You don’t want to break her heart, do you? Because you’ve been denying it for months, haven’t you, Kaspar? You like her. Always have. Always will. Prophecy or no Prophecy, you want her.
My voice was right. Of course it is right. But my duty was not to her. It had never been to her. It was to another. And it had always been to another. I just never knew.
Feeling my grip clench too tightly around the china wash-basin, I pushed away. ‘But I’ll be damned if I don’t get her,’ I told my voice and the empty bathroom. I just had to hope that the first Heroine didn’t show herself too soon.
I pushed the door open silently, shutting it behind me as quietly as possible to not wake her. She lay on top of the dishevelled covers, still wearing the white dress from the night before. It had ridden up, exposing her thighs. But unusually, that was not what my eyes were drawn to. Instead, I looked to the locket resting on her chest, rising and falling in time with her slow breathing.
FIFTY-ONE
Violet
I heard the clattering of curtains being thrown open, as loud as the wheels of a train on a crossing. The pale yellow light of dawn poured in, the darkness behind my closed eyelids becoming bright, blotchy orange. My instant reaction was to fling my arm over my eyes, the crook of my elbow sheltering me from the piercing light. I groaned, not attempting coherent speech. I had been woken up far too abruptly for that.
‘Morning to you too, Girly.’
I moaned in reply. This was not a pleasant wake-up call, however much my stomach was twisting itself into knots. ‘What are you doing here? It’s barely even light.’
He grinned, walking towards the wardrobe as I grabbed a pillow and jammed it firmly over my ears. I would much prefer it if he just treated that as a rhetorical question and left me to sleep.
‘Waking you up. And correct. It’s barely light. Which is why you need to get your arse out of bed.’
I lifted the pillow a little, feeling the bed depress as a pile of clothes landed beside my feet. I turned my head, glancing at the tiny clock that occupied the bedside table. I hadn’t even managed to catch six hours of sleep.
‘Nuh-uh. Not happening.’ I rolled over and buried my head in the mattress.
‘C’mon, Girly!’ The duvet was whipped from beneath me, almost pulling my dress with it. I spun around, sitting up.
‘What?’
He threw the clothes towards me. ‘Moody in the morning, aren’t you? But I’m asking nicely. Please, get up and get ready. We’ve only got fifteen minutes.’
I narrowed my eyes, instantly suspicious. ‘Get ready for what?’ He took a couple of calculated, cautious steps back. I crossed my arms and legs, not caring if he caught a flash of my knickers.
‘You might not like this,’ he began, to which I laughed.
‘Cut to the chase, Kaspar.’
His mouth settled on a grim expression. ‘Suit yourself. We’re hunting. You’re coming.’
I chuckled into the silence. ‘And what makes you think, Kaspar, that a vegetarian will come on a hunting trip?’
I only just had time to throw myself back onto the bed as I saw him move. In a second, he was poised above me, his legs either side of mine, not touching, hands just an inch from a few stray strands of my hair splayed on the pillow. He was close, so close that I could feel the ice cold air searing into my quickly warming skin and his eyes bore down into mine in a gaze I couldn’t break. My heart involuntarily sped up and I prayed that at that moment Kaspar couldn’t hear it.
‘Wake up, Violet Lee! Before this year is out your heart won’t beat and your blood will turn cold. You’re going to become a vampire. You’re going to have to hunt humans and animals. You’ll have to feed off them. You have no choice. You never did! Nobody chooses their fate when they get involved with dark beings. Nobody!’ He paused, gulping for breath, his eyes closing briefly before that smouldering look returned. ‘Wake up, or die dreaming, Girly! I just hope to God you wake up, because I can’t lose—’
He stopped.
His mouth was left slightly agape and I was sure mine matched his. He didn’t move. Neither did I. We were totally frozen for a full minute, the clock counting down the seconds. Sixty-three had passed before he finally moved, springing away as I scampered up to see him standing beside the window, his hands resting against the ledge, his eyes fixed on the glass. He didn’t look at me as he spoke.
‘Go get a shower. I’ll tell the others to wait.’
This time I didn’t argue. I scrambled up, grabbed the clothes and dashed from the room. I didn’t turn back. In seconds I was in the shower, thousands of cold water droplets cascading around me, not knowing whether I should let my heart leap because he had started that sentence, or fall, because he never finished it.
Barely ten minutes later, I stepped out of the bathroom to find clothes laid out for me: a thick black T-shirt, polo neck jumper and tight-fitting dark jeans for me to wear, as well as a pair of woolly socks and old battered converse. Next to them was a scarf and long, black coat – the latter mine from the night of the London Bloodbath.
When I was dressed, I met Kaspar at the bottom of the stairs.
‘How am I going to keep up with you? I’m nowhere near as fast.’
‘We’re walking. It’s a chance for us to show you what we really are.’
I scoffed. ‘Maybe I don’t want to see that.’
‘And,’ he continued. ‘It’s a chance for me to show that you don’t have to kill every time you feed.’
I stopped for a fleeting moment. ‘That’s possible?’ I breathed, more to myself than him.
He slowed so I could catch him, glancing down at me, his expression scolding, but his eyes twinkled and I felt my tense shoulders lower, realizing he wasn’t that angry with me. ‘Of course it is. Do you die every time I’ve taken blood from you?’
‘Well, no—’
‘Do you feel excruciating, crippling, heart-stopping pain when I bite you?’
‘Well, it’s a little painful—’
‘Do you walk away with only a tiny scar and an aching neck?’
‘Well, yes—’
‘Precisely,’ he finished. ‘Perfectly possible.’
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and pouted, eyes downturned but a small bubble of hope forming somewhere around my breastbone. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him watching me, gauging my reaction. ‘Because I didn’t want you thinking that you’ll never have to kill an animal, or never have to hunt humans. You will have to, at some point.’
Watch me, I thought, but didn’t press the matter, knowing he would only insist the opposite.
Kaspar had been right about how cold it was: even sprinting flat out I could feel the chill of the early morning air battering my cheeks in waves, and hear the sound of frost crunching underfoot. I heard the sound of quickening footsteps behind me and stole a glance. The others were gaining on us as we raced on towards the forest, but they kept their word. They weren’t running any faster than a fit human would.
It took no time to reach the forest and a few metres in, after leaping over several logs and leaving brambles to whip back in my face, Kaspar came to an abrupt halt. I wasn’t expecting it – I grabbed a nearby tree to stop myself tumbling into him and inevitably touching, shrieking as I seized a handful of moss, bark, and thankfully, trunk.
‘So graceful,’ he said with mock wistfulness, turning towards me. I was about to reply when the others stopped just as abruptly behind me.
‘So where shall we camp tonight?’ Cain asked, gesturing vaguely about at the trees. ‘The clearing near the catacombs?’
Kaspar inhaled steadily. ‘I don’t think the catacombs are such a good idea.’
The circle that had formed went silent as Kaspar jerked his head towards me. I looked away, pretending I hadn’t seen.
Again there was more murmuring, more jerking of heads and a final nod of agreement, at which point they turned, the chi
nking of bottles heard from the bags they carried around their shoulders. I trailed behind a little, following the winding path as it weaved its way deeper into the trees. The ground underfoot was damp and littered with leaves, as the natural debris of autumn was churned to a faintly red mud – I had to watch where I put my feet, nearly slipping several times where others had already trodden. Behind, the pale walls of the mansion became less and less visible as trunks encroached and as we gradually descended – the ground sloped slightly – it became difficult to even spot the uppermost spires through the pine trees, which had replaced the fiery foliage. With the pines came a more unkempt landscape, beyond the care of the gardeners, where brambles teased my skin and the juice of rotting blackberries smeared across my hands as I pushed the chains aside, snagged and strung between the lowest hanging branches.
Kaspar dropped back, waiting for me on the path. He fell in step with me; Alex was not far ahead, a guitar case strapped to his back.
We moved further and further into the forest. I had no idea how large the estate or forest actually was, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it went on for miles. Yet the trees around us weren’t that thick, the trunks stripped of all needles until about halfway up, two or three times my height above our heads. The spindly poles and sparse canopy meant plenty of light was still able to filter through – this didn’t seem like the forest I had first encountered when I tried to escape, or the forest of my dreams.
Suddenly, we broke into a clearing, the winter sun glaring down on a glassy surface and I immediately retracted my previous thought.
‘Recognize it?’ Kaspar asked with a smirk.
Oh, I recognize it all right. I had seen the glossy, oiled surface of the lake before, seen the rainbow palate along the banks and felt the mist rising between my fingers. Moreover, I recognized the slimy, slippery tentacle draped over the banks of the lake.
I paled, but laughed. ‘You know, you never did tell me why you have a giant squid in your lake.’
Alex turned to me, puzzled. ‘You’ve met Inky before?’
‘It has a name?’
He nodded his head, quite serious. Kaspar grinned. ‘Violet decided it would be a good idea to run away and fall in on her first morning here. I had to ruin a pair of trousers to save her.’ He clicked his tongue disapprovingly, rolling his eyes at me.
‘You didn’t have to,’ I grumbled.
‘Save you? Yes, I did. You can’t swim, can you?’
I inhaled a sharp breath and glared at him, mouth agape, blushing profusely as Alex sniggered. ‘How do you know that?’
‘Educated guess. And Inky was a gift, as you ask.’
‘From?’
Out of the blue, his eyes locked onto something over my shoulder, and distractedly, he muttered, ‘From a particularly idiotic leader of a dimension I can’t tell you about.’
Just as he said that, Alex cleared his throat with a meaningful look at Kaspar. ‘I’ll go round the others up. We should probably get going soon.’ They both froze: Kaspar’s brow lowering as Alex presumably said something to him in his mind. The former stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his dark jacket, slowly beginning to follow the other man who was striding back around the lake.
I fell in step beside him. ‘Are you going to explain that?’
He did not answer. I sensed he was gathering his thoughts, so didn’t pester. Across the clearing the others had come together as a group once more and were filing back into the forest. I noticed Lyla’s hand was firmly clasped in Fabian’s.
Out of the blue, he sighed; a long, low sigh. ‘Fate’s a cruel thing, Girly. It tears people apart and breaks hearts; it hurts the innocent. Time does the same: it rips people up, limb from limb, until they are too weak to remain upright; to stand and to live. You’ll appreciate that better than I do.’
I glanced at him. ‘I will?’
He chuckled, but his laugh was lifeless; flat. Inside my pockets, my fingers clutched at the lining of the coat. The serious tone he used was more than unnerving – it filled me with dread.
‘Before you had to have the blood transfusion, you were entirely mortal. If you were lucky, you would have made it to ninety. Now you are a dhampir, you will live longer than your human counterparts. Before all this, death was still very real to you. But now you know you have to become a vampire and millennia stretch out in front of you.’
I shrugged my shoulders, unsure of where he was going. ‘To be honest, I never thought about death. Even when Greg died and Lily got ill, I still thought I would live forever. It’s a teenage thing, I guess.’ I paused, thinking. ‘The first time I really thought about death was when I got here, when I had to make the choice between a lifetime as a prisoner and becoming a vampire. It spelt death either way.’
He stopped abruptly. ‘You think becoming a vampire might as well be death?’
I spun around, walking backwards so I could face him. I could see the hurt in his eyes, clear as day – an overcast one, for they were a smoky grey.
‘I did. Not any more.’
His eyes didn’t fade but he managed a feeble smile in return. ‘That’s a sudden change of mind. Not something to do with my outburst earlier, is it?’
I shrugged. ‘You were right. I’ve got to accept the inevitable. I never had any choice, because remaining a part of humanity is what will kill me, not stopping my heart to become a vampire.’ Behind him, I could see a tentacle slip back into the water noiselessly, dragging a chunk of muddy grass verge with it. Above us in the trees I could see a squirrel cautiously approaching the end of a branch, about to leap to the next. ‘And you cleared something up for me earlier.’
‘Which was?’
I took a deep breath, knowing that in years to come I would look back on my next words with either bitter regret or a warm, contented smile. Yet all the hype and the inner debate that had been present in me since the first day of August didn’t seem to have any effect on that which was around me. The birds still twittered their early morning song, the trees still swayed and the squirrel still did not leap. The ticking of Kaspar’s watch went on, uninterrupted.
‘I know now that I don’t have to kill to feed, which was my major objection to turning.’
It took a few seconds for my words to sink in. When it did, the expression on his face – a mixture between surprise, confusion and disbelief – was one I burnt as a brand to my memory, determined to remember it, whether I was going to be bitter or glad in the future.
‘Wait … are you saying … you want to become a vampire?’ He collapsed up against a nearby tree, looking like he might pass out from shock if he could.
‘Yes.’
‘Shit,’ he breathed.
I nodded. I might never have had a real choice, but the truth is I’m doing it for him. I couldn’t help but hold out a glimmer of hope that if I turned, the King might just allow us to touch. I didn’t know if we’d ever make it in a relationship; I didn’t know if it was even allowed, but I had to believe that everything would work out fairytale style if – when – I turned. I had to. It made it feel as though I was in control of my humanity.
‘Shit,’ he repeated, pushing his hair back from his forehead. ‘I-I never thought I would hear you say that. Violet Lee, a vampire. You really are sure? You made your mind up so quickly.’
Adamant, I began walking once more. ‘Yes. I’ve been thinking about it a lot the last few days,’ I lied. I hadn’t really considered it until a few minutes ago when Kaspar had desperately, just inches from me on my bed, uttered that unfinished sentence. It really was a decision based on the hope that he was going to finish it with ‘you’. The ability to feed without killing was a massively welcomed bonus.
I continued. ‘But I was wondering, are there rules? About turning someone?’ Side-by-side, we entered the forest, a fair way behind the others now. I could see their darkly-clothed figures, draped in coats, weaving between the trees, far out of earshot.
‘Not strictly, no. Not for vampires, anyway. But a vam
pire who turns a human is expected to give their charge – the turned vampire,’ he explained, seeing my expression, ‘a rite of passage and teach them the laws of the Kingdom, that sort of thing.’
I felt like I had swallowed a cherry stone whole. His tone was so distant; there was no joking or pleasure, or even surprise in it, like I had expected, and I already felt that bitter regret creeping up on me.
‘A rite of passage?’ I managed.
‘God, you have so much to learn,’ he groaned. ‘There is no such thing as a poor vampire, Girly. The Kingdom is made up of wealthy families and their charges. A respectable family will treat their charge well, allow them wealth and introduce them into society. Some charges aren’t as lucky and end up as rogues or servants. You see? But I still don’t think you’re sure about this. And why are you blushing?’
His question was blunt and the rich colour of my cheeks only deepened. I took a deep breath. ‘Will you turn me? I don’t fancy anyone else taking a chunk out of me and you’ve bitten me before and well, it’s just – well – I don’t know,’ I gushed. I waited a couple of seconds before I looked his way.
At first he looked surprised, but then his eyes betrayed him and his expression became darker.
‘You don’t have to,’ I faltered. Oh God, but please say you will. Say you will and you’ll pluck this lump beneath my ribs right out.
‘I’ll have to talk to Father about it, considering his touching rule and he’ll take it to the council, who will decide if it’s … appropriate for you to be my charge or not. It’s not up to me, sorry.’ He briefly glanced at me and I knew I must look crushed. ‘Like I said, there’s no room for free will here.’
That lump seemed to lodge itself somewhere in the vicinity of my heart, but I accepted it solemnly, knowing he spoke the truth about decision-making.
‘Kaspar, are you all right? You don’t seem too pleased about all this?’
His step faltered. ‘Not pleased? Of course I’m pleased. You really are funny sometimes, Girly.’