"Completely." His eyes never waver from mine when he confirms.
"That's good, man. I've been worried about him," Axel, I think, says to Maddox.
There's more continued conversation about the state of Asher and his grief over Coop's death. Out of instinct, when I hear them bring up Coop's name, my hand goes straight to my stomach. I realize my mistake a second too late when Maddox breaks contact and his eyes travel down to where my hand is splayed across my slightly rounded stomach.
Maddox isn't a stupid man. He's probably one of the most intuitive people I've ever met. His eyes stay on my stomach--even after I move my hand away as if I've burned myself. He just takes it all in. The only tell he gives me is when he looks back up and lets his guard down long enough to show the shock within the black depths of his normally blank eyes.
Shit.
"You," he speaks through clenched teeth and points at me. "Come with me." He doesn't even look to see if I'm moving to follow him before he roughly pushes from the table and walks away.
"What the hell?" Izzy questions.
I spare Dee a quick slightly panicked look before making my way to where Maddox is waiting for me.
He pulls me around the wall that separates the room and the bathrooms, allowing us a bit of privacy for what I know is going to be a hard conversation.
"What's going on, Mad?" I hedge.
"Don't play games with me, Chelcie. I know you don't trust me, and I don't blame you. You don't know me. Just let me get this out and then we can get back to dinner. Anything you need, anything you want, or anything you feel needs to be done, you let me know. I'm not going to pretend to be a chick and understand what you're feeling, but you're not alone. Yeah?"
For the first time since I met Maddox, every single trace of the hard man I've come to know is gone. Standing in front of me is a version of him that I'm not sure how to deal with. His face holds so much compassion and pain that I don't know if he's upset that I have kept this secret to myself or what. He almost looks vulnerable.
"Yeah, Maddox... Uh, thanks," I whisper.
"Does he know?"
"No," I can hear the shame painting that one heavy word. I'm not proud of myself for keeping this from Asher, and knowing that another person knows my secret and he still doesn't drives home that pain.
"Are you okay?"
This side of Maddox, this caring, emotional side, is such a shock that I don't speak at first. I've never, not once, seen this side. It's no secret to anyone, even me though I'm new to this group, that Maddox holds his cards close and his pain even closer. There's always been a cloud over him. Like his own personal hell just simmers too close to the surface for him to be anything but closed off. And knowing that he can see right through me is slightly terrifying and reassuring at the same time.
I'm not alone.
"Chelcie, how are you doing with this?" His eyes look...scared. Whether it's for me, Asher, or whatever personal hell is chasing him, I'm not sure.
"I'm getting there, Mad. I'm worried, but not for me. I'm ready for this, excited even. It isn't the way I imagined it happening, but I really am happy. I just... Well, you know, I don't know how he will handle this. I'm not a slut."
I'm not sure why I felt the need to throw that in there, but to me, it's important that he doesn't think I'm easy. I don't just sleep around, and even though what happened between Coop and me could arguably make me a slut in a lot of people's eyes, I don't regret a second of it.
"I didn't think you were, girl," he says, his eyes losing that lost look, and he reaches out to pull me into a hug.
I let my arms curl around his back and hold on tight to his shoulders, soaking up every ounce of strength he's offering.
The muscles in his back ripple and roll under my fingertips when he brings his head down and rests his lips against my temple. We stand like that for a few minutes before he dips his head lower and whispers against my ear.
"You're never alone. Don't for one second think that. You shouldn't be worried, scared, or afraid right now. This is a time in your life that you should be smiling that beautiful smile every second of every day. It's not going to be easy, but you're not alone. This baby will be loved, I promise you that. Asher needs to know, Chelcie. He needs that. And if you need someone there when that happens, you just say the words." He pulls up, places another kiss on the top of my head, and with a small squeeze, walks away.
I stand there with tears in my eyes just begging to spill over, and I smile--a genuine smile--for the first time in weeks. I think I've always known that I wasn't exactly alone, but to have someone I hardly know strip me bare emotionally and address every worry I've had since my baby's father was murdered brings a kind of peace that I didn't know I needed. A safety that I didn't know I was lacking until this moment.
Deciding that I need a moment to collect myself before returning to the group, I quickly make my way into the bathroom to clean my face up--completely oblivious to the furious eyes that just watched that whole scene unravel.
Chapter 8 - Asher
I can't even explain the fury that is racing through my veins right now. After dealing with Pammy, my mood was already deteriorating. But after seeing Maddox with his arms wrapped tightly around Chelcie's luscious body and his lips against her creamy skin, what little control I had left snapped.
She's mine.
She doesn't know that yet, but I'm not going to sit back and let Maddox have her.
The small, rational part of my mind that isn't clouded in a red-hot rage right now is trying to remind me that I have no claim over Chelcie. Not only that, but everyone knows that Maddox only has eyes for Emmy. I should recognize that there is not one thread of a reason for me to be this jealous, but I'm already too far gone to listen to that nonsense.
The only thing that matters is what I just witnessed. MY woman in the arms of Maddox Locke. MY woman holding him back just as tight. And MY woman with a smile on her beautiful face that could light up even the darkest caves in Hell.
Hell. No.
With a single-minded determination, I set off towards the women's bathroom I just saw her duck into. It's time to let her know exactly where my head is at, and I'm sick of this avoiding game she's been playing lately.
"You." I point to the waitress who just came out of the bathroom that holds my woman inside. "Is there anyone else other than the blonde woman wearing jeans and a white shirt in there?"
She shakes her head slowly, her jaw slack and her eyes wide.
"Does that door lock?"
She again just nods her head.
"Good girl. You didn't see me, got it?" I pull a fifty from my wallet and hand it to her.
She hesitantly wraps her fingers around the bill before hurrying down the hall. Who knows if she will keep her mouth shut. All that I heard and care about is that Chelcie is in there. Alone. And I'm about to make it perfectly clear that she is fucking mine.
The overwhelming stench of cheap perfume and fried foods is the first thing I smell when I walk through the bathroom door. It's like being slapped in the face with it. Why don't chicks understand that they don't need to bathe in that crap? We don't want them because they smell like the makeup part of the malls. You know, the part of the store you avoid because you feel like if you don't stop and smell that stupid white card they might start running after you. Less is more. One of the things I crave the most about Chelcie is the subtle, sexy smell she has. I can't even explain it. I can even smell it in here--just barely, but enough that my cock is straining to find her like some damn beacon.
Like fresh berries and the mouthwatering undertones of creme brulee.
Goddamn. I can feel myself growing even harder. Visions of her underneath me as I slowly drive her body over the edge, smelling her on top of that lotion she is always rubbing into her skin... Fuck. I have to physically stop myself from storming up to her and taking her against the wall.
There she is.
She hasn't seen me yet. She's standing at the sinks, dab
bing a wet paper towel against her face. I can tell that she's been crying. Her eyes are slightly swollen and red. Her nose and cheeks have a blush to them that, if she wasn't cleaning up the evidence of being upset, would cause the desire racing through my veins to hit a raging boil.
I watch in fascination as she lowers the paper towel, looks at herself for a few beats in the mirror, and smiles. This isn't like the smile she had in the hallway. No, this is a smile I've been on the receiving end of before. The kind that makes me feel like the sun is shining on every inch of the darkness I've been trapped within. It is impossible not to feel touched when she turns that smile on you.
I find my own lips tipping up slightly. What can I say? It's infectious.
She takes a deep breath, holds her hands to her stomach, and closes her eyes. I watch as her lips move slightly as if she is speaking before she smiles again.
Reaching down, I adjust myself quickly before she has a chance to notice that I'm here. Once I've curled my arm behind my back, I silently turn the latch and lock us both inside.
"Chelcie."
Her eyes snap open and a look a horror and panic flashes over her features before she quickly hides it. A feeling of frustration washes over me that she is once again closing herself off to me. I have not one damn clue as to why she's been acting like this lately. At first, she would walk on eggshells around me, but then again, everyone else did as well. Then, as we got to know each other better during the weeks she spent helping me research Dominic, I felt like she had finally let those damn walls down.
That she had finally started to let me in.
And then, last week, those walls didn't just come up; they were enforced with a strength I just couldn't wrap my mind around.
How did things change so rapidly?
"Chelcie," I repeat when she doesn't make a move to talk.
"You shouldn't be in here, Ash. Aren't you busy?"
Ah, so this is the way she wants to play it.
"Are you jealous?" I bait.
"Ha! Hardly. I don't want to deal with another one of your groupies."
"I don't have groupies, Chelcie."
I take a few steps and mentally grin when I see her chest start to rise and fall faster. Her eyes keep darting from my face to the door behind me. I let my lips curl into a smirk at the thought of her trying to run from me.
I'm done letting her run.
"Why have you been avoiding me?"
She looks confused for a second before I see those damn walls getting thicker.
"Don't," I firmly state. "Do not even think about making those goddamn walls any fucking stronger, Sunshine. No more of that. Why have you been running from me? I come into a room you're in and you leave. I call and you don't answer. You've been there for weeks and now nothing."
"I'm not running. I've been busy."
"You can't even look me in the eye, so don't give me that line of crap."
Her eyes narrow, and I watch in rapt fascination as she stands a little straighter, marches right up to me--toe to toe--and jams her finger into my chest. "You...you SHIT! Why would I want to be around you, Asher? Huh? So you can throw some more insults at me? So you can show me just how little you think of me, of our friendship?! Or maybe, just maybe, I need another little self-esteem knockdown."
When she stops talking, her cheeks are flushed, her chest is moving even quicker than it was before, and those eyes I love so much are blazing with her anger. What in the hell did I miss here?
"Uh, Sunshine, I have no clue what you are referring to."
"Of course you don't, Ash. How could you possibly remember something that happened when you were so drunk you couldn't even stand up straight? Let me ask you this. Do you remember what happened to give you all those damn claw marks on your body? Don't even think about lying to me either. Let me guess. Another one of your skin-and-bones groupies?"
"I don't have groupies!" The words are heavy with the angry power I feel forming in my gut.
"Yeah, okay, then you have an army of sluts. Easy bitches that you fuck every day or hour--I don't know. But I know I'm sick of watching it." She rolls her eyes, but not before she can hide the flash of pain.
"And why is that, Chelcie? Is it because you wish it was you? Because let me tell you, I wish it was you. Every. Single. Time."
Her gasp echoes against the walls. Even the noises from outside the door of the busy restaurant seem to mute themselves. It's just us in here.
These are the moments you look back on when you're knocking on Death's door and smile. These are the moments when you can just feel in your gut that something life changing is happening.
And I thank Christ that I'm sober enough to remember this.
"That's right, Chelcie. You. Do you really want to know how I got scratched up? It's because the last woman I had, unfortunately, didn't like it when I said your name when I came. I can't change the past, and Lord knows I'm no monk, but I'm done. Done with the drinking, the other women, and I'm damn sure done fighting this attraction we've both been dancing around for three long months."
She gasps, and using it to my advantage, I crash my lips down to hers.
Feeling her lips against mine--finally--is like finding water after years of a drought. It feels like coming home. It feels like I just got shocked with the highest voltage of electricity. The tingles shoot all the way from where our lips are joined straight to my dick.
Her hands shoot up to my sides, tightly fisting my shirt. I run my hands up her arms, curl them around her neck, and tilt her head to give me a better angle. To feast deeply on her lips. When I lick her plump lips and they open on a moan, I feel her melt into me. I stand there and pour every bit of lust I've had building into this kiss. Every promise of what is to come.
We stand there, ignoring the world around us while I take her in a kiss so powerful I have to lock my knees to keep from buckling. Damn, the things this woman does to my body.
I vaguely hear the pounding against the door. Between the wet sounds of our mouths mating together and our joined moans, it's hard to focus on anything else. When they get louder, I feel her stiffen under my hands and I know the moment has been ruined. I pull back, not removing my hands from her neck, and rest my forehead against hers. My eyes closed while I try to calm the inferno that's taken over my system.
I don't even have a second to go from fucking her lips with mine before she rips herself from my hold. Reaching out, I grab the counter and steady myself before looking up at unexpected anger.
"How dare you," she says coarsely. "I refuse to be another notch on your belt, Ash. You aren't hurting for attention, obviously, and I see the girls you sleep with. I know I'm not as tall as they are or as skinny. Lord knows you made it perfectly clear just how chubby you see me. You had a clear shot at someone easy not even ten minutes ago. Don't you dare come at me with your...that... Fuck! I don't even know how to get this through to you. You hurt me, Asher. You hurt me, and I don't know if I can stop thinking about it long enough to be nice to you. So yeah, I have been avoiding you. You don't have to do me any favors by pretending to be into the chubby, lonely girl, okay?"
"Chelcie, please don't take this the wrong way, but I have no idea what you're talking about." I knew I had been spending more time drunk than awake lately, but until this moment, I didn't realize just how bad it had become. Ashamed isn't a strong enough word for how I feel right now.
"I wouldn't imagine that you do, Ash. That's what happens when you wake up drunk and then work your hardest to get even drunker. You know I thought we were at least getting to the point of friendship, but you don't sit there and insult your friends."
The pounding on the door gets louder while we just stand there. Knowing I can't let her leave without at least trying to explain myself, I turn and throw the lock before yanking the door open.
"Chill the fuck out," I spit at the shocked-faced ladies waiting to get inside the bathroom.
It's not going to be long before they have Heavy himself coming to s
ee what the issue is, so I turn back to Chelcie and work hard to get the right words together.
"Fuck!" Her eyes widen at the brutal force I spat that word out with. "Sunshine, I'm sorry. I wish I could remember what I did to make you look at me like that." I move closer, pulling her into my body so that I can feel her against my skin again. "I'm fucking sorry."
She looks at me, her expression screaming disappointment. "You might be sorry now, Asher, but how do I know that the next time you're drinking you aren't just going to do it again? I'm not at a place in my life where I can afford to not know which version of Asher Cooper I'm dealing with."
I go to open my mouth and reply, but she quickly stops me. Her lips press against mine with the softest kiss. I take a deep breath in and hold it, feeling her against me, smelling her desire, but knowing that, if I try to do anything, I'm just going to prove to her that all I want is to be between her thighs.
"You can't treat me like one of your groupies, Ash. That hurt. But hearing you basically call me the chubby girl that you would do if you had to... Well, that sliced me deep and I just can't open that back up right now."
She kisses me again before pulling herself out of my shocked arms and disappearing through the door. Meanwhile, I just stand there wondering what to do next.
Chapter 9 - Chelcie
Monday morning came way too quickly. I've been in a pissed-off, somewhat depressed fog since my run-in with Asher. I spent the weekend in bed vegging on every single thing I could find that could fall into the junk food category. Ice cream, candy, peanuts, pickles... Okay, maybe pickles aren't junk food, but you tell that to my little bean.
I've been lucky so far. I'm just about to hit the halfway mark of my pregnancy and my bump is finally starting to look more like I have a baby in there and not ten courses of Chinese takeout. Every time I look in the mirror and see the evidence of the life growing within my body, I'm overcome with a love I've never known was possible. That is of course quickly followed by a crying hormonal fit for a good hour.
Between the crying and the weird depression jags, odd food cravings, and unbelievable sex drive--minus the sex--I feel like my body has a mind of its own. I go from elation to fear in two-point-five seconds. And at the heels of all of that is guilt. Guilt because I still haven't talked to Asher.