Her cheeks, which hadn’t completely cooled from Cordelia’s teasing, heated right back up. ‘He’s been very kind. And I think we’re both a little lonely.’
He nodded with a sigh. ‘He’s a good young man. Been through a lot.’
‘I know. I read about it.’
‘Just . . .’ He shook his head, his smile rueful. ‘Am I allowed to tell you to be careful?’
‘Yeah. I think you’ve earned that, at the very least.’
His eyes narrowed a fraction, clearly confused. ‘What does that mean?’
Unable to look at him, she poked at the bag of peas, no longer frozen. ‘It means you’re my father, but you were denied the most basic of parental rights through no fault of your own. It means we have a lot of catching up to do. And that there is no reason for you not to behave like a father while we’re doing it.’ She swallowed hard. ‘It means I don’t have any idea what to call you, because you don’t deserve to be called by your first name by your own daughter but I can’t make myself call you “Dad”, which just sucks ass. And it means I have no idea what the ever-lovin’ hell I’m going to do when this internship is over,’ she finished thickly. She dropped her chin to her chest and sighed heavily. ‘That was kind of a lot. I’m sorry.’
His hand slipped under her hair to cradle the back of her neck. It was a tender touch and she leaned into it. ‘You don’t need to worry about any of that today,’ he murmured. ‘Especially what you’ll do when your time here at the farm is finished.’ Then he pulled her close and kissed her temple. ‘Let’s look at the rest of those pictures, okay?’
She rested her head on his shoulder and it felt . . . good. It really did. Which is not a betrayal, she told herself, trying not to see her other father’s face in her mind. But of course her mind did see Frederick Dawson’s face while it replayed his breaking voice from their phone call the night before. Still, this moment here with Clay was too sweet to deny. To either of us.
‘Looking at pictures sounds like a good plan.’
He reached around her to grab the stack of photos from the table. The next picture showed a sturdy man with graying hair smiling from the deck of a boat that had FIJI stenciled on the front end. ‘That’s my dad, Tanner St James.’
‘He looks happy.’
‘He should look exhausted,’ Clay said dryly. ‘He’s got himself a new wife who’s not that much older than I am.’
‘Oh,’ she said, then the true meaning of his words hit her and she laughed, which she suspected had been his intent. ‘Ohhhh myyyy.’
‘“Oh my” is right.’ He went on to the next photo, which showed his father with a pretty blonde wearing a police uniform. ‘This is Nell.’
‘She’s a cop?’
‘A sheriff’s deputy, there in Wight’s Landing. And, um, her boss is my ex-fiancée. Pre-Stevie, of course.’
‘Of course,’ Taylor said, amused and entertained. ‘Does Stevie know her?’
‘Who, Nell or my ex?’
‘Both.’
‘Knows and likes Nell. Knows and tolerates Lou. Most of the time,’ he added with a little wince. ‘Sometimes they . . . well, let’s just say they sharpen their claws on each other.’
‘Me-ow,’ Taylor said, and he chuckled.
‘Yeah. That’s when the men run and hide.’
‘Cowards,’ she teased.
‘And not ashamed to be.’ The next photo showed a much younger Clay in his Marine Corps uniform with his arm draped over Tanner’s shoulders. Neither man was smiling. Tanner’s jaw was clenched in anger. Younger Clay simply looked numb. ‘I was just a little younger here than you are now,’ he said quietly. ‘And I’d just found out I had a daughter.’
‘Oh.’ More tears stung, but she willed them back. ‘How did you find out?’
‘Saw some of the guys from my old high school when I was home on a furlough. They told me that Donna had married her old boyfriend, the one she was trying to win back by . . . flirting with me.’ He looked uncomfortable at the topic of the bout of sex that had been her conception, a blush staining his rugged face. ‘Yeah. Anyway, they told me that the guy “didn’t even mind that she already had a kid”. I was shocked. Then I did the math and it kind of hit me like a brick that she’d lied. She’d told me that she’d miscarried. I immediately went to her parents’ house to find out where she was so that I could confront her, but she was already gone. Her parents were . . .’ He hesitated. ‘Not forthcoming with details. Threatened to have me arrested if I didn’t back off and leave her alone. Her father . . .’ He shrugged. ‘He actually hit me. I wanted to hit him back, but I figured I really would get arrested. I found out that she’d already divorced the old boyfriend – turned out he was abusive. I didn’t have time to even look for you at that point. My furlough was over and I had to report back or be counted AWOL.’
Her heart hurt yet again for the young man he’d been, bewildered and used and betrayed. He must have been so angry. His stepfather – my grandfather – certainly appeared to be so in the photo. ‘Was Tanner angry with you?’ she asked tentatively.
‘Oh no, honey. Not with me. For me. He went looking for you. At first because I was deployed and I wasn’t even in the country. Then later, when I was a cop in DC, he and I searched together sometimes, and sometimes separately. He went to California twice a year before he retired from the force, and more often after. He looked for you when I’d all but lost hope.’ An audible swallow. ‘He has always been there for me. He’s my father in every way that matters. So I get your feelings for Dawson. More than you know.’
She couldn’t say a word. Her heart was too full. She pressed her cheek harder against his shoulder and he stroked her hair, seeming to understand.
‘Sometimes I call Tanner Dad,’ he went on when she said nothing at all. ‘And sometimes I call him Tanner.’ He rested his cheek against her hair. ‘When I was really little, I called him Uncle Tanner, until one day, about six months after he and my mother got married, I just started calling him Dad. He never pushed it. He waited until I was ready. I’ll wait until you’re ready, Taylor. You call me Clay until you’re ready to call me something different. And if you’re never ready, that’s okay too. I don’t want you to have to choose. I just want to be part of your world.’
‘Thank you,’ she said hoarsely. He’d called her Taylor. Not Sienna. It should have been a relief, but for some reason it made her sad. Like he’d relinquished his dream. Like he was willing to settle for whatever he could get. And that wasn’t fair. None of this is fair. ‘You don’t have to call me Taylor.’
‘I know. But I will, because that’s your name.’ He gently shrugged the shoulder on which she leaned. ‘I didn’t name you Sienna either, you know, so I’m not exactly tied to it. Actually, I kind of like using the name Dawson picked instead of the one your mother chose.’
‘But . . . it hid me from you. You lost . . . you lost all those years.’
‘I know,’ he said again. ‘But you’re here now and we’re starting fresh. Right?’
She gave a hard nod. ‘Right.’
‘Good.’ He was quiet for a long, long moment. ‘You seem to think you owe me something, Taylor. You don’t. None of what happened was your fault, and when you realized the truth, you came to me. I’ll always be grateful for that, and I will always love you, because you are my daughter. Sshh,’ he said gently when she tried to blubber a response. ‘I’m not quite finished yet. You also seem to think you owe your stepfather something. I don’t believe for one moment that he thinks you do. From everything you’ve told me about him, including the lengths he went to just to keep you safe, Frederick Dawson loves you. The love a parent gives a child is free, Taylor. Free. Nothing owed. No paybacks required. Just love him back. That’s all he wants.’
Her tears began to fall again. ‘Did Tanner teach you that?’
‘Yeah, he d
id. Because for a long time I thought I owed him. I thought that if I wasn’t the perfect son, he’d leave and my mom would be lonely again. When he finally realized it, he took me aside and said the exact same words I just said to you.’
‘I wish . . . I wish you’d been in my life all along.’
His chest expanded and he carefully released the breath. ‘Me too, baby. Me too.’ He slid the photos back into the envelope. ‘We can look at the others later. Now dry your eyes and go take care of your kids, or Maggie’ll have my hide.’
Sniffling, she dried her eyes. ‘I need more frozen peas. The kids will know I’ve been crying.’
Clay huffed a laugh. ‘Here. Wear this.’ From his back pocket he pulled a black baseball cap with M&B stitched in gold on the front. He snugged it on her head and pulled down the brim to hide her eyes. ‘There. Nobody’ll know. If you sound stuffy, blame allergies. Stevie does it all the time when she cries. And yes, I’ll deny I ever said that until the day I die.’
She smiled at him. ‘I won’t tell. I know M&B Security is your business name, and M is obviously for Maynard, but what does the B stand for?’
‘You didn’t find out in your research?’ he asked teasingly. ‘I’m going to have to show you how to dig a little deeper on the Internet. Which really means I’ll have one of my college-aged assistants show you.’ He tugged the brim again. ‘It’s for Buchanan, my first partner. Ethan left the firm when he got married and moved to Chicago, but we’re still tight. We visit each other on holidays and birthdays and christenings. He’s going to want to meet you too.’
‘I look forward to it.’ She stood reluctantly. ‘I’d better go do my lessons.’
‘Take your time. I’ll be here when you finish.’
Impulsively she leaned down to kiss his cheek. ‘See you later.’ She let a beat pass. ‘Pop.’
She was at the door when he snorted a laugh, as if the name had just sunk in. ‘Absolutely not “Pop”,’ he stated baldly. ‘No way. Stevie will never let me hear the end of it.’
She just threw him a grin over her shoulder and let the door slam shut behind her.
Hunt Valley, Maryland,
Sunday 23 August, 10.30 A.M.
JD parked his SUV between Clay’s truck and the farm’s main barn, but didn’t turn off the engine. Made no move to get out.
I so do not want to be here.
It wasn’t just that he wished he were home with Lucy and the kids, even though of course he did. He did not want to meet Clay’s daughter, knowing first-hand as he did how much pain her absence had caused one of his most trusted friends.
He certainly didn’t want to face Clay, to see the hope on his face when JD had such serious doubts about the timing of the reappearance of his infamous long-lost daughter. He really didn’t want to face Stevie. Daphne had said that Stevie hadn’t taken Sienna’s ‘homecoming’ well. JD didn’t want to be the one to turn the screw, to heap even more stress and disappointment on his former partner and her family, because Stevie was far more to him than his former partner in the homicide department. She was the sister JD had never had.
And I’m acting like Jeremiah when he doesn’t want to try a new food. Stop pouting. Go observe the intern therapist in action. If she’s real, she’s your best chance at getting Jazzie Jarvis to talk.
He forced himself to get out of the SUV and walk to the training ring. He’d called Maggie the evening before, after Daphne and Joseph had left. He’d grilled her for information on her new intern. Sounding exhausted, Maggie had told him to come by after Taylor had finished her therapy sessions, so that she could introduce them, but JD had purposely come earlier to observe.
There she was. Sienna Maynard, aka Sienna Smith, aka Taylor Dawson. She was dressed practically in a plain white T-shirt and jeans that weren’t too tight. Her long black hair was in a ponytail and she wore a black ball cap. One of Clay’s caps, actually. The young woman didn’t look like she could hurt a fly.
Like she would actually look menacing, he mocked himself. Taylor had slipped through Joseph’s background check and had lied about her reason for being here for two weeks. She was far too skillful a liar to take at face value.
Liar or not, Taylor was currently working with a little girl who looked to be about five years old and terrified of the small horse on which she sat. Terrified, but determined. Taylor was patient with the child, leading her around the ring again and again. She was patient and . . . competent. And compassionate. By the end of the session, the child wasn’t completely fearless, but she’d laughed and patted the horse’s neck, seeming to relax more with each moment that passed. When the session was finished, Taylor held out her arms and helped the little girl from the saddle, lowering her gently until her feet touched the ground.
‘Mommy, Mommy!’ the girl cried joyfully. ‘Did you see me?’
A woman stood on the other side of the fence on the far side of the ring, putting on a brave face where she’d been wiping away tears minutes before.
‘She’s good,’ Stevie murmured from beside him, and JD jumped, startled.
‘Where did you come from?’ he demanded, and she laughed up at him.
‘The barn. I was riding with Cordelia, but I’ve been standing here for the past two minutes. Helluva detective you are,’ she added with a grin. She had one arm curved around the fence post, leaning into it, while the other hand clutched the handle of her cane. Anyone who didn’t know her would think her pose casual, but JD saw her white knuckles and the slight pinch of pain around her mouth, even though she smiled. She rode horses with Cordelia because her daughter loved it, but the activity wasn’t a comfortable one for her.
‘You’re hurting,’ he said, more sharply than he’d intended.
‘Totally worth it,’ she said without hesitation. ‘What are you doing here this morning?’
JD lifted his brows and Stevie breathed out a sigh. ‘Oh,’ she said quietly. ‘You obviously know.’
‘Word travels fast. You know that.’
‘Oh, I do,’ Stevie said with a nod. ‘Daphne?’
‘Of course. She and Joseph stopped by last night. They wanted to give everyone a day to get the oh-my-Gods out of their systems so that Holly’s wedding isn’t overshadowed.’ He frowned at Taylor, who was earnestly talking with the five-year-old’s mother and didn’t seem to notice him or Stevie standing there. ‘Selfish of her to pop out of hiding two days before the wedding.’
‘I think she would have kept it a secret much longer had it been her call,’ Stevie said thoughtfully. ‘She’s . . . a little shy. Probably because she lived in a small community for the last ten-plus years. She’s not comfortable in large groups.’
JD stared down at her. ‘You sound like you’re defending her.’
Stevie glanced up, then blinked. ‘Oh for God’s sake. Daphne told you guys that I was mad? That was wrong of her. I just needed time.’
‘She didn’t say you were mad. I just heard you hadn’t taken it well. And Daphne only said it because Lucy asked. Because she was worried about you.’
‘I was upset, more for Clay because I’ve seen up close and personally how much his fruitless searches have hurt him. But Taylor seems real, JD. And she seems like a good person. Did you really come out here just to gawk at her?’
‘No. I came to talk to her. She agreed to have a one-on-one session with one of the program kids who hadn’t bonded with anyone else. I wanted to see what was so special about Miss Dawson that the little girl in question talked to her when she hasn’t talked to anyone else for an entire month.’
He gave her the Cliffs Notes version of Jazzie’s story and watched Stevie’s brow furrow as she put the pieces together. Her ability to make sense of chaos was one of the things he admired most. And missed the most. Hector was a good cop, but he was no Stevie Mazzetti.
Stevie pursed her lips. ‘Well,
JD, there’s a few things you need to know. First, Clay’s going to hit the fucking roof if you involve his daughter in anything remotely dangerous.’
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ JD said, feeling a little hurt. ‘I thought you knew me better.’
‘I do. It’s Clay who’ll be threatening to rip your head off and use it as a soccer ball.’
JD winced. ‘Okay. I’m warned. But Joseph and I have set this up in the safest possible environment. We’ve got Jazzie’s safety to worry about, too.’
‘I hear you. I’m just sayin’. The second thing is that Ford has a thing for Taylor, and after Clay rips your head off, Ford will be the one to kick it through the goalposts.’ She pointed to the barn door, where Ford was barely visible, standing in the shadows. Watching Taylor Dawson with near adoration. And a great deal of lust.
JD groaned. ‘You’ve got to be kidding. All this time Ford goes without a girl and he’s suddenly infatuated with Clay’s daughter?’ Then he pictured it, and his lips twitched despite his doubts about Taylor’s sincerity. ‘I will love to see how that plays out. Ford having to deal with Clay when he takes Taylor on dates.’ He chuckled darkly. ‘This could be totally entertaining.’
Stevie socked his arm, hard. ‘Be nice. Ford’s had a hard time. He’s . . . vulnerable. And so is she.’
‘I thought you didn’t like her,’ JD said with another frown.
‘I didn’t at first. I’m still a little skeptical, because there are so many unanswered questions, or questions she didn’t answer with what I wanted to hear.’
‘Like?’
‘Like what took her so long to come to Clay after her mother’s deathbed confession.’ She shrugged. ‘But Cordelia schooled me. Told me that it’s harder for some people to break through their fears than others.’
‘Ouch,’ JD murmured.
Stevie shook her head. ‘You knew about the nightmares, too?’
‘Yeah. I’m her godfather. I buy her ice cream. She tells me stuff. I take it she told you too.’