Jackal would never forget how she looked when she turned to flee from his harsh words.
Grace caught her, going with her while giving him dirty looks as she helped Penni into her car.
“Brother, this is not your fault. Go after her before it’s too late,” Ice said, breaking through the agonizing pain of having his soul ripped out of him.
“It’s already too late.”
37
The green room was larger than most with several rooms where the performers could rest before going on stage. This one had several couches and plush chairs that would fit all the members of the band with a table placed against the wall for all of Genny’s cooking.
“How does it look?” Genny asked apprehensively.
“It looks fantastic. You did a great job.” Penni pushed several of the bottled waters into the ice bowl.
“I’m getting better.”
That’s an understatement, Penni thought. The young woman had successfully made sushi that would give the finest restaurant a run for their money.
“Take a break. You and your crew can break it down when the band gets back on the bus after the show.”
“Thanks. Where are we heading this time?”
“New Jersey.” It was a stop that was halfway through their tour. It would be another two weeks before they made it back to Queen City.
“I’ve never been to New Jersey. I’m excited.”
“Me, too.” Penni remembered when she had first toured with Mouth2Mouth. Each new city had held something new to discover. Now, they just ran together.
Genny yawned. “If you need anything, just call.”
“I will.”
Penni sat down on one of the chairs when Genny left, listening to the music coming from the stage. She closed her eyes, seeing Jackal’s face, and her hand went to her heart.
The ache had grown each day since he had told her he never wanted to see her again. She was dying inside, and it wasn’t anything a doctor could fix. She knew it because she had tried that. The doctor’s answer had been to prescribe anxiety medication, which she hadn’t filled.
She hadn’t believed a broken heart could affect her so badly. She knew better now. She had known it would be heartbreaking if Jackal had grown tired her. The reality, though, was killing her.
“What’s up, butterfly?”
The voice from the doorway had her lifting her head.
“Shade?” Penni used her hand to raise herself from the chair.
Her brother’s penetrating gaze bore into her. He didn’t say anything, just held out his arms for her.
Penni took faltering steps until she found her enclosed in his arms, laying her head on his chest.
“What … are … you doing here?” she managed to get out.
“You didn’t sound like yourself when you called me.”
Penni gave him a slight smile. “I’m just tired from being on the road.”
“Is that all? It doesn’t have anything to do with Jackal?”
She dropped her arms, turning toward the food table. “Are you hungry?”
“No, I’m not hungry. You should eat some food yourself, though. You look like you’ve lost weight.”
“Not really. I just took off the weight I gained from Lily’s cooking.”
“If you keep losing weight, I’m going to tell her, and she’ll come and put it back on.”
Penni shrugged. “That might not be necessary. I’m thinking about coming for a visit when the tour ends. I’m missing you, Lily, and John.”
“Really? That would be good. It would be better than what you have planned for when you get back to Queen City.”
“How do you know what I have planned?”
“Grace said you’re planning on tasering Jackal’s ass to make him listen to you.”
“I might have been exaggerating,” Penni lied, glad she had left her purse on the bus. “I said that because, when I tried to call him, he wouldn’t answer my calls. I’ve texted him, but he won’t even answer those, and I’ve sent over a hundred. I begged Grace to ask him to call me. I even took a flight back to Queen City to talk to him, hoping that giving him a week alone after the bombing would make him ready to talk to me again. Casey told me he was living in a hotel room, but they wouldn’t give me the room number. The hotel manager called the police on me.” Penni shook her head wearily. “I almost called you to come down and help me knock some sense into him,” she admitted ruefully.
“Why didn’t you?” Shade’s unemotional voice didn’t hint how he would have responded to her request.
“I didn’t want you to think I was chasing after Jackal the way I did Train.”
“Penni, I can see the difference between the way you feel about them. You love Jackal. You never loved Train.”
“I know.” She choked back a sob. “Has Ice told you how Jackal is doing? He won’t say anything to Grace because he knows she’ll tell me.”
“Sit down, Penni.”
She wanted to remain standing, but she walked across the room, sitting on the couch.
Shade waited until she was seated before he sat down next to her, taking her hand and holding it tightly.
“I’ve seen Jackal. Physically, he’s fine. He’s actually why I’m here.” Shade’s face became closed off. “He wants you to stop calling and texting him.” When Penni tried to jerk her hand away, Shade held it more tightly. “I know this isn’t easy, but what you’re doing is distracting him, and he can’t deal with that right now.
“Jackal has been with me and Cade, searching for Raul. The son of a bitch almost cost twenty men their lives, and Jackal would have been one of them if I hadn’t called in time. He had to leave you behind to do a job he feels needs to be done, or none of us are going to be safe. Not Lily, John, the Last Riders, or the Predators and their families.
“Hennessy lost three men, and Jackal wants that to be the last three people who are killed because of that cartel. Cade and I are flying home, though. I can’t leave Lily and John any longer, and Cade’s baby is due anytime. Jackal, Fade, and Hennessy are trying find him on their own with the DEA’s help.”
“All he had to do was tell me. I can understand wanting to keep his friends safe. I can handle Jackal being in danger. It scares me to death, but I can deal with that. It’s losing him I can’t—”
“You’re missing Jackal’s point of sending me here. It’s not so you will feel better and think you can wait for him until this situation is finished. He wants you to understand the relationship is over. He wants the texts and calls to stop. He wants you to move on with your life.”
“How am I supposed to do that? I hear his voice in my heart. My mind tells me it’s over, but my heart won’t give up. I can’t give up. I love Jackal. I always will.”
The silence between them was broken when they heard Kaden tell the audience “Good night,” and the band began to play their final song of the night.
My love for you consumes me, drowns me.
Baby, why can’t you see you’re mine for eternity.
Like a bird in a cage with nowhere to go,
These tainted hands hold your soul.
I will make you love me, crave me.
Baby, just you wait and see. I will become your disease.
Like a bird in a cage with nowhere to go,
These tainted hands hold your soul.
You flew away.
You didn’t stay.
Baby, why didn’t I see you could be stolen from me.
I’m like a bird in a cage with nowhere to go,
These tainted hands need your soul.
You came back.
My heart was black.
Baby, look and see. You have finally rescued me.
Like a bird in a cage with nowhere to go,
These tainted hands won your soul.
The song had never been so poignantly beautiful to Penni.
“I need to go. The band will be coming in.”
Shade looked down at her. Taking her
hands, he helped her to her feet. “I have a flight to catch. Take care, butterfly.” Shade hugged her tightly.
“You haven’t called me a butterfly since I was a little girl.” Penni laid a hand on Shade’s beating heart.
“I remember you always wanted to jump on the bed when I tried to make you go to sleep, telling me to catch you.”
Penni felt a lone tear slip down her cheek. “I felt invincible then. I’m all grown up now, and I know I’m not. Jackal wants me to forget about him. He gave back the key to my apartment, even sent you here to make sure I get his message, but he didn’t send me back the most important thing I need. Tell Jackal, until I get that back … I’ll be waiting.”
Shade brushed her tears away. “I’ll tell him.”
Watching Shade walk away was the hardest thing she had done in her life. She wanted Shade to take her to Jackal. However, she gathered every ounce of control she was capable of and watched him walk out the door, taking the only link of talking to Jackal with him.
She was still Jackal’s woman, even though he didn’t want to accept it. When he had made her his woman, she had become a Predator. What a Predator takes, they don’t give back, and she wasn’t giving Jackal back.
He’s mine.
38
Jackal turned the motorcycle Rider had let him borrow six months ago. Wearily, he stared at the new Predators’ clubhouse that Ice had built while he had been gone.
He was tired, and every bone in his body hurt. He had ridden the last leg of the journey home alone, leaving Hennessy in Colt, Arkansas. And Fade, he was gone.
Jackal went to the door, expecting the room to be half-empty, but all the brothers were waiting for him. Their cheers and yells were a hollow comfort due to the brother he had left behind.
Ice slapped him on his shoulder, shaking his hand. Max gathered him in his bear hug, lifting him off his feet. Stump handed him a bottle of beer. One after another, the brothers greeted him while the women all tearfully kissed him.
Jackal went to the bar, speaking to each of them as he passed until he reached the women lining the bar, the ones who hadn’t been waiting to kiss him hello.
“Hey, Grace, Vida, Casey.”
“Jackal, we’re glad you’re home.” Grace hugged him.
Casey and Vida each waited their turn. He expected recriminations for his treatment of Penni. Instead, they went to their husbands.
“We’ll see you guys later. We’re meeting Sawyer and going shopping.” Grace kissed her husband good-bye.
Casey held her hand out to Max, who grumbled, getting out his wallet to hand her a couple of twenties. When she didn’t move away, he gave her the rest of his cash, showing her it was now empty.
Vida laughed at Colton, who just handed her his credit card.
“You make us look bad for making our husbands give us shopping money,” Casey complained.
“I made Ice fork over some, too. I asked for his credit card this morning before he left. He’s in a better mood before I get him out of bed,” Grace confided.
“I’ll have to try that. Max holds onto his wallet like it will save him from drowning.”
“Grace, wait,” Jackal cut in.
Grace and the other two women turned back to Jackal.
“Where is Penni? I rode by her condo, but she wasn’t there. I called Shade, but he thought she was at her condo. He even checked her cell phone, and it showed she was at home. When I broke into her apartment, though, it was empty. Ice said he didn’t know where she was, either. So, where is she?”
Jackal ran a hand through his long hair. He hadn’t wanted to call, too afraid she would hang up on him. His plan to show up at her door and beg his way back into her life had failed.
“Penni made us promised not to tell you,” Grace told him. “She said, if you want to see her, you know where to find her.”
Frustrated, Jackal stared at her. “If I knew where she was, I wouldn’t have driven to her condo or to her office. I even checked to make sure she wasn’t feeding the ducks before I came here. So, where is she?”
“We can’t tell you,” Vida said, giving him a sympathetic glance.
“Is she with a man? Is that why you won’t tell—”
“Penni said you would know how to find her,” Grace cut him off. “Get some rest. Ice told us you haven’t had time to sleep since you killed Raul. When you get some sleep and are thinking more clearly, you’ll know how to find her.”
Jackal wanted to throw a bar stool at the wall. Ice must have known he was at his breaking point, because he blocked the women from his view.
They left, laughing as they walked away.
Jackal pressed his fingers against his tired eyes. “They think I deserve to suffer.”
“Brother, go to bed. I saved the end of the hall for you. It has a brand new bed. It’ll feel good after sleeping in all those hotel rooms.”
Jackal had to admit to himself he was too tired to ride anywhere until he got some sleep.
“I’ll get a couple hours sleep, but if I can’t figure out where Penni is, your wife will be my next stop, and I won’t be taking no for an answer the next time.”
Ice nodded. “I’ll warn her. Go to sleep.”
Jackal nodded, passing Ice who stopped him, holding out his hand.
“I’m glad you’re back, brother. It hasn’t been the same without you.”
“Thanks, Ice. I won’t let you down ever again.”
“You’ve never let me down, Jackal, not once.”
The two men leaned into each other, slapping each other on their backs before stepping back.
Jackal finally made his way down the hallway, seeing Ice had added more rooms to the new clubhouse. He was too tired to appreciate the changes, though. Right now, all he had on his mind was getting enough sleep to figure out where Penni was.
He had googled her tour schedule. Mouth2Mouth’s next concert was a month away. If he couldn’t find her by then, he would drive there, even if it took him all night.
Jackal went into the room Ice had told him was his. Turning on the light switch, he closed the door behind him. There was a large bed taking up half the room.
Jackal sat down on the end of the bed. It reminded him of the one Penni had picked out before the clubhouse had been destroyed.
Jackal ran his hand over the metal frame then dropped his hands into his lap. Penni’s face swam in front of him.
Jackal buried his face in his hands. “Where are you?” he groaned out.
Suddenly, he lifted his head. Jerking himself to his feet, he strode down the hall, coming to a stop in the clubroom. The men turned to stare at him.
“I know where she is,” Jackal said huskily.
Ice stood up from the new, blue La-Z-Boy rocker. “I knew you were a smart man and would figure it out. Grace left her car here. I’ll drive you because no way in hell are you driving yourself.”
“Where is she?” Max yelled out before they could get out the door.
“Fuck you, Max. You figure it out.”
Ice found a parking space, and Jackal opened the car door, beginning to get out.
“I’ll wait ten minutes to make sure she’s there. I was supposed to call Grace and tell her if you left the clubhouse so Penni would be there until you showed up.”
“Thanks, Ice.”
“No problem.”
Jackal went into the Purple Pussycat. He strode through the room and up the stairs to the large door where he keyed in the code for the bouncers that gave them access to each room of the club.
Jackal’s heart beat hard as he neared the door where Penni and he had stayed when they had made love the first time.
Henry was talking to one of the bartenders, but he turned to watch him cross the room.
Jackal keyed in his number, but the door didn’t turn. Henry had overridden the door’s commands.
“What are the numbers?”
Henry raised a brow at Jackal’s menacing tone.
“I don’t know what you
’re talking about it.” Sherri’s, Henry’s girlfriend, gloating face showed she didn’t know she was risking her own life by thwarting his attempts to enter the room that Jackal was even more sure Penni was in. There was an easier way to find out without killing the woman, though.
Jackal went to the middle door where the bouncers could look into both rooms while the clients used their services. Jackal keyed in his number again, and this time, it worked.
Jackal gave Henry a killing look before going inside.
The mirror showed that the room on the left was empty. Jackal stepped to the right mirror, and his breath caught. Penni was sitting on the bed, facing the two-way mirror and staring down at the phone in her hand.
Jackal hadn’t cried since he was kid when his mother hadn’t come home, and his father had made fun of him for it. But he cried now, knowing no one could see him.
It had been six months since he had last seen her. Shade had offered to send pictures of her, but Jackal had told him no. Jackal had known that, if he had seen her, he would have broken and gone to her. However, he’d had an oath to keep, and he had been determined to keep it. Too many lives depended on him succeeding, and one of those lives was hers.
His blood still ran cold at the thought of her being there when the explosives had been detonated. If he hadn’t scheduled the meeting with Reefer to sell him a dime bag, they would have been in his bed at the clubhouse that Saturday morning. The only reason Ice had been up was because Ice had made it a rule that, when someone was out on a job, someone had to keep watch, and he had known the rest of the brothers wouldn’t want to get up so early.
He saw that Penni had lost weight. She had been a tiny thing before, but now she looked so fragile a gust of wind could blow her away.
He walked closer to the mirror, wanting to run from the room and into the one she was waiting in. Knowing Henry wouldn’t give him the number until she told him to was the only thing stopping him. He couldn’t even fucking call her since her cell phone was at her condo, and he didn’t know the number to the one she was holding.