upon a fine green plain under the Seraglio walls, where stands one
   solitary column, erected in memory of some triumph of some
   Byzantian emperor.
   There were three battalions of the Turkish infantry, exercising
   here; and they seemed to perform their evolutions in a very
   satisfactory manner:  that is, they fired all together, and charged
   and halted in very straight lines, and bit off imaginary cartridge-
   tops with great fierceness and regularity, and made all their
   ramrods ring to measure, just like so many Christians.  The men
   looked small, young, clumsy, and ill-built; uncomfortable in their
   shabby European clothes; and about the legs, especially, seemed
   exceedingly weak and ill-formed.  Some score of military invalids
   were lolling in the sunshine, about a fountain and a marble summer-
   house that stand on the ground, watching their comrades' manoeuvres
   (as if they could never have enough of that delightful pastime);
   and these sick were much better cared for than their healthy
   companions.  Each man had two dressing-gowns, one of white cotton,
   and an outer wrapper of warm brown woollen.  Their heads were
   accommodated with wadded cotton nightcaps; and it seemed to me,
   from their condition and from the excellent character of the
   military hospitals, that it would be much more wholesome to be ill
   than to be well in the Turkish service.
   Facing this green esplanade, and the Bosphorus shining beyond it,
   rise the great walls of the outer Seraglio Gardens:  huge masses of
   ancient masonry, over which peep the roofs of numerous kiosks and
   outhouses, amongst thick evergreens, planted so as to hide the
   beautiful frequenters of the place from the prying eyes and
   telescopes.  We could not catch a glance of a single figure moving
   in these great pleasure-grounds.  The road winds round the walls;
   and the outer park, which is likewise planted with trees, and
   diversified by garden-plots and cottages, had more the air of the
   outbuildings of a homely English park, than of a palace which we
   must all have imagined to be the most stately in the world.  The
   most commonplace water-carts were passing here and there; roads
   were being repaired in the Macadamite manner; and carpenters were
   mending the park-palings, just as they do in Hampshire.  The next
   thing you might fancy would be the Sultan walking out with a spud
   and a couple of dogs, on the way to meet the post-bag and the Saint
   James's Chronicle.
   The palace is no palace at all.  It is a great town of pavilions,
   built without order, here and there, according to the fancy of
   succeeding Lights of the Universe, or their favourites.  The only
   row of domes which looked particularly regular or stately, were the
   kitchens.  As you examined the buildings they had a ruinous
   dilapidated look:  they are not furnished, it is said, with
   particular splendour,--not a bit more elegantly than Miss Jones's
   seminary for young ladies, which we may be sure is much more
   comfortable than the extensive establishment of His Highness Abdul
   Medjid.
   In the little stable I thought to see some marks of Royal
   magnificence, and some horses worthy of the king of all kings.  But
   the Sultan is said to be a very timid horseman:  the animal that is
   always kept saddled for him did not look to be worth twenty pounds;
   and the rest of the horses in the shabby dirty stalls were small,
   ill-kept, common-looking brutes.  You might see better, it seemed
   to me, at a country inn stable on any market-day.
   The kitchens are the most sublime part of the Seraglio.  There are
   nine of these great halls, for all ranks, from His Highness
   downwards, where many hecatombs are roasted daily, according to the
   accounts, and where cooking goes on with a savage Homeric grandeur.
   Chimneys are despised in these primitive halls; so that the roofs
   are black with the smoke of hundreds of furnaces, which escapes
   through apertures in the domes above.  These, too, give the chief
   light in the rooms, which streams downwards, and thickens and
   mingles with the smoke, and so murkily lights up hundreds of
   swarthy figures busy about the spits and the cauldrons.  Close to
   the door by which we entered they were making pastry for the
   sultanas; and the chief pastrycook, who knew my guide, invited us
   courteously to see the process, and partake of the delicacies
   prepared for those charming lips.  How those sweet lips must shine
   after eating these puffs!  First, huge sheets of dough are rolled
   out till the paste is about as thin as silver paper:  then an
   artist forms the dough-muslin into a sort of drapery, curling it
   round and round in many fanciful and pretty shapes, until it is all
   got into the circumference of a round metal tray in which it is
   baked.  Then the cake is drenched in grease most profusely; and,
   finally, a quantity of syrup is poured over it, when the delectable
   mixture is complete.  The moon-faced ones are said to devour
   immense quantities of this wholesome food; and, in fact, are eating
   grease and sweetmeats from morning till night.  I don't like to
   think what the consequences may be, or allude to the agonies which
   the delicate creatures must inevitably suffer.
   The good-natured chief pastrycook filled a copper basin with greasy
   puffs; and, dipping a dubious ladle into a large cauldron,
   containing several gallons of syrup, poured a liberal portion over
   the cakes, and invited us to eat.  One of the tarts was quite
   enough for me:  and I excused myself on the plea of ill-health from
   imbibing any more grease and sugar.  But my companion, the
   dragoman, finished some forty puffs in a twinkling.  They slipped
   down his opened jaws as the sausages do down clowns' throats in a
   pantomime.  His moustaches shone with grease, and it dripped down
   his beard and fingers.  We thanked the smiling chief pastrycook,
   and rewarded him handsomely for the tarts.  It is something to have
   eaten of the dainties prepared for the ladies of the harem; but I
   think Mr. Cockle ought to get the names of the chief sultanas among
   the exalted patrons of his antibilious pills.
   From the kitchens we passed into the second court of the Seraglio,
   beyond which is death.  The Guide-book only hints at the dangers
   which would befall a stranger caught prying in the mysterious FIRST
   court of the palace.  I have read "Bluebeard," and don't care for
   peeping into forbidden doors; so that the second court was quite
   enough for me; the pleasure of beholding it being heightened, as it
   were, by the notion of the invisible danger sitting next door, with
   uplifted scimitar ready to fall on you--present though not seen.
   A cloister runs along one side of this court; opposite is the hall
   of the divan, "large but low, covered with lead, and gilt, after
   the Moorish manner, plain enough."  The Grand Vizier sits in this
   place, and the ambassadors used to wait here, and be conducted
   hence on horseback, attired with robes of honour.  But the ceremony
   is now, I believe, discontinued; the English envoy, at any rat 
					     					 			e, is
   not allowed to receive any backsheesh, and goes away as he came, in
   the habit of his own nation.  On the right is a door leading into
   the interior of the Seraglio; NONE PASS THROUGH IT BUT SUCH AS ARE
   SENT FOR, the Guide-book says:  it is impossible to top the terror
   of that description.
   About this door lads and servants were lolling, ichoglans and
   pages, with lazy looks and shabby dresses; and among them, sunning
   himself sulkily on a bench, a poor old fat, wrinkled, dismal white
   eunuch, with little fat white hands, and a great head sunk into his
   chest, and two sprawling little legs that seemed incapable to hold
   up his bloated old body.  He squeaked out some surly reply to my
   friend the dragoman, who, softened and sweetened by the tarts he
   had just been devouring, was, no doubt, anxious to be polite:  and
   the poor worthy fellow walked away rather crestfallen at this
   return of his salutation, and hastened me out of the place.
   The palace of the Seraglio, the cloister with marble pillars, the
   hall of the ambassadors, the impenetrable gate guarded by eunuchs
   and ichoglans, have a romantic look in print; but not so in
   reality.  Most of the marble is wood, almost all the gilding is
   faded, the guards are shabby, the foolish perspectives painted on
   the walls are half cracked off.  The place looks like Vauxhall in
   the daytime.
   We passed out of the second court under THE SUBLIME PORTE--which is
   like a fortified gate of a German town of the middle ages--into the
   outer court, round which are public offices, hospitals, and
   dwellings of the multifarious servants of the palace.  This place
   is very wide and picturesque:  there is a pretty church of
   Byzantine architecture at the further end; and in the midst of the
   court a magnificent plane-tree, of prodigious dimensions and
   fabulous age according to the guides; St. Sophia towers in the
   further distance:  and from here, perhaps, is the best view of its
   light swelling domes and beautiful proportions.  The Porte itself,
   too, forms an excellent subject for the sketcher, if the officers
   of the court will permit him to design it.  I made the attempt, and
   a couple of Turkish beadles looked on very good-naturedly for some
   time at the progress of the drawing; but a good number of other
   spectators speedily joined them, and made a crowd, which is not
   permitted, it would seem, in the Seraglio; so I was told to pack up
   my portfolio, and remove the cause of the disturbance, and lost my
   drawing of the Ottoman Porte.
   I don't think I have anything more to say about the city which has
   not been much better told by graver travellers.  I, with them,
   could see (perhaps it was the preaching of the politicians that
   warned me of the fact) that we are looking on at the last days of
   an empire; and heard many stories of weakness, disorder, and
   oppression.  I even saw a Turkish lady drive up to Sultan Achmet's
   mosque IN A BROUGHAM.  Is not that a subject to moralise upon?  And
   might one not draw endless conclusions from it, that the knell of
   the Turkish dominion is rung; that the European spirit and
   institutions once admitted can never be rooted out again; and that
   the scepticism prevalent amongst the higher orders must descend ere
   very long to the lower; and the cry of the muezzin from the mosque
   become a mere ceremony?
   But as I only stayed eight days in this place, and knew not a
   syllable of the language, perhaps it is as well to pretermit any
   disquisitions about the spirit of the people.  I can only say that
   they looked to be very good-natured, handsome, and lazy; that the
   women's yellow slippers are very ugly; that the kabobs at the shop
   hard by the Rope Bazaar are very hot and good; and that at the
   Armenian cookshops they serve you delicious fish, and a stout
   raisin wine of no small merit.  There came in, as we sat and dined
   there at sunset, a good old Turk, who called for a penny fish, and
   sat down under a tree very humbly, and ate it with his own bread.
   We made that jolly old Mussulman happy with a quart of the raisin
   wine; and his eyes twinkled with every fresh glass, and he wiped
   his old beard delighted, and talked and chirped a good deal, and, I
   dare say, told us the whole state of the empire.  He was the only
   Mussulman with whom I attained any degree of intimacy during my
   stay in Constantinople; and you will see that, for obvious reasons,
   I cannot divulge the particulars of our conversation.
   "You have nothing to say, and you own it," says somebody:  "then
   why write?"  That question perhaps (between ourselves) I have put
   likewise; and yet, my dear sir, there are SOME things worth
   remembering even in this brief letter:  that woman in the brougham
   is an idea of significance:  that comparison of the Seraglio to
   Vauxhall in the daytime is a true and real one; from both of which
   your own great soul and ingenious philosophic spirit may draw
   conclusions, that I myself have modestly forborne to press.  You
   are too clever to require a moral to be tacked to all the fables
   you read, as is done for children in the spelling-books; else I
   would tell you that the government of the Ottoman Porte seems to be
   as rotten, as wrinkled, and as feeble as the old eunuch I saw
   crawling about it in the sun; that when the lady drove up in a
   brougham to Sultan Achmet, I felt that the schoolmaster was really
   abroad; and that the crescent will go out before that luminary, as
   meekly as the moon does before the sun.
   CHAPTER VIII:  RHODES
   The sailing of a vessel direct for Jaffa brought a great number of
   passengers together, and our decks were covered with Christian,
   Jew, and Heathen.  In the cabin we were Poles and Russians,
   Frenchmen, Germans, Spaniards, and Greeks; on the deck were
   squatted several little colonies of people of different race and
   persuasion.  There was a Greek Papa, a noble figure with a flowing
   and venerable white beard, who had been living on bread-and-water
   for I don't know how many years, in order to save a little money to
   make the pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  There were several families of
   Jewish Rabbis, who celebrated their "feast of tabernacles" on
   board; their chief men performing worship twice or thrice a day,
   dressed in their pontifical habits, and bound with phylacteries:
   and there were Turks, who had their own ceremonies and usages, and
   wisely kept aloof from their neighbours of Israel.
   The dirt of these children of captivity exceeds all possibility of
   description; the profusion of stinks which they raised, the grease
   of their venerable garments and faces, the horrible messes cooked
   in the filthy pots, and devoured with the nasty fingers, the
   squalor of mats, pots, old bedding, and foul carpets of our Hebrew
   friends, could hardly be painted by Swift in his dirtiest mood, and
   cannot be, of course, attempted by my timid and genteel pen.  What
   would they say in Baker Street to some sights with which our new
   friends favoured us?  What would your ladyship have said if 
					     					 			 you had
   seen the interesting Greek nun combing her hair over the cabin--
   combing it with the natural fingers, and, averse to slaughter,
   flinging the delicate little intruders, which she found in the
   course of her investigation, gently into the great cabin?  Our
   attention was a good deal occupied in watching the strange ways and
   customs of the various comrades of ours.
   The Jews were refugees from Poland, going to lay their bones to
   rest in the valley of Jehoshaphat, and performing with exceeding
   rigour the offices of their religion.  At morning and evening you
   were sure to see the chiefs of the families, arrayed in white
   robes, bowing over their books, at prayer.  Once a week, on the eve
   before the Sabbath, there was a general washing in Jewry, which
   sufficed until the ensuing Friday.  The men wore long gowns and
   caps of fur, or else broad-brimmed hats, or, in service time, bound
   on their heads little iron boxes, with the sacred name engraved on
   them.  Among the lads there were some beautiful faces; and among
   the women your humble servant discovered one who was a perfect
   rosebud of beauty when first emerging from her Friday's toilet, and
   for a day or two afterwards, until each succeeding day's smut
   darkened those fresh and delicate cheeks of hers.  We had some very
   rough weather in the course of the passage from Constantinople to
   Jaffa, and the sea washed over and over our Israelitish friends and
   their baggages and bundles; but though they were said to be rich,
   they would not afford to pay for cabin shelter.  One father of a
   family, finding his progeny half drowned in a squall, vowed he
   WOULD pay for a cabin; but the weather was somewhat finer the next
   day, and he could not squeeze out his dollars, and the ship's
   authorities would not admit him except upon payment.
   This unwillingness to part with money is not only found amongst the
   followers of Moses, but in those of Mahomet, and Christians too.
   When we went to purchase in the bazaars, after offering money for
   change, the honest fellows would frequently keep back several
   piastres, and when urged to refund, would give most dismally:  and
   begin doling out penny by penny, and utter pathetic prayers to
   their customer not to take any more.  I bought five or six pounds'
   worth of Broussa silks for the womankind, in the bazaar at
   Constantinople, and the rich Armenian who sold them begged for
   three-halfpence to pay his boat to Galata.  There is something naif
   and amusing in this exhibition of cheatery--this simple cringing
   and wheedling, and passion for twopence-halfpenny.  It was pleasant
   to give a millionaire beggar an alms, and laugh in his face and
   say, "There, Dives, there's a penny for you:  be happy, you poor
   old swindling scoundrel, as far as a penny goes."  I used to watch
   these Jews on shore, and making bargains with one another as soon
   as they came on board; the battle between vendor and purchaser was
   an agony--they shrieked, clasped hands, appealed to one another
   passionately; their handsome noble faces assumed a look of woe--
   quite an heroic eagerness and sadness about a farthing.
   Ambassadors from our Hebrews descended at Rhodes to buy provisions,
   and it was curious to see their dealings:  there was our venerable
   Rabbi, who, robed in white and silver, and bending over his book at
   the morning service, looked like a patriarch, and whom I saw
   chaffering about a fowl with a brother Rhodian Israelite.  How they
   fought over the body of that lean animal!  The street swarmed with
   Jews:  goggling eyes looked out from the old carved casements--
   hooked noses issued from the low antique doors--Jew boys driving
   donkeys, Hebrew mothers nursing children, dusky, tawdry, ragged
   young beauties and most venerable grey-bearded fathers were all
   gathered round about the affair of the hen!  And at the same time
   that our Rabbi was arranging the price of it, his children were
   instructed to procure bundles of green branches to decorate the
   ship during their feast.  Think of the centuries during which these