TURANDOT: Are the questions perhaps uncomfortable questions?
GOGHER GOGH: I’ve no idea; I won’t even listen.
TURANDOT: Ah, a politician! - And what do you think of the conference so far?
GOGHER GOGH: Nothing. This here is the result. I tried in vain to prevent the whole thing, but they wouldn’t let me in, just because I’m not as much a scholar as the other gentlemen. And now there’s all this trouble. If the state tries to answer every question that’s asked, it’s bound to come to no good. And why? Because there’ll be trouble. That’s why. How long do you think you’d put up with your poodle if he trotted up every morning to ask: so where’s the pork chop gone? He’d soon seem pretty unattractive.
TURANDOT: There’s some truth in that. And what do you think about women?
GOGHER GOGH: The Chinese woman is loyal, hard-working and obedient. But she needs to be managed, just like the people, with an iron hand. Otherwise she’ll go soft. The bodyguards pass by, threateningly. I’ll give short shrift to recalcitrants.
TURANDOT: And what do you make of me?
GOGHER GOGH: You’re a mysterious creature, if I may say so. Besides, I believe I must already have had the honour; where have I come across you before?
TURANDOT: I can help you there: it was in a literary setting.
GOGHER GOGH: A nation without literature is no proper cultural nation. But it has to be a healthy literature. I come from a respectable, simple family background. In school I was good at physical education and religious instruction, but I had certain leadership qualities too, from early on. I set up a business with seven like-minded associates; it took iron discipline to make it what it is today. I demand of my followers a fanatical belief: in me. That’s the only way I can attain my goals. To the armed guard: Arrest those people. The bodyguards disappear. Where was it you wanted to go?
TURANDOT amused: Well, if you’ve nothing better to do, in the direction of the Imperial Palace. To the second maid: So my judgement wasn’t quite right, after all.
They all exit in the direction from which Turandot and her train first came.
THE HEAD OF XI WEI: I fear there’ll be rain again tonight.
UNKNOWN HEAD: My main argument was sound, but I acknowledge, in the detail I could have been a little more colourful.
HEAD OF KE LEI: Nothing, nothing grew.
HEAD OF XI WEI: There must be an answer. I think I was quite close last night.
HEAD OF MUNKA DU: If only I’d slept properly, then …
HEAD OF KE LEI: It’s the Emperor who holds sway - holds sway, an unhappy choice of vocabulary - I needn’t have expressed it quite like that.
HEAD OF XI WEI: True scholarship never tires! Of course there’s an answer to every question. You just have to have the time to discover it.
UNKNOWN HEAD: We’ve got time enough now.
HEAD OF KE LEI: You could say, we enjoy a certain sort of freedom here.
The geographer Pauder Mel approaches, in a small carriage pulled by two young Tuis.
YOUNG TUI shouts: Clear the road for the great geographer Pauder Mel!
PAUDER MEL: Let’s have no excuses, no tiredness! My greatest worry is that the Congress will already be over before I get there. Someone might discover the answer at any moment. And what then?
The young Tuis stop and point fearfully at the impaled heads.
PAUDER MEL: Criminals and traitors! Onwards, my young friends!
7
IN THE IMPERIAL PALACE
The Prime Minister is receiving the delegates of the Clothesmakers and their Union Tui.
UNION TUI: Your Excellency! A precise analysis of the situation reveals …
DELEGATE impatiently: Let me. Our Clothesmakers won’t be restrained much longer, that’s all there is to it.
PRIME MINISTER: Let me assure you: the Emperor will draw the consequences from the failure of the Great Congress.
DELEGATE pleased: That’s more like it! As I say, I can’t hold my people back any longer.
PRIME MINISTER leads him out: You can wait for the decision in the antechamber. I notice, by the way, that the delegate of the Clothesless hasn’t turned up.
DELEGATE: They’re playing their own politics.
PRIME MINISTER: So you don’t see eye to eye with them?
DELEGATE: One thing’s certain: you won’t see me associating with that fellow any more.
Exits with his Tui. Enter the Emperor and Yao Yel.
EMPEROR: The Tuis are to blame for everything. I only ever wanted what was best.
YAO YEL: And got it too.
Enter the Court Tui, the Minister for War and Nu Shan.
COURT TUI: Majesty, there is no cause for concern.
NU SHAN: The populace is keeping a cool head, Your Majesty.
MINISTER FOR WAR: The city gates are securely in our control, Sire.
EMPEROR: Thank you. Just a moment. What’s really happened?
MINISTER FOR WAR: Your Majesty, Kai Ho is getting restless in the northern provinces, he’s started to march on the capital.
YAO YEL: Certain … erm … stores must be destroyed immediately.
EMPEROR: In that case, I abdicate.
PRIME MINISTER: How?
EMPEROR: How am I going to abdicate?
PRIME MINISTER: No, how can the stores be destroyed.
YAO YEL: Burning won’t do. Cotton makes too much of a stink.
EMPEROR: All right, I’m abdicating then.
MINISTER FOR WAR: We can’t get the army to do it. There’ll be a mutiny.
EMPEROR: I abdicate.
Silence. - The Emperor looks at them in disbelief.
EMPEROR: You can think it over if you wish, but… Since no one is taking any notice, he exits slowly.
MINISTER FOR WAR: Your Majesty is impossible.
YAO YEL: You don’t expect me … I would never dream … against my own brother … There’s no point even asking … So they could say I’d usurped, in the hour … Don’t press me, I’ve not the least ambition … Perhaps in an extreme emergency, for dynastic reasons, let us say … Can I depend on you? Arrest my brother, General. Exit.
PRIME MINISTER: Your Majesty!
They all bow and exit.
EMPEROR enters by another door: I’ve been thinking … He sees that they’ve all left. This is ridiculous. Is this the way you treat your Emperor? Drums off-stage. The Emperor rushes to the window. Why are the guards shouldering arms? Yao Yel! He’s … Before you know it … You have to weigh every word, and in my own house! I must … immediately …
Enter Turandot with her maids and Gogher Gogh.
TURANDOT: Father, I’ve brought you one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever met.
EMPEROR: Have you got any small change?
GOGHER GOGH: Not on me, no.
TURANDOT: What do you need change for?
EMPEROR: I’m going to have to leave. I abdicated, in a moment of absent-mindedness. Yao Yel immediately usurps the throne. Of course it’s against the law. The people have to be able to choose their rulers, after all.
GOGHER GOGH glancing from time to time out of the window: What’s that supposed to mean: the people have to be able to choose their rulers? Can the rulers choose their people? I think not! Would you have chosen this particular people if you’d had the choice?
EMPEROR: Of course not. They’re an idle lot, think only of their own good, and they live scandalously beyond our means.
GOGHER GOGH: The people are a danger and a threat to law and order. They’re undermining the state.
TURANDOT: Clever, eh? To Gogher Gogh: Tell him what you think he should do.
GOGHER GOGH: That’s simple. It’s just that, unfortunately, I have problems of my own, and they’re not so easy to solve. On the other hand, they are connected with yours. To keep it brief, we haven’t got much time, the question about the cotton, you mustn’t answer it, you must have it outlawed. – The guards, they’re leaving!
EMPEROR: I see. Makes sense. It would be a w
hole lot easier.
GOGHER GOGH: If the guards withdraw I’ve had it.
TURANDOT: Stop them, forbid the guards to leave, Daddy!
EMPEROR pacing up and down in excitement: There’s something in what you say. It’s the first sensible advice I’ve had, and you’re not even wearing a Tui-hat. I can’t stop the guards, not any longer.
TURANDOT: I’d just like to observe, Father, these ideas are Mr Gogh’s intellectual property. I know you. Mr Gogh is herewith admitted to the Tui Association’s competition, and reserves all rights. I hope you’ve understood that? Enter Yao Yel, the Minister for War and the Court Tui.
YAO YEL: There, you see. Why isn’t my brother under arrest? Shoot him! Get on with it!
MINISTER FOR WAR to the Emperor: There’s a mob advancing on the palace. Have you been conspiring with the people?
EMPEROR: Not another one of those questions? And not even the prescribed form of address!
GOGHER GOGH: It’s all over. Kru Ki and the others.
TURANDOT: What makes you think you know what the mob wants?
YAO YEL: They want to lynch us, chicken-brain. What else does a mob ever want?
EMPEROR: He’s right.
GOGHER GOGH suddenly: I beg you, your attention please. These people, they’re excited, they’ve been incited. As soon as they discover that I’m in here …
YAO YEL: You mean, they know you?
GOGHER GOGH: They certainly do.
EMPEROR: Then you’ve got to speak to them, for God’s sake man.
GOGHER GOGH: Impossible. If I fall into their hands, I mean, if I appear before them with nothing to show …
EMPEROR: What does that mean? Promise them whatever you like.
MINISTER FOR WAR: Yes, promise anything.
YAO YEL: Everything!
GOGHER GOGH: That’s all well and good. But who am I?
EMPEROR: My dear, good man, I’ve assessed your proposals most carefully, and I herewith charge you to act according to them, immediately. You have my full confidence. For myself, I’ll withdraw to my chambers for a few minutes, and take a little sustenance.
GOGHER GOGH: Your Majesty, I shan’t forget this.
Exit the Emperor with Yao Yel, Turandot and the Court Tui. Alarms backstage.
GOGHER GOGH to the Minister for War: Excellency, I need your sash. The Minister doesn’t understand. Your Excellency, lives may depend on your presence of mind. Give me your sash, please. Don’t make me humiliate myself kneeling, Excellency. A desperate man stands here before you, and he needs a sash. He rips the sash off the reluctant Minister and tears it into ribbons.
Enter the two bodyguards with three other bandits.
FIRST BODYGUARD: Hah, so we’ve got you?
GOGHER GOGH: Been looking for me, have you? To the Minister for War: They’ve been looking for me. Comrades, China expects …
FIRST BODYGUARD: Don’t joke.
SECOND BODYGUARD: Enough nonsense.
GOGHER GOGH: Quite right, enough nonsense. The time for jokes has passed. Excellency! Lawless elements, who quite openly seek to damage the property rights of their fellow citizens and shamelessly endanger the sacred order of the state - walk free, while rough but honest, loyal subjects look on unarmed and powerless. In accordance with my Imperial commission, I demand weapons for these men here. From the Imperial arsenals. He goes up to the bodyguards and formally invests them with the rags of the sash as armbands. As defenders of the public order, and inspired by your fanatical resolve, you will kick anyone in the guts who dares to rebel. Your reward: twice the normal police wage.
SECOND BODYGUARD: Sure thing, boss.
The Emperor and the others return, drinking from small cups.
EMPEROR: And now?
GOGHER GOGH: Your Majesty, in this historic hour let me present my old brothers-in-arms - and they really are brothers: the Krukher Kru brothers. I’ve discovered that the mob that was seen in the neighbourhood of the palace turn out to be my own trusted fellow-warriors - who now put themselves at Your Majesty’s disposal, body and soul.
EMPEROR: My dear Mr Gogh, I’m moved. But above all it’s a question of the Imperial storehouses, they urgently need protection.
GOGHER GOGH: Majesty, give me twenty-four hours and you won’t even recognise your capital city.
YAO YEL: What’s to happen to the warehouses?
EMPEROR: No questions. To the Minister for War: Arrest my brother, General!
Turandot applauds.
YAO YEL: But you’d abdicated!
EMPEROR: Not irrevocably. Mischievously: Didn’t you issue an order to have me shot?
YAO YEL: Nonsense. There’s always a lot of talk when people are excited.
GOGHER GOGH keen: Majesty, allow me to carry out your commands, without compromise.
MINISTER FOR WAR anticipating him: Imperial Majesty…
YAO YEL: You’ll make a fine mess of business without my help. He exits, furious, with the Minister for War, followed by the first bodyguard and two bandits. On the threshold he meets the Prime Minister and Nu Shan. They bow respectfully, then catch sight of the Emperor and bow nervously to him.
EMPEROR: I have resumed the reins of government, my dear fellow, you’ll be hearing from me. At the moment things are happening rather thick and fast.
Behind the Prime Minister the delegate of the Clothes-makers appears with his Tui.
DELEGATE: His Excellency the Prime Minister hinted at this morning’s audience that Your Majesty would draw the full consequences of the failure of the Tui Conference.
EMPEROR: Quite right. You’re under arrest.
GOGHER GOGH: Follow me. He sees Nu Shan. And who is this gentleman?
PRIME MINISTER: Mr Nu Shan, Chairman of the Tui Association.
GOGHER GOGH: A Tui. Roaring: You’re under arrest! There are, as we all know, dangerous opinion-mongers at work here. To be precise, people with dangerous opinions. I have nothing against it if a man takes money for an opinion. Under my leadership the state will spend even more on opinions. On opinions which suit me. This endless thinking, this way and that, it disgusts me. Just have a bit of decency and respect for the people who know better. Roaring: Take him away!
TURANDOT beaming: Oh Goghy!
The Dowager Empress comes running in with a jar of ginger.
7a
IN THE COURTYARD OF THE IMPERIAL PALACE
Gogher Gogh addresses his followers.
GOGHER GOGH: It’s just been discovered that the Imperial warehouses are stuffed to the rafters with cotton. Only a few days ago, certain dishonourable wretches were spreading the lie that there was no cotton. They’ve had their punishment. Equally, the Emperor’s own brother, Yao Yel, who’d been stockpiling the cotton behind the Emperor’s back, has been arrested and shot. He was going to burn some of the cotton to cover up his crime. But he didn’t manage to carry out his monstrous plan. Comrades! A dishonest military clique attempted to persuade the Emperor that your services were no longer needed. And so I find myself, with the approval of the Emperor of course, compelled, as I was in the early years of our movement, to set an example, a beacon visible from afar, from which even the stupidest rogue may recognise that, in the absence of sufficiently energetic protection, no property is secure. To this end, this very night, you will set fire to one half of the warehouses. - Do your duty!
8
THE LITTLE TUI MARKET
On great easels the Tuis are setting up open books. For one yen passers-by may read one page.
GENERAL EDUCATION TUI:
The poor fool sweats and labours night and day
But still he can’t improve his situation
All he has to call his own are: troubles -
And that’s because he’s short on education.
The rich man gets to lord it in his palace
The poor man scrapes a living in a hut.
It’s knowledge always makes the real difference
And if you’ve got it - then you’ll take your cut.
&n
bsp; A very old woman pays a yen and looks into the book. Enter Sen with the boy, Er Fei.
ER FEI: So will I have to be a Tui like him, grandfather?
SEN: We’ve still got our money.
ER FEI: Can’t we buy a frog instead?
SEN: Er Fei, what have you got against the Tuis?
ER FEI: I think they’re bad people.
SEN: Look at that bridge over there. Who do you think built it?
ER FEI: The Emperor.
SEN: No. Think again.
ER FEI: The stonemasons.
SEN: Yes. But think one more time. Pause. The masons built it, but a Tui told them how to do it. We’ve only heard how they talk, we haven’t yet got through to their real knowledge. There’s knowledge on display here. I’m just a bit disappointed how expensive it is. Er Fei, if there’s still no sign of progress this time, then, fair enough, they must be driven out with fire and sword. He walks indecisively from easel to easel.
Enter four washerwomen, amongst them Ma Gogh.
QIUNG: So, now I’ve bought it, and that’s that. She shows the Economics Tui a new headscarf Cotton.
SU: A millionairess.
QIUNG: Four weeks’ pay, but it’s worth it. To Yao: Everyone thinks it suits me. You think so too, don’t you, Yao?
YAO: No. You’re too bony for that look.
QIUNG: That’s rich, coming from you. You cow, I suppose you’re the only pretty one? You think you’re pretty?
YAO: No, I’m not pretty either.
MA GOGH: Why do you ask her? You know she always tells the truth.
Qiung laughs loudly.
ECONOMICS TUI: How can we help? What are you young ladies after?
QIUNG: We’re from the Almond Blossom Laundry, we’re out shopping.
ECONOMICS TUI: Ladies! How can we make a success of business? Take a look in my book, and for just a yen you too can find out what the science of economics has to say about it:
Imagine business isn’t going well -
The big fish keep me wriggling in the dark.
Why then I scratch my last remaining hairs out
And ask how I can get to be a shark.
I know what folk endure to earn their bread
And, for their pains, they get it up the butt.