"That makes sense," Rylan said, his face thoughtful. "Why would the men get angry?"
"Self hate' was what Zoe, one of my neighbors, called it. Men, usually those who were married and hated themselves for what they'd just done, would grow abusive. They had to take it out on someone. Sometimes they used words, and sometimes they used fists. A big man could put you off the streets for weeks, and few of us could afford that."
"That's why you were so calm when Zeke hit you. You'd been hit before."
"More times than I can remember," Sabrina admitted, glad that most of it was a blur. "I was usually pretty fast if I saw it coming, and since I'm not little, I could defend myself against a man who wasn't that big. Occasionally I was taken by surprise."
"How often did you think about getting away from it?"
"I had no skills, no money saved, and no place to turn, so I tried not to think at all. I tried not to concentrate on what I was doing, or I would never have survived."
"And during this time you had no thoughts of God?"
"I didn't think He could look on sin, and I knew I was sinning. Danny was the first one to show me I'd been kidding myself. When I realized God had known all along, I was pretty shook up, but at
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the same time I was trying to figure out who Danny and Callie were. I'd never met anyone like them, people who were willing to take me in and give me a chance."
"And this is why you reach out. This is why you don't give up on Crystal and you stayed with Eliza until the end."
Sabrina nodded, knowing that what he said was true.
"I don't wish your past on anyone, Sabrina, but God can certainly use you now because of it."
"Isn't that true of all of us?"
"I think it is. I remember what you said about hating your sewing lessons. For me it was work on the farm. I would finish as fast as I could so I could find friends to play with, and if my father was looking for a volunteer, my hand would never go up.
"My father finally got through to me concerning the value of what I was learning, and I will always thank him. When I came to Token Creek, one of the first people I met was Pete Stillwell. He offered me work, and I've been there ever since. It's given me a path into the community that's been invaluable. I don't know if there's a soul in town who doesn't know that I'm a pastor. I've had questions come while I was shoeing horses and while I was dripping with sweat in the forge."
"That wouldn't be the case if you were a hypocrite, Rylan," Sabrina said. "You're real with people, and they can trust you."
"I care for people. It's hard at times. Not everyone wants my friendship, but I still care and pray for them."
Silence fell between them for a little while, and then Sabrina asked, "Can we start back before it gets dark? I want to check on Crystal."
"Have you talked to her since you saw the bruise?"
"No, and she's been on my mind."
"Let's head that way. Why don't you carry the tea, the basket, the fishing pole, and the quilt?"
Sabrina was reaching to do just that when she caught herself. Rylan laughed when she looked at him. Sabrina picked up the basket
264 and the pole and then waited, her look saying much. Rylan folded the quilt and grabbed the jug, still looking very pleased with himself as they started toward Willow Street.
"Nate and Thorn are in the neighborhood," Rylan said when they were almost at Crystal's. "I think I'll say hello."
"All right."
"Stay here. I'll walk you back."
"Why, Rylan," Sabrina worked to sound hurt. "You know my safety is always on my mind."
Rylan dramatically rolled his eyes before saying, "You and I are , going to work on defining 'safe,' Miss Matthews. We need some increased unity on that topic."
The smile Sabrina gave him was nothing short of cheeky as he went on his way and she knocked on Crystal's door. Crystal invited her inside, and Sabrina wasted no time.
"How is your eye?"
"It's fine. I've got a little powder on tonight. You can't even see it." "We can go to supper Tuesday if you want."
Crystal almost mentioned that she couldn't take the night off but changed her mind. Yes, she'd been forced to take nights off with the bruise on her face, but she didn't want Sabrina to stop asking.
"I've got the answer to the question you asked me," Sabrina said.
"What question?" Crystal frowned
"About why I prayed in Jesus' name. It's a way to remember when we pray, we need to do it in the name of Christ. Jesus Christ, God's Son, came to us from the Father, and when we pray to the Father, we ask in His Son's name."
"Who told you this?"
"Jeanette Fulbright. She's been a believer in Jesus Christ for a long time."
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"Is that what you call it, believing in Jesus?"
"Yes. Specifically, I believe that His death, burial, and resurrection are real, that He died for my sins, and that I need a Savior or I'm lost."
"Did Mrs. Fulbright tell you that too?"
"No, it was a man and a woman who live in Denver." "Did they know your sister?"
"No. I was pretty much alone, and they took me in."
Crystal looked at her, not sure what to say. She wasn't sure what questions to ask, but she was curious. It was a relief when one came to mind.
"Did you feel like you had to believe to be their friend?" "No, I wanted it. I wanted to know I was forgiven."
"But how can you know?" Crystal asked next, but Sabrina didn't get to answer. Someone was knocking on the door, and Crystal rose to answer it.
"We have to talk," Lewis was there saying, pushing his way inside and locking the door behind him.
"Get out of here," Crystal started to say.
"Not until we talk," he said, and then spotted Sabrina. "You have to leave."
Sabrina wasted no time turning to Crystal.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No, you can stay. The deputy is leaving," Crystal stated flatly, and Sabrina felt proud of her.
"I lost my job," the man gritted out. "We have to talk." "It had nothing to do with me!"
The ex-deputy glared at her, and then his eyes swung to Sabrina. He looked at her and realized that Crystal was telling the truth. "You talked to the sheriff."
"As a matter of fact, I didn't," Sabrina spoke honestly. "But if you're
going to hit women and do nothing when someone gives you a report
about being hit, you don't deserve to be the law in this town."
The words that came out of the deputy's mouth were nothing new
266 to these women, but his angry actions put them on guard. Lewis didn't come near them or pick up anything to threaten them, but his agitated actions kept the women away, their eyes watching his every move. Sabrina had just spotted the iron skillet that she thought she might be able to reach if he came toward her. She was weighing her options when someone else knocked on the door.
Rylan waited patiently for someone to answer the door of Crystal's apartment, and when that didn't happen, he knocked a little louder and called Crystal's name.
"We're busy!" a man's voice shouted, and Rylan tried the handle
, to find it locked. Not giving his next action a moment's thought, Rylan put one hard shoulder into the side of the door. One swift hit and it flew back on its hinges. He stepped inside, his eyes locking with Lewis' after that man had spun around in anger.
"What are you doing here?" Lewis growled.
"I could ask you the same question," Rylan said, remaining calm. "Did you want him here, Crystal?"
"Not likely. My bruises haven't faded from his last visit."
Rylan stepped aside, giving clear passage to the door, his meaning clear. Lewis' mouth went off again, but no one else spoke. He was almost out the door when Nate and Thorn appeared.
"Is there a problem?" Nate asked, and Crystal wasted no time. She complained to the sheriff about Lewis' entrance and attitude, and without a word to anyone in the apartment, the
other lawmen walked Lewis away.
"Are you all right?" Rylan asked the women when they were on their own. They both said they were, but Crystal was a little pale. "Let me check this door for you," Rylan offered next. Finding nothing was broken, he adjusted the lock. Sabrina didn't comment, her mind still on Lewis' visit, but she did remind Crystal about supper on Tuesday night.
267"I'll meet you at the hotel just like before."
"I'll be there," Crystal said, and even hugged Sabrina back when that woman went to her. Rylan said goodnight, telling Crystal to be careful and he and Sabrina left.
Rylan waited only until they were a block away from Willow Street, in the lee of a building, to pull Sabrina into his arms. His heart had almost stopped in his chest when he'd heard Lewis' voice coming from Crystal's apartment.
"Having you visit Crystal is going to be the end of me." Rylan admitted.
"It's always interesting, isn't it? And do you know what?" Sabrina said, pulling back a little, even though the dusk was making it hard to see. "We were talking about how you can know you're forgiven.- "Which means you'll be going back," Rylan said, his voice dry. He could fell Sabrina shaking with laughter. Rylan's one turned sarcastic. "Oh, yes, go ahead and laugh at my pain. Every time you're on Willow Street, someone tries to hurt you."
"Not every time,- Sabrina said. "Just nearly.Rylan
had to laugh. He took her hand and finished the walk home. Honestly wondering how his heart was going to survive.
Sabrina got a letter from Callie when the mail came on Monday. She didn't allow herself to look at it until the end of the day. She walked back to Jeanette's and went to the garden, sitting on the stone bench there. [ My dearest Sabrina,
There is no way to tell you how muchIlong to hold you and tell you in person how much you are loved. Your question
268brought back many memories. Both Danny and I have laughed and cried over our remembrances of that time.
To answer your question. It took a while. I saw Danny probably much the way you do Rylan. Perfect. No real shame in his past. None of his sins of unthankfulness, an occasional bad attitude, or a struggle with lust ever seemed to compare with my past. I shouldn't have been keeping score, but that's what my mind did. So what did I do? The turning point might surprise you. I didn't keep weighing the two of us, or try to find some sin in his life that made me feel better. I simply recognized that I was not that person any longer. I was saved from all of that, and was being saved every day. It was one of the most freeing things that ever happened to me. It wasn't about me but about what Christ had done with my sin.
By the time Danny told me how he felt, I was not surprised. I realize that not every man could handle having a former prostitute for a wife, but I knew that the
269Man who let me get away was a fool. I was growing in my faith and I was working hard to be holy. I was kind, caring, wanted a home of my own to keep. and deeply wanted a godly husband and children. ]
Sabrina stopped reading, her mouth open a little in surprise. Having confidence that she had something to bring to a relationship had never occurred to her. She felt almost grateful that Rylan cared for her, too grateful in fact--as though she should forever be in his debt that he would overlook her past and love her. But that was all wrong, and she knew that Rylan didn't feel that way either.
"Well, now," Becky said as she came upon her. "I didn't know you were here.-
"Hi, Becky. I'm just reading a letter."
Becky sat beside her, a basket in her lap.
"From Denver?"
"Yes."
"You're not leaving us, are you?-
"No,- Sabrina said, and knew how true it was. It also caused her to remember something.
"Are you going to put something in that basket?" Sabrina asked, slipping the letter into her pocket. "Would you like some help?"
The women worked side by side in the garden, talking about the day and what Becky had planned for supper. Sabrina didn't miss a single berry or squash, but her mind was hatching a plan the whole time.
Not until Thursday did Sabrina get a chance to see Rylan and give him the gift she'd bought. She went there directly from the shop, telling Jeanette she might be a little late to supper, Rylan answered
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the door right away, surprised and pleased to see her. They faced each other on the porch, and Sabrina took something from the fold of her skirt.
"What's this?"
"A ticket to Denver so you can see your family. I know it's only one way, but I thought if you had it, you could save for the return ticket."
Rylan looked at it and back up at her.
"What about you?"
"That's just it. If you don't go now, then we might become married, and it will be even more expensive to go. It's been two years. I want you to see your family."
Her sweet face, watching him intently, caused Rylan's heart to clench with love. He could have crushed her in his arms but made himself stand still and gather his emotions.
"I have something I need to show you."
Rylan was in the house for only a minute before returning, two letters in hand. The couple sat side by side on the bench before Rylan began.
"I wrote to both my father and Danny Barshaw. I don't think I need to tell you what I wrote. You'll be able to tell by their letters.
"Dear Ry,' my father writes, 'I don't know that I'Ve ever known a man who wrote to ask his own father if he could marry. I've certainly known men who checked with the bride's father, but never the groom with his own. To say you make me proud is so inadequate it's not worth the ink.'
"Your Sabrina sounds as precious as a woman can be. To have found someone who will partner with you in your love for Token Creek and the church family is a gift from God. I am not concerned about you marrying someone we have not met. I know Chas keeps in close touch with you, and you have never shirked a single question we have sent your way. My only regret is not being able to see you married or at some point on your honeymoon, but you know that we understand.-
271 Rylan looked at Sabrina, whose mouth had fallen open a bit, smiled, and started on Danny's letter.
"Dear Rylan, do you want to know something special? I saw your father for the first time in years the day after your letter arrived! He told me of your letter, asking if you could marry Bri, and my heart was blessed.'
"I do not hesitate to give you my blessing to marry our Bri. She is precious, and I know that you will treasure her always. Our only regret is not being there with you or having you visit us here. Keep us informed of your plans and know our prayers are with you."
Rylan stopped long enough to look Sabrina in the eyes before speaking again.
"So you see, we need to set this ticket aside until there is enough money to make the trip together. That's what everyone wants, including me. Don't ask me, my sweet Sabrina, to go to Denver without you. It wouldn't be any fun at all."
"I thought I was giving you such a lovely gift, but you're right," she answered with utter practicality. "We'll have to go together sometime."
Rylan had to smile at her matter-of-fact tone, and Sabrina smiled in return. And it was at that moment the most natural thing in the world to lean toward each other and kiss for the first time. It was brief, and for a few seconds they moved back and looked at each other.
"Are you all right?" Rylan asked, his voice soft and deep.
"I am. Are you?"
Rylan nodded before they leaned one more time. The second kiss was sweeter than the first, and Sabrina sighed when Rylan put an arm around her and she was able to put her head on his shoulder. She was planning only to drop off the ticket and get home to Jeanette's, but they started to talk about their families, and she was a good deal later than she planned.
272
CASSIDY, NOW FIVE AND a half months pregnant, walked the short
distance back to her house to get the loaf of bread she had forgotten the night before. Trace and Brad were on their annual cattle drive, and the women were staying
together. It had been decided early on that Cassidy would stay at Brad and Meg's, so as not to uproot Savanna. And truth be told, they were having an amazing time.
It felt like the days before Cassidy and Trace were married, when Cassidy would come to Meg's on Wednesday afternoons and the two women would sew and visit. The first two days the men were gone, they worked on their own laundry and some special jobs that had been waiting, but now they were doing things together, including meals and long conversations in the evening.
Meg well remembered the cattle drives when she went to stay in town with Jeb and Patience-and they had come for supper one night-but this time together with her sister-in-law was causing the men's absence to be less painful and to pass swiftly.
Cassidy was nearly to her porch when she heard a wagon coming up the drive. She looked over to find Jeanette and Rylan in the wagon. She stood still and watched as her pastor brought the wagon between the two houses. Meg had heard as well and had come out her back
273 door as they pulled up, Savanna in her arms. The tears in Jeanette's eyes told the women the news was not good. They both knew before being told that Theta Holden was gone.
Brad and Trace had gone to see their mother before they left, but that did not make her funeral any easier. The Holdens had lived in the area for many years, and many folks were at the graveside for Rylan's words.
"I have two very good friends in Token Creek, and they happen to be brothers," Rylan said, looking at the Holden men, their faces sober as they stood across from Rylan, Theta's coffin between them. "Brad and Trace befriended me when I first arrived here, and I count myself blessed to know them.
"I knew their mother in a different way. Theta and I never had a normal conversation, but I knew much about what Theta believed because of her sons. Theta Holden understood that this life is temporary. She taught her sons from an early age that they must not settle here too permanently. She told them about her own faith in Christ, and that heaven awaited her. Her sons could see the genuine belief in her life and wanted it for themselves.