CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“About half a block away, I got a glimpse of Billy running through the side yard and catching a football.” The old gentleman smiled as he remembered. “He had my old helmet on. I could tell it was still just a little too big for him at the time. I continued walking until I could see both of them. Brian sure had a good arm. I stopped and leaned up against a big oak tree and just watched.
"Ellen came out and sat on the porch steps.” Tom stopped and took a deep breath before he continued, “The moment I saw her, my heart started racing. My face felt like it was almost on fire. I knew I must have been blushing or something."
He looked at Olivia as a tear rolled down his cheek and said, "Oh, Honey. Ten years had been very kind to your grandmother. She was as pretty as ever." He chuckled as he wiped away the tear. But it was no use. Another one quickly took its place."
He looked at his cup of coffee and tilted it back and forth as he searched for the words. Finally he said, "After each operation at Walter Reed Hospital, I would be practically immobile for a couple of days. So, to keep from taking so many pain pills, I would ease my mind by remembering the good times she and I had together." He looked at Jim and smiled as he continued, "I'm telling you, she would laugh such an infectious laugh that you couldn't help but laugh along with her. I could always recall the way she would say my name,....... or, say 'I love you."
Olivia snickered and quickly covered her mouth. However, the twinkle in her eye told Tom the secret was out. She apologized, "I'm sorry, Grandpa, I didn't mean to interrupt you."
"She told you, huh?" he asked as a smile brightened his face.
Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Jim and Elaine looked at the two of them with half-smiles not knowing what to say but really wanting to ask. She answered her grandfather, "Grandma only told me a thousand times but always when we were alone. AND," she added with a big grin, "always with a smile and always with a big red blush."
Tom looked at the pastor and his wife as he admitted, "I guess I may as well tell you, then. This was the sweetest of my thoughts. When we embraced, Ellen just dearly loved to whisper 'I love you' with her lips just barely touching my ear. Then, she would nibble on my ear. I have to confess. That is the ONLY ticklish spot that I have. I would practically go into spasms when she would do it. When I would try to keep her from doing it, she would raise her eyebrows and tilt her head as if she was waiting for an answer and she would say, 'But, Tom, I just want to say I love you. Surely you wouldn't refuse your own wife her heart's desire would you?"
Elaine agreed as she leaned back in her chair and laughed, "And you felt compelled to allow her didn't you?"
"I would virtually be screaming and wallowing in the floor with her on top of me. She would not let up until both of us were crying from laughing so hard." A bitter-sweet smile remained as he said, "Thoughts about those times kept me going during the whole painful process."
A long, deep sigh escaped from the old soldier as he paused to take a sip of his coffee and gather his thoughts. The others at the table sat still and remained silent. Everyone wanted to allow Tom to come out of the past at his own speed.
He knew they were waiting on him, and in a sense, he was waiting on himself, also. His past experience with war-torn soldiers prodded him into continuing to sort out his feelings. He knew that exposing these time-hidden prisons of emotion to loved ones was the only key to unlock their doors so he could walk out of them. For the first time in his life, Tom desperately wanted to be free so he could carry on the work the Lord had in store for him. Carefully, he went on.
"I wanted to go over and say something to her. But....I...what would I say? How awkward would that be? Besides, my knees were hurting so bad, that I knew I couldn't walk that far anyway. Humph. The once, tall and straight Tom Dandridge was now using two canes to hobble around. I had a scraggly beard and wore a pair of sunglasses. I looked more like an old hobo than the man she married."
A sweet little smile played with his countenance as he continued, "It was funny to hear them talk. Ellen was telling Brian not to throw it so hard. Billy was telling his mom that he had to get used to hard throws. Brian laughed as he asked who he was supposed to listen to. The banter went back and forth with laughs and shouts of encouragement.
Then, after Ellen got on to Brian for throwing it hard again," Tom paused for a moment and gulped, he finished softly, "I heard my Billy complain, 'Aw, Mom, I asked Brian to throw it hard. I want to be as good as my daddy.' I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry when I realized that he wanted to be like me. Can you beat that? I would have thought that he would have called Brian, Daddy."
Olivia explained, "Brian wouldn't have it any other way, Grandpa. He told him that he only had one daddy and that was you. He saw no harm in the world in being called by his first name. My daddy deeply respected Brian for that. I believe it made him closer to Brian in a way."
Tom got quiet for a moment and just stared into his coffee cup. Everyone was quiet. No one had any idea what to say to this aching heart. His face brightened as he continued, “About that time, I heard Brian say, ‘Go long’ and there went Billy tearing out toward the front of the house." He chuckled as he continued, "I watched a tall, lanky twelve-year-old stretch his long legs out as he ran for the pass. Brian threw it just beyond his reach and the ball bounced across the road until it stopped only a few yards in front of me. Boy, I sure wanted to pick it up and throw it to him but my knees and right ankle were hurting so bad by that time, all I could do was lean on my canes and that tree.
“Billy came over and picked it up. I put my canes in one hand and took my sunglasses off so I could get a better look at him. My boy, Billy was just two or three feet in front of me. Dear God in Heaven, it was almost like looking into a mirror. Or, should I say it was like looking into my past."
Tom stopped and they saw his lower lip quiver a bit as he continued, "I wanted to hug him so bad. It was all I could do to stand still. Ten years since I had last been near my own son. And, he was just three feet away from me.
"He took his helmet off and admitted to me that it was a little too big for him and that it had been his dad’s when his dad was in high school. I told him that I was a tight end when I was in high school and I always told the quarterback to throw it a little too high to me in practice so I could get some practice at jumping that extra inch. Sometimes, an extra inch could mean the difference between being a hero or a goat. I also told him that if I was his dad, I would probably want him to put the helmet in a safe place until it fit him good. He looked at me kinda funny like and said that it sounded like a good idea.
“That’s when my knee started giving way and I could hardly move. The pain became extremely intense. He heard me groan and saw my knees begin to buckle. He stepped over to help me. I asked him to wave at the guy in the car down the street to drive on up. He called for Brian to come over to help him.
"I looked up one last time and saw Ellen standing on the steps to the porch. She had a worried look on her face and her hand was over her mouth. I was so glad that she stayed on the steps and just watched. I don’t know if I could have handled being that close to her or not. It was hard enough to have my son right next to me and not tell him who I was. My heart cried out to tell him how glad I was to see him and how much I loved him. But, after seeing him and Brian getting along so wonderfully, I just couldn't tell him that his crippled up father had come back to pick up the pieces.
"They seemed to be getting along so well as a family that I couldn't see doing anything to spoil his and Ellen's happiness. Besides, if I did tell them, all of us would be faced with some mighty hard decisions. Even after thinking about it for years, my return into their lives would have caused more harm than it would have caused good."
Tom stopped a moment to clear his throat before he continued. “Anyway, Billy had already come over beside me and let me lean on his shoulder to take the weight off of my knees and bad ankle." Again Tom began to cry softly as he continued, "Thank God tha
t I was able to hold him one more time even if he didn't know that it was me. It was a moment that I have cherished all my life.
"When the car came up, Brian got there and held the door open. The driver was also one of my EMT’s. He and Billy had to practically lift me into the back seat. I thanked Brian and Billy both for all their help. We said ‘good-byes’ and I was on my way.”
Olivia asked as she reached over for his hand, “Grandpa, do you remember what you said to Daddy?”
Tom stopped and tried to search his memory for some reason for that question. Finally he answered, “I think I just said, ‘Thanks, Billy, I really do appreciate that.”
Olivia smiled and explained. “That’s what Daddy told us. Here’s what you didn’t know. Grandma and Brian got married when he seven years old. Brian would sit and help him read books about famous Americans. The book that captured his attention the most was about Will Rogers. He read where Will was part Cherokee, could throw three lassos at one time and tell funny jokes. Daddy was so enamored with him that he asked everybody to start calling him Will."
She looked at Jim and Elaine for a moment before she continued. "So, when you said, ‘Thanks, Billy,’ you caught Daddy and Brian off guard. Number one, you knew his name and, number two he hadn’t been called Billy in five years or so. When they told Grandma, the first thing she asked was did they see the color of your eyes. Daddy told her they were grey. That’s when she confirmed that it had to be you.
“Daddy was pretty well beside himself with grief. And Grandma was upset, too. I remember Grandma telling me that he cried in her arms for half an hour and kept asking why you didn't tell him. Then, he went to Brian and held on to him for the longest time and said over and over, 'He was my daddy. Why didn't he tell me?' Brian just broke down in tears and all he could say was, 'I don't know.'
"When they all calmed down a bit, Brian made them all sit down at the kitchen table and talk it all out. He told Daddy to think about it for a minute. He said that every picture they had of you showed that you were physically fit. Everybody in town said that Tom Dandridge could handle a team of mules better than anyone they had ever seen. He said that you probably wanted everyone to remember you as you used to be and not a crippled man like your wounds had made you.
"Then, Daddy told me that Brian gave you one of the greatest compliments he had ever heard. Brian told him that you were a lot stronger man than he was to walk away and not let everybody know who he was. He suggested that Daddy go to his room and write a letter to you and share his heart. He told Daddy that whenever there was something in his life he felt he ought to share with you, to write it down and put all the letters in a safe place.”
She pointed to the manila envelope and said, “There they are. About a month before Momma and Daddy got killed in that car accident, he brought the envelope to me. He told me that he felt sure you would be back one day. He didn’t know how, when or why. However, he did say for me to keep these available for you.”
Tom looked at the envelope and whispered, “I doubt that I would be able to read them and neither will Olivia.” He pushed them over to Jim and asked, “Would you read them for us, please?”
“It will be my pleasure,” Jim answered as he gently took the big manila pouch from his hands.
“They all have dates on them, Jim,” Olivia said as she scooted her chair around to be beside her grandfather. She slid her arm inside his and leaned her head on his shoulder. He gently squeezed her hand as she whispered, "It's going to be OK, Grandpa. It really, really is." He smiled his answer to her.
Elaine got up from her chair and headed for the kitchen, "I'll put on some more coffee for us.”
“I think that's a great idea, Sweetheart,” Jim agreed as he took them all out and sorted them according to date.
Here is a transcript of the letters.
August 13, 1954
Dear Dad,
I know that was you I saw today while Brian and I were playing catch. When I went to chase the football and saw you standing there, I thought you looked awfully familiar. I had seen pictures of you and me and mom. You had a beard but I thought I recognized your eyes. I got more of a clue when you said what you would do with that football helmet if you were my dad. That sounded like something a father would tell his son. But, what really settled the question for me was when I helped you into the car. You said, ’Thanks, Billy.’ Ever since I was seven years old, I had asked to be called “Will” after Will Rogers.
I had always wished that I could see my daddy one time so I could remember him. I guess Jesus must have taken that for a prayer because he answered it for me today. After the car drove away, I realized it was you but it was too late to get you to come back. Then, I wondered why I didn’t realize it sooner so I could have spent some time with you. Brian has always taught us that God does stuff for His reasons and not ours. We would only mess them up anyway.
I am proud of you, Dad and I love you very, very much. You looked like you were in a lot of pain, having to walk with those canes and all. And, then when your knee went out, I am glad that I was there for you to lean on. I am going to be praying for your healing. I want you to know that Brian is teaching me all about how to be a man for Jesus. And he takes good care of Mom. He’s never mean to her or yells or nothing.
I’ll write more later when I can think of more stuff.
Love,
Will
April 2, 1957
Dear Dad,
I’m a sophomore now. I’ve been on the football team for two seasons. Yep, I’m playing tight end just like you used to do. And they let me wear your old helmet. I came out to practice one day without it and the whole team made me go back and get it. It’s kinda like we won’t be able to play good without it. Last season we were 6-6. This year we were 8-4. There’s a lot of sophomores on the team. By the time I get to be a senior, we’re going to have a bang up team. Wow! We’re looking to be the state champs.
Really, I also wanted to tell you about Cindy Lou Baker. Dad, she is a real doll. She’s a great Christian girl and I am in love with her. We’ve been dating for about six months. No, I didn’t ask her to marry me like you did Mom, but I sure wanted to. Mom never gets tired of telling me the story of how you proposed and I never get tired of hearing it. She remembers it like it was yesterday.
Whatever you are doing, Dad, may God bless you with His Peace and Love.
Love,
Will
December 25, 1959
Dear Dad,
Merry Christmas. I hope you had a good one. Guess what? We’re the state football champs. Y-a-a-y! I knew we could do it. The other team was ahead 31-28, we had the ball on their 23 yard line. There was only 5 seconds left on the clock. You could almost guess this one, couldn’t you? The quarterback called for a pass to me in the corner of the end zone. Why? I don’t know. The defender I was up against had knocked everything away. I hadn’t been able to catch anything all night. When the quarterback called the play and we started towards the line, I told him to throw it high and that I would make sure I would get it. I kept remembering what you told me that day in front of the house about that one more inch making the difference between a hero and a goat. Well, I went for the corner and he threw it high alright. But, I jumped higher than I have ever jumped, caught the ball and landed just inside the end zone. Everybody said I was a hero but that’s just not true. I would have never been able to do that if God had never let our paths cross that day and you had never spoken it to me. Dad, you’re the hero. You’re the greatest hero in the world.
Love,
Will
P.S. Cindy and I are getting married in June. One of these days, you’re going to be a grandpa, so get used to the name. Love Ya.
May 25, 1960
Dear Dad,
I just got finished with my project and I need to tell you about it. Remember that game winning catch? Well, when I landed, my head hit the ground s
o hard that it cracked the helmet. I knew that I couldn’t let anyone else touch it, so here’s what I did. At shop class, I made a cedar box to put it in and sealed it air tight. The shop teacher also taught metal working and he made me a stainless steel case to put it in. I decided to bury it like a pirate would bury his treasure chest. Why? I don’t have the foggiest idea. I just thought it would be the right thing to do. Anyway, here are the directions on where to find it. Go to the park and look for five great big oak trees. Go to the end of the trees that face the cave mounds that you always played in. From the edge of the end tree, go 179 steps and you’ll be in the mouth of the ten foot high cave you used to call the King’s cave. Mom says it’s the one that you threw the snake down on the girls when you boys snookered them into coming into the cave. THAT cave. Dig down about four feet and you should hit the metal. I lowered it down with an old rope so that might still be on the top.
I have no idea what God has in store for either of us. It would be good if we dug it up together. However, He is in charge of that. It’s His business.
Anyway, I’ve got to go. Got those wedding plans to make, you know. Three more weeks and you’re going to have the prettiest daughter-in-law that God ever let live. Then at some point in time, God will bless us with a child and you’ll get promoted to being a GRANDFATHER. How about that?
Love,
Will
Jim put the letters down and looked at Tom. Tom's cheeks were moistened with spent tears but his face was wore a calm smile. "What a son," he whispered. "I'll say it again. Brian did a good job of raising him. I couldn't have asked for any better." Then the old soldier got quiet, looked at his hands as they held Olivia's and sighed.
"Tom, are you OK?" asked Jim.
The smile was still there as he answered, "Probably more than OK."
Jim and Olivia looked at each other as Elaine came in and poured everyone's coffee. She heard everything that had been said and her curiosity got the best of her. She chuckled as she asked, "Probably, Tom? Or should I ask, probably more than OK? I've never heard that one."
Everybody got quiet as they waited for his answer. He seemed calmer than what they thought he might have been after hearing his son's letters read. After a good sip of coffee, he sat back and reflected, "For fifty years I had wondered and worried what my son might say if he ever knew that I was alive and never came to see him. I thought he would be angry. I thought he would never speak to me. I thought he would treat me like an enemy. Being accepted by my loved ones was so far off the radar screen of possibilities that I very, very seldom entertained the thought."
He tilted his coffee cup toward himself and looked into it as if looking for some mystifying answer. He shook his head slowly as he continued, "Yet, he never thought ill of me. In all of his letters, he treated me as if I was his best friend."
He looked up at Elaine, then Jim and finally at Olivia with the most relieved look and finished, "For fifty years I have been agonizing in my thoughts when I could have been rejoicing over being accepted. If I had known that, I would have sought opportunities to talk to him."
Jim took a sip of his coffee and then opened his eyes real wide. "Tom," he said loudly, "may I use that in a sermon of mine. Do you realize that that is exactly how Jesus feels about a sinner? He's not mad at them like you thought your son would be. He's in love with them and they don't know it. And, when they finally come to Him, they'll wish they had come sooner."
Tom looked at him with a knowing look and answered, "Jim, go right ahead. That is EXACTLY how Jesus is." He held up the letters as he continued, "And, you may as well say that He wrote twenty-six love letters to prove it."