D
He’s Disguiz’d, He’s got a Dish, Kill’d his Dog, Took his Drops, It is a Dark Day with him, He’s a Dead Man, Has Dipp’d his Bill, He’s Dagg’d, He’s seen the Devil.
E
He’s Prince Eugene, Enter’d, Wet both Eyes, Cock Ey’d, Got the Pole Evil, Got a brass Eye, Made an Example, He’s Eat a Toad & half for Breakfast. In his Element.
F
He’s Fishey, Fox’d, Fuddled, Sore Footed, Frozen, Well in for’t, Owes no Man a Farthing, Fears no Man, Crump Footed, Been to France, Flush’d, Froze his Mouth, Fetter’d, Been to a Funeral, His Flag is out, Fuzl’d, Spoke with his Friend, Been at an Indian Feast.
G
He’s Glad, Groatable, Gold-headed, Glaiz’d, Generous, Booz’d the Gage, As Dizzy as a Goose, Been before George, Got the Gout, Had a Kick in the Guts, Been with Sir John Goa, Been at Geneva, Globular, Got the Glanders.
H
Half and Half, Hardy, Top Heavy, Got by the Head, Hiddey, Got on his little Hat, Hammerish, Loose in the Hilts, Knows not the way Home, Got the Hornson, Haunted with Evil Spirits, Has Taken Hippocrates grand Elixir.
I
He’s Intoxicated.
J
Jolly, Jagg’d, Jambled, Going to Jerusalem, Jocular, Been to Jerico, Juicy.
K
He’s a King, Clips the King’s English, Seen the French King, The King is his Cousin, Got Kib’d Heels, Knapt, Het his Kettle.
L
He’s in Liquor, Lordly, He makes Indentures with his Leggs, Well to Live, Light, Lappy, Limber.
M
He sees two Moons, Merry, Middling, Moon-Ey’d, Muddled, Seen a Flock of Moons, Maudlin, Mountous, Muddy, Rais’d his Monuments, Mellow.
N
He’s eat the Cocoa Nut, Nimptopsical, Got the Night Mare.
O
He’s Oil’d, Eat Opium, Smelt of an Onion, Oxycrocium, Overset.
P
He drank till he gave up his Half-Penny, Pidgeon Ey’d, Pungey, Priddy, As good conditioned as a Puppy, Has scalt his Head Pan, Been among the Philistines, In his Prosperity, He’s been among the Philippians, He’s contending with Pharaoh, Wasted his Paunch, He’s Polite, Eat a Pudding Bagg.
Q
He’s Quarrelsome.
R
He’s Rocky, Raddled, Rich, Religious, Lost his Rudder, Ragged, Rais’d, Been too free with Sir Richard, Like a Rat in Trouble.
S
He’s Stitch’d, Seafaring, In the Sudds, Strong, Been in the Sun, As Drunk as David’s Sow, Swampt, His Skin is full, He’s Steady, He’s Stiff, He’s burnt his Shoulder, He’s got his Top Gallant Sails out, Seen the yellow Star, As Stiff as a Ring-bolt, Half Seas over, His Shoe pinches him, Staggerish, It is Star-light with him, He carries too much Sail, Stew’d Stubb’d, Soak’d, Soft, Been too free with Sir John Strawberry, He’s right before the Wind with all his Studding Sails out, Has Sold his Senses.
T
He’s Top’d, Tongue-ty’d, Tann’d, Tipium Grove, Double Tongu’d, Topsy Turvey, Tipsey, Has Swallow’d a Tavern Token, He’s Thaw’d, He’s in a Trance, He’s Trammel’d.
V
He makes Virginia Fence, Valiant, Got the Indian Vapours.
W
The Malt is above the Water, He’s Wise, He’s Wet, He’s been to the Salt Water, He’s Water-soaken, He’s very Weary, Out of the Way.
The phrases in this dictionary are not (like most of our terms of art) borrowed from foreign languages, neither are they collected from the writings of the learned in our own, but gather’s wholly from the modern tavern-conversation of tipplers. I do not doubt but that there are many more in use; and I was even tempted to add a new one my self under the letter B, to wit, brutify’d: but upon consideration, I fear’s being guilty of injustice to the brute creation, if I represented drunkenness as a beastly vice, since, ’tis well-known, that the brutes are in general a very sober sort of people.
How to Write an Almanac
By the time he was ready to publish his fifth edition of Poor Richard’s in 1738, Franklin was publishing the most popular almanac in the colonies. Humor had been the key to his success. In a little parody he published as a letter to his paper from “Philomath,” the name for almanac writers, he took the opportunity to poke fun at his rivals for being far too weighty and serious.
THE PENNSYLVANIA GAZETTE, OCTOBER 20, 1737
Sir,
As I am a great lover of all works of ingenuity, and the authors of them, so more especially am I a great reader and admirer of those labors of the learned, called almanacs.
As I am a considerable proficient in this sort of learning; and as at this time of the year, copies of almanacs for the next year usually come to the press, long before they are wanted: and as I have laid out many a six-pence among your customers, the profit whereof has in a great measure redounded to you: so I may reasonably hope to be looked on as a good customer, and claim a favorable place in your paper.
I have a large volume in manuscript by me, on the important subject of almanac-making, which I may in time communicate to the public; but at present I am willing to oblige them, with only a taste of my skill, which (if I have any title to the art of prognostication) will certainly make them long for the whole.
My present design, is to give to you and the public, a short essay, upon the talents requisite in an almanac-writer, by which it will plainly appear, how much the community is indebted to men of such great and uncommon parts and sagacity.
An almanac-writer, sir, should be born one like a poet; for as I read among the works of the learned, poeta nascitur non fit; so it is a maxim with me, that almanackorum scriptor nascitur not fit. Gifts of nature, sir, completed by rules of art, are indispensably necessary to make a great man this way, as well as any other.
The first thing requisite in an almanac-writer, is, that he should be descended of a great family, and bear a coat of arms, this gives luster and authority to what a man writes, and makes the common people to believe, that certainly this is a great man. I have known almanac-writers so curious and exact in this particular, that they have been at the expense and charge of a wooden cut in the frontispiece, with their arms emblazoned, and surrounded with a label, expressing the name of the family. This, sir, made a great impression, I confess, upon myself and others, and made those works to go off well.
If the author who was born to be an almanac-maker, has the misfortune to be meanly descended, but yet, has a true genius; if he has by him, or can borrow a book, entitled the peerage of England, he may safely borrow a coat, (if there happens to be a peer of his own name) by reason, we are so great a way distant from the earl marshal of that part of Great Britain called England.
The next talent requisite in the forming of a complete almanac-writer, is a sort of gravity, which keeps a due medium between dullness and nonsense, and yet has a mixture of both. Now you know, sir, that grave men are taken by the common people always for wise men. Gravity is just as good a picture of wisdom, as pertness is of wit, and therefore very taking. And to complete an almanac-maker, in this particular, he should write sentences, and throw out hints, that neither himself, nor any body else can understand or know the meaning of. And this is also a necessary talent. I will give you some instances of this way of writing, which are almost inimitable, such as these, Leeds, Jan. 23. 1736. Beware, the design is suspected. Feb. 23. The world is bad with somebody. Mar. 27. Crimes not remitted. April 10. Cully mully puff appears. May 21 the sword of Satan is drawn. June 7. The cat eat the candle. Now, sir, why should the sword of Satan be drawn to kill the cat on the 21st day of May, when it plainly appears in print, that the cat did not eat the candle till the 7th of June following? This question no man but an astrologer can possibly answer.
In the next place, I lay it down as a certain maxim or position, that an almanac-writer should not be a finished poet, but a piece of one, and qualified to write, what we vulgarly call doggerel; and that his poetry should bear a near resemblance to his prose. I must beg Horace’s and
my lord Roscommon’s pardon, if I dissent from them in this one particular. I will give you their rule in my lord’s English translation, and save myself the trouble of transcribing the Latin of Horace.
But no authority of gods nor men
allow of any mean in poesy.
This might for all I know be a rule for poetry among the ancients, but the moderns have found it troublesome, and the most of them, have wholly neglected it for that reason. Witness the author’s verses, whose praise I am now celebrating, December 1736.
Now is my 12 months task come to conclusion,
lord free us from hatred, envy and confusion.
All are not pleased, nor never will i’th’ main.
Feuds and discords among us will remain.
Be that as ’twill, however I’m glad to see,
envy disappointed both at land and sea.
I do not pretend to say, that this is like the poetry of Horace, or lord Roscommon, but it is the poesy of an astrologer, it is his own and not borrowed; it is occult and mysterious. It has a due degree of that sort of gravity, which I have mentioned: in short, it is formed upon the rules which I have laid down in this short essay.
I could further prove to you, if I was to go about it, that an almanac-writer ought not only to be a piece of a wit, but a very wag; and that he should have the art also to make people believe, that he is almost a conjurer, &c. But these things I reserved for my greater work, and in the mean time, until that appears, I desire to remain, Sir, Your very humble Servant,
Philomath
Poor Richard’s Wife Takes Her Turn
Richard and Bridget Saunders did, in many ways, reflect Benjamin and Deborah Franklin. In the almanac for 1738, Franklin had the fictional Bridget take a turn at writing the preface for Poor Richard. It came at the time when Franklin’s newspaper pieces were poking fun at the pretensions of wives who acquire a taste for fancy tea services. Bridget Saunders announced to the reader that she read the preface her husband had composed, discovered he had “been slinging some of his old skits at me,” and tossed it away. “Forsooth! all the world must know that Poor Dick’s wife has lately taken a fancy to drink a little tea now and then.” Lest the connection be missed, she noted that the tea was a present from “the printer.”
POOR RICHARD’S ALMANAC FOR 1738
Preface by Mistress Saunders
Dear Readers,
My good man set out last week for Potowmack, to visit an old stargazer of his acquaintance, and see about a little place for us to settle and end our days on. He left the copy of his almanac sealed up, and bid me send it to the press. I suspected something, and therefore as soon as he was gone, I opened it, to see if he had not been flinging some of his old skits at me. Just as I thought, so it was. And truly, (for want of somewhat else to say, I suppose) he had put into his preface, that his wife Bridget was this, and that, and the other. What a peasecods! Cannot I have a little fault or two, but all the country must see it in print! They have already been told, at one time that I am proud, another time that I am loud, and that I have got a new petticoat, and abundance of such kind of stuff; and now, forsooth! All the world must know, that poor dick’s wife has lately taken a fancy to drink a little tea now and then. A mighty matter, truly, to make a song of! ’Tis true, I had a little tea of a present from the printer last year; and what, must a body throw it away? In short, I thought the preface was not worth a printing, and so I fairly scratched it all out, and I believe you’ll like our almanac never the worse for it.
Upon looking over the months, I see he has put in abundance of foul weather this year; and therefore I have scattered here and there, where I could find room, some fair, pleasant, sunshiny, &c. for the good-women to dry their clothes in. If it does not come to pass according to my desire, I have shown my good-will, however; and I hope they’ll take it in good part.
I had a design to make some other corrections; and particularly to change some of the verses that I don’t very well like; but I have just now unluckily broke my spectacles; which obliges me to give it you as it is, and conclude Your loving Friend,
Bridget Saunders
Poor Richard Defends
Astrology and Wit
Franklin loved poking fun at superstition, and writing as Poor Richard, a purported astrologer, he explained how the stars can be used to predict that it will rain sometime in April. He also defended his recipe for almanacs, which in the parlance of today’s magazines might be called high/low: some worthy wisdom about morality embedded in some idle chatter and humor. It’s a good formula for making money, he says, even if his printer Franklin, for whom he professes high regard, pockets most of it.
POOR RICHARD’S ALMANAC FOR 1739
Kind Reader,
Encouraged by thy former generosity, I once more present thee with an almanac, which is the 7th of my publication. While thou art putting pence in my pocket, and furnishing my cottage with necessaries, Poor Dick is not unmindful to do something for thy benefit. The stars are watched as narrowly as old Bess watched her daughter, that thou mayst be acquainted with their motions, and told a tale of their influences and effects, which may do thee more good than a dream of last years snow.
Ignorant men wonder how we astrologers foretell the weather so exactly, unless we deal with the old black devil. Alas! ’Tis as easy as pissing abed. For instance; the stargazer peeps at the heavens thro a long glass: he sees perhaps Taurus or the great bull, in a mighty chase, stamping on the floor of his house, swinging his tail about, stretching out his neck, and opening wide his mouth. ’Tis natural from these appearances to judge that this furious bull is puffing, blowing, and roaring. Distance being considered, and time allowed for all this to come down, there you have wind and thunder. He spies perhaps Virgo (or the virgin); she turns her head round as it were to see if any body observed her; then crouching down gently, with her hands on her knees, she looks wistfully for a while right forward. He judges rightly what she’s about: and having calculated the distance and allowed time for its falling, finds that next spring we shall have a fine April shower. What can be more natural and easy than this? I might instance the like in many other particulars; but this may be sufficient to prevent our being taken for conjurors. O the wonderful knowledge to be found in the stars! Even the smallest things are written there, if you had but skill to read. When my brother J—m-n erected a scheme to know which was best for his sick horse, to sup a new-laid egg, or a little broth, he found that the stars plainly gave their verdict for broth, and the horse having supped his broth; now, what do you think became of that horse? You shall know in my next.
Besides the usual things expected in an almanac, I hope the professed teachers of mankind will excuse my scattering here and there some instructive hints in matters of morality and religion. And be not thou disturbed, o grave and sober reader, if among the many serious sentences in my book, thou findest me trifling now and then, and talking idly. In all the dishes I have hitherto cooked for thee, there is solid meat enough for thy money. There are scraps from the table of wisdom, that will if well digested, yield strong nourishment to thy mind. But squeamish stomachs cannot eat without pickles; which, ’tis true are good for nothing else, but they provoke an appetite. The vain youth that reads my almanac for the sake of an idle joke, will perhaps meet with a serious reflection, that he may ever after be the better for.
Some people observing the great yearly demand for my almanac, imagine I must by this time have become rich, and consequently ought to call myself Poor Dick no longer. But, the case is this, when I first begun to publish, the printer made a fair agreement with me for my copies, by virtue of which he runs away with the greatest part of the profit. However, much good may it do him; I do not grudge it him; he is a man I have a great regard for, and I wish his profit ten times greater than it is. For I am, dear reader, his, as well as thy Affectionate Friend,
R. Saunders
A Defense of Religious Tolerance
Franklin’s freethinking and unorthodo
x religious views, especially his belief that salvation was more likely to come by doing good works rather than merely through God’s grace alone, unnerved his family. In a letter to his parents in 1738, he provided an eloquent defense of the virtue of religious tolerance and a bit of humility about doctrine (including mixing up Matthew 26 with Matthew 25). These were among the great contributions he made to the American character. His views were echoed a few years later in letters he wrote to his sister Jane and then his brother John.
TO JOSIAH AND ABIAH FRANKLIN, APRIL 13, 1738
Honored Father and Mother,
I have your favor of the 21st of March in which you both seem concerned lest I have imbibed some erroneous opinions. Doubtless I have my share, and when the natural weakness and imperfection of human understanding is considered, with the unavoidable influences of education, custom, books and company, upon our ways of thinking, I imagine a man must have a good deal of vanity who believes, and a good deal of boldness who affirms, that all the doctrines he holds, are true; and all he rejects, are false. And perhaps the same may be justly said of every sect, church and society of men when they assume to themselves that infallibility which they deny to the popes and councils. I think opinions should be judged of by their influences and effects; and if a man holds none that tend to make him less virtuous or more vicious, it may be concluded he holds none that are dangerous; which I hope is the case with me. I am sorry you should have any uneasiness on my account, and if it were a thing possible for one to alter his opinions in order to please others, I know none whom I ought more willingly to oblige in that respect than your selves: but since it is no more in a man’s power to think than to look like another, methinks all that should be expected from me is to keep my mind open to conviction, to hear patiently and examine attentively whatever is offered me for that end; and if after all I continue in the same errors, I believe your usual charity will induce you rather to pity and excuse than blame me. In the mean time your care and concern for me is what I am very thankful for.