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I reach for my magic and find it hovering, ready. “It’s all right,” I say, pushing past him to open the back door. I focus on Ishida’s lined face and narrow my focus, scalpel sharp. Go back to your hotel. You weren’t able to follow Brother Belastra tonight. You’ve no idea where he went. In fact, you’ve been quite silly to suspect him of anything. He’s a loyal member of the Brotherhood.
Brother Ishida nods and strides through the door. A carriage bearing the golden seal of the Brotherhood is waiting at the corner. I shut the door behind him with a sigh.
“What did you just do?” Finn’s voice is low. I reach out to take his hand, but he backs away from me and repeats himself. “What did you do, Cate?”
I bite my lip. “I compelled him to forget. ”
Finn swears beneath his breath, and the look on his face—
“Finn. ” I step toward him, beseeching. “It’s not like what happened to you. I only erased the last hour—him sitting out there in the carriage and then seeing us together. That’s it. Nothing more. ”
But doubts swarm into my mind like bumblebees. This is the second time I’ve performed mind-magic on Ishida, and Tess compelled him once, too. How many times can a person’s mind bear that kind of meddling before it breaks?
“He’s a cruel man. He’d have been glad to see his daughters hanged,” I insist, fighting my guilt. “He would have arrested me!”
“I wouldn’t let that happen. ” Finn is looking at me like I’m a stranger again. “This isn’t the first time you’ve used mind-magic, is it?”
“N-no,” I stutter. My father. Finn himself. The night watch and nurses at Harwood. Ishida, twice now. “But only to protect myself. I will never use it against you. I swear. ”
“What if we have a fight? How can I trust you?” Finn’s eyes collide with mine, full of anger and doubt. “You know who erased my memory, don’t you? You’ve got to. You know everything else that happened to me that day, right up until the moment on the convent steps. ”
I nod.
“What else are you keeping from me?” Finn grabs his cloak from the cabinet and throws it over his shoulders. Tears spring into my eyes, but he doesn’t comfort me this time. “I don’t know how the old Finn would have handled this, but the new one doesn’t care much for secrets, Cate. ”
With that, he storms out into the cold.
I sink to the floor, burying my face in my knees, and that’s how Rilla finds me a little while later: crying, surrounded by rose petals.
Chapter 12
I’M PUSHING PARSNIPS AROUND MY plate and thinking of Finn when someone rings the bell at the front door. Girls look up from their suppers with consternation. It’s rare that we receive guests at the convent, and it’s especially dangerous now, when we’re harboring twenty-two fugitives. Inez stalks off to see who it is while Sister Gretchen ushers the Harwood girls upstairs via the back staircase. I turn, exchanging uneasy glances with Tess. Grace is trembling as she gets up from their table, and Lucy trails after her, leaving her roast chicken uneaten.
Inez is back in a minute, her pinched face unsmiling. “Miss Zhang, it’s your father. ”
Mei rises, swiping her bangs out of her eyes. She looks across the table at Rilla and me. “Something’s wrong. Baba’s so busy, he wouldn’t call here unless—” She bites her lip, and I wonder if it’s her brother who’s been arrested this time. Caught buying Merriweather’s paper, perhaps.
“Don’t borrow trouble. Go and see what it is,” Rilla advises, reaching for her fork. “Perhaps it’s good news. A letter from your sisters?”
Mei nods, straightening her shoulders as she hurries away. With her dark hair bound in one long plait down her back and her bright tangerine dress, she reminds me of the black-eyed Susans in my garden at home. Longing sweeps over me. I miss my garden. Miss having my hands in the dirt. There hasn’t been any time to fiddle with the orchids in the conservatory lately, not between classwork and nursing and Resistance meetings.
I slump in my seat, remembering how Finn stormed out of the shop last night. Sachi and Rilla were right; I should have told him the truth sooner. He’s got every right to be angry with me for keeping secrets. But at the same time, he’s never made me feel ashamed to be a witch before. From the moment he found out what I was, he was awed and proud. Before, he knew I could do mind-magic and he never once worried I would use it against him. He trusted me.
How can I earn back his trust?
Is it even possible for him to trust a witch, after what Maura did?
I hear her low, bubbling laugh and glance across the dining room. Her red pompadour is next to Genie’s mousy-brown head, and they’re whispering. As I watch, she throws back her head and laughs as though she hasn’t a care in the world, and fury cuts through me. How dare she be so merry when I am so miserable. Magic twitches through me and my fingertips go white against my water goblet. I’d like to throw its contents in her face.
“Cate!” Mei runs back into the dining room, stopping at the end of our table. “It’s Yang. He’s got the fever. It’s bad. Baba thought—he doesn’t want me exposed to it, but he thought I might want to come and—” She breaks off, her dark eyes shining with unshed tears. “He thinks Yang could die, Cate. ”
I rise and push in my chair. “I’ll come with you. ”
“And do what, Miss Cahill?” Inez slithers toward us, black skirts rustling.
I plant my hands on my hips. “And heal him, if I can. ”
“You can’t go around town using magic to heal people on their deathbeds,” Inez snaps. “It would look a mite suspicious, don’t you think?”
Mei’s chin isn’t as pointy as mine, but she can still look quite pugnacious when she wants. “I don’t care how it looks! He’s my brother. ”
Inez purses her thin lips. “Miss Zhang, how long have you known you were a witch?”
“Since I was twelve. ” Mei reaches into her pocket and begins counting the ivory mala beads she always carries.
“And in five years, you’ve never chosen to enlighten your family,” Inez points out. “You didn’t trust them with it. Why is that?”
Mei gives a sigh that blows her bangs askew. “I was worried Baba would disapprove. He’s very traditional in some ways. But I don’t care if he disowns me. Not if we can heal Yang. ” She starts toward the door. “I don’t have time to argue. He’s waiting. ”
Inez grabs her by the elbow, hauling her to a stop, and Mei trips over the blue rug. “How far do you suppose his disapproval would go? Do you trust your family with your safety? Not only yours—that of all your friends?”
Mei yanks away. “Yes. Baba would never do anything to hurt me. ”
“Be sensible,” Inez pleads, her hands dropping to her sides. “If you heal one person, where does it stop? What if your mother takes ill next? Your aunt? Their friends? Word will spread of your brother’s miraculous recovery, Mei, and it’s dangerous for anyone to suspect what you’re capable of. I know you think me a monster, but I’m trying to protect you, truly. Tensions are so high just now—”