixie’s ass in that little black skirt. “I don’t know.”
“Is she still yelling and painting and breaking hearts?”
“I don’t know.”
“God, she was a riot.” He chuckles. “Is she still going to ASU?”
“I don’t know,” I bite out, bringing the beer back to my mouth.
“Ooh. Sensitive.” He eyes the cuts on my knuckles. “What happened there?”
I glance at my busted hand. “Some drywall pissed me off.”
“So you beat the shit out of it with your throwing arm?”
“Something like that.”
“Right,” he says slowly. “Speaking of your throwing arm…” He moves his eyes back to the tournament. “Training starts soon.”
I try to look uninterested. “So?”
“Coach says you’re not enrolled.” He keeps his eyes on the game while I silently curse Coach McHugh and his fat mouth. “Now, how the hell are we supposed to have a kick-ass team when our quarterback doesn’t even go to the school?”
I rub the back of my head. “I was kicked out, remember?”
“No.” He draws out the word. “You were put on academic probation. Dean Maxwell said all you have to do—”
“I know what he said.”
 
; “Good.” He nods once. “Then do it and I’ll see you at practice. In the meantime, let’s get you relaxed.” He smiles at an attractive blonde walking by. “Hey, Savannah. Have you met Levi?” He pulls her closer and gestures to me. “Levi is our starting quarterback.”
The blonde’s face brightens at the word “quarterback,” and she turns eager eyes my way. “Nice to meet you, Levi.”
Zack leans over and says, “You’re welcome, buddy,” before bringing the megaphone back to his lips and resuming his officiating duties. “Aw, come on, Jensen…”
He steps away, leaving me with the blonde, who has already started giggling and touching my arm for no reason. Let the distracting begin.
9
Pixie
Two college girls with fake IDs walk into a bar…
So cliché.
The bouncer didn’t even check out the birth dates on our IDs. He simply checked out Jenna’s butt, which beats mine in the bootylicious department by at least two jiggles, and waved us in.
Behold, the power of the booty.
I follow the cherry blossom tattoos on Jenna’s exposed lower back as we weave through the almost-drunk, pretty-drunk, and has-anyone-seen-the-floor-oh-wait-I’m-lying-on-it-drunk crowd.
I ditched the cardigan at the door and shoved it in my Purse O’Plenty, so I’m looking perfectly slutty in my push-up bra and low-cut tank top. I don’t usually take such liberties with my wardrobe, but I was feeling feisty when I got dressed tonight.
Jenna and I squeeze our way through a cluster of people and my feisty boobs accidentally brush against a nearby stranger. His eyes drop to my chest.
I had my boobs long before I had my scar, so I know the difference between a guy checking out my rack and a guy feeling sorry for me. And this guy’s not checking out my rack.
Whatever.
I move forward and keep my eyes on the cherry blossoms. They’re pretty. Very girly and delicate and not at all like Jenna, yet somehow they suit her. I wonder if cherry blossoms would suit me.
“You made it.” Matt’s face lights up as we approach the bar. He’s already there with his roommates, Ethan and Jack, saving us seats. He pulls me in for a quick kiss, then pulls back and whistles as he looks me over. “Nice outfit.” His eyes rove over my very visible scar.